Comments on: Overspending on Children and How to Fight It

By: Family Matters

Family Matters — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 04:40:22 +0000

Trest, great post! It’s a bit extreme to show a 20-month-old every payment, but following the contribution of value to your child’s life and considering the learning with every purchase are brilliant ideas.

I always resented my dad for having a “Don’t worry about money, I’ll take care of it” attitude. I wanted to be involved to learn, and for years, I’ve had to figure things out I could have learned from him. That’s why I teach my kids as much as they seem to care for.

By: Rachelle

Rachelle — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 23:27:14 +0000

Great article. Just a small comment on the bedrooms for each child, though. Here in Michigan, it’s against the law to put 2 kids of opposite genders in the same room. So, legally, I must put my daughter and son in their own bedrooms. Personally, I think it’s a stupid law.

By: Kylie

Kylie — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 00:55:18 +0000

I’m a single mother on minimum wage. I do everything I can to give my son a wonderful, happy life without spending a lot of money, taking him to the beach, park, talking to him, reading to him, taking him to the movies, just basically spending time with him. His father has a lot of money. He just left from one of his 4-yearly visits yesterday, and my son now has an xbox360, fancy CD player shaped like a car, new bike, tons of super cool clothes, and piles of other toys that he didn’t have last week. Last visit it was a portable DVD player and $500 ride-on electric quad bike. My son loves me very much, but always tells me, “My Daddy can buy me anything in the world.” Do you think this is damaging to him in any way?

By: Jack Sprat

Jack Sprat — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 14:03:22 +0000

Kids SHOULD have their own rooms, at least by a certain age. The cost effective solution? Don’t have so many friggin kids.

By: mapgirl

mapgirl — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:01:03 +0000

Great article! You are on the money when you say that’s not what parenting is. Your tips are very good, but like others, I question the wisdom of not owning a few childhood favorites and always going to the library. I think it’s good for kids to have a few books of their own they can pull off the shelf and read over and over again. I think that’s probably the way I learned to read when I was kid, my older sibling would read me the same story over and over till the words and pictures connected.

I don’t own a TV and when I think about why, I realize that part of the reason I don’t have one is that someone at my school didn’t have one. I thought it was shocking at the time, but she was still pretty, popular and didn’t seem to lack for anything just because she didn’t have a TV at home. I suppose that’s when I learned the disconnect between what we possess and who we are.

By: Trina

Trina — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 20:01:07 +0000

When our children (now age 19, 17, 14) were young, thriftiness in toys and activities was fairly easy – they enjoyed the simple pleasures of life. As they grew older, their desires became more expensive, but we’ve been able to find used sports equipment, yard sale items, or let the kids save and buy their own things (like mp3 players). We’ve never owned a game system, don’t have cable tv or eat out. We do rent movies, eat by candlelight and spend lots of time together. Our kids see us pondering over financial decisions, weighing our options and explaining our choices. We’ve had many conversations about how people spend their time and money, choices, priorities and freedom – in fact some of the advantages our kids now have (like the college option) are a result of our thriftiness and they understand this.

Raising frugal children in a spendthrift world is challenging, but absolutely worthwhile. Our children will have more choices in their lives because they know how to live well for less.

By: Mary

Mary — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 16:30:40 +0000

When your children see you being thrifty they will learn this lesson as well. We shop from a list, if an item is not budgeted for we don’t get it. My sons (3 & 5) are yet to ask me for a toy or anything and throw a fit on our shopping trips. We can look at things and play with them, but we may have something similar at home or it’s not in the budget works(but it has to work for Mom and Dad too)! Also, my oldest son decided two years ago that he would rather “do something” with our immediate family for his birthday than have a party. After going to some of his friend’s parties, thank goodness! We have gone to a dinner show, his request! We have done some touristy things in the area that we normally wouldn’t do, and this year he wants to go fishing and swimming. Simple pleasures of life!

By: martha in mobile

martha in mobile — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 15:33:18 +0000

GrantParish, of couse, as the right of it. Based solely on economics, children are a poor choice, indeed. And really, wouldn’t it be better to choose a child with a compatible personality and known health history rather than take the physical risk of childbearing with the possible outcome of having a physically disabled or tempermentally disadvantaged child? I finally decided to have a child when I acknowledged that there is nothing rational about the decision. I never even liked children. But my daughter is the sun in my sky and I love her more than I thought I could love anyone. I am a better person for having her in my life. What price can I put on these thing?

By: Rachel

Rachel — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 15:11:31 +0000

I have three children, ages 26, 22 and 13. The rule at my house: if you talk on it or drive it, you pay for it yourself. Birthday parties have usually been at home, with some friends and cake, sometimes hom baked, some times from the bakery. I admit that our daughter did push us over the limit on what we felt comfortable spending at times. We live in a small town where there are many wealthy people, and she ran with the country club crowd. with a sickly toddler, it was sometimes easier to give in than to try to teach the wisdom of frugality. My biggest regret though it not teaching them from the bible on how to handle money and the obedience of tithing.

By: martha in mobile

martha in mobile — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 14:36:09 +0000

We set a dollar limit on birthday celebrations. Our daughter tells us where she would like to spend her birthday and we tell her how many children we can invite, based on the cost of the venue. She invariably chooses a backyard party so she can have more friends over. This year, it’s a backyard sleepover, complete with byot (bring your own tent).

Re: having your own space. When we upgraded our housing, one of our requirements was to have more than one living space so that we and our daughter/her friends, can be in the house but still have some separation. We ended up with more rooms that were smaller — against the current trend of open, large rooms.

By: GrantParish

GrantParish — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 13:37:04 +0000

How many people consider the financial implications of having children in the first place?

“At the individual family level, a child, financially speaking, looks more like a high-priced consumer item with no warranty…For economic man in the late 20th century, child-rearing has become a crummy financial bargain. It is hardly surprising that the “smartest” people in our society end up being those least likely to have children. Middle-aged women with graduate degrees are more than three times more likely to be childless than those who dropped out of high school. Similarly, two-income married-couple families earning over $75,000 are 70 percent more likely to be childless than those earning between $10,000 and $19,999. You don’t have to be an economic materialist to see the financial reality behind these numbers. Highly educated, high-income people have a higher opportunity cost, in the form of lost income, if they decide to have children.” – U.S. News and World Report 3/30/98

By: Paul Freeman

Paul Freeman — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 12:06:31 +0000

This is my(our) no 1 failing. We do still spend too much on our children; from presents to what I call “extra school activities” in the budget. ballet, music etc. With 3 kids this can’t continue.

Whilst we strive to cut back in other areas, we still fail here, so thanks for some of the tips here. It reminds me that in London all the museums are free to enter (and if you go on Sunday early enough you can get a parking space for free).

By: Michele@Philoxenos

Michele@Philoxenos — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 07:33:04 +0000

Back when we had our second child (two years ago) my husband and I had a discussion regarding presents. With Christmas coming, we decided not to buy gifts for our two children, knowing that both sets of grandparents, plus various aunts and uncles would buy gifts for them. Even though we didn’t buy presents for them, it took 90 minutes for us to open gifts. And they were younger than 2! We still don’t buy many gifts. I would rather buy an occasional bottle of bubbles or a new book then to buy a flash toy that they forget about in favour of the box.

By: Erika

Erika — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 05:48:53 +0000

I generally agree, although I would make one point relating to the original articles snark against one bed room for everyone. Studies that I cannot remember the source of have found that homes do need to have one room for everyone for healthy psychological development. This does not necessarily mean one bedroom for everyone, but it does mean that at any given time, everyone needs to be able to go to a place where they feel like they have privacy.

By: !wanda

!wanda — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 02:04:29 +0000

Kids do get expensive at some point. I’m really glad my parents sent me to sleep-away summer academic camp when I was in middle school, even though I’m sure it cost a lot. (I got enough out of it to skip a year of high school, and it benefited me socially and life-wise as well.) I think you have to ask whether an expense is for the kid or for yourself.

By: MossySF

MossySF — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 21:47:32 +0000

The example in the MSN article is pretty conservative. Check on the extreme overboard behavior here:

http://www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org/quotes.html

10M birthday party featuring Aerosmith and 10K gift bags.

By: Rick

Rick — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 21:25:51 +0000

Well, it seems as though you’re preaching to the choir here, since everyone seems to agree with you, even though most people in society seem to just spend at will. I agree with the comments people have made that kids do not know the difference between the expensive item and the cheap item. Kids are amused easily. They will have just as much fun with a $5 toy as they would with a $100 toy.

The MSN article reminded me of your earlier article about finding a home in NYC and wants vs. needs. So many people think they *need* to shower their kids with lavish gifts, or else they’ll turn out badly. These same people *need* their cell phones, couldn’t live without their cable TV, would die without their twice-daily Starbucks, etc.

Learn to live simply. I’d bet money that you’ll actually find more enjoyment out of life if you live more simply and less extravagantly.

By: DJ

DJ — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 20:30:41 +0000

Good post, but question:

Do you buy toys for your nieces/nephews and friends children? It seems a bit selfish to rely on others to purchase toys for your child unless you are buying the toys for your relatives children in exchange…

By: Debora

Debora — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 20:22:50 +0000

Trent’s advice could apply to older kids, too. As the third child in a large family, my mother had given up organizing elaborate birthday parties by the time I reached an age I could remember them.

As a result, I have fond memories of birthday parties which pretty much consisted of a group of kids doing whatever WE wanted, without pesky adults interfering. Except when we were called in for cake.

Great article (and parenting), Trent.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 19:55:55 +0000

My husband and I were having a similar discussion about money this week. I completely agree that “fun” does not have to be cost prohibitive. My children are 4 and 2. They do not understand the difference between a $2000 vacation and a $200 vacation. This weekend we camped at a state park for 4 nights at $18 per day. Given the added expense of food (We cooked every meal) and misc. items (bubbles and sidewalk chalk), we spent roughly $185 for 4 days of fun.