I think it’s all a matter of perspective, and time and money management.

No where in Jeff’s statement did I see where he addresses those who take in those children and act as foster parents. His statement was the same as mine, don’t have them (meaning birth them) if you know AHEAD of time you cannot afford them and will be forced to use government handouts. If anything his statement would be directed at the parents of those children you are taking care of, not you. I’m not sure how you twisted his words around to think that he was attacking you and what you are trying to do. Maybe you should re-read his statements and see who they REALLY apply to. He clearly states he is not against safety nets and government support programs. There was no sense of entitlement in his words, only frustration at abuse of the system by people who should know better.
You are part of the solution, and I am thankful for people like you who are willing to step up and take care of children. I think that government programs are excellent in situations like that. WIC is a great program that helps ensure the health of children who had no choice into the environment they were born.

Yes I see where think that, but we as a family participate in programs he feels have no place in this world.

Do you honestly think he was takling to YOU?

He is talking to the people who make the messes — ex: using crack while pregnant — not the ones who clean it up.

Perhaps, but there are many ways to define socialization, and short of being isolated inside a home, children are naturally socialized simply by living in an post industrial society. They go with their parents to the grocery store, bank, library, post office, doctor appointments and many other activities necessary to modern life – and while doing so, are subsequently exposed to a variety of social situations. Daycare provides peer socialization, not the “diversity of social situations” that are incredibly important to very young children.

I do care if you have more children than you can afford, acquire state run poverty insurance, get food stamps, and refuse to use birth control. I am sick and tired of paying for other people’s children. If you cannot afford the children you have NOW then don’t have any more…DUH.

Thank you.

Jeff

P.S.
I am not against a poverty safety net. I am against the willful disregard of common sense and a sense of entitlement that many poverty folks seem to have. I know what government cheese tastes like.”

So my taking in 4 kids (foster thru the state), and my partner being a stay at home mom to care for them is a bad thing? We get by on my income, but we get by better on my income, plus the state stipend for our kids, plus WIC for the kids in the right age group. I work 50+ hours a week and make under $55k- hell, we qualified for CHristmas Bureau gifts last year! Where do you think my kids would be better off served for parents? An institution?!? With richer parents?!? I doubt many would have considered dealing with the infantile crack addiction they all came to us with! We didn’t *have* these kids, but their issues came with them.

How nice for you to live a life of entitlement and espouse such beliefs about those you have no idea about!

There are a ton of studies out there that show that a diversity of social situations is incredibly important to very young children.

Read up on Patricia Kuhl’s research, especially her PNAS 2000 and PNAS 2003 papers to see how diverse social environments promote language building.

Toddlers under two years were shown to be more reticent around others when their mothers were more interfering with their socialization activities with peers, according to Rubin 2002.

I could provide a pile of these, but to say that there’s no benefit to greater social exposure to children under two is flatly nonsensical. I researched this – and by research, meaning I went to the actual scientific literature via PubMed, not flipping open Parents magazine – when my son was born.

There are some parents who are better suited emotionally and psychologically for short bursts of uninterrupted parenting – a few hours of solid interaction in the evening, and they’re emotionally spent. Other parents are suited for a full day of interactions, with the ups and downs of intense interaction and independent play.

With these different makeups, different solutions are optimal for the child.

The only thing that’s wrong here is judging someone else as a bad parent when they’ve discovered an optimal situation for their child that’s different than the optimal situation for your own child. You’re putting your own personal judgment above theirs without knowing their psychological makeup, their child’s psychological makeup, or the details of the care situation that works well for them.

Parents, my point is this: don’t let the hubris of someone else shame you into making a choice that isn’t the best for you or for your child.

Secondly I don’t understand why, if the second income is needed why parents can’t work shift work. When we married (almost 25 very happy years) none of our friends stayed at home, all had to work to make ends meet. More importantly they did it without expensive daycare. How, easy, one worked mornings the other afternoons. Take for example a co-worker Jared. He and Margie raised 4 boys both while working fulltime. He work 4 10s (2-12 4 days a week) she worked 8-4 and the Mother in law covered the overlap. I see no reason why kids need their Mums 7-24. When the husband gets home the wife heads out to work. No daycare costs and full parental involvement. Lots of parents have done it that way.

I worked part time from home as long as I could and shared care with another mom. Then we found an in-home day care with a very loving and experienced caregiver. Kids of all ages were there and my daughter was motivated to succeed at potty use, table manners and advanced play because the older kids did it. She has also benefited from being an older kid teaching the youngers. We started part time at 2 and have varied the schedule to fit our needs and hers for 2 years. I didn’t put her in preschool because I thought it would give her less than her situation in private care, which actually was more affordable and flexible than any daycare center.

We found our care giver through the local kindergarten teacher. Most county children’s agencies can provide a list of licensed individuals.

Ultimately what’s right for you is right for your child, regardless of what others say. This was right for us.

it’s a personal choice so don’t judge. you can read my daughter’s report card, who went to daycare…

http://www.valeriemorrison.net/images/reportcard.jpg

if you are taking care of your kid and doing what’s best for your family, no one has the right to say what you should or should be doing.

if you can’t afford to take care of kids, then maybe you should rethink how many kids you can afford.

some people get on their high horses and say they don’t want other people raising their kid. well if that’s the case, then your kid should also be home schooled and never let out the house.

my daughter’s first education always begins at home and everything else is supplemental. i’m not less than a parent for ask for help or downtown. if i need to put her in daycare for a few hours to be a better mommy, then off she goes. who wants to be up under their kid 24/7 days a week. we all need a break, some people are just too proud to admit it. it’s not failure or you letting your kid down, it’s reality. it takes a lot to raise a kid and no two parents do it entirely alone.

I have enjoyed my time at home, but choosing that path means significant financial risk to our family without a clear benefit to my son. While I’m sure he’d love having me around, I am not convinced that daycare will be a detriment, so long as it is a quality setting.

My sister-in-law is a SAHM and her kids are in daycare part-time and she can’t say enough about how good it has been for them. Our plan is for me to return to work, and monitor our son … if he doesn’t take well to daycare I will try to cut back my hours or perhaps even quit and seek occasional or freelance work. For us, it makes sense to choose this path now and revise if necessary.

For what it’s worth, my mom stayed home for the first couple of years, and then transitioned us into part-time daycare, then preschool. I remember loving my daycare, and mom said we usually were so involved in play that we didn’t want to come home when it was over.