And then she found out that my father had been siphoning money for years and years out of the joint account into accounts with his name on it. The siphoning started in small amounts but then really accelerated once he figured out how much he could get away with. His retirement funds are flush, while she has very little, especially because she didn’t have a paid job for many years, and before that she had always put her money into the joint account. My mom is working 3 part-time jobs, now that my brother is mostly grown, and really, really worried that she will be old, sick, and destitute. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be her retirement investment.

(To stall questions: my parents are still married. My mother is from a conservative culture, was not going to divorce when she was taking care of my brother, and now is too exhausted to care anymore; my father is not going to divorce free maid service, and he doesn’t want to give up his money.)

My mother didn’t think she married a sneaky asshole. No one does, but just look at the divorce rate! How much do you really know another person? How much can you understand the dark impulses that another person tries to conceal even from himself? Completely joining your finances puts your money and your credit rating into the hands of another person. Even if you think you’re on top of things, you can’t control everything the other person does. From my point of view, anyway, combining finances takes a superhuman amount of trust- or a certain measure of gullibility.