However, we are friends with many other couples in our church who have young school-age children. It seems like parents gain back some flexibility once their children are over 5 years old.

To the DINK/parents discussion I am going to vote on the side of those who say you don’t know it until you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Most parents were DINKS at some point, the reverse is not true. Even if I am willing and able to socialize with non-parents, they don’t always understand our need to eat dinner at 5:30, be home at 7:00 (with our without company), etc. I do have a lot of non-parents friends but I think there is frustration both ways, they’re frustrated by my lack of spontaneity and availability and I am frustrated by their lack of understanding and flexibility in accomodating the needs of my family.

Start with events that are low-cost or free. Your town probably has a million events for kids. Check their Parks & Rec programs. Find “Mommy & Me” classes through your city or the YMCA–Dads are also welcome and so are babies.

Many communities also have MOMS clubs. They’re usually strictly for Mommies and only from that specific town, but they have many great events and tend to draw smart women who just want to share a cup of coffee and conversation.

All you or your wife needs is one good friend. It’ll spread from there, virally as in all the best networking.

Most importantly, go low key. Don’t overinvolve yourself in the community just yet. What are your babies going to get out of a school board meeting or charity function?

Go places where they’re welcome, and you’ll eventually find what–and who–you’re looking for.

Best of luck.

It’s not just that I don’t like kids, I have more of a problem with the parents who keep saying “wait until you have kids, and then you’ll see what it’s like”. After having told them a dozen times that I don’t plan to have kids just to “see what it’s like” it becomes pretty clear that there’s never going to be a friendship there.

If you’re interested in finding people with similiar financial views you could search for a local simplicity circle or chapter of The Compact.

Our church, a few years back, had a Sunday morning discussion group (when little ones were in Sunday School)- we watched videos like PBS’s series on Affluenza and discussed books like Tightwad Gazette. Good friendships and excellent discourse came of the discussions.

I have heard of library and civic groups formed in a similar manner for those not afilliated with a church. Our libraries have a very open door policy in allowing for groups to use rooms for meetings. You just have to register and work out a time when other established groups are not meeting, then do your own signage, flyers, ads in Pennysaver, Craigslist BB notes, what have you to get the word out. (Putting on my geek hat, a few years back. we started a Trekkie group in this manner).

I don’t have kids, but you know what? I’ve spent enough time around family and friends who do to understand something of what it’s like. Sure, I don’t have the full picture, but it’s not impossible to understand that I need to plan ahead to see friends with kids, or that I may be asked to babysit at the last minute.

And I agree with the other posters who recommend a varied social circle. Growing up, I always knew people my age, younger folks, older folks, couples married and not, widowers, divorcees, families with one child and families with 7 or more. It’s a lot more interesting (and I dare say healthy) than just focusing on “like-minded” people or those in the same stage of life.

Here are my Christmas wishes:
I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don’t hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you’re hauling big ticket items this year I’d like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn’t broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, “Yes, Mommy” to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don’t fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting “Don’t eat in the living room” and “Take your hands off your brother,” because my voice seems to be just out of my children’s hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don’t mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don’t catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don’t eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
MOM…

P.S. One more thing…you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

I’ve tried Meetup.com, but the trouble is, when you have a f/t job and you need to use your weekend for “survival chores” (shopping, errands, yardwork, cleaning, repair work, etc. etc. etc. ad naus.) and you’re too tired to move at night, it’s hard to go to a group consistently. Ditto the church choir–half a day on Sunday equals a quarter of the time you need to keep your head above water, and rehearsing until late on Wednesday evening is kinda iffy when you’re so tired you can’t speak, much less sing.

Interestingly, the older you get, the harder it is to make new friends–especially friends who are closer than just passing acquaintances. I’ve heard other old crones and buzzards say the same thing. I believe that past the age of about 50 or 55, people’s social lives are pretty solidly established. They have their spouses, their adult children & young grandchildren, and a small social circle, and no newcomers are sought. Past a certain age, you can meet people who will vaguely recall your name, but if you come across someone who really wants to be a FRIEND, you’re very lucky.