I graduated high school in 1994, and went away (700+ miles) to college in Jan. 1996. After a few years I decided it was the wrong school for me, and came home for a couple months before moving even further away to a new school, over 11,000 miles away.

My career of choice was not a high-paying one. We’re talking a few dollars above minimum wage, and it required me to live in a metropolitan city no matter where I decided to work. I barely made it for just a couple months on $7.50/hr plus a part time job working from home on $10/hr. Then 9/11 hit, and had a huge effect on my city (no, not NYC) and my job (which was in tourism entertainment).

I panicked. I lost the 2nd job because of 9/11 and panicked even more. I called my father in tears and begged him to let me come home. He was down there in 2 weeks to help pack me up.

My parents had separated less than a year before, so I think he was secretly thrilled to have me back home.

However I had a whole host of new issues to deal with. The education I’ve spent over $10k on was useless to me. I had no real work experience other than that, and there was nowhere I could do it while living at home (nor did I want to when it came down to financial reasons). So I was left with a completely blank slate. No savings, tons of debt, and no idea where the hell to go for work.

I worked at a fitness center, a biotechnology lab, a retail store as an assistant manager (a job I got by pure friendship-based nepotism), a 911 dispatcher, you name it. I didn’t save a dime, but I got some debt paid off and gave my dad what I could to help out with bills. I also cooked for both of us, did the grocery shopping, cleaned the whole house, did my laundry and his, and all while having a full time job or two. I was young, and could afford to expend the energy.

Fast forward… I’m now 31, and after having gotten lucky (again) by getting into a job that had the potential to be financially lucrative, but better than that TRAINED me to know the things I know now, I’m only JUST starting to be able to think about savings and investments and so on, but microscopically. I don’t make enough to live on my own right now. Nowhere near $50k, and honestly? I’m sort of starting to feel like a loser.

I LOVED living on my own for the 4 years I did. I loved everything about it, from the Ramen noodles to the independence, the ability to decide on my own actions without anyone telling me I was making the wrong decision, the ability to cook romantic dinners for myself and a boyfriend, keeping clean (or not, if I wanted), and the pride that came with looking in the checking account and knowing that all my hard work, sacrifice, and independence still made it possible for me to pay my own bills (even if that didn’t last long).

Was THIS where I thought I’d be by now? Nope. I fully expected to be married with 2-3 kids by now, living in a house, working in my dream career (that doesn’t pay for crap), and being completely happy both financially and emotionally. Instead I’m sitting here in my Dad’s house, busting my bootie, and trying to get a grip.

My point in this long comment is that had I researched the “dream career” ahead of time, I might’ve known it was going to be difficult. Had I had a crystal ball and could’ve seen 9/11, or the fact that I wasn’t going to get married or have kids (at least not by this age), or had some other way to predict where my life was going to go, then things would clearly have been different. But given the state of today’s economy, NO ONE can predict. This young man’s $50k/year job could disappear in 6 months. He could find that all “computer science” related work is being done by freelancers all of the sudden and not be able to find himself a secure job. He could wind up living “gig” to “gig” and not knowing when his next project would come in. Then what?

I don’t see a problem with moving home for a little while, as long as you’re doing chores, providing some financial reparations to your parents, and PLANNING to get out. Do whatever you can to earn extra money (forget the bars and clubs, too – they’re a waste of time and money) and put every single extra penny you have (after paying on loans & cc’s) away somewhere. Regardless if that money’s going to be used as emergency funds later on if you lose your job, or if you save up for a down payment on a home, act like an adult NOW, regardless of where you’re laying your head at night.

Don’t get the new car, don’t get the cool clothes, don’t blow it all on a vacation, and above all, respect your parents and put their needs and wishes above your own for once – afterall, they put yours ahead of theirs for over 20 years.

I’m now running my own business from home, working part time at my cousin’s dog grooming shop, and taking on as much work as I can. I give my dad as much as I can, and continue to cook, clean, and do other chores. We make decent roommates, funny as it is. Do I miss living on my own? You bet. But I’m grateful that my dad’s so wonderful and loves me so much. I’ll get to where I’m supposed to be, and I’ll fight my way there with every ounce of fight I’ve got in me, especially knowing that Dad’s got my back – it makes me want to work HARDER, for him.

i guess this is a cultural thing though… here in the Philippines, it is considered normal for children to continue living with their parents. even when the children grow up and get married, they have the option to stay with their parents. a house would often contain a very extended family network: 3 generations living udner one roof is ver common here. and it’s not considered mooching, since the grown-up children are expected to shoulder household utilities and other expenses. aside from cultural values, its also a matter of economics. most families here have only one or 2 breadwinners and they support the rest of their relatives; jobs are NOT easy to come by.

For starters, I’ve saved enough money in my emergency fund for 3 months of expenses. I also have enough for my Roth IRA too.

And the biggest new of all? I’ve found an apartment!!! I will be living with two other roommates in a great place about three blocks from my job. It’s absolutely perfect because now I can walk to work so long as the weather is nice. This will save me about $200 a month in gas. Obviously, that will get replaced with rent, utilities, and food but it still makes me feel good to do less driving.

Due to the new living arrangements I’ve been trying really hard to continue saving. I spent very little this year on Christmas and replaced the money with more thoughtful actions. I’m also scouring Craigslist for some cheap/free furniture. Anything to save a penny (or a few hundred dollars).

So I’m finally “on my own” now. It feels good too. Now the saving begins for house…I can’t wait for that day. :)

P.S. I’ve also got my parents on this frugal lifestyle too. I even helped them go through their expenses and eliminate unnecessary items.

FYI my stats are, I’m 25 years old, bought my house 6 months ago, contribute the full company matched amount to my 401K, have a decent savings account, and have made a significant dent in my student loans (college was scholarships and loans on my own). I’d say I’m in a really good financial position. I started out making about the same amount of money that Joel is, and I didn’t live with my parents after college.

I just read your update. Good for you! Keep focused on your goals and you will get a great start in life financially.

If your parents are supportive, and you get along with them, and if you are appreciative (don’t take their help for granted, help around the house, respect their house rules)you should stay with them, pay off your student loans as fast as possible, and build up some savings. You will get a much better start in life.

Or get a job where housing is provided (apartment manager, housesitter).

I think it is much harder to move out than it was 25 years ago, since housing costs are much higher, and kids are starting out with student and credit card debt.

My younger sister moved in with our parents after college to save money and all was working well. This year she turns 32 and is still there.

What happened? During the first several years of her living back at home, both our parents developed some serious health problems and suddenly she “needed” to continue to live at home. She thought it would seem selfish to move out at that point after living with them for several years after college. Now she’s 32, hasn’t dated for years, and her career is suffering as well from being the sole caretaker. My other sister and I both live on opposite coasts, with families, far away from the upper midwest. We do what we can to help financially and come out on our vacations, but we don’t plan to move back to the midwest.

We feel sorry for our sister, but she’s in a situation she doesn’t feel that she can ethically leave. Joel may never face these situations, but he needs to consider that he won’t be “just an adult roommate” when living with his parents.

I’m currently living at home with my parents and everyone is happy with the way things are turning out. I pay more portion for food, internet, tv, etc. In addition, I also help around the house and run errands when needed. My parents like the feeling of an extra “adult” around.

I’ve been very diligent with maintaining a frugal lifestyle and I plan to have $20,000 of my student loans paid off, fully fund a Roth IRA, and contribute up to my company’s matching for a 401k all within a year of my new job.

When I reach those goals I will maximize my 401k and begin saving for a mortgage down payment. I plan to keep the other $20,000 in students loans because it’s at a pretty good rate.

So there you have it. Let me know what you think and if anyone has any more advice for me. Thanks!!!

Perhaps the following will help you understand the other point of view:

–My family pushed west, a generation at a time. Each generation relied on themselves from young adulthood.

–My husband’s sage grandmother counted every penny and invested wisely, because she was determined not to be a burden on her children or grandchildren. Part of her reasoning might have been because she had to devote many years to nursing her mother-in-law and grandmother during the Depression. But the lesson stuck: We raised our children to stand on their own two feet, just as we do. And they won’t be choosing our retirement home. ;D

out here in LA, a decent bachelor apt in an OK neighborhood will run you about $1800/month. $50k a year is really only $28K, after Uncle Sam eats the bulk of his single, no child having check. Who can afford such living conditions on that salary?

For all of you clamoring for this guy to “be a man” and “live on his own”, are you really suggesting he throw good money away on RENT when he can save that cash every month and invest it wisely?

I lived at home from 24-30. I paid my portion of the light bill, paid for my own cable, phone, groceries, etc. I watched my credit score liek a hawk. I sacrificed many movies, expensive vacations, and shopping excursions to save money. No ‘mooching’ from my parents at all. I was basically renting a room at a very reasonable price. I got a lot a crap from friends and family, but I endured it. They said I needed to be “independent” but I had a plan.

Between 25-30, I bought a 2 apartment buildings and 3 single family homes. They bring in an additional $3500/month in income. That passive income allowed me to buy a much nicer house at 32 than I could have ever afforded if I was paying nearly 2 grand in rent every month for 5 years.

And more importantly, that income helped me subsidize my parents retirement income. Without my extra money, they wouldn’t have been able to afford to retire at all. And more since my dad is ill, I can afford to pay for the best care. Every bit of my income from those properties goes into their pockets. I know if I was all gung-ho about “standing on my own two feet”, I would still be stuck in some cramped apartment, and my parents would have lost their house. I know this because many of my “independent” friends are still broke and not even able to help their ailing parents.

If this young man makes a financial plan and budget and sticks with it, he can use his parents generosity to his advantage. Don’t be so quick to be “independent”: sometimes it’s best to bide your time.

The downside? Although I had been able to almost completely pay off my cc debt while at home, my ability to do that dropped drastically when I had all my own bills to pay. The cc bills went back up. I also ended up going to grad school, which greatly increased my previous student loan debt (I paid for college myself, with the scholarship/loan combo). My parents were willing to have me longer, but I was anxious to be on my own. It’s hard to say which was better in the long run, though it’s a moot point now.

Personal responsibility?

They already clean, wash, cook simple items like cookies.

I’ll have them cooking entire meals for the family by the time they’re 12.

They’d have less work to do if they did move out. :)

And I hope posters here would not choose to discriminate against someone based on merely where they’re living.

I had to walk out of a career in my 20s to care for my terminally ill mother.

It took her a decade to die.

Being so foolish as to discriminate against someone in a similar situation is a clear
invitation to see the company and oneself personally named in a civil action.

What would one’s own boss think of costing the company the time and legal fees involved?

Living in a college dorm is not living on your own. It is an artificial construct. Living on your own is finding your own place to live, taking care of all of the details such as cleaning, meals, laundry, and paying all the bills.

Yes, I worry about my kids’ financial foundation. I also worry about my own. I would like to be able to take care of myself in my old age, thank you very much. In addition, my own parents are still very much alive and kicking in their 80’s. They too enjoy living in their own house and taking care of themselves to the fullest extent possible. But they do need some assistance with certain situations.

As a new graduate, Joel is making very nearly as much money as I do. I would see no reason why a child who makes that kind of money is not living on his own.

In my own situation, I need to maximize my retirement contributions, not continue to support a child. I also value my freedom and privacy. I am an adult too.

Why do you think Mommy and Daddy has to cater to every need? Are we not talking about college graduates? Probably lived on their own for four years in college dorm, 22 years old. Here’s some advise. Don’t.

Yes, I’m sure most responsible adults do know where the money came from. So you don’t worry about your kid’s financial foundation? Then why did you send them to college? So they can get drunk every night and practice unsafe sex? If you care so little that you want the money back, then maybe you shouldn’t have paid for it in the first place. Any good child, at least in my opinion, will be paying all this back and more when their parents hit old age and it’s time to take care of them. That’s what I grew up on.

Joel will need to talk with his parents for his particular situation. I still don’t agree with this whole “get the hell out as soon as you possibly can because mommy and daddy are sick of having to deal with you” notion. Out of respect and as part of life, of course you should move out eventually. I’m just saying in the start, the first 6 months, year, 2 years even, it’s important to get something meaningful started, or you’re setting yourself up for disaster.

The situation varies obviously, but please realize something. Not everyone here is a spoiled brat. I’m young, but I’m certainly not stupid and I am grateful for everything my parents have done for me.

I paid my way through college. I took on student loans, I worked 40+ hours every week for four years. I paid all the bills, tuition, books, travel, food by myself. Besides a roof over my head and family meals, my parents have not paid, nor have I expected them to, for ANYTHING I have consumed since I was 15 and legally able to work. When I was a kid, I took the bus to school, went to class, came home, did my homework, and DID THE CHORES. Why? My parents are immigrants so they were mostly uneducated. My dad worked two jobs, my mother worked the night shift just to keep the family afloat. They worked their butts off. Thank god there were no soccer practices to do them in huh?

My point was, most people, coming out of college, job or not, do not have a strong financial foundation. No money saved, questionable job security, etc… I don’t see how you can deny the marginal costs (explicit) increases are minimal for parents at this point. Do they not have to pay the same rent? When I left, did my parents suddenly stop cooking dinner for themselves? As far as implicit costs, we’re talking about kids who will graduate college 22+, how much babying do they need!? So what if your kid loses his job? What do you think is going to happen? He’s gonna have to move back in suddenly, drop whatever life he had, and go back to square one.

So all that aside, assuming I blew all my money on hookers, lost my job, and became an alcoholic, I know my parents would still welcome me in their home without requiring me to pay “equal living costs.” That’s just absurd. When my parents hit retirement age soon, they will be living with me or my brother, no questions asked.