And also – being asian also comes with its own discriminations. Let’s be real here, asian people. Try bringing home a non-asian boyfriend or girlfriend and see the response you get from the parents =) I know I am being slightly flippant here with an important cultural issue, no offence intended.

Again, let’s talk about our differences and stop cutting each other down through biased assumptions based on very personal experiences. We all have our own stories but let’s not assume that our own experiences applies to everyone else.

I dealt with the pain of receiving racist comments by reminding myself that racist people are to be pitied. I don’t waste my time to hate them. I get annoyed of course. And also angry. BUT I refuse to waste my energy on hating racist people. They are to be pitied because they miss out on so much life and culture because of their narrow views. Too bad for them.

My parents moved us to Australia because they wanted us to have a “western” education. From the first day that I started the 3rd grade, my teacher hugged me and made me feel like I was welcomed. This has never happened in the school I attended in Taiwan. I lived in mortal fear of all my teachers, especially my math teacher! My class mates were very inquisitive and asked me a lot of questions. All of which in english =) So of course I didn’t understand. I was enrolled in ESL class right away and it is the only reason that I learnt english so fast.

My parents brought my sister and I up to value our chinese heritage. However, they also encouraged us to be open and learn about other cultures. I have encountered racism in Australia and also have made many life long friends from different cultures. It is difficult for people in general, I believe, to accept what they are not used to or know very little about. Some people deal with change better than others.

My parents have a very skewed view of America. They totally subscribe to the vision of America as “The Promise Land”. I eventually married an American citizen and am now living in the US. To my parents, this is a dream come true for them. They think that I am now “set” for life. I don’t have such a warm and fuzzy feeling. In short, there are things in America that I do not like/agree with. However, the same goes for Australia.

I think that this post was issued with good intentions. And I have to say – there are about 50 choices for anything in America versus about 10 in Australia. The abundance of choice in this country is overwhelming. I will forever remember the first time I went to Costco during a vacation in the US with my family. Floor to ceiling (or so it seemed!!) consumer goods! Definitely something out of my experience! So it didn’t surprise me that SOME people would come to the US and be blown away by all the abundance.

I don’t understand why the uproar over Trent’s post. I think that it is sometimes helpful to have someone who has lived in the country for a while to clue you in to some of the cultural differences. I lived in Iowa for 3 years and when I first walked into a restaurant there with my husband, about 3 people outright stared at us walking in like we were aliens. Not a pleasant experience but it happens. Here in the US and also everywhere. So if an immigrant had some info to help give them a heads up, why not? I honestly don’t think it was meant to be assimilationist or racist.

From another point of view – every time I go to visit relatives in the Philippines I always stand out in the crowd, even though I am asian, because the way I dress and the way I talk clearly shows that I grew up in a western country. And I know that sometimes my mum has had to explain apologetically on my behalf when I inadvertently offended someone because of a cultural difference.

I think that when we can talk openly about our differences and about how we can live with each other, the world will be a better place. There’s no need to get angry or get offended. Let’s talk about it and have a healthy discussion and agree to disagree if relevant. But let’s not accuse each other of racism or discrimination unless we have absolute proof, which in the case of Trent’s post, there was none.

This is a rather late response but I do feel I should say something =)

Yes America hasn’t had a female president, Britain has had one. But US still is a better place for any immigrant to live. Because it has a public opinion which is conscious of its own lapses in culture, politics, religion every single field.

Some Americans idolize Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, the same girls feature on the cover of newsweek GIRLS GONE WILD …What are celebs teaching kids.

So you see America like any other country is full of contrasts. It has good and bad people. If you chose to associate with the good ones you will be happy. I would agree with Sun and Angry Reader on some level … I found my own remedy for such bad people. Be indifferent !

Please check your email. I sent you something offline.

I will agree with the dissenters that Trent is not the most likely person to advise immigrants, as he was not one. I started the article sort of annoyed that he was writing it, for that reason. But then I READ the article!! His advice is good, and mostly not condescending. He acknowledges reality. Many immigrants ARE shocked when they see signs of America’s excessive consumerism. Despite what one reader said, MANY MANY MANY MANY people think of Americans as extremely conservative.

I have been lucky to live in a few different countries outside of America, and thus go through the period of adjustment Trent is trying to assist. Before I went to any of the other countries, I looked for AS MUCH information as possible on the cultures. A lot of times, I had to wade through repetitive and simplistic information–which some people accuse Trent’s advice of being. But I certainly never complained. The most random information turned out to be useful to me, so I knew I couldn’t predict what would be helpful to others. The people complaining to this post are betraying some serious tunnel-vision, thinking only of their own experiences.

I’m also amazed that people objected to #1, the suggestion that immigrants learn English. Um, hello? Maybe you were fluent when you got her, but for those who aren’t it’s the most important thing anyone in a new culture can do. If you want to complain about the fact that Trent said you can easily get a “free education” in English by talking to people, fine. That was kind of stupid (sorry Trent). But come on. I have to agree with whoever said that the readers were just “complaining for the sake of complaining.” That’s what it sounded like to me.

Guess I’ll get down off of my soapbox, now. ;-)

PS- I just want to add that, at least in the urban areas, America is really good about not demanding that people *assimilate* (not acculturate) to its culture. At least, relatively speaking. You go anywhere in Europe and the natives INSIST that immigrants assimilate. Walk around in burqas? Wear headscarves to class? I don’t think so. In this sense, I think America is much more open.

Anyways I think this would be insightful, hard to find information and tid-bits. I wish I had something to add to your list, but I can’t think of anything right now, sorry.

Sun: A quick observation about small town vs big city. The statistics you mention is about immigrants getting legal status, which happens several years after the arrival into the US (at least in case of students). Initially, students come in to whichever university that works best for them and some of these univertities are in really small towns. I still remember a friend of mine who came to a small university town. In her part time job, while she was going over some code with an elderly gentleman with whom she worked, she complimented “thats damn good!”. The person who recieved the compliment was extremely offended because he thought her usage of the word “damn” was cussing! Something like this probably would never happen in a big city, but small towns are very different. So, in a nut shell, I disagree with your statement “A small town life in midwest may be a true American life, but that’s not for an immigrant, at least for the initial years as an immigrant!”. As a matter of fact, I think its the small town life that we need to pass more information about to an newly arriving immigrant – the big city information can be gleaned from a myriad of TV shows back home :)

I did meet total strangers who are willing to help me and people I never met before say “Hi” to me on the street, that’s one among many parts of this country that I like. However, when talking about immigrants, it could be really helpful if one can address their true concerns: safety, job, and the immigrant status (which I don’t think you can because you simply don’t have that experience), instead of showcasing how many different kinds of breads there are in the store! There are many great things every citizen of this country should be proud of, and I believe “250 different varieties of bread” is not among them.

And what’s the point of arguing “Many common items in America are quite expensive” when giving the absolute price? If I have nothing in my pocket, a piece of paper that cost only a penny is expensive to me. But if I have a six-figure salary job which I do have, none of those things you mentioned are expensive to me. For your information, a Census report says Asian men and women have the highest income among six major race categories: White, Black, American Indian and Alaska
Native, Asian, Native Hawaiian and
Other Pacifi c Islander, and Some
Other Race. Why? Because we work hard and most of us have higher degrees (master’s and doctoral). Though many of us won’t be CEOs, we are far better off than many of your fellow Americans if you want to measure it only by incomes.

That’s all I want to say.

If these things reflect your American experience, then you haven’t experienced America – just some urban nightmare.

“some of the more surprising things that individuals found when coming to America.” Why is that surprising? Did you ever go to China or Korea? And what’s so proud of having “more than 250 different varieties of bread”? We cook chickens in hundreds of ways that you can never imagine. Big deal!

Since this is an open discussion, if I may, I’d like to add a couple of points to your “should know” list from my own experience as an immigrant:

1. Don’t walk on the street in the evening no matter where you live;
2. Don’t argue with strangers no matter for what because you never know what they have in their pockets;
3. Don’t answer the door when you don’t know who’s knocking;
4. Don’t live in the neighborhood of a big city where there are full of houses that should be torn down, even the rent is cheap;
5. Don’t be surprised when you find there are many people in this country are plain ignorant who don’t know there’s a whole world out there. They call their baseball game “world series” when they have no more than a couple of teams from Canada and they call their NBA champion “world champion.” And guess what? When their “world champions” went to the world stage, they were beaten down!

The response to this basically is that I am racist. If that were true, why would I write this article at all? I wrote this article because I WANT immigrants to feel comfortable and safe in America, especially in a post-9/11 world. If that’s racism, then I’m guilty as charged.

However, I’m very disappointed in you as a reader. Rather than offering tangible advice to people who might read this post, you are instead wasting thousands of words complaining about racism. How does that better anything at all? Wouldn’t it be more useful to use your soapbox to actually help people rather than cut people down?

It is very clear that you are assuming that your experiences with a few closed-minded people is definitive of all Americans and rather than reading this post in the light it was intended, you instead pasted your own perspectives over the top and assumed that I was racist because I didn’t exactly discuss your unique experience. You are desperately trying to find racism where there is none.

i did NOT agree with most of your points. i agreed with a couple which are americans are wasteful & america is the land of opportunity. but apprently my english was not good enough and my words are twisted against my original intent.

i went to high school 10 years ago and i am now a grown woman, as i stated in my 2nd post. and racism has become more subtle in this country, because everyone knows that if you call someone a nigger or a chink or whatever, you will be in trouble.

even for adults, they face discriminations. my parents are very clear examples of this, which i kept talking about in both comments. they were both highly educated individuals, my mom was a doctor and my father was a lawyer then small business owner. they both accomplished a lot in their lives and they were forced to move here because of the political instability in asia. they chose to uproots from where they were born, grew up and raised their babies to come over here to start over so me and my sibling can have a better life. for that, they suffered discrimination. my mom refuses me to date a white man because she hates how white men had mistreated her in this country. and i don’t blame her. they had been very mean and disrespectful. they wouldn’t listen to her because she is a woman and she speaks with accents. while i was fortunate to shed my asian accent and assimilate well in this society, it was difficult for grown adults like my parents. they lost their friends and sense of stability when they moved here. discrimination is something that you obviously don’t know much about and i hope you will never know how it feels.

Trent, i have to say, i am disappointed. i used to read your posts and value your opinions when you wrote about money. now your comments just prove that you don’t listen and you refuse to be more open minded. and i *didn’t* say your post was helpful.i don’t know where you read that. and i already did contribute my opinions. i expressed it over and over again — i am deeply offended and i disagree with you. and america is really not a rosy picture that you painted. people don’t necessary welcome you with open arms in this country, especially after 911 and SARS, etc. people are freaked out and they blame people that don’t look Americans for it. when SARS first broke out, a woman on the plane refused to sit next to my friend who is a chinese american because she said “he has sars” just because he looks chinese. he glanced over and said “well then you probably don’t want to sit next to that gentleman over there (a middle eastern gentleman), since he is probably a terrorist.” another instance, i was waiting in line for the post office during the SARS panic. my throat was itchy so i coughed once. people in front of me literally ran out of the line. yeah, this is 3 years ago? because apprently according some strange scientific evidence that asian people only carry sars virus and we spread if to the rest of the world. yeah. we are all highly educated here.

for you to write this post, it’s inappropriate. you were not an immigrant yourself, you had not gone through assimilation and facing issues of being immigrants in this country, especially after 911 and SARS. it’s like k-fed or vanilla ice trying to rap and trying to earn his street cred. people laugh at vanilla ice, kevin federline because they have not established their credibility in the industry, and neither did you in the immigration front. people value your opinions because you give great advice about money. i think your intention was good obviously, but i just find your opinions on this matter offensive. these are very superficial advices and it really has not touched on the deeper issues behind immigration in this country. just take a look at southern california where civilians patroling with guns to prevent illegal immigrants coming in while california’s agricultural economic have these illegal immigrants to thank because no americans will pick fruits for 15 cents a bucket.

look at an overall picture, it took how many years for blacks to assimilate into this country? and they are still fighting. and it took how many years for women to assimilate into the mainstearm? how many states in this country still suffer from segregations? please don’t tell me none. when was the last time a woman was a president in this country or for that matter a non-white person?

people see asian women and they think lucy liu, and i unfortunately am a living proof to that. i look nothing like lucy liu except we both have long hair. but people some how always call me lucy even though my name is not lucy or call me ms. liu. yes, even on west coast.

us asian americans’ “battle” just started.

ANYWAY, but it doesn’t seem really matter, does it? you still stand behind your original post. and i stand where i stand. in my younger years in this country, i stayed nice and didn’t say anything when i feel wrong about it. but that has changed. because silence doesn’t change anything. you feel that i am just attacking you for the sake of attacking you? no. i have been your reader for 3 months now and have bookmarked many of your posts. i am simply voicing my opinions because i do not agree with you and i was deeply angered by what you wrote. it’s clear that we have had very different life experiences and different world view.

anyway, enough has been said. this will be my last response here. it obviously is very difficult to get my points across.