As you say, the difference between earning and spending is what is left over at the end of the day… and I’d like something to be left over. I appreciate tools that can help me in some way. I can budget, I can control (most!) impulse shopping, I can find bargains of most of my needs and wants. Using tools such as these to help me understand my relation to money may help prevent me from ending up on the streets scrabbling for coins if I am the sudden recipient of a pink slip and not worrying about money may allow me to see that Mack truck coming. Have I ever not been concerned about money? Yes – now more and more, because I have greater control over money (rather than it controlling me), because I know my weaknesses and when to compensate for them.

Let’s take a look at some of these psychological prods. First up: “What five things do you most truly love doing? Think of things that you both enjoy in the moment and also enjoy looking back on later. Do any of these cost money?” Once someone decides to live free of any support, in other words, away from the parents that brought them to this life, money is as important as hunting-gathering was to our much more primitive ancestors. Ask the next person you meet, free of the bonds of capitalism, free of the restraints of mortgages and bills and worrying about the next plate of food if they are happy? Where will you find such fortunate people? Look downtown. And what are these folks seeking to support their newfound happiness? A few coins from you!

Next up: What five things that you do regularly do you truly hate doing? You hate thinking about them and doing them in every way. Are these in any way worth the reward you get for doing them?” Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. When you replace a word as strong as hate with indifference, the action needed to accomplish these less savory chores – working, raising kids, paying bills, becomes more of a fact of life than something life meted out to as a penalty for being alive in the 21st century.

And again, the word hate: “What things are preventing you from doing more of the things you love and less of the things you hate? How can you remove those obstacles?” Obstacles? If keep running into a wall, you will eventually feel pain. Each time water hits a pier, it creates turbulence as it eddies around and dissipates in smaller less conflicted areas. You cannot remove obstacles. You can, however move with them or find an unoccupied street corner and stake your claim to a few tossed coins.

From hate to guilt: “When was the last time you felt guilty about an expenditure? Why did you feel guilty about it?” Stop breaking life down into a series of good decisions versus bad decisions. Self-examination is wonderful but too much introspection makes us critical of everything we do. We will walk into the occasional wall. Why can’t we learn from it rather than suggest we should feel guilty about having done it.

And from guilt to planning for unemployment? “What would you do if you went to work tomorrow and your boss handed you a pink slip? Get as specific as you possibly can. What could you do right now to make that less of a shock?” Few people get a pink a slip that did not see it coming. The latest unemployment statistics left out several hundred thousand people who are no longer looking for work. Did the shock wear off and now they have settled into a much happier existence without the worry of having to spend? Or do they “hate” their new existence more or less than they did their old working existence?

Without sounding cynical, how can you replace the activity of spending? Return to farming? Name one thing that does not involve spending? “What do you feel was driving that spending?” “Can you think of five ways you attempted to control your spending?” “Do you remember a time in your life where you weren’t concerned about money?” Some of the comments here suggested that they were going to take your questions on a road trip this weekend. They are going to gas up their (new and financed?) car (on a credit card no doubt) and head off for a weekend (bed and breakfast, dinner, drinks, picnic, antiquing?) and discuss how they can spend less and do it in a more fulfilling way. Does anyone see the irony?

Questions 13 through 20 are exercises in self-examination of everyday life. Of course we want to retire and yes you can delve too deeply into how much you make, whether you find it fulfilling, whether a serious accident would be financially devastating, whether something in your childhood is to blame (that’s it, it was my parents fault!), and if you keep asking yourself a question every time you purchase something, it will completely fail to make you “happy” because you have completely missed the point of happy.

Seriously Trent. You need to spend. You need money. You need to make it work for you not the other way around. But to dwell on what makes you happy, sad, love or hate or even playing a simple game of ‘what if?’ doesn’t let you get out of bed in the morning. It will freeze you in your tracks. No more road trips, no vacation, no lattes, no tossing that homeless guy a few coins.

The difference between earning and spending is what is left over at the end of the day, the week, the month, the year. You can control spending or you can earn more. Or, earn less and see what kind of control that has on your spending. It is time we take a positive approach to making life more pleasant. Life is not a series of opposites. Spending makes us smile but paying for it makes us frown. Life doesn’t come at you fast; it is a slow methodical journey that we take one step at a time. Sure, things happen almost suddenly – the Mack truck, the pink slip – but they are not the end of life as we know it just a turn in the journey.

I’d like to see printable article pages as well. :)

Finding your calling is tough for any of us. This is a simple enough approach that just about anyone can follow it.

Thanks!

My challenges are to do with spending money in social situations. Like the comments above, I’m trying to impress others.

As I write this comment, I feel like I was writing to my (personal financial) psychiatrist.

Thanks for the questions.

Ben @ Trees Full of Money

P.S.- The buttons for a printable version of this would be a great feature.

I’d love to go through this with my husband. Hmmm, we’re going on a day-long car trip on Saturday. I think I’ll bring this along :)

Thanks, Trent.

Buying something to impress someone else!

This can be a huge downfall for many.
I actually wrote a story on my blog about how my own brother fell victim to this strategy by “having” to purchase a newer car when he was supposed to be saving for a house!