Comments on: A Talk With My Niece http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/ Simple, applicable personal finance advice for the modern world Sun, 21 Mar 2010 12:17:02 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: degas http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-135215 degas Tue, 18 Dec 2007 22:58:24 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-135215 You might consider giving her the book Datable: Are You? Are They? To help her decide not to spend time she could be developing herself obsession about boys instead! You might consider giving her the book Datable: Are You? Are They? To help her decide not to spend time she could be developing herself obsession about boys instead!

]]> By: Sharon http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-134186 Sharon Mon, 17 Dec 2007 17:02:10 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-134186 Trent, you clearly love this girl. But I hope you will reconsider this 'talk,' because it does seem preachy. 15-year-olds are told what to do every day of their lives. More than anything, she probably needs someone who will *listen* to her and be enthusiastic about her passions and answer her questions like an adult. Ask her how you can help fulfill her dreams. You might be surprised what she says, and you can have a conversation instead of giving her a speech. Trent, you clearly love this girl. But I hope you will reconsider this ‘talk,’ because it does seem preachy.

15-year-olds are told what to do every day of their lives. More than anything, she probably needs someone who will *listen* to her and be enthusiastic about her passions and answer her questions like an adult.

Ask her how you can help fulfill her dreams. You might be surprised what she says, and you can have a conversation instead of giving her a speech.

]]> By: Heather http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-134183 Heather Mon, 17 Dec 2007 16:50:22 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-134183 As a first generation college graduate and mathematics major, I applaud your interest in your neice. We girls need to hear that kinda thing from positive male role models. I totally understand what you mean by "get out"; I had to do some of the same from my small, rural hometown. I thought of one crucial thing worth mentioning. Too many women get sidetracked by pouring themselves into relationships with people who do not support them and their dreams. My male cousin spoke words to me 12 years ago that saved me so much heartache..."Any man who wants to be in your life should treat you as well as well as your dad does. You deserve to be treated like a queen; don't settle." Your neice is lucky to have you in her life. As a first generation college graduate and mathematics major, I applaud your interest in your neice. We girls need to hear that kinda thing from positive male role models. I totally understand what you mean by “get out”; I had to do some of the same from my small, rural hometown.

I thought of one crucial thing worth mentioning. Too many women get sidetracked by pouring themselves into relationships with people who do not support them and their dreams. My male cousin spoke words to me 12 years ago that saved me so much heartache…”Any man who wants to be in your life should treat you as well as well as your dad does. You deserve to be treated like a queen; don’t settle.”

Your neice is lucky to have you in her life.

]]> By: Caeli http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-134139 Caeli Mon, 17 Dec 2007 16:03:58 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-134139 Trent, this post really brought tears to my eyes. I can't help but think that if someone had taken the time to sit down and say such things to me when I was that age, I would have made drastically different choices. Instead all I got was "you should go to college because it's the right thing to do" which just made me roll my eyes and want to party all the more. Trent, this post really brought tears to my eyes. I can’t help but think that if someone had taken the time to sit down and say such things to me when I was that age, I would have made drastically different choices. Instead all I got was “you should go to college because it’s the right thing to do” which just made me roll my eyes and want to party all the more.

]]> By: Meg http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-133699 Meg Sun, 16 Dec 2007 22:16:04 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-133699 I was lucky enough to have a lot of uncles, aunts, and grandparents growing up. I only saw them a few times a year--usually around the holidays--and I can tell you that I vividly remember a lot of the things they said. I'm sure I've heard countless hours of well-intentioned and potentially valuable advice from many of them, but the things that stuck with me and meant the most were the supportive and encouraging words. One grandfather used to always tell me how smart I was, specifically that I was "from a good gene pool." He used to caution me not to ever be arrogant or proud about my intelligence, but rather that I had an obligation to use it to help others. Another grandfather repeatedly told me that he was so proud of me. Even though I knew my grandfathers were seeing me through rose-colored glasses, I carry their words with me to this day. Knowing that someone she looks up to is impressed with you and expects you to be successful will carry your niece farther than any advice you could give her. I was lucky enough to have a lot of uncles, aunts, and grandparents growing up. I only saw them a few times a year–usually around the holidays–and I can tell you that I vividly remember a lot of the things they said. I’m sure I’ve heard countless hours of well-intentioned and potentially valuable advice from many of them, but the things that stuck with me and meant the most were the supportive and encouraging words.

One grandfather used to always tell me how smart I was, specifically that I was “from a good gene pool.” He used to caution me not to ever be arrogant or proud about my intelligence, but rather that I had an obligation to use it to help others. Another grandfather repeatedly told me that he was so proud of me.

Even though I knew my grandfathers were seeing me through rose-colored glasses, I carry their words with me to this day. Knowing that someone she looks up to is impressed with you and expects you to be successful will carry your niece farther than any advice you could give her.

]]> By: Sarah http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-133667 Sarah Sun, 16 Dec 2007 20:51:05 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-133667 You can make a <i>sick</i> amount of money on Wall Street if you're really good at math. The 46th richest man in America today is a former winner of the top international prize in geometry who walked away to start a quantitative (i.e., extremely math-driven) hedge fund. The more important lesson here, though (because intellectual talents do change and develop) is that people in your little hometown are unlikely to have perfect information on what sells in the wider world. You can make a sick amount of money on Wall Street if you’re really good at math. The 46th richest man in America today is a former winner of the top international prize in geometry who walked away to start a quantitative (i.e., extremely math-driven) hedge fund. The more important lesson here, though (because intellectual talents do change and develop) is that people in your little hometown are unlikely to have perfect information on what sells in the wider world.

]]> By: The Digerati Life http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-133298 The Digerati Life Sun, 16 Dec 2007 06:52:57 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-133298 Your niece is lucky to have you as a mentor. I have a few financial and business mentors whom I feel very fortunate to have in my life, though they only appeared when I was much much older (in my 30's actually). They've provided me perspectives on investing and business that I've found very enriching. Your niece is lucky to have you as a mentor. I have a few financial and business mentors whom I feel very fortunate to have in my life, though they only appeared when I was much much older (in my 30’s actually). They’ve provided me perspectives on investing and business that I’ve found very enriching.

]]> By: Lise http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-133248 Lise Sun, 16 Dec 2007 05:08:13 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-133248 What a fantastic post to wake up to on a Sunday morning. Loved all of it, wish I had an uncle like you when I was a kid just as someone stated above but it ain't it a grand time in the world's history when we all share such great stuff every day! Thanks for your wonderful blog! Lise x What a fantastic post to wake up to on a Sunday morning. Loved all of it, wish I had an uncle like you when I was a kid just as someone stated above but it ain’t it a grand time in the world’s history when we all share such great stuff every day! Thanks for your wonderful blog! Lise x

]]> By: MVP http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-133210 MVP Sun, 16 Dec 2007 03:19:22 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-133210 Some good points there, although I don't necessarily agree with the "follow your heart" mantra when applied generally to life. Too many people follow their hearts and end up in bad places because they don't use their heads to make solid decisions. I followed my passion into my current career, but when I was making the decision, I was too immature to consider how viable this job choice would be in supporting a family and being an important part of a family. Also, I'm not sure a 15-year-old will be ready to hear all this at a holiday family gathering. Could be a little overwhelming. You might get a better response if you take her out and do something with her at another time and approach the topics more subtly. Just my two cents about how teenagers generally operate. Good luck! Some good points there, although I don’t necessarily agree with the “follow your heart” mantra when applied generally to life. Too many people follow their hearts and end up in bad places because they don’t use their heads to make solid decisions. I followed my passion into my current career, but when I was making the decision, I was too immature to consider how viable this job choice would be in supporting a family and being an important part of a family.

Also, I’m not sure a 15-year-old will be ready to hear all this at a holiday family gathering. Could be a little overwhelming. You might get a better response if you take her out and do something with her at another time and approach the topics more subtly. Just my two cents about how teenagers generally operate. Good luck!

]]> By: Linds http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-133188 Linds Sun, 16 Dec 2007 02:23:45 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-133188 What if she reads this post, won't she feel a bit like you are sharing her "struggle" with thousands of people? Still, I to would have loved to have somebody like you to mentor me when I was that age. What if she reads this post, won’t she feel a bit like you are sharing her “struggle” with thousands of people?

Still, I to would have loved to have somebody like you to mentor me when I was that age.

]]> By: LC http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-132948 LC Sat, 15 Dec 2007 17:50:44 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-132948 Great advice. You could probably even write it up and publish it. As a female engineer, I would definitely encourage you to encourage her interests in math. Especially in engineering, girls can often do better than guys because of their softer skills. I had the math aptitude but one thing I wish someone had exposed me to is more hands on stuff, like working on cars and building stuff, so I would also encourage you to give her opportunities to do that kind of stuff with you if you get a chance. Great advice. You could probably even write it up and publish it.

As a female engineer, I would definitely encourage you to encourage her interests in math. Especially in engineering, girls can often do better than guys because of their softer skills. I had the math aptitude but one thing I wish someone had exposed me to is more hands on stuff, like working on cars and building stuff, so I would also encourage you to give her opportunities to do that kind of stuff with you if you get a chance.

]]> By: Louise http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-132803 Louise Sat, 15 Dec 2007 12:19:29 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-132803 I definitely agree with your advice about the highest paying job. I've seen friends end up in high paying jobs that not only came with extra stress, but also a lot of unpaid overtime and a timetable that made taking any holidays almost impossible. They ended up taking work home with them, being interrupted on their days off and being expected to travel considerably for work. I live in a regional area where a lot of people travel up to 100kms each way to work in the capital city because the wages are higher. Their travelling time increases by 2-3 hours per day, their increased travelling costs take up quite a lot of the extra income, and remember those travelling costs aren't tax deductible (of course sometimes they're travelling because they can't get a job in the city where they live). I also agree with your comment about being nice to everyone. Not only does it make life more pleasant all round, it also makes it more productive. I worked in an office where my boss complained that his secretary wasn't willing to take on tasks that were out of her job description, however that had more to do with his attitude and the fact that he wasn't willing to take the time to train her. On the other hand, because I was nice to her, she was always willing to help me when I was swamped, and many a time she helped me reach a deadline. I definitely agree with your advice about the highest paying job. I’ve seen friends end up in high paying jobs that not only came with extra stress, but also a lot of unpaid overtime and a timetable that made taking any holidays almost impossible. They ended up taking work home with them, being interrupted on their days off and being expected to travel considerably for work. I live in a regional area where a lot of people travel up to 100kms each way to work in the capital city because the wages are higher. Their travelling time increases by 2-3 hours per day, their increased travelling costs take up quite a lot of the extra income, and remember those travelling costs aren’t tax deductible (of course sometimes they’re travelling because they can’t get a job in the city where they live).

I also agree with your comment about being nice to everyone. Not only does it make life more pleasant all round, it also makes it more productive. I worked in an office where my boss complained that his secretary wasn’t willing to take on tasks that were out of her job description, however that had more to do with his attitude and the fact that he wasn’t willing to take the time to train her. On the other hand, because I was nice to her, she was always willing to help me when I was swamped, and many a time she helped me reach a deadline.

]]> By: Fathersez http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-132779 Fathersez Sat, 15 Dec 2007 11:31:16 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-132779 It is really great for you to take an interest in your niece and prepare yourself ahead for the talk. I do not want to say anything about the line / direction of the talk. Just the fact that you have noticed and that your niece will listen to you is a clear indication of your good nature and great relationship building skills. Uncles and aunts make great role models, especially when the children are in that akward neither adult, not quite still kids stage. Over time, you can add and elaborate on the topics you have chosen. One talk will not resolve everything. The point is she will listen to you. This must be the result of your concern and investing in quality time with your niece during her younger days. Good for you and well done. And she sure is lucky. She'll find out soon enough. It is really great for you to take an interest in your niece and prepare yourself ahead for the talk.

I do not want to say anything about the line / direction of the talk.

Just the fact that you have noticed and that your niece will listen to you is a clear indication of your good nature and great relationship building skills.

Uncles and aunts make great role models, especially when the children are in that akward neither adult, not quite still kids stage.

Over time, you can add and elaborate on the topics you have chosen. One talk will not resolve everything. The point is she will listen to you. This must be the result of your concern and investing in quality time with your niece during her younger days.

Good for you and well done. And she sure is lucky. She’ll find out soon enough.

]]> By: PiFreak http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-132529 PiFreak Sat, 15 Dec 2007 04:25:14 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-132529 Wow... are you MY uncle? Math is something I'm highly passionate about, and I love to find my own ways to do things in math, but my teachers always talk me out of my ways. I love being nice to people, even those who would normally be considered "lower" than me, and I fit in with them just fine. It's high school, so I do have some limits on how far I can extend my range, but I'm a Junior in all advanced and several college courses, and my two main groups of friends are freshman, a mix of super-intelligent ones I've known for a while, and some others that are their friends, and a group of juniors that are just plain crazy. Most people of my age and intelligence at my school are incredibly boring to talk to. I knew a lot of seniors as a freshman, and people my age would gasp in shock as some "super-hot senior BOY" would smile, and call me by my name. I was just friends with them, but it was cool knowing upper-classmen. Regardless of whether or not that had happened, I'd still be hanging out with freshman now, but a lot of them are guys (I fit in better with them - they're crazier, and don't think it's weird to talk about something besides clothes, boys, or makeup). I see the guys in the hall a lot, and I always say hi. I don't know what their classmates reactions are, and I don't care, but I hope at least one of them has benefitted from having me as a friend. Wow… are you MY uncle?

Math is something I’m highly passionate about, and I love to find my own ways to do things in math, but my teachers always talk me out of my ways.

I love being nice to people, even those who would normally be considered “lower” than me, and I fit in with them just fine. It’s high school, so I do have some limits on how far I can extend my range, but I’m a Junior in all advanced and several college courses, and my two main groups of friends are freshman, a mix of super-intelligent ones I’ve known for a while, and some others that are their friends, and a group of juniors that are just plain crazy. Most people of my age and intelligence at my school are incredibly boring to talk to.

I knew a lot of seniors as a freshman, and people my age would gasp in shock as some “super-hot senior BOY” would smile, and call me by my name. I was just friends with them, but it was cool knowing upper-classmen. Regardless of whether or not that had happened, I’d still be hanging out with freshman now, but a lot of them are guys (I fit in better with them – they’re crazier, and don’t think it’s weird to talk about something besides clothes, boys, or makeup). I see the guys in the hall a lot, and I always say hi. I don’t know what their classmates reactions are, and I don’t care, but I hope at least one of them has benefitted from having me as a friend.

]]> By: Peter http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-132526 Peter Sat, 15 Dec 2007 04:24:44 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-132526 You know, the lessons on the back of business card, with very slight variations, might be a good thing to do here. Why not use it as an opportunity to consider the possiblity to present it to people her age, and ask to use her as a sounding board? It lets you talk about many of these areas in a constructive "what do you think?" vein without being preachy, and opens the door to a lot of the kind of discussions you want to have. In addition, you can potentially gain a new audience for the presentation with her honest input. Anyway, just a thought. You know, the lessons on the back of business card, with very slight variations, might be a good thing to do here. Why not use it as an opportunity to consider the possiblity to present it to people her age, and ask to use her as a sounding board? It lets you talk about many of these areas in a constructive “what do you think?” vein without being preachy, and opens the door to a lot of the kind of discussions you want to have. In addition, you can potentially gain a new audience for the presentation with her honest input. Anyway, just a thought.

]]> By: Jason http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-132518 Jason Sat, 15 Dec 2007 04:06:41 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-132518 I sure wish someone had told me at 15 that "debt will become your prison if you let it." I'm still working to be paroled for good behavior! You're a good uncle - I've tried talking to my cousins (15-18) about same and they give me that "yeah, yeah" look. I'm thinking about giving them a finance book for graduation - maybe something mainstream like The Total Money Makeover to get them interested. I sure wish someone had told me at 15 that “debt will become your prison if you let it.” I’m still working to be paroled for good behavior!

You’re a good uncle – I’ve tried talking to my cousins (15-18) about same and they give me that “yeah, yeah” look. I’m thinking about giving them a finance book for graduation – maybe something mainstream like The Total Money Makeover to get them interested.

]]> By: Jenn http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-132488 Jenn Sat, 15 Dec 2007 03:09:13 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-132488 I agree with pretty much everything said here - I just want to add one suggestion: Why not write it down for her? I mean, certainly have the talk, but then send her a follow-up letter that includes you these points. I bet she'd keep it, and maybe stumble across it when she needs to hear it all again. I agree with pretty much everything said here – I just want to add one suggestion:

Why not write it down for her? I mean, certainly have the talk, but then send her a follow-up letter that includes you these points. I bet she’d keep it, and maybe stumble across it when she needs to hear it all again.

]]> By: guinness416 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-132468 guinness416 Sat, 15 Dec 2007 02:25:54 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-132468 Our interests and aims can jump around quite a bit when we're teens. While no doubt the advice in the comments here about studying maths is good, if I were you I wouldn't be specifically be pushing mathematics as a career too much. She may worry about letting you down if her interest or ability wanes, or your personal enthusiasm for maths takes over. The general follow-your-interests advice is enough. As I'm sure you know. Our interests and aims can jump around quite a bit when we’re teens. While no doubt the advice in the comments here about studying maths is good, if I were you I wouldn’t be specifically be pushing mathematics as a career too much. She may worry about letting you down if her interest or ability wanes, or your personal enthusiasm for maths takes over. The general follow-your-interests advice is enough. As I’m sure you know.

]]> By: Jillian http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-132428 Jillian Sat, 15 Dec 2007 01:29:51 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-132428 Good luck! Don't get discouraged if she doesn't appear to be listening to you. I've worked with girls that age and they will always start to play with their cellphones or MP3 players or appear otherwise distracted the second the conversation turns away from lip gloss and celebrities, but many have assured me that they do actually listen and appreciate what you're saying. Mostly they just aren't used to people caring, so they're unsure how to act. Good luck!

Don’t get discouraged if she doesn’t appear to be listening to you. I’ve worked with girls that age and they will always start to play with their cellphones or MP3 players or appear otherwise distracted the second the conversation turns away from lip gloss and celebrities, but many have assured me that they do actually listen and appreciate what you’re saying. Mostly they just aren’t used to people caring, so they’re unsure how to act.

]]> By: !wanda http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/comment-page-1/#comment-132419 !wanda Sat, 15 Dec 2007 01:09:22 +0000 http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/12/14/a-talk-with-my-niece/#comment-132419 The math she's been exposed to so far, even if she's advanced, isn't much like the math math majors see in college. (I thought I was good in math, until I got to college and had trouble proving that 1+1=2 in freshman calc class.) Then again, even if she doesn't want to do pure math for the rest of her life, being good at math opens a lot of doors, like in finance and consulting. On the personal finances side, she should know that there are also many programs and scholarships for young women who are interested in math and science, particularly if they are also from financially limited backgrounds. Also, if she wants to do the academic route, PhD programs in math and the hard sciences are always paid (no need to pay tuition or fees, plus a stipend). The math she’s been exposed to so far, even if she’s advanced, isn’t much like the math math majors see in college. (I thought I was good in math, until I got to college and had trouble proving that 1+1=2 in freshman calc class.) Then again, even if she doesn’t want to do pure math for the rest of her life, being good at math opens a lot of doors, like in finance and consulting.

On the personal finances side, she should know that there are also many programs and scholarships for young women who are interested in math and science, particularly if they are also from financially limited backgrounds. Also, if she wants to do the academic route, PhD programs in math and the hard sciences are always paid (no need to pay tuition or fees, plus a stipend).

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