I am also quite happy to take my boys grocery shopping. I always get them to help pick out the fruit and vegetables, and my youngest will start unpacking the trolley at the check out without being asked.

Bear in mind that children are quite unhibited when showing their emotions and that as a parent you need to not take what might get said by your child too personally. My oldest who is nearly five said something yesterday afternoon that I could have taken personally and been quite upset by. I knew why he said what he said and by this morning he greeted me with a smile. It took me a few years to work out how to stay calm as a parent and I’m sure I will have plenty of challenges in the years ahead, but I am thoroughly looking forward to them.

Great tips Trent! We use several of them with our children. Kids are so smart that it takes big time consistency but it can be done.

If he fussed about getting something during the trip (a toy or whatever) then there would be no special treat at the grocery store. He was allowed only one thing. This put my mom in a bind a couple of times because if he put something back, then she couldn’t use it in the meal. He frequently picked out a veggie. When I was that age, it was most frequently fruit or cereal. But the point is he only got one thing. It didn’t cost my parents much and we were required to eat what we got, even if we decided we didn’t like it after we got it home.

I like your ’split your money into 3 piles’ idea. I think I’ll try to phase something similar in, but it might be tricky, since we havn’t done it so far….

I heard a while ago about giving kids allowance early on (we started at 4 years old, now Louise is 5) – and giving them a dollar for each year of their age. Any less isn’t really enough $$ to do much with, and the parent end up having to buy stuff anything. But now I’ve got a 5 year old that waits for Allowance day so she can but a my little pony EVERY WEEK (4.99 @ Target – she usualy can find the tax money in change around the car & house).

So while she understand that we won’t buy her toys at every store we visit and she needs to buy herself toys with her money, there’s very little deliberate savings going on. But then, she’s only 5….

However, I will admit that PBS has gone completely overboard in allowing sponsors’ messages to become indistinguishable from commercials. We get around this by zipping through them on the DVR. Still, the other day my six year old son told me that he was “the proud sponsor” of something or other!

If at any time they felt that the allowance was insufficient they had to document their expenditures for the month and present a proposal.

My youngest is now a senior in college and still gets the same amount we started with in 9th grade.
She opted for part-time jobs from 16 on rather than do the budget presentation.

Her older sister never asked for more either ;-) and now has a growing web business.

We have three kids and they all have a list of jobs that they do. Some jobs they get paid for if they do them, some jobs they just have to do because they’re part of the family.

We pay them every week, and the amount varies based on how many jobs actually got completed correctly during the past week.

They are required to separate their money into three basic categories.

1. They must put aside 10% to give to some type of charity, church or otherwise.

2. They must set aside half of the remaining dollars into their grown-up money fund – money market, ira or otherwise ( this money is theirs when they leave our humble abode).

3. They must set aside the rest as spending money. They can use this spending money to blow or they can save it for something big.

We use the same system for money earned outside of the home. For example, my 14 year old boy babysits at church and earns 10 dollars per hour doing that.

When we get to the store, and the begging begins, we say: “fine, you can buy that. As long as you brought your spending money and you have enough.”

We never lend money at the store – the child must have the money with them to make the purchase, or come back when they do have the money.

I kid you not, this has virtually put an end to the massive amounts of begging we used to endure.

Our oldest has, since doing this system, saved nearly $2000.00 on his own, purchased his own X-Box 360 and multiple games, and has now almost saved enough for the $500.00 video camera he wants to buy.

Success.

Try it, it works if you stick with it and be disciplined.

~Oswegan

And for sure, the best thing they did was to pick up the little yowler and carry her or him out of the public place, the minute the tantrum started to pick up steam. The kid still screamed out in the parking lot or in the car, BUT: it didn’t take either of their two little folks long to learn that throwing a tantrum for X, Y, or Z didn’t work. Both kids grew up to be responsible, well behaved teens and successful adults.

Striking a stressed-out yelling kid, IMHO, is counterproductive and speaks more about the parent than about the child’s behavior.

Why are sporting goods and electronics (where I usually am in a store) always within screaming kid distance from the toy section?

In regards to leaving the store for the temper tantrum I think it’s good sometimes but other times wrong to do. One of ours would throw the tantrum just to leave the store since they didn’t want to be there in the first place or sick of being there. We couldn’t very well let them dictate what needed to be done. Each situation was handles differntly but we learned quickly leaving the store wasn’t the solution, only adding to the problem.

My point is to keep an open mind and have guidelines installed but be ready to throw them out the door with a seconds notice.

My parents smacked me at most a couple dozen times in my childhood, and I never felt I was abused or scared in any way from it. I also don’t recall (nor to they) that I was a problem child, in part because I learned early that bad behavior was followed quickly by a repercussion, with extreme behavior seeing an equally extreme reaction.

There are times (though very rare) when a quick smack or swat on the butt is appropriate for a child. This is such an instance. I’ve never understood the concept of “spankings”, as they tend to be far after the fact and commonly not in proportion to nor well associated with the precipitating deed. But I’ve also never understood the concept of “time outs” or trying to negotiate or argue with a child either. Children lack the tools and development needed to comprehend or comply with either, and wind up feeling tricked or empowered, neither of which is a good thing.

When I have kids, I plan on using many of the same mechanism my parents used. And if someone takes issue with it because it’s not PC to smack your kid in a store, thats fine. I can smack them too… :)