You are so lucky to have this option. My EX-husband, a stay-at-home bum, did no work at all around the house and barely watched the baby. I came home from work to cook dinner, clean, wash dishes from breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner, wash clothes, bath the baby, take the baby outside to play on yard, etc. I came in one day and caught the baby chewing on an electric and, when I pointed it out to my ex, his response was “Wow – glad you got him, that could have ruined my (video-game) score.” I got a nanny within 2 days and a divorce within 2 years.

Just because caring for your child is hard work, does NOT mean you won’t have to do house work (contrary to what some of the above people are saying). Sharing if fine, but the stay-at-home parent must do an equal share.

As a single mom, it can get even harder, but IF things work out financially, I will be at my crossover point within 4 years and can seque into a part-time and/or work at home situation where I will be able to spend more time with my (then) 9 year old.

Whenever I have a decision to make like this, I always use the old standby – make a list of pros and cons, then weigh the benefits vs. the risks. In many cases, one side will lean more heavily, which makes the decision easier. Other times, it may be closer to the middle.

I can tell you that I stayed home with my daughter for the first 3 years of her life, then went back to school. I have never regretted that decision, even though I was broke most of those years and living off my savings. The benefits I received from those first 3 years far outweighed any monetary benefit I could have gotten from working.

Because the stay-at-home business amounted to a giant tax deduction for my corporate lawyer hubby, my Social Security records show year after year of 0 income–even though between the two of us we earned more than $120,000 a year through the 1970s and 80s. When I retire, my Social Security payments will be a little over $800 a month. My current boyfriend quit his job in his 40s to enter what he called “bumhood”–early retirement–and when he started collecting Social Security at age 62, the gummint forked over $1200 a month….to a guy who never earned more than $45,000 a year and hadn’t earned enough to pay income taxes for 15 years before he started collecting.

Because I hadn’t held a steady job for the 25 years of my marriage, when I divorced the corporate lawyer the best job I could land paid about $20,000 less than others in my field regarded as a living wage. Tho’ I’m doing all right financially now, I’d be doing one heckuva lot better if I’d spent those 25 years in the workforce…and I wouldn’t be looking at having to stay in the harness until age 70.

Honey…don’t quit your day job–either one of you!

I don’t understand why families make this calculation — it biases the decision against the woman almost every time. Why not take the overall family salary, subtract the childcare expenses, and go from there? Then add back in any personal satisfaction, future opportunity potential, potential for raises, contributions to retirement funds, etc. and make a decision. Children benefit from seeing their mothers happy and fulfilled at work, too.

The idea that a woman making $10 an hour should stop working to take a day-care position that pays $7.50 is bizarre to me. And, no, I don’t have kids. Go figure.

-M

I completely agree- Back in March a highly publicized study regarding day care and child behavior/development was in the news.

That said- at the end of the day you can find studies to support either premise- day care is good, day care is bad, etc. It’s a choice that each family has to make on their own.

My college educated mother stayed home with my brother and I throughout our childhood and I truly could not be more grateful. When I was in first grade I wanted to see what day care was like so I begged and begged to go. My mother signed me up for a week one summer at the local day care that a few of my friends attended and after three days I had had enough. Even as a first grader I knew that these overworked day care workers were not nearly as interested or invested as my mother was. Day care was boring, without challenges, and not nearly as fun as spending time in the back yard or at the park exploring. Nearly all of my friends whose parents worked full time out of the house have expressed to me at one time or another how much they would have rather had a parent at home.

I understand how difficult it is for most families to take this route, which is just one more reason why I am truly grateful that my parents made (and were able to make) the sacrifices necessary to allow one parent to stay home. The memories of afternoons spent with my mother are priceless.

My parents had me when they were 19/20, so they needed to continue school/work out of necessity, and so I was not raised in a SAH environment. However, my daycare ranged from in home with relatively small number of similar aged kids to a preschool facility. I too have many memories being young and doing things with my parents, traveling and seeing sights in many places, some outside the US. I read and wrote before I attended a day of kindergarten, and to imply that this is only possible in a SAH environment is missing the point. Again, the point is quality care. My parents also spent most of their nonwork time with me, everything from coaching my sports teams to being involved in other clubs.

I think my case is also unique because I have two younger sisters with a good 5/7 years between us in age. At this point in time, my parents were more financially able to opt to SAH. My mom decided to stay at home for both my sisters, and actually began watching friend children, and began doing in home day care for a couple families. (This wasn’t that hard of a transition from pediatric nursing.) My sisters were, upon entering school for the first time, at the same level I had been, and showed no signs of being further along in development academically or socially. The reason is because in both cases, quality care was given.

Fast forward ~20 years, and it’s easy to compare standardized test scores, grades, social development, and anything else wanted to use in statistics. I was the valedictorian of my class, and my sisters who are graduating soon are both in the top 10 or so student’s in theirs. Our test scores, grades, comprehension, and general intellectual capabilities are all extremely similar accounting for personalities and interests.

I agree with Brice completely that having advanced kids, they must be exposed to adults that are going to bring the best out of them. But I disagree that it can only be the parents, and am unsure why his feelings are so strong in the matter. There are many paths to the same place, and quality daycare can be used alongside involved parenting with the same end result as any SAH scenario.

I would highly disagree with this statement. The negatives of day care far outweigh the positives. Also this is why there are toddler and parent support groups where you can meet other people with similar aged children to interact and play with, not to mention supervise them yourself.

Talk to a child development researcher. They will tell you the extreme importance of the first three years of development and its affect on the rest of your child’s life.

My mother was a SAHM and did an excellent job at it. She has a college education and a very good mothering instinct.

My happiest memory is from when I was four years old and spent the day exploring the neighborhood with my Mom. I would not have this memory or the various other good times if my mother had chosen a career.

I started reading before I started school, because I always saw my parents and older brother reading. Again, I would not have had the advanced development if my mother was not available to me during the day to take the time to teach me.

So, no one will invest the time and energy of educating and developing your child like you will.

If you continue to work and leave your child in daycare, he will only pick-up what his peers are doing. This is the worst thing for a child. I still see a lot of very badly behaved children in public because the parents are apathetic and do not care to teach them proper manners, and then shuttle them off to let someone else watch them during the day.

I cry BS on the post by the person that references Freakonomics.

To have an advanced youngster, they have to be exposed to mature, vibrant adults. I was always around adults my parents age and older generations of adults. I am more comfortable socially with an older crowd than a younger crowd. I still view peers dismissively and have no desire to socialize much with them.

I have a friend with a 3yr old boy and a 9 month old daughter. They are young parents, but the children are very well behaved. Yes, the boy has the energy of a 3yr old, but he is very sociable and polite when around adults.

So I would recommend from personal experience that having a SAH parent is an intangible asset to child, and one that will pay off in their adult life.

We moved two years ago and I’m at home full time but also trying to freelance/volunteer when I can. It’s more to stay sane and current in my skills than to earn any money. But, it’s pretty much impossible to find good chunks of time to work when my daughter is around. I’m not always inspired to work when she’s in preschool and in the evenings I’m usually too tired to work and I want to spend some time for myself.

Something to consider is your personality. Being a full-time parent requires you to be “on” in a completely different way from being in an office. It can be exhausting. And do you have the personality to work from home? I’ve found I really need the structure and sense of belonging I get from going into an office every day. I’m significantly more productive in the office than at home. I’m also not really cut out to be a freelancer but that’s what works right now. It’s turning out to be a really good learning experience.

Housework is another consideration. You need to remember that now, while you’re both working full-time, you fit in the housework around your jobs. Nobody expects you to do the laundry while you’re at the office. And your daycare probably doesn’t provide a hot dinner for you to bring home with your child. If you stay at home, your primary job is caring for your child. Housework and cooking is a bonus. It’s so easy to think that you’ll be able to get things done since you’re at home anyway. And sometimes you’ll be able to fit-in a lot. Other days you’ll be grateful for the opportunity to comb your hair. Just before you quit, stock the freezer with precooked meals and give your house a spring cleaning like it’s never seen before. Mornings are much easier than afternoons so get as much meal prep done then as you can. Invest in a crock pot and learn to use it.

I belive that Mom’s Club International allows dads to join. There are 2 dads in the club I’m in. They have branches in most towns and cities. The membership fees are low and they offer playgroups and weekly activities. Also take a good look at the other kids in your neighborhood. Are they the same age as your child? Do they go to child care? Are you friendly with their parents? Our neighborhood has lots of kids, but most of them are in childcare or at school so we’re left to travel to find entertainment. This is very different from how I grew up and makes a big difference in gas and entertainment spending. Also consider your child. Some kids are homebodys. Others thrive on being out and about.

As I’m a part-owner of the company I work for, I have the flexibility to do whatever I need to do. I stay/work at home with Zachary Monday and Tuesday mornings, and a friend watches him in the afternoons. Wednesday – Friday, Mom stays home with him.

This is an ideal situation for us. Dad gets plenty of one-on-one time with him–although when he wants attention and I’m trying to do something urgent it gets challenging–not counting evenings and weekends. The friend (a stay-at-home mom) has two children, one of whom is a little older than Zach, so when he starts to “play”, he’ll have built-in friends. Mom gets to be out of the house, productive, and talk to adults. We’re paying the sitter babysitting $$, not day-care $$, so my wife is working for a lot more than just child care.

I could totally get into being a full-time stay-at-home dad, if I didn’t have the pressure of trying to do my job while staying at home.

If we had an employee that wanted to try the same thing I’m doing, I’d be thrilled to give him the chance.