It’s been an issue recently for me – my father just told me to “grow up” and let go of my dreams. I’m 28 and left an opportunity to go corporate last year so I could be a full-time writer. After 6 months of making paltry money and living off of my savings, I just called my old boss to ask for my job back. I also applied to graduate school for this fall (my ever ready method of delaying real life…)

Keeping my fingers crossed for some stable money!

I guess what I’m saying is that it IS all about figuring out what your priorities are and going forward honoring those priorities. Now, anyone got any good ideas on how to figure out exactly which priority takes priority? ;)

That’s when I quit my job and started my own business. Life is too short to be miserable, and I was very unhappy in my former safe job with great pay and benefits. So this is stressful too, but not “deadening” like the old job.

I used to value safety, or the perception of safety, a lot more than I do now.

I can’t believe how lucky I am to be living in the tiny slice of human history in which a woman can be financially self-sufficient, own her own business, buy a house all by herself, travel solo, start enterprises of all types, have male and female friends, have adventures, etc. Drive a car even! (Some of the older women in my family never learned how to drive!)

I certainly have my struggles but I think that, given my ADHD ways and deep aversion to routine, living with kids or a husband 24/7 would be more stressful for me than this life — living solo, being self-employed, having a somewhat large support system to nurture and be nurtured by instead of a husband/kids, etc.

I just wish one thing: The others would really, truly believe that I am happy being unmarried and unchilded!! I guess people don’t understand what they haven’t experienced. Most of my single female friends are actively trying to find a mate … they don’t understand that I’m too busy to make room for that.

Well I didn’t mean to write this much, but I didn’t see this point of view anywhere, so I thought I’d throw it out. Basically, both sides have their pros and cons. I am just very grateful I get to live this way.

Trent’s absolutely right on. Our priorities change when spouses and children are involved. My dream is to be a pro tuba player. I’ve made a whopping $200 playing – can’t support my family on that.

I am glad that you are willing to share your insights with the world. It think is is prefectly legitimate to question and think about what if I hadn’t gotten married and started a family. Just because someone does that doesn’t mean they enjoy their family any less or regret the decisions. A strong marriage and children are amazing, and amazing things come with ‘price tags’ so to speak. You just need be willing to sacrifice the ‘price tags’ upfront or you will end up feeling like you are trapped.

I know for me, my life wouldn’t look anything like it does now if I didn’t get married. I can honestly say that getting married and having children has helped me achieve more and grow as a person in ways that I really doubt would have happened as a single person. This includes finances and job!

that being said, thoreau spent most of his time wheedling dinner invites out of the folks in town, anyway. :-)

Trent has done a wonderful job of playing out his passion for writing here, and has done it quite well! Like me, his primary job provides financial security, while his blog provides a creative outlet in something he is passionate about.

His wife gets on him about it, “You want to go to India? Go to India!”

It’s not that we want to go to India, it’s just that it isn’t an option anymore. It was a very insightful scene.

But that doesn’t mean there aren’t writers who lived normal lives. Hugely influential poet Wallace Stevens was a lawyer who wrote on weekends, for pity’s sake. James Merrill’s dad founded some company ;) but those stories aren’t as good as Thoreau eating bugs in the woods, so nobody tells them. Trent’s writerly path is perfectly fine, and his honesty in the homeplace to be commended.

Walden tangent: this is cool.

My answer was almost exactly what you said. It was a priority change in my life. I was working in a position that was great as far as income goes but i was also in that position about 11 or 12 hours a day.

Needless to say, about 2 months before my daughter was born…daddy had to make a change.

I still think about how much i would have missed if i was at work the entire time she is awake in the course of a day.

thanks for this post, really
Joel
moneysavingreport.com

You have your priorities straight. (But you didn’t need ME to tell you that!)