Comments on: How to Maintain Friendships With Non-Frugal People http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/ Financial talk for the rest of us Sat, 16 Feb 2013 01:14:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 By: A Long Long Road » 100 Resources To Improve Your Career, Relationships And Money http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-118181 A Long Long Road » 100 Resources To Improve Your Career, Relationships And Money Thu, 22 Nov 2007 15:42:48 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-118181 [...] How to Maintain Friendships With Non-Frugal People – it’s hard to be frugal when friends around you aren’t. Here’s some practical tips to help you strike that balance. [...]

]]> By: t http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-113812 t Sun, 18 Nov 2007 08:11:01 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-113812 Host a potluck!

]]> By: LC http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-112390 LC Fri, 16 Nov 2007 21:19:49 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-112390 I will add on that many things that are environmentally friendly or healthier are the things that are the cheapest. Since losing weight and going “green” are “trendy” things to do, they might accept it more if you said it that way.

As far as the business dinners, my husband loves to hear about the places I go and how much I can spend and has no problem with not spending as much when it’s our own money. But we have similar feelings about that kind of stuff.

]]> By: Catherine http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-112272 Catherine Fri, 16 Nov 2007 19:03:55 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-112272 I think that the real spending trap in these situations is one person’s (or couple’s) suggesting an activity but then everyone’s being expected to pay her or his own way. Moving to a more formal habit of entertaining (i.e. taking turns hosting) not only allows everyone a chance to play the role not only of choosing the venue but of being generous, but it also allows everyone a chance to host according to their own budget. No more being “invited” to spend money. If your friends notice that you are always having them over to your own home (the most gracious option as well as one of the more frugal, IMO) or taking them out to lunch instead of dinner, or so on, and feel indignant that they buy you more expensive meals than they get in return, then perhaps they might be “inspired” to scale back as well. Or drop you altogether, but if that’s the case, they probably weren’t such great friends.

]]> By: Elizabeth http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111874 Elizabeth Fri, 16 Nov 2007 11:14:58 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111874 It takes time to make friends who want to spend time and money like you do, but it can happen without even realizing it. Recently we went out to eat with my sister-in-law. One of our best friends called us just before we left and we invited him along because his wife was out of town — got to the restaurant and realized it was the first time we had ever been in a restaurant with him in the 2 years we’ve known him. This is a friend we see at least once a week. We invite each other over for dinner, or go hiking, or help each other with big projects, or play board games. And over the period that we have been spending more and more time socializing like that, I have drifted away from the happy-hour socializing of some other friends.

I have another friend who likes to invite people over for pie or cobbler he makes from whatever he bought at the farmer’s market that morning. You can go out to eat first or you can potluck at his place. But everyone’s always happy for pie!

]]> By: Louise http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111689 Louise Fri, 16 Nov 2007 07:06:14 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111689 When I bought my first house I lost quite a few friends as my mortgage was nearly three times what I had been paying in rent, and the house needed total renovation. I just didn’t have the money to go out as I had before. Recognise that some friends just aren’t worth having. Deep down they may be jealous, or scared, because they can see that you will end up ahead of them in the end. Remember, when you change your spending habits it’s like holding a mirror up to them and forcing them to confront their own spending habits, and they may not like what they see. Think of ways to cherish your true friends. Use the extra time freed up from no longer having shallow acquaintances take up a hobby, spend time with your family, study part time etc.

]]> By: MVP http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111622 MVP Fri, 16 Nov 2007 05:46:49 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111622 Trent, you’re right on with this one. I think the hardest thing is to realize we may not have as much in common with some of our “old” friends as we did when we were spenders. Some friendships can last through the frugal transformation, but others will just fade away, unfortunately.

I especially like that you talk about not ramming our newfound frugal beliefs down others’ throats. That’s a hard one for me, as I was so excited by the financial roll I was on at one point, that I wanted to share it with everybody, regardless of if they cared! Then, there were (and frankly still are) times when I couldn’t help but judge my friends for their shameless fancy new car purchases and ridiculous vacations. Gotta stop that.

]]> By: Keiichi http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111507 Keiichi Fri, 16 Nov 2007 03:12:35 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111507 I totally agree with this post! I’ve been trying to live a more frugal life. I started noticing I started so spend too much money going out for lunch and dinner with friends, but realized that it was starting to take a financial toll. Although I’m currently busy juggling work and school which also stops me from seeing my friends at this time, they all understand and also encourage a more frugal lifestyle. The best feeling is that when you hang out even after not seeing them for a month or more, it still feels like you just saw them yesterday :-).

]]> By: Ron http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111206 Ron Thu, 15 Nov 2007 21:17:34 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111206 @!wanda

Whew! I thought maybe someone was saying I needed to quit living under a bridge and scaring the Billy Goats Gruff or something!

I do have my kids taken care of in a 529 plan. They have about $15,000 each or so in it. I also have a really good retirement plan at work as well as a self directed Roth IRA and some other investments I’ve managed to squirrel away.

No, she doesn’t work outside the home. She does substitute teach at the private school where the kids go, and she does a lot of volunteer work. What drives me crazy is that I make three times more than I did just 5 years ago, but seem to have less to show for it.

Getting a meaningful grip on your financial life is difficult sometimes, especially when you feel like you’re swimming upstream. Yes, we need to sit down again and hash through a few things. Thanks for listening and allowing me to talk through these things.

]]> By: !wanda http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111091 !wanda Thu, 15 Nov 2007 19:01:57 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111091 @Ron: By the way, a “troll” is a person in an online discussion who says inane or offensive things to get attention. “Feeding trolls” means replying to their comments, which usually only encourages them to post more. Therefore, it is usually a good idea to ignore trollish comments. If you want an example, Matt sounds more like a troll than you do.

]]> By: !wanda http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111087 !wanda Thu, 15 Nov 2007 18:58:17 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111087 @Ron: OK, so it doesn’t sound like you’re denying her nice things. It still sounds like your wife doesn’t understand why you want to live on a budget. Have you talked to her about how expensive retirement is and in particular how expensive her retirement will be? (After all, if she doesn’t work, she doesn’t have access to a 401K, company match, or IRA.) Medical expenses, too, are insane. Have you talked to her about saving for your children’s college? (Have you talked to your daughter about that too?) You sound quite successful, but she apparently needs to be told that the money you make today won’t be there for you later if you spend it today.

]]> By: Kaye http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111048 Kaye Thu, 15 Nov 2007 18:25:14 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-111048 My husband gets invited to expensive restaurants and he’ll eat the sides and bring the steak and dessert home to me! I know this won’t work for out of town meals, but I really feel loved when he does this.

]]> By: Keri http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110975 Keri Thu, 15 Nov 2007 17:07:41 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110975 Wow, didn’t mean to sound so bitter and hateful!!!! But I think y’all know what I mean.

]]> By: Keri http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110973 Keri Thu, 15 Nov 2007 17:05:39 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110973 The biggest thing that’s irritating to me about having friends who spend WAY more than I do is when they complain about being broke. Or they ask me why I’M not complaining about money and how I have enough when they’re struggling. Um, maybe because you eat out at $40/meal places? Or you wear $200 jeans? Or drive a brand new car?

I’ve just learned not to spend much time getting to know people who start behaving like that. I’m not going to sit down and explain my finances with someone who obviously can’t understand “spending less than you earn”. But is IS hard to find people who are of the same mindset as I am about money. So yeah, I kind of agree with Jenyfer – sometimes it’s good to be your own best friend. :)

]]> By: Money Blue Book http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110890 Money Blue Book Thu, 15 Nov 2007 15:43:50 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110890 Not just non non-frugal friends too… it’s worse when you are naturally frugal but have a girlfriend who like most women I know, are naturally voracious shoppers. I want to take care of her by spending money on her, but she really spends way too much. It’s hard to keep up sometimes.
-Raymond

]]> By: Diane http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110852 Diane Thu, 15 Nov 2007 14:57:34 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110852 Like Sandy, I appreciate the tips I’ve read in earlier posts, but I was stunned to recognize myself as a gossip friend in your post. Another friend called me on it because I did not realize I had drifted there. When I changed, I did not pick up on why another friend was cool to me–I was not gossiping any more! Now I see that I “changed the rules” of our talks.

Helpful post for me, Trent, and the ideas of how to stay friends with non-frugal people helped me too. I plan to pass the ideas on to our daughter in college.

]]> By: Sandy http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110814 Sandy Thu, 15 Nov 2007 14:28:58 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110814 Good advice here — I’m a recent frugal-convert, and naturally wanted to share that with friends, but will keep it to the finance posts as suggested. I made the switch to veg. and always appreciated not getting a lecture from other vegs. when I wasn’t one, so planned to follow suit there — just didn’t realize until this post I should do the same with my responsibleness toward money now. I appreciate all the tips I’ve read in earlier posts.

]]> By: Jane http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110805 Jane Thu, 15 Nov 2007 14:19:03 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110805 Ron, I’m just curious who pays the household bills. It almost sounds to me like your wife doesn’t realize how much everything has cost. If it’s you maybe you need to schedule a time to sit down and pay them together.

As for the Visa Buxx, that’s like a prepaid credit card rightr, tell your daughter if she wants it she pays for it see how that goes.

]]> By: Jenyfer http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110792 Jenyfer Thu, 15 Nov 2007 14:05:02 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110792 Terrific post, as always. Sometimes it’s harder to give up the idea of friendship than the actual friendship.
As I have found recently, without the enforced drama and budget binging of a former friend, I am much more peaceful. Perhaps she just came into my life so I could appreciate this frugal effort I am making.
And for you single folk out there, there’s nothing wrong with learning how to be comfortable being alone. This by no means proposes a life without friendships and interactions! This skill will help in many life areas and situations. Frugal livers, know yourselves!!

]]> By: m- http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110785 m- Thu, 15 Nov 2007 13:55:43 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/14/how-to-maintain-friendships-with-non-frugal-people/#comment-110785 Ron~ my husband travels alot and has an expense account. He always tells the guys that he is with he trying to eat healthy and goes to subway. Alot of the time they will come with because most of them are in the same boat and want to eat healthy. Granted it might get old eatting subs all the time but if you wife is eating at home all the time that gets old also.

Then tell your wife that if she is ‘jones’(to get out of the house for a meal she too can go to subway.) Sometimes it isn’t about the meal it is about just getting out of the house.

I am preatty sure that all the expensive meals aren’t the most healthy concoctions. So this might help out.

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