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The Road To Financial Armageddon #1: The Earliest Mistakes 30comments
A wise man once said “The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.” It took me a long time to summon the courage to admit that it was my own mistakes that led me to financial armageddon. It required me to admit that not only had I been making mistakes since my earliest days, but also to admit that many of the ideas I had learned in my life and built through my own experiences were completely wrong.
In order to understand these mistakes, I am initiating a ten part series of posts, a part to be posted each weekday for the next two weeks, in which I outline those various mistakes and what they did to pave the road to financial armageddon. More importantly, I hope to learn (and perhaps you will learn, too) how these mistakes can be corrected, not only for myself, but for others around me, such as my children. Hopefully, my mistakes laid bare will bring some insight into your own financial mistakes and perhaps lead you to your own epiphanies.
The best place to start is the beginning. I was born into poverty, a family in which both my mother and father had been raised in poverty, too. Both of my parents were used to the concept of living from payday to payday, never having enough saved for themselves to survive more than a week or two. To some degree, this was out of necessity; there was often not enough money to put food on the table.
At first, you might think that this was a great background to learn hard lessons about personal finance, but instead I watched my parents make mistake after mistake. Perhaps the biggest mistake was that whenever a windfall would occur, they would celebrate by buying things that they didn’t need or buying gifts for us kids; it was because of a windfall that I was able to have a Nintendo and, later, a television in my bedroom.
As a child, I believed that this was a normal situation. I believed that when you had money, you were supposed to spend it on something that brought you happiness immediately. Money was the key to happiness, I thought, because it could get you stuff that you want. I didn’t understand that putting money in the bank might not buy you that immediate burst of joy, but it could provide a steady level of peace in the security that it could provide for you.
Another problem with our level of poverty is that I never really had an opportunity to manage any money of my own until rather late in my teen years. I didn’t receive any sort of allowance and any gift money I received was turned over to my parents for “saving,” which actually turned out to be merely an emergency fund for keeping food on the table.
On the rare occasion that I did have any money, it was usually slipped to me by my grandmother or a wealthy aunt that I had, who would whisper in my ear not to tell my mother and to spend it quickly on something fun. The intention was good; they wanted to bring joy to the life of an impoverished boy. The problem was that it didn’t teach me any sort of financial skill whatsoever. I would go to the store as soon as possible and buy a video game or some baseball cards or something frivolous which brought immediate joy, but afterward I would go back to having no budget.
Another problem is that I believed that accepting help from anyone was bad. My parents were strict libertarians and in many ways I respect their philosophy, but their personal beliefs kept them from ever accepting any handouts or assistance. Even though we would often scrape by on a single part-time income, we were never on welfare or food stamps and we didn’t go to soup kitchens or other such free offerings. The pastor at the local Presbyterian church practically begged us to eat at the church on Wednesdays and Sundays regardless of whether we attended, but my parents refused all handouts. I was led to believe that accepting a helping hand, even in time of dire need, was a sign of weakness.
To summarize my earliest lessons, I believed that money was the method to buying instant happiness and that accepting free things was wrong. I also missed out on any opportunity to learn about personal budgeting or finance simply because there was no opportunity for it.
It wasn’t long before I found myself maturing into my teenage years, where I began to apply some of the lessons learned during my childhood, only to find that I was to continue an already-proud tradition of financial mistakes. What did my transition into adulthood teach me? Read on to find out!
Want to jump quickly to the other Road to Financial Armageddon posts? Here’s an index to help you out.
#1: The Earliest Mistakes
#2: Early Profits … Lost
#3: Cash & College
#4: The First Taste of Real Money
#5: Love & Marriage
#6: The Yuppie Years
#7: Here Comes Baby
#8: Meltdown
#9: The Road to Recovery
#10: What I Learned
[...] The Road To Financial Armageddon #1: The Earliest Mistakes, from The Simple Dollar [...]
[...] First off, a new series from The Simple Dollar: The Road to Financial Armageddon. This is mostly because I like ongoing series. I like this one because I feel taking a long look at your financial background helps you see where you are and how to get where you want to be. [...]
Carnival Of PF #74 Takes Birth At A Geek’s World!…
A Geek’sWorld has hosted Carnival of Personal Finance #74. By Jove! It is such a huge carnival with 71 posts from the personal finance blogosphere. These carnivals seem to be getting bigger each week. That is fun since we get to learn new things and ….
This is a story which I believe is very common amongst lower income area’s/families … the cycle of debt in a majority of cases really starts at home where children learn bad habits from their parents … especially where the parents for whatever reason seem to be against their kids reaching for a higher goal or instill a belief that what they are now will be what they will be forever and that is POOR .. which is rubbish …
I look forward to reading the rest of your journey.
Wow - thanks for sharing your story. I also came from a very poor background, and am the only family member to get a college degree.
I can see a lot of parallels between your family’s behavior and mine. My parents also never talked with us about money in any way - how to save, budgets, traps to avoid, credit reports, etc. Maybe that’s why its so hard to break the cycle of poverty.
I’m coming late to this series, but want to give kudos to you for the series title!
Wow. your childhood sounds a lot like mine. And my husband’s. Especially the ‘accepting help is a sign of weakness’ part. Amazing how such things imbed into your thinking.
Like the commentor above, I am the only member of my family to attend college - much less graduate - and my husband and I were the first from either of our families to own our home. FWIW, I think my mother tried to budget and save, but my father was an ‘if it’s there, spend it’ kind of guy. The poverty trap is a darn hard vise to break.
This is my life right now. It’s crazy how we just fall into these cycles. My parents and my husband’s parents were both very poor when we were young. My parents are still having difficulties and I think always will, but managed to keep me and my siblings in good schools (which really only means all of my friends were rich). His parents are doing quite well now, but they never taught him the first thing about managing money once you have it. And now this is exactly how we live. We haven’t made it to the next payday in at least 6 months. The only difference is I am happy to accept help, but my husband gets upset if people even know about our situation.
I grew up poor but, learned from that experience what NOT to do. What I don’t understand is how my son fell into this same trap–he was not raised that way. I learned very early on in my adult life to maximize my efforts with what I had. For example, this year I have to have a rather expensive series of dental surgeries. Even though I have the cash to cover it, I am putting it all on a credit card, paying it off right away and getting a gift card out of it. $0 cost out-of-pocket.
I was pretty fortunate to be brought up with parents that maybe lived paycheck to paycheck, but they did save and had me listed to stock market report everyday at 5pm. I wasn’t brought up with parents that bought everything. We always kept to the basics and if I wanted something I had to make the money to buy it. Now, still young, I still find it hard to master money! You’d think being a nice guy and throwing money out at every good idea to earn money back would be a great idea and something would turn into a success but not much has yet for me. I’m still trying. Like you said you have to do things to make things happen. I’ve lost a lot of money, maybe from being foolish or just being a moron try to make my profits make more money. Recently to prevent me from losing money I put it into real estate.
I liked your story. Sounds like most of my friends, which will go into financial armagenon soon too. Hopefully I’ll reach financial heaven with my own personal goals by the time I’m 30.
To all your readers I’d be careful on the index funds right now in the market. like the wise man said “don’t try to catch the knife when its falling, pick it up off the ground”.
great blog. maybe someday i can get readers like yours, like myself.
-fn
http://financeninja.wordpress.com
I visit your site every day. So of course I had to see where it all started. I honestly think this post is great. It spoke to me, in my heart. Your site is so successful with all your great posts, i wonder how many fans have seen it. This post really talked to me and I am sure it will speak to others too. I was just writing to see if maybe 1 day you would repost it? You know for your old fans as well as your new ones too. It may help someone like it helped me.
I am the only member of my family to attend college - much less graduate - and my husband and I were the first from either of our families to own our home. FWIW, I think my mother tried to budget and save, but my father was an ‘if it’s there, spend it’ kind of guy. The poverty trap is a darn hard vise to break.
I was not brought up in poverty. It seemed like we always had anything we needed and extras. My mother and dad both worked at good jobs. This is the only difference in our upbringing. My mother constantly took everything we had. Even after I was old enough to get a job…she “borrowed” everythign I made. She kept a long list of “what I owe you so I can pay you back one day” and forty years later I still have not seen a cent of it. She always warned us to “don’t you dare tell your dad I borrowed money from you!” I have had to hack my way through learning to manage for myself and I have learned that the best way is to not immitate what she did. It has worked for me…instead of borrowing from my kids…they now borrow from me!
Hey there,
I think you bring up an important part do with personal beliefs. The only reason why poor people are more disadvantaged is because they have this lack mentality. The good thing about coming from absolute poverty is that these people are hungry.
They are hungry for money, for meaning and for happiness. They have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
I believe that the ones that are most disadvantaged are the ones that are in the middle class. Because they are comfortable. And comfort is a killer of an emotion. Because it kills drive. Not only do they have minimal motivation but they have extremly limited thinking. One set thinking of go to school, get a degree and get a job that you are ok with.
That is not what life is about.That is why i have always admired people who are strong enough to follow their passion, to do something they absolutely love.
I really do believe that you can become extremly wealthy by doing something that you love ….. sorry a bit off topic, but i guess what i wanted to say is that .. your right, money doesn’t buy happiness … its having a drive, a passion and a purpose that brings that
Young Investor
Trent I also started managing my own money in my teens and as such i think that i made lots of mistakes along the way. I now value the importance of ensuring that children know the value of money from a very early age so that they learn to manage it most effectively. This is a really well written personal post.
Hi Trent, you might be interested in watching this show that just aired on the main national channel, ABC1, here in Australia, titled Debtland: The Rising Sludge of Debt that threatens thousands of Australian families.
Thank you for sharing your story…Sounds like we grew up in the same home:) I was also a child of poverty and lost my father at a young age to suicide. I am trying so hard to break this cycle for my family but the biggest problem i have is managing what money we have and finding money to save for emergencies and to prepare for the future is very difficult. I am so greatful to have found your website and am egar to read more.
all i’ve got to say is the poorer you are the easier it is TO want to spend money and try to fit in with american society of “consumers”.
thanks for checkin out my site simple dollar.
-fn
I guess you are not going to publish my comments. The thing is, you make it sound like your family had the right idea and you had everything you needed in one post, and then you are talking about the mistakes they made and how rough your life was in another post. You can’t have it both ways.
First…what a great site..people need to talk about money. it’s the unspoken essential.
Money is something we mostly all put effort into acquiring so I believe that we should all be able to prioritise and treat ourselves to what is special to us but you really don’t need to spend alot to be happy. My parents always worked, they enjoyed their direction and success but they always instilled to us kids the difference between needs and wants, to respect money and what it can buy you but at the same time that the most important things in life cannot be bought. With this in mind my partner and I like quality so we go without until we can have the one that we like…and it usually lasts longer..we have also been able to buy 4 properties at 27yrs and also to enjoy life to its fullest.
I think the lack mentality is scary, people have to ask themselves what void they may be wanting to fill. I feel that if we envisage the life we want and work towards it…anything is possible.
My Dad used to say…it takes time and effort.
Nice article, Trent. I could see some of the things that happened in my life in the story. I know the importance of money as I have learnt it the hard way and would teach my children also to better manage money.
Good work Trent.
We loved the opening lines of your article. It’s a great article and reflects many of the mistakes we did at the start of our journey in investing.
http://firefinance.blogspot.com/2007/12/our-7-mutual-fund-investing-mistakes.html
Thanks for being so honest and admitting your mistakes in public. It takes courage to do so. We found it the hard way :).
Keep up the good work.
Cheers,
FIRE Finance
It’s nice to see someone spell out the common mistakes that our society in general makes with money. It is especially visible today with bankruptcies and foreclosures going around like a bad cold. I think this article stands as a good warning for people.
I love your newsletter. It’s the best financial advice… partly because I already agree most of the time ;) Especially when it comes to real estate and mortgages - we’re saving a large down payment before we even go there. People tell us that renting is “dead money” but we suspect that we feel much more alive than they do, with the rising interest rates on their mortgages!!
My partner and I are expecting our first baby in April and we’re already pretty frugal. He’s got a great new job that pays heaps better than his old one, but I was planning to go to university this year to get into a graduate position - but now that won’t be happening.
We’re not budgeting too much for the baby, since we don’t think that babies need much more than some decent second-hand clothes and some baby-carrying slings… perhaps I could start a blog about it, hmmm… but we will be homeschooling, so the chances of me going back to outside employment even part-time is pretty slim (for now).
I have a home business working as a contractor, but at the moment it doesn’t seem to be going too well.
We won’t be tight on money even if I don’t earn a cent, but it would be nice to somehow rig it so that we save heaps.
We want to buy land and build a little cosy small house and get some animals, so ideally I’d be earning some money in one way or another, and we need to manage the funds that my spouse earns.
What do you suggest, in both respects? Is blogging a realistic idea? Perhaps there is something else I’m not thinking of, and I’m sitting here racking my brains. Do you ever give advice to stay-at-home mums?
I came from a family that were children of Great Depression parents (my parents grew up on the tail end of the Great Depression). They were very frugal, my mom was always a stay at home mom, they had no debt, purchased a farm for their retirement years, owned their home in the city, always had a good car (never new)….they just didn’t teach their children about money, and they were terrified of investing, they only knew about check book and savings accounts (my father started a retirement plan late in life at his work). I can say my mother and father were ignorant to a lot in the world, they didn’t press me to go to college (even when I received a scholarship and I didn’t know what it meant). Then, I married too young to a guy that as long as he could make the payment, he thought he could afford it. We divorced in 2006 after 18 years, and I may dig out of that hole for a long time, but I am determined to do it. I also finished my degree during the last 2 years. In those 2 years, I have studied a lot about money & finance, have all of my investments chugging and debts going down (I’m down to one remaining credit card). I’m saving 12% of my check, funding an emergency fund every pay check, opened a Roth IRA as a small side investment and created my CD Ladder for the emergency fund (from your website!) I took David Bach’s advice from Automatic Millionare and have made everything automatic (401, IRA, CC payment and House payment so I can pay it off in 22 years instead of 30), and I’m raising two children (one who was just diagnosed with cancer, a plethora of financial as well as emotional challenges). If I can get finances under control, anyone can, it just takes determination and in my case anger, I was fed up with being broke. My biggest money saver lately has been participating in Once a Month Cooking. My grocery bill went from about $500 to $250 a month. Dining out is a budget killer! That’s a lot of money to go into my emergency fund that I will no longer give to Subway, Taco Bell or WHOEVER.
Hi Trent
I too have had minimal education when it comes to managing money, my parents also tended to buy things when they had additional money and did not have the education to make decsions about investing in property or shares. So my journey has been one of discovery, I have saved, I have spent, I have lost and I have gained. Now I am spending time on developing my idea’s about money and what it means to me and going back to the very basic need to be happy and to have a better life. This means releasing any conditions of how much i can earn as an individual (lifting my ceiling on earnings) and also how I should spend my money to suit my current and future life needs (balance). This way I am learning to strike a balance between money and spending. It also allows me to spend more than average because I allow my self to earn more than average. I think we should all go back as to what we need to be truly happy (partner, kids, family , friends, roof over our head) and use this to get passionate about what we do every day in work and start to earn more than we ever have, this way we can build better choices into our decision making processes about spending and budgeting. Food for thought! Keep up the good work.
Very interesting article. Personally, my husband and I fell into the spending to much category when we were first married, after bankruptcy we found a new way of living we had to scale back a lot of areas in which we were used to living but found that we were much happier without all of these items. We were on our way to financial freedom, we owed no one and had everything we needed, in the past year we have been helping out family members which has put us in a financial bind. I know logically I have to stand up and say enough is enough but it is so hard to watch someone struggle and not help (at least for me it is), after skimming through your site I found that most of your tactics are something that we personally have used, is it not odd how financial freedom can come from such simple practices?
Oh the good ol days of playing nintendo in your room. Ohh how i wish i were young again :D
great site, i’m signing up to the newsletter
Im in need of a fast cash donation to get a photo copying machine to continue doing God’s work of distributing religious articles, booklets, pamplets to encourage God’s people to come back to Him. Also, Im an unpublished writer of children’s books, desperatley seeking publication… see website of brief synopsis of all my stories.
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People who are born and brought up in poverty generally manage their finances well (just an observation)….because deep down they don’t want to return to those days. I will not be surprised to see these people doing better in managing finances when they get the opportunity. In all probability you will not continue with the mistakes tradition.
Btw, 10 part series !…you must have quite a bit of stuff to write there :)
Golbguru @ 8:30 pm October 31st, 2006 (comment #1)