If you aren’t careful, peer pressure (and family pressure) can destroy your life. I’ve seen it happen to many young professionals. Striving to “fit in” or keep up with your peers will eat at you, and it’s possible that you’ll never be happy because there’s always someone who’s richer or better or smarter than you.

I hope this post helps people to free themselves from unhealthy group mentalities and learn to value themselves as individuals. And if your friends give you s*** about pursuing a different path, then they weren’t really your friends in the first place.

I recently had to re-evaluate all of my friendships with other people, do some painful self-assessment, and see how little most of them cared about me. It was difficult but worth it–and now I can see that they’re not all bad people and I’m not some poor widdow victim, but it’s best that we not have contact and move on.

And speaking of all this brand-name kind of stuff. I met a group of people recently, each of them dressed very gothic-like with a bunch of piercings, dyed hair and tattoos. And let me tell you, they were worse than cheerleaders, in terms of superficiality and judging people. It was astonishing: anyone who looked different from them just had to be stupid, or a total conformist (snigger), or…It was pretty awkward, as I look pretty square, and am reserved, which they seemed to view as an affront to them. Don’t think it’s just cushy suburbanites who do this!

This is a really good article. I have a story too. A year back, I bought a fairly nice four door sedan, brand new at a great price and a good interest rate. It has all the luxuries I can afford and coming out of the dealer, I knew that I had the most bang for my buck.

I have a close friend who grew up around high end german luxury cars and immediately pointed out non-parallel lines and minor squeaks and stuff. For a while, I did not think too good about my car till recently, I drove a smaller rental sedan and knew exactly how much better my own car was.

The truth is that I have a very nice car that is professional, reliable and good on gas. Now, I can take his criticism and turn it around and not let it affect me.

This brought me to think how much of an influence a few comments were on my thinking. I am an engineer like to tackle issues very objectively. Looking back, I can see a few other decisions that were heavily biased on my friend’s decisions. I do try to think for myself but the truth is that friends do influence you.

The only way out is to have the right friend circle. You are what your company is.

BTW: What really forced me to re-think my attitude was my former roommate, who surpasses her sales goals month after month, year after year. The woman could sell ice to Inuits. Does she always look nice and well put together? Of course-she’s in sales. But her closet is filled with clothing — *none* of it brand name, *all* of it purchased at clearance sales, thrift stores, garage sales and ebay. Two of her best purses are from a drugstore. I’m not kidding.
Whatever you’re going for, you win it from the neck up.

Wow — that is an impressively insightful post.

Jen: What a wonderful turn of phrase, and highly insightful as well; “Oh, the time I’ve spent wishing I could want to be an engineer!”

What you are good at, or what you are capable of (like overspending on something that your friends like to spend on), should never dictate your activities (Plato be damned). I agree with you wholeheartedly. Your passions should dictate your resources. You have to be good with who you are. Be comfortable in your own skin.

Knowing that I can pay cash for my kids’ college; knowing I can walk out of work today and not bat an eye or disrupt any other fiscal plans for years; knowing I have the fiscal resources to weather any storm; or simply knowing I can retire securely at a young age; that is the stuff that drives my passion. Those idiots who often pose as friends can be driven by the external, but anyone who visits this page often has already made a decision to be driven by a more legitimate sense of self worth.

It’s not about the money I save, nor the things that money can buy. It’s about the choices I can make for myself and my family because the money is there.

My heart twists for your teenage artist friend. I was always very good at math and science, but those disciplines didn’t sufficiently inspire me. (I chose to pursue theatre instead.) Oh, the time I’ve spent wishing I could want to be an engineer!

It’s interesting also, that I have started to date again, and still find the same type of people out there. They have been nice, but don’t understand my self imposed limits on spending and going out. I don’t judge them on how they choose to live, but they have been rather judgemental of me. Oh well, I will keep looking.

I hope your post helps those in need find their unique self-worth, and to encourage them to set their own values and standards through their own internal processes and not solely through the eyes and mouths of their friends.

One thing that I realized is that most of my friends that acted similarly to yours is that once someone broke the barrier everyone else followed. They may make fun of you at first but if you are yourself and confident they will soon follow your lead.

I don’t think you have to stop hanging out with certain people because they have different outlooks in life- as long as everyone is comfortable with themselves they will tend to judge others less.

Peer pressure (although not peers) comes from parents. As you get older (mid thirties) your parents ARE more like peers. The pressure now is to have kids. It’s hard to separate yourself, your thoughts, your wants, when people you love an respect want something for you (for them) so badly. When I think of having kids, do I want it for them or for me? It’s hard to tell.