Comments on: The Real Value of Stay At Home Parenting

By: ChrisD

ChrisD — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 23:29:42 +0000

The best situation, unfortunately rare, is if both parents can work part time, then one parent is always home to look after the kids and both stay in the job market, keep their skills up to date and get out of the house. Moreover this works with any number of kids. One friend works and with two children in daycare she brings home £100 and literally couldn’t afford a third child. Another friend has a musician husband who works weekends and gets Mon and Tues off in lieu. She works 50% (20h) on Mon/Tues/Weds morning, but can do a lot of paper work at home, thus her job really gets its money’s worth, they pay for 20h and she probably puts in 30h/week, esp as she can work as late as she wants on Mon/Tues.

By: Erika

Erika — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:11:36 +0000

I am SO sick of people saying that anyone can afford to be a SAHM. I was a WAHM for 20 months and my family’s debt got out of control. I practiced every money saving trick imaginable, but we just could not make it on one income.

IT HAPPENS! Not everyone is lucky enough to have a husband that makes a high salary, especially in this economy. Mine took a VERY large pay cut just to stay employed.

I HATE leaving my child everyday. It breaks my heart, but it has to be done for my family to financially survive.

By: Mary Jo Kane

Mary Jo Kane — Fri, 01 May 2009 17:06:05 +0000

After a 25 year hiatur to be a stay at home mom, I now need ajob and feel totally unmarketable. I have MBA Accounting/Finance CPA and BA English Writing and Speech Communications. Any ideas how I can make myself more marketable?

By: ms williams

ms williams — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 14:20:21 +0000

I’ve done both – worked (with kids in daycare), and stayed at home. Both are tough! But I think staying at home is definately the hardest. There isn’t a university in the world that prepares you for the unique challenges your child will bring to your life. With that said, I made my decision based on my situation. I have a husband that works full time (and overtime if necessary – thank God!). I am educated and believe me, I need every bit of that education to manage the household, maintain positive & healthy family, help with homework, and provide the spiritual counseling and leadership my children will need to deal with society. (I take this responsiblity very seriously) I am able to focus on these areas daily, without the burden of additional work-related responsibilities. My husband is responsible for financially providing for the family, and I am responsible for maintaining the household. We both know our role and respect each others. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes I want to break free and go back to being a mover and shaker in corporate america. However, I know raising my children at home is a once in a lifetime opportunity. They will never be children again, and I don’t want to look back over my life and wish I had spent more time with them.

For anyone contemplating staying at home, all I can say is to pray about it, God will make a way no matter what your choice.

Remember, yesterday is gone, and tomorrow isn’t promised, so make it a memorable day today with your children.

How does a child spell love…T-I-M-E!

Be blessed!

By: Ethel

Ethel — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 21:14:03 +0000

I just did our own calculation of how much DH earns . . . It comes out to a before-tax salary of $35K. He gives us a higher quality of life in dollars (not calculating the priceless parts of having a SAHP) than he did as a WOHP. And he could easily give us far more – this is his first year as a SAHP, and he had a lot less “training” than I did (I helped out with newborn nieces and nephews as a child, plus did more chores, and managed the household work pre-kids). I figure this is the equivelent of earning a entry level BA-required salary, but with only a single year of “training” – the year he spent as a WOHD before quitting his job to stay home. He had many more years of training to earn his job salary – and earned less.

Pretty neat.

By: Ethel

Ethel — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:35:02 +0000

Just ran across this, months later. My husband was interested in staying home, but felt like he had a responsibility to help provide for the family financially as the man. The economic argument was the nail in the coffin for his career: He earned around $29,000 a year (I earned around $72,000 and had better benefits). $20,800 went to childcare ($400 / week, 52 weeks). Taxes, transportation, and convenience luxeries – the overhead of a second job – took up the rest, easily. Our financial situation improved dramatically once he started staying home, as we began to reap savings on things we didn’t even realize we were spending on. Plus with the added flexibility of just one income, our car breaking down months later didn’t really faze us. We went without a car for 9 months, saving a good $300 to $400 in insurance, maintenance, and gas – something we could have never done on two income.

Our plans for the future? Pay off our mortgage with all that money we’re saving and have me cut back to part-time in 10 years (at age 35) and retire at age 55. Yup, that’s just how much we’re saving on one income – and we live a life of relative luxery, both materially and in terms of free time. My husband provides much more to our family as a SAHD than as a second income.

By: WAHM Tara

WAHM Tara — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 14:43:03 +0000

Many parents enjoy being home with their children. Many also have found you can work from home. So you get rid of the cost of daycare, traveling, ect and do your work when the kids are resting or in th evenings.

I have been a wahm or work at home mom for 10 years and will be able to retire, with the help of residual income and I am here with my 4 kids all day.

By: Alexandria

Alexandria — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 14:27:28 +0000

P.S. The reason my husband stays home is because he did not enjoy his job and is working on his own business from home. I LOVE the 9-5 grind, and that is where I stay. I can see if both parents want to work outside the home, well, obviously in the long run 2 careers will make up for some big expenses early on. It’s all relative. The thing for us is it also makes us happy. & my spouse was going to start over in a new career anyway. It’s so much more than just the money.

I always tell my friends I have a personal chef and assistant. :D Which is exactly what it is like. So it’s not a bad lifestyle. Works for us.

By: Alexandria

Alexandria — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 14:24:49 +0000

I just came across this, but rings so true.

One thing not mentioned was payroll taxes. You pay a good 7% payroll taxes on that second income as well.

My husband has stayed home for 5 years with our children. We always planned it to be that way. But for us, his $40k or so wage would go about $10k-$20k/year childcare (1 kids & 2 kids). About $10k income taxes and $3k payroll taxes.

That left us with, oh, around $7k per year. Take out commuting and clothing and all the basic work expenses and tops, we’d have $5k/year.

I have to tell you we EASILY save $5k year with my spouse not working. We don’t pay a lot for convenience, and have more time to cook all our meals, etc.

Which means between reduction of childcare, taxes, and all those expenses mentioned, we didn’t lose any income. We would be no better off with a 2nd income.

But people are always in awe that we can “live without that $40k.” I always wonder how many people who rely on a second income only see a few hundred dollars benefit at the end of the year.

My husband does some work here and there to fund his retirement. It’s not that hard to come up with $5k/year doing side jobs. It sure as hell beats working FULL-TIME to come up with $5k.

When childcare is no longer an issue, he may work part-time to bring in some more income. For now, working is just SO cost prohibitive with the wee little kids.

By: karen

karen — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 16:56:36 +0000

following up to my comment.

my personal experience was that my mother stayed at home my entire life. however, personally for me (and I think this differs child to child) I would have rather she return to work when I was old (i.e., ~12). For me personally, as a woman I think I would have benefitted from having a mother who had a professional career. I have female friends whose mothers were CxO’s, and they are much more professionally successful because of it.

By: karen

karen — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 16:49:15 +0000

I think that one parent choosing not to work is a risky decision – something that this calculator fails to consider. That is, what if something happens to the partner who chooses to work (i.e., they become disabled or die)? Then the parent who has chosen NOT to work for many years will have to build a career or re-enter the workforce after many years away. This issue will be made even more complicated if there is no disability pay or life insurance. Of course, too, what if the couple becomes divorced? I suggest reading the Feminine Mistake for more discussion on this topic.

The other thing to consider is whether the person derives satisfaction out of working. Personally, I wouldn’t want to stop working even if I had kids because I enjoy my work (and because I get paid $80-90K plus)

By: Parents.com Stay-at-Home Calculator ∞ Get Rich Slowly

Parents.com Stay-at-Home Calculator ∞ Get Rich Slowly — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 22:06:57 +0000

[...] and the cost of working (food, transportation, clothing, etc.), the second salary in the family is effectively negated. But how can you know if you’re one of those couples that can afford for one parent to remain [...]

By: chris

chris — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 20:56:15 +0000

you forgot the most valuable thing… the personal and loving attention your child will receive from Mom. The leaps in learning and language skills in children where one parent stays at home are alone reason to have a stay at home parent.
no day care will kiss a boo-boo or make sure she’s eaten like mom will.

By: Neal

Neal — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 00:48:06 +0000

Interesting discussion, though to me it seems rather obvious that every situation is different and thus staying at home can be the better or worse decision, depending on the details. I just thought I’d point out to those dismissing the tax benefits because you wont drop into a lower bracket: you will still save thousands off your tax bill. It doesn’t matter whether you drop a bracket. The point is that you will pay less in taxes when one parent doesn’t work. In fact, those who do not drop a bracket will be saving more (percentage wise) than those who do, because all of the taxes saved will be from the highest bracket, rather than from a split between a higher one and a lower one.

By: Cheryl

Cheryl — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 20:14:18 +0000

TO KIM–
I’m sorry you feel that way about my post. However, I feel sure that I mentioned that I had posted it from a professional standpoint. I’ve encountered several people who have issues with professionals (the-doctor-is-always-wrong mentality). Unfortunately, many seem to be reading these posts purely to attack, which causes one to wonder what they can possibly be teaching their children, and do their children feel that negativity, even in passing? I suppose I should enter into the equation that my dilemma over finances with my own future children, excludes the fact that I raised two of my nieces until their parents were able to care for them again– I may actually know something about raising children after all (the financial factor was not an issue there because we had assistance from family). I have reread my post and I am not laughing. So– I guess my professional perspective should have been supplemented by my personal child-rearing experience. I apologize for not being clear enough. Children are certainly NOT robots, and I believe many of us have forgotten that we were once children… please try to remember your former perspective as a child as well, and consider what mattered most during childhood.

BACK TO TRENT AND OTHERS (the original topic)–
What should one do about raising children/finances when he/she already lives a very frugal lifestyle? Many of the suggestions are things that we already avoid. We don’t even rent videos (good suggestion though)– we borrow from the neighbors! I guess I would like a synopsis of ways to cut costs with actual baby expenses so it is not quite so expensive once the baby arrives (I believe Trent has posted in the past about cost-efficiency with diapers). I, personally, have a lot of respect for DADDYMAN who stays with children all day and works part-time at night. That must be very difficult and tiring… kudos to you!

THE MORAL OF THE STORY—
Each family needs to do what is best for them. Regardless of how much one may want to stay home with his/her children, finances ARE an issue… I think we all agree that our children are worth it, but it does not change that we need money to exchange for food, clothing, and shelter. Some people can NOT make it work, and they should receive just as much respect. I encourage you all to PLEASE be respectful of each person’s situation and limit judgment.

By: trina

trina — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 13:52:45 +0000

After raising one beautiful DD as a single parent utilizing daycare/preschool and having her attend public school I can attest that childen can and do grow into well adjusted adults in “the system”. That being said I made a POINT to be her girl scout leader, youth in gov’t advisor, chaperone to any and everything that was sent home, so that I could KNOW my kid and her peers. I spent my time away from work being a FULL time mom counting each day with her as a blessing. Was is hard -sometimes – was I tired – often, but each time I was faced with a decision of whether or not to participate I reminded myself “you only get one shot” – as in my DD will only be 6 ONCE on Dec. 22 – and I will never get that day back – it made the choice a non issue for me. As a single working mom money was ALWAYS tight but the money was never what I considered to be the priority. My DD never knew that we were “poor” and has grown into a beautiful, practical, FRUGAL, loving young woman that is greatly loved and admired by her family, friends and community.

Flash forward to now I am married to a wonderful man (we met and married when DD was 6 and he deserves kudos for his part in her upbringing) as she was already in school I continued working until our DS was born – went back after the birth b/c I had a situation that would alow him to come with me but at 9 mos we made the decision for me to beome a SAHM. DS is now 5 and DD2 is 4 and both are well adjusted outgoing kids. As for the idea that kids “need” socialization I just have one word – HAH! Kids NEED MOMMAS. To love, comfort, teach, discipline and guide them. As for the idea that “child care” doesn’t take all day – it takes that and then some – okay not if you just pop in a video or hand them a video game but if you are ACTUALLY RAISING your children it takes every minute as a child can get “off track” in a heartbeat. DH works extremely hard to support us – working full time and drawing plans as sidework in the evenings and weekends after the kids are in bed to supplement. Sometimes living off one income doesn’t allow us some of the “luxuries” others in our community have but we have everything we NEED and then some. We have a lovely home, have one car but he is provided with a company vehicle – our health insurance is paid for by employer and we take advantage of the 401K and match. We have made the decision that I will continue to as SAHM and that our kids will be homeschooled. I know that my kids are socially much more advanced that kids placed in the “system” and are certainly NOT ENVIRONMENTLLY CHALLENGED. I researched alot before we decided to homeschool and was convinced after reading the books by John Holt (a teacher) on the ideas of Unschooling that there are SERIOUS flaws in our public education system. While we don’t completely unschool – we certainly don’t traditional school either. While I could take advantage of the Gov’t’s offer of having my kids in “free” school to work so we could have “more”, I’d rather take advantage of the opportunity God has provided to raise MY kids. They may not know Hannah Montana (or thank goodness Zoey 101) – they DO know their elderly neighbor (they helped her rake her yard) and all the dogs (and owners) in our neighborhood and EVERY playground AND library in a 20 mile radius (including the librarians by name) and their pastor and thankfully their MOM & DAD. When deciding whether or not to stay at home – I don’t think evaluating a monetary exchange is a fair assessement (although I understand your position Trent. and for Steve, as far the idea that mothers raising children is a “20th century phenomenon” I can only speculate that you receieved your “history” at public school.

By: Carol

Carol — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 09:54:42 +0000

I am a stay at home mom and have been for the past five years. I am also a teacher. I taught for 13 years. I know for a fact that my family is better off with me being at home rather than working five days a week. All of the previous comments are true. I’m living through each obstacle every day. The savings from being at home are just that a savings. The time I spend with my family however has no monetary price tag on it. It’s priceless! Our society has become so hung up on the value of the almighty dollar and what it can do for us, that little thought is put into the people within our society. My children I know will grow up to be better people in this society because they see me and my husband work together to make our lifestyle work for us. It is a sacrifice but in order for this society to improve our children must be taught by us, not a 19 year old working for $8.50 an hour. I tell my children that I want for them more than what we have now and the way to achieve this goal is through education. Lets face it the reason why most of us are on this web site is because we are looking for ways to save money. By being at home I not only SAVE but I am also teaching my children a life long lessons that they must pass on to their children in order for our society to improve.

By: Tracy

Tracy — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 22:39:29 +0000

I have been a stay-at-home mother for quite a few years now. The most important thing you didn’t mention was being there every day, every moment with your children. I wouldn’t give that up for the world. Everything in todays society is based on money and things/possessions. As my one friend says when you die a u-haul truck does not follow you to heaven. I do have to admit that it is not easy getting by on one not so big salary but it is doable when you really think about what is important in your life. Instead of going to a movie rent one out (they come out 3 months after the movie is shown in theatres) cuddle up on the couch pop your own popcorn and relax just as much fun and alot cheaper. Find things like you mentioned I go to tons of libraries with my children, free days at the museum, after free hours at the zoo. Don’t say you can’t make it unless you try it. It’s what is more important to you having fancy cars, clothes or being able to be class mother and doing other activities at school with your children when they see you there face lights up the room and your own heart smiles.

By: Emma

Emma — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 17:17:15 +0000

Well in reply to Meg, thank you for your lame and inaccurate judgement. I totally agree with you, in a perfect world, we would all be working less and staying home more. In fact, during the first 5 years as parents, this is exactly what we did and it was great. Then second baby came and more importantly a job opportunity of a lifetime. So, after a long discussion on what was best for all of us, I agreed to stay home and my husband got to take his dream job. For now. And it works for us.

What if the working spouse a) leaves you (I have my own savings and I take on part time jobs, volunteer and take continuing classes to keep myself current and employable) b) dies (life insurance, you should have that too), or c) loses his/her job (savings), or d) becomes disabled (disability insurance)?

There have been times in our marriage I have made more income, times my husband has made more income, and times we are about tied. We didn’t sit down and assign gender roles of the woman stays home and the man works. We looked at our current opportunities at the time and decided on what was best. And as I said, for 5 years, we both did work, but there came a point where that wasn’t the best choice for us and we had the guts to take the opportunity given to us. I think often people don’t realize how cyclical life really is. Sometimes staying home might be best and sometimes it isn’t. It really is okay to do what is best for you and as things changes, you can always re-evaluate.

And thank you for pointing out what a difficult job it is to stay home. It truly is and I wish people got more credit for doing it.

By: Kim

Kim — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 15:34:14 +0000

To Cheryl,

It is very obvious that you do not have children and only deal with them in a very compartmentalized way. Someday when you have children, please reread your post. I’m sure that you will find it as amusing as I do. You make kids sound like little robots waiting to be programmed. You completely devalue the role of parents in the life of a child. From your post, you’d think that kids would be better off if they were confiscated by the state at birth and parents taken right out of the mix completely. I think it’s so funny when people without kids think they have enough knowledge about parenting to lecture us about it. It reminds me of a teenager in that “I know everything and my parents are idiots” stage. A few years from now, when you actually have children, you will realize how complex parenting is and, at that point, I hope you look back at your post and see how dismissive you were to the value of parenting.
P.S. Have you noticed how many parents are withholding their kids from kindergarten for one or more years? Perhaps the problem is not with the parents, but the expectations of the educational system. They’re small children not little robots. Give them a break!