Comments on: The Real Value of Stay At Home Parenting

By: Karen Haynes

Karen Haynes — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 23:43:41 +0000

From the standpoint of a 25 year stay-at-home mother, the benefits to the children is NOT monatary! Both our boys were in the upper 10% of their school. They have gone on to earn their Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees. I was able to go back to college and earn a degree after the youngest went to Mid High. I completely support my daughter-in-law in becoming a stay-at-home. Her daughter is already mentally equivalent to a child 3 years her senior.

The money we’ve saved due to expenses saved (home-made meals, savings on gas and clothing, etc.) has more than paid for any loss of income. And, I was able to do some work at home (baby sitting, ironing, work on the pc, etc.).

More parents need to consider this article!

By: Kim

Kim — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 14:09:38 +0000

if your worried more about your work advancement than the needs of your children then don’t have any! they aren’t a burden everyone else should raise so you can have it all! they are little people that you brought into this world who need nurtured and taught and loved! get a grip people this can be done wheither working or not. Many good parents are working parents and many are not. It’s all in the situation, how devoted are you to your children and their welfare. If they are not going to be priority one then please don’t have any! they are not for decoration!!!

By: Kim

Kim — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 03:14:57 +0000

I think the arguement of lost income and job experience is invalid. I had no trouble finding a job after 14 years. I was just up front and told them I took time off to raise my kids and they were priority one. If you have this option be honest let them know that’s why the gap in work. List any small odd jobs you may have done to earn a extra buck. (such as cleaning houses, babysitting, writting a blog) Loosing ground in the work force is not a reason to not be there for your kids if you can. If you can’t don’t worry make it work the best way you can, and cherish the time you get. But please don’t put your employment above their best interest.

By: Dave

Dave — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 19:41:28 +0000

IM a sahd and its very hard, the economy totally sucks and most jobs nowadays are taken by Mexicans willing to work for peanuts…There goes my kids chance at a first job…..Im on ssdi after working 28 years and bring in enough for us to survive, I have lost my house though because of it, in the process of it….Its ok though as I contracted Aids and had menegitis so my quality of life is questionable…..to all the people who think it cant get tougher think about this, try surviving with cognitive damage physical problems from having HIV yet still trying to survive, I dont think people would complain as much if they knew what some people go through, complaining about the way your hair came out from the hair saloon is not a legitimate complaint….people need to count their blessings

By: Vtcouponqueen

Vtcouponqueen — Mon, 03 May 2010 19:37:00 +0000

I have been a sahm for most of thelast 20 years. As one poster said it is not always possible no matter how frugal you are. I do believe there is a general base income coupled with ones own level of frugalness they are willing to aspire to that needs to be considered. I won’t make our own clothes but someone else may find that a breeze. I clip coupons and have our grocery bill down to about $70per week for five people and four pets plus I have a huge stockpile. Some people aren’t willing to go to the lengths I go to.

By: zoranian

zoranian — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 20:33:01 +0000

Just wanted to put in my advice as a 3-month pregnant future mom planning on staying at home. Make the decision in advance, plan for it in advance, and make the decision based on your personal feelings. Whether you want or don’t want to be a stay at home mom or dad should not be decided by other people’s choices.

Having worked with children babysitting and volunteering since I was 12, I know that being a stay at home mom is a HARD job. I also know that I do not like corporate America (I have had 4 jobs in 5 years, and taken pay cuts multiple times to try to find a good fit). I know 100% that my favorite (and most difficult) job will be stay at home parenting. My husband and I have been planning this for the past year, paying off his student loans early, driving older vehicles, and staying in our 1-bedroom apartment. I do believe everyone has the OPTION to become a stay at home parent (my parents were single income on a retail shoe salesman’s salary). It just comes down to proper planning and making the decision that you want. If both parents love their jobs, then by all means – KEEP WORKING.

Don’t feel pressured to be a stay at home parent by social or even financial reasons. If your skill set is more suited to corporate America, then by all means continue and enjoy! Just be sure to raise your kids in the evenings and weekends and not count on daycare and the school system.

By: Megan

Megan — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 03:00:47 +0000

Ethel (#102) said that her family is getting by just fine on her income of $72k. I support her argument–we net approximately $39k a year (husband’s military) and have two children. I stay at home with both of them b/c my husband does not have that option and we both knew before we had kids that one of us would do so. It was very hard those first two years, when my husband made substantially less. Only in the past year or so we’ve really started to make enough to feel comfortable. We’re putting 20% in retirement and another 20% in savings. We each get a $200 monthly allowance and have plenty left over for necessities (keep in mind that medical is taken care of). Here’s how we do it: we drive two clunkers, have megacheap auto insurance, have good friends that we trade child care and children’s clothes and baby gear w/, and we utilize craigslist for furniture and any baby gear our friends don’t have. (I’m very picky about furniture, so it’s not like we’re getting crap stuff. We live 2 hours away from Seattle, and have many options when I’m looking for, oh, a “new” sofa for the living room, or a wicker blanket chest for the guest room.)

And let’s just ramble on a bit more before closing: do not buy your children toys!!! Take them to the library for their fill of books every week, and to the local playground for fun and exercise. If they’re anything like my kids, they get TONS of toys every birthday and Christmas from their doting grandparents and aunts and uncles. My son and I just went through all his toys and he gladly and easily parted with half of them. It is ridiculous how much we buy our kids when all they really want is to explore the environment around them and engage with their parents, siblings, and other people.

Good luck to those considering staying at home! As others have said, it’s demanding (albeit rewarding) and most definitely not for all personalities or income levels, but the “sacrifice” has worked well for us. Oh, and for the spouse who stays at home, it is very easy to set up an IRA and make regular contributions from your spouse’s pay (if your spouse grudges you this, remind him/her how much it would cost for others to do your job(s)!!)

By: ChrisD

ChrisD — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 23:29:42 +0000

The best situation, unfortunately rare, is if both parents can work part time, then one parent is always home to look after the kids and both stay in the job market, keep their skills up to date and get out of the house. Moreover this works with any number of kids. One friend works and with two children in daycare she brings home £100 and literally couldn’t afford a third child. Another friend has a musician husband who works weekends and gets Mon and Tues off in lieu. She works 50% (20h) on Mon/Tues/Weds morning, but can do a lot of paper work at home, thus her job really gets its money’s worth, they pay for 20h and she probably puts in 30h/week, esp as she can work as late as she wants on Mon/Tues.

By: Erika

Erika — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:11:36 +0000

I am SO sick of people saying that anyone can afford to be a SAHM. I was a WAHM for 20 months and my family’s debt got out of control. I practiced every money saving trick imaginable, but we just could not make it on one income.

IT HAPPENS! Not everyone is lucky enough to have a husband that makes a high salary, especially in this economy. Mine took a VERY large pay cut just to stay employed.

I HATE leaving my child everyday. It breaks my heart, but it has to be done for my family to financially survive.

By: Mary Jo Kane

Mary Jo Kane — Fri, 01 May 2009 17:06:05 +0000

After a 25 year hiatur to be a stay at home mom, I now need ajob and feel totally unmarketable. I have MBA Accounting/Finance CPA and BA English Writing and Speech Communications. Any ideas how I can make myself more marketable?

By: ms williams

ms williams — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 14:20:21 +0000

I’ve done both – worked (with kids in daycare), and stayed at home. Both are tough! But I think staying at home is definately the hardest. There isn’t a university in the world that prepares you for the unique challenges your child will bring to your life. With that said, I made my decision based on my situation. I have a husband that works full time (and overtime if necessary – thank God!). I am educated and believe me, I need every bit of that education to manage the household, maintain positive & healthy family, help with homework, and provide the spiritual counseling and leadership my children will need to deal with society. (I take this responsiblity very seriously) I am able to focus on these areas daily, without the burden of additional work-related responsibilities. My husband is responsible for financially providing for the family, and I am responsible for maintaining the household. We both know our role and respect each others. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes I want to break free and go back to being a mover and shaker in corporate america. However, I know raising my children at home is a once in a lifetime opportunity. They will never be children again, and I don’t want to look back over my life and wish I had spent more time with them.

For anyone contemplating staying at home, all I can say is to pray about it, God will make a way no matter what your choice.

Remember, yesterday is gone, and tomorrow isn’t promised, so make it a memorable day today with your children.

How does a child spell love…T-I-M-E!

Be blessed!

By: Ethel

Ethel — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 21:14:03 +0000

I just did our own calculation of how much DH earns . . . It comes out to a before-tax salary of $35K. He gives us a higher quality of life in dollars (not calculating the priceless parts of having a SAHP) than he did as a WOHP. And he could easily give us far more – this is his first year as a SAHP, and he had a lot less “training” than I did (I helped out with newborn nieces and nephews as a child, plus did more chores, and managed the household work pre-kids). I figure this is the equivelent of earning a entry level BA-required salary, but with only a single year of “training” – the year he spent as a WOHD before quitting his job to stay home. He had many more years of training to earn his job salary – and earned less.

Pretty neat.

By: Ethel

Ethel — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:35:02 +0000

Just ran across this, months later. My husband was interested in staying home, but felt like he had a responsibility to help provide for the family financially as the man. The economic argument was the nail in the coffin for his career: He earned around $29,000 a year (I earned around $72,000 and had better benefits). $20,800 went to childcare ($400 / week, 52 weeks). Taxes, transportation, and convenience luxeries – the overhead of a second job – took up the rest, easily. Our financial situation improved dramatically once he started staying home, as we began to reap savings on things we didn’t even realize we were spending on. Plus with the added flexibility of just one income, our car breaking down months later didn’t really faze us. We went without a car for 9 months, saving a good $300 to $400 in insurance, maintenance, and gas – something we could have never done on two income.

Our plans for the future? Pay off our mortgage with all that money we’re saving and have me cut back to part-time in 10 years (at age 35) and retire at age 55. Yup, that’s just how much we’re saving on one income – and we live a life of relative luxery, both materially and in terms of free time. My husband provides much more to our family as a SAHD than as a second income.

By: WAHM Tara

WAHM Tara — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 14:43:03 +0000

Many parents enjoy being home with their children. Many also have found you can work from home. So you get rid of the cost of daycare, traveling, ect and do your work when the kids are resting or in th evenings.

I have been a wahm or work at home mom for 10 years and will be able to retire, with the help of residual income and I am here with my 4 kids all day.

By: Alexandria

Alexandria — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 14:27:28 +0000

P.S. The reason my husband stays home is because he did not enjoy his job and is working on his own business from home. I LOVE the 9-5 grind, and that is where I stay. I can see if both parents want to work outside the home, well, obviously in the long run 2 careers will make up for some big expenses early on. It’s all relative. The thing for us is it also makes us happy. & my spouse was going to start over in a new career anyway. It’s so much more than just the money.

I always tell my friends I have a personal chef and assistant. :D Which is exactly what it is like. So it’s not a bad lifestyle. Works for us.

By: Alexandria

Alexandria — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 14:24:49 +0000

I just came across this, but rings so true.

One thing not mentioned was payroll taxes. You pay a good 7% payroll taxes on that second income as well.

My husband has stayed home for 5 years with our children. We always planned it to be that way. But for us, his $40k or so wage would go about $10k-$20k/year childcare (1 kids & 2 kids). About $10k income taxes and $3k payroll taxes.

That left us with, oh, around $7k per year. Take out commuting and clothing and all the basic work expenses and tops, we’d have $5k/year.

I have to tell you we EASILY save $5k year with my spouse not working. We don’t pay a lot for convenience, and have more time to cook all our meals, etc.

Which means between reduction of childcare, taxes, and all those expenses mentioned, we didn’t lose any income. We would be no better off with a 2nd income.

But people are always in awe that we can “live without that $40k.” I always wonder how many people who rely on a second income only see a few hundred dollars benefit at the end of the year.

My husband does some work here and there to fund his retirement. It’s not that hard to come up with $5k/year doing side jobs. It sure as hell beats working FULL-TIME to come up with $5k.

When childcare is no longer an issue, he may work part-time to bring in some more income. For now, working is just SO cost prohibitive with the wee little kids.

By: karen

karen — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 16:56:36 +0000

following up to my comment.

my personal experience was that my mother stayed at home my entire life. however, personally for me (and I think this differs child to child) I would have rather she return to work when I was old (i.e., ~12). For me personally, as a woman I think I would have benefitted from having a mother who had a professional career. I have female friends whose mothers were CxO’s, and they are much more professionally successful because of it.

By: karen

karen — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 16:49:15 +0000

I think that one parent choosing not to work is a risky decision – something that this calculator fails to consider. That is, what if something happens to the partner who chooses to work (i.e., they become disabled or die)? Then the parent who has chosen NOT to work for many years will have to build a career or re-enter the workforce after many years away. This issue will be made even more complicated if there is no disability pay or life insurance. Of course, too, what if the couple becomes divorced? I suggest reading the Feminine Mistake for more discussion on this topic.

The other thing to consider is whether the person derives satisfaction out of working. Personally, I wouldn’t want to stop working even if I had kids because I enjoy my work (and because I get paid $80-90K plus)

By: Parents.com Stay-at-Home Calculator ∞ Get Rich Slowly

Parents.com Stay-at-Home Calculator ∞ Get Rich Slowly — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 22:06:57 +0000

[...] and the cost of working (food, transportation, clothing, etc.), the second salary in the family is effectively negated. But how can you know if you’re one of those couples that can afford for one parent to remain [...]

By: chris

chris — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 20:56:15 +0000

you forgot the most valuable thing… the personal and loving attention your child will receive from Mom. The leaps in learning and language skills in children where one parent stays at home are alone reason to have a stay at home parent.
no day care will kiss a boo-boo or make sure she’s eaten like mom will.