You might try something in the same nature. “You just bought a Harley Davidson motorcycle? Thanks, I have stock in that company!”

Carol

My friends scoffed a bit at first, then they realized I’m living on half my income. Over time, I’ve become the go-to guy on money, and many other things. Not the guy with the latest and greatest, just the guy with the things that work together. The guy with the well maintained reliable American car. I don’t mind that one bit.

I love American Made Machines!

Our American principles of being the best… are put at stake when we value/envy what other countries can make. Us as American can take that back, by growing a back bone and saying with PRIDE! I drive a 1994 Ford Ranger with 190,000 miles! =)

The only one who can make you feel inadequate/poor is yourself!

Guess what me & DH drive? He drives a 99 Honda Accord w/ a dent in the side (not bad though). I drive a 97 Saturn 138k miles w/ back small corner window broken out (although it is covered with clear contact paper which has worked like a charm). I just can’t bring myself to pay $300 for a stupid little window…when I know I could spend that on the mechanics of my car.

I used to be stuck in the trap of needing to buy things to feel like I was good financially. Now I know that nothing makes you more financially free than money in the bank (or in assets).

In my workplace, I rub elbows with co workers who may only be working for the health insurance. Their spouses own their business (home repair, etc) while the wives are cubicle rangers like me. I on the other hand, am the sole wage earner while my life partner is home with our 4 kids. No one can understand how I “do it” but then lunchtime talk goes into all the recreational shopping, keeping up with the Joneses type stuff- I phase out. I can recall a recent discussion about a co worker seeking to get her aged mother out shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding. Everyone was aghast that the co workers mom didn’t want to- she would rather wear something she already had. The discussion around the table pretty much made it clear that nothing under $100 dress is acceptable. When I pointed out potentially talking the mom into going to reasonably priced stores as a compromise- everyone was equally aghast. Then I pointed out the fact that I had searched in all kinds of stores from the thrift shops on up to specialty stores for a decent dress to wear to a freind’s wedding this summer- and ended up finding what I wanted at a discount store for $12. This was pooh poohed as something not really feasible.

You can try to explain, but they might not get it. Just stick to your own guns- don’t start falling for some of the ideas above that basically try to trick people into thinking you are playing the game (buying a different car, etc). Once you start down that path, its harder to stop.

At work, what I also found makes people really look at you differnlty is perfume. I’m pretty frugal, but when it comes to perfume, I splurge and spend on a good bottle of perfume. I’ve had several people comment on how I smell, and when they ask I tell them and it raises eyebrows, especailly from those who know perfume prices!

Of course that does not mean that the reader will necessarily _feel_ successful all the time. Although I don’t really like the phrase “fake it till you make it,” there is some truth in it. Acting successful will trick your brain into thinking you are, which ultimately will make you successful.

Finally, success depends on how you measure it. It sounds like the reader is still struggling to redefine it for him/herself. Kudos to the reader for taking that step!

laura

One thing definitely worth learning is car maintenance and repair. I can’t tell you the hundreds (probably thousands!) of dollars I’ve saved by learning to work on my own car. It helps that my father grew up doing things like that and could take apart a hot rod and rebuild it from the ground up, but almost every car available to the public has a manual based on an entire tear-down and rebuild known as the Haynes manual, available at almost any car part place (AutoZone, O’Reily, etc.). There are also many specialty books out there that are even better than Haynes, but Haynes is usually a great starting point.

I say this because your reader isn’t alone in his car concerns (obviously, from the comments thusfar), and I can sympathize. However, my only car is a 1987 Volvo 760 Turbo. Yes, it’s from 1987, and yes, it’s a box, but despite its aged and boxy appearance, people still recognize it as an expensive car–especially once they sit in it. Shiny black and chrome exterior with heated, powered black leather seats and climate control inside.

I’m not saying the old Volvo is for everybody–I love these cars, myself, quirks and all–but I’m saying that I paid $1500 for the car. And I’ve spent maybe $200 on parts in the last three or four years keeping it on the road, not including general maintenance like oil, brake pads, and tires. I’ve put lots and lots of miles on it, and she’s still going strong. Keep in mind that older cars (especially pre-1996 vehicles) tend to be simpler to repair with fewer electronic gadgets.

What’s more, the old Volvos are somewhat chic now. Kind of out of nowhere they became “cool” to own. So people see my shiny black little turbocharged European machine and classify me as somebody with money, despite its age. I’ve had several people assume I could afford something and when I don’t give in, they say “Come on, you drive a Volvo!” like the year doesn’t matter.

Sorry for the long comment, but I thought it worth mentioning. Buy an older car that’s “cool” and at the same time luxurious and learn to work on it. You can get a basic, cheap set of tools for not a lot of money (though you’ll want to replace/upgrade eventually, much like people do with cookware), you’ll learn much more about your vehicle and take pride in it (I consider my car my friend…a neglected friend at the moment, but a friend nonetheless), and you’ll save untold amounts of money by keeping it on the road yourself rather than paying a mechanic you can’t really trust to do work that you can’t be sure he’s done right. The work is honest and enjoyable and worth the time it takes to do.

Another point here is to remember that those people are talking about things owned by their bank/credit card company. Realise that they are STILL PAYING (with interest!) for the stuff they talk about as their own. So, they are not actually talking about their possessions, they are talking about their debts!

When someone mentions their car (and you are comfortable with that person) ask them when they will clear the loan on it.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to appear as successful as your superficial colleagues, but remember, their success is only skin deep. Your attitude of success can justifiably come from within — you’ve done some excellent work! — and your smile and the set of your shoulders can reflect the fact that you don’t have bill collectors hounding you, you’re not one paycheck away from disaster, and you’re living in a way that matches your values.

It’s almost bad, because people think I spend a lot of money, but I don’t really, I just make sure that when I do spend my money, I spend it on something I really need and that will last for a long time, and I make sure I make the most of the money I’m spending.

For example, I recently had to buy a lot of backpacking/camping equipment for a geology field camp this summer. Instead of going to Academy and spending $100 on crap that will need to be thrown away at the end of the summer, I went to REI and spent more (on clearance items) that will last for years and years and is very high quality as well.

I don’t spend more than $200 on clothes a year. Of course I could spend much less than that, so I don’t know if that’s frugal compared to other men, but I try to buy high-quality clothes that look good and will last a long time.

My mother and brothers (still minors living with her) spend all her money, but they spend it on a lot of crap they aren’t going to use for very long.

I can and have worn all pieces with many other pieces of clothing in my wardrobe. My cost-per-wear for each of them is well under $1 with the exception of the jacket which is relatively new.

A good tip: When you shop, ask yourself if the thing you want to buy matches at least 2 items in your wardobe. For example, if you’re buying a shirt, does it match at least two pairs of pants or skirts?