My advice to Stella is to think about the times when she talks herself out of certain purcases, such as the refrigerator. Write down your feelings, things you notice such as increased heart rate, shortness of breath, etc. Keep a journal and write these things down.

Start by making a small purchase, something that you could use and might need. Is your winter coat tattered and torn? Do you need a new pair of shoes? Keep the purchase to under $50 or so. Go to the store, walk in and, buy the item. How do you feel? what are your thoughts? Write these down in your journal. Do this every so often, trying to build up to larger purchases, such as the new frige.

Identify the reasons for why you are so reluctant to spend $$. Look at your current financial situation. Do you have $ left over after all the bills are paid? are you saving for retirement? Do you have an emergency fund? Think about your financial situation in a logical way. How would buying a new frige impact things? How much would the more energy efficient frige save over time? Also, maybe you could get a “discounted” model, ask if they have a scratch and dent section. Would this make you feel more comfortable with the purchase?

If this is causing you significant distress and impacting your personal relationsips (husband, etc.) you might want to consider making an appointment with a therapist. I know that people often stigmatize therapists but, they can often give you great insight into things, help you uncover underlying reasons etc. It’s something to think about. Good luck!

Oh and @Sara, I agonized over getting a dog for several years. Finally, my mom called and said her friend’s sister had a litter, and they had one for me. I was a bit freaked out at the time, but it all worked out. My dog is 4 now, and I can’t remember life without her. Small dogs eat less, and she likes toys that come from the Goodwill as well as PetSmart :)

My original point was simply that I do not believe that Stella, the person in the article, should be bothered that she has a difficult time spending money on herself, nor should we look at that as a mental illness. We are all wealthy, but that does not mean that we need to spend excess money on ourselves. Frugality like Stella demonstrates is how people will poor education who make little more than minimum wage during their careers and live in trailers are able to surprise everyone donate millions of dollars to help others in their old age.

If you are expecting insight on how to spend money on oneself without feeling “guilty” then you have missed the point. The facts are the same, regardless of how you feel about them, and buying stuff isn’t going to change anything.

1) why is balance important to me? I guess it is for sustainability. If I work too much I get burned out and can’t function very well. If I work too little I get depressed and can’t function very well. I think the same goes for eating X or Y nutrient, spending/saving money, etc. There seems to be a certain amount of “resources” or stimulation I must “consume” in order to keep “producing,” whether that is energy put to paid work or healthy relationships or a healthy mind/body.

2) OK, you make your point and I agree. If I spend $25 on a movie, I have not spent it on a starving child overseas.

Is that the end of your commentary? Are you going to offer some insight of how you spend money on yourself without feeling “guilty” about it (if that is the right word).

Or are you just making a statement about the unfairness of it all?

Or is it that you think Americans are basically clueless and ungrateful?

I think that’s a great reason to travel outside one’s comfort zone and one’s own city/state/country, by the way.

I just finished saving up enough to buy a new computer (took me a while, too), but even though that money is just sitting in my bank account waiting for me to spend it on a computer, I still can’t make myself go out and make the purchase. It’s already been earmarked in YNAB, it’s not like I’m going to spend it on something else.

Oh, and I need new socks.

Argh!

To answer your questions in order:

1) No, I would not consider myself personally responsible for every other life on the planet. However, responsibility does not change the fact that millions of people in the world are starving, and every dollar I spend on other things is a dollar I am not spending to help starving people.

2) I am certain that there are others out there with more intrinsic value than me, as well as some with less. However, I do not see how this question is relevant to anything I have posted.

3) No, I do not deprive myself of every single thing and use the money to feed starving children. I thought I had made that clear in one of my previous posts. As I said, I do spend money on things for personal enjoyment. Every dollar I spend on that is a dollar that is not being used to meet someone else’s basic human needs.

4) I spend a lot of money on computers and internet access. In doing so, I am choosing to value my own happiness, enjoyment, and personal development over the lives of starving people in other countries.

Regarding your final statement about a lack of balance. Why is “balance” so important to so many people?

Are you saying you are personally responsible for each and every other life on this planet? Are you less valuable intrinsically than any other human being? Do you actually deprive yourself of every single thing that is not directly necessary to maintain your life and send all of the money you save to feed starving children? What about computer/Internet usage?

As an employee of one non-profit and board member of two others, I certainly value charitable giving but I’m concerned about the apparent lack of balance in your comments.

I know reviewing my mom’s finances after she got sick was an eye-opener as to how much money she spent in renovating/redecorating perfectly serviceable homes (a very expensive hobby, measured in the hundreds of thousands of dollars)

Her choices to spend so much in earlier years greatly impacted her later life.

Ultimately, we had to sell her last, relatively modest home and nearly all her personal belongings at firesale prices to pay medical expenses.

As for the refrigerator or any other major appliance, buy it used locally (e.g. craigslist)

Any post-2001 fridge will be very efficient, and I’m sure there are plenty available from folks who don’t want to move them.

One could make a billion dollars a year and spend every bit of it on onesself without stealing from starving children. To believe that someone spending money is the equivalent to that person actually stealing from starving children one would have to believe that said starving children actually have a right to that person’s money.

However, every cent one spends on any purchase whatsoever is a cent one chooses not to use to help starving children, regardless of what percentage it is of one’s income. No calculation is required, nor will it be required until everyone is fed.

Every time I feed myself, I am prioritizing feeding myself over feeding someone else. Every time I rent a movie, I am prioritizing my own entertainment over someone else’s life.

Again, we are discussing a refrigerator. I suppose I could strip my existence down to the core … sell my house and car, most of my possessions, give the proceeds to charity, give away what — 25 percent? 50 percent of my income?

At what point is every single purchase above the most base necessities “squandaring” or stealing from the starving children, as you say?

Really, we are not talking about buying your third SUV. We are talking about replacing a broken appliance. I am interested to know if you have a calculation of some kind for this.

No offense taken. I do my charitable giving
locally.

Is there a reason that you are not sending the money that you save to help those in need?

I realize that sounds judgmental and accusatory, though that is not my intent.

However, I do believe that we should all be damn grateful to live in such wealthy nations. And we should remember that every time we spend money on things we do not need we are saying “not yours” to starving children who cannot feed themselves.

@Cheryl:

Do you have electricity, access to refrigeration, an adequate diet, and hot running water? Even the poor in the US are wealthy compared to a majority of the world population.

I am most certainly NOT wealthy. I do not live in poverty, but wealth is not an adjective I would use to describe me! :-D

I read Trent’s blog so that I may learn as much as possible to promote myself to the subjective term of “wealth.” I’m young and just starting off, but utilize many of the suggestions that Trent offers. THANK YOU, TRENT!!!

I understand your point, but should we also deny ourselves proper nutrition because so much of the world population is malnourished?

If a major appliance is broken and you decide ahead of time to replace it (ie, methodically making a decision, not an emotional impulse), and you get all the way to the store and still can’t buy it even though you have the money …

Well I don’t see what relevance other peoples’ poverty has in the transaction. There are plenty of people who have a lot MORE wealth than I do and plenty who have much, much LESS.

I don’t know if I can articulate what I mean here. The point is, we are talking about an appliance, a refrigerator, which is about as boring and essential as good nutrition. If other people on the planet don’t have it, should I deny myself out of solidarity? I’m not going to send that money I saved over to them.

I struggle with this anorexia too, so this topic really hits a nerve with me. As I sit on my ripped office chair in the room with no curtains and peeling paint.

That said, I still have to fight my spending on clothes and restaurants, I’ve only developed this anorexia in the area of books.

I think Dagny hit it on the head – the main connection between all of these posts is fear. Fear of losing control, fear of losing that security blanket of extra cash in the bank, fear of guilt and fear of regret.

Writing down these feelings after going to the store might help as well as talking about these decisions with loved ones.

Pretty much everyone reading this blog is very, very wealthy. We’ve just been conditioned by living in a society of other wealthy people that we need to spend our money a certain way.

There are billions of people in the world who would be thrilled just to have reliable electricity, let alone a refrigerator whose door will not close itself.