parenthetical reprogram alternatives!principles!motionless …

We’re leaning towards having her simply stay with her violin lessons only for another year…simply because it’s too costly right now. We are also investigating if we can use part of her Coverdell to pay for the instrument/lessons…

MY POINT…
I think as mentioned in an earlier post, it’s simply a parent’s job to provide what they can, when they can. It’s such a personal and intimate thing to make these decisions about extra-curricular activities, trips, public vs. private, homeschooling or not. These decisions are based on not only what is best for each individual child, but is based on what you can afford, what options that are available for your family, work schedules and such.

Personally, I am grateful that we are able to set aside money that is earmarked for each of our children (we have 3) that is for education only…whether that be college, vocational school or whatever is decided down the road. I encourage every parent to make this a priority. Not only will it ease financial burdens now, but for you and your children in the future.

Some say it’s not their responsibility to save for their child’s college education…again, a personal choice…one I am thankful for the ability to do, and know my children will be when the time comes for them to foot the college bill…and I say – “well dear, your father and I have been setting aside some money to help for such a time”.

I was blessed with a lot of the stuff Trent mentioned here. My parents sent me to a great private school when I was in preschool and primary school.

I had such a fun time in that school; it taught me how cool learning is. I still remember the projects I used to do back then: shooting a movie based on “Animal Farm” with borrowed equipment for English class, pretend news and radio programs; webpage design, painting in oil when I was second grade, learning how to play the violin and speak Chinese…

I’m not saying public school wouldn’t be a good option for some people though. I guess it depends on the schools in your family’s area. At that time, the public schools in our area didn’t even have enough schoolbooks and teachers.

My parents also saved up money — while making my sister and me help out, of course — to send us on travel experiences. True enough, they opened our eyes to a lot of things.

I think all those factors aren’t the only reasons kids can get better test scores, but they do help a lot. I got serious and studied harder as a kid because my perspective changed. I got great test scores — in fact, I’ve been accepted in every school I ever applied for — and think differently from other people my age.

I’m often humbled when I think about how my parents’ choices were large factors in the way I am now.

Graduates from our private school go on to the same colleges and universities as do public school graduates.

As for college, I am going to do whatever it takes to make sure my kids are treating it seriously (some work component, even if they only work for me)

I went to the most expensive college in my state and saw many “free-ride” kids treat it like a $30,000/year vacation – several didn’t finish, and their parents weren’t independently wealthy, either.

Emily, I don’t think which college my kids begin their education at will make that much difference. I don’t expect them to attend an Ivy league–they can if they want and are driven, and naturally I would support that decision as much as I can financially (I’ll still be working and making good money). I think it makes good sense for them to attend community college and avoid that whole moving away for freshman year and adjusting to life out of the nest and college and maybe working.

Hopefully they will be working some in high school and be able to continue to work in young adulthood while attending community college. After they have proven themselves at that level I would be supportive of university education and graduate school–they can help with the expenses though. It is their life and their education and they will benefit from it. The kids have money saved for them, but it isn’t necessarily earmarked for college, and they contribute to their savings even though they are in elementary school.

I can finance education–can’t finance retirement, so the bulk of my big-time savings is going to retirement.

Are you an only child?

I realize that most on this site have some level of being ahead of the game, secrets and plans that have guided them- and this is what I look for here, not postings or comments about how I am potentially ruining lives by not spending every penny on my kids.

Several decades ago, when college was not a necessity, I don’t think parents should have been expected to save for college. Now that college is almost 100% necessary to succeed (a lot of businesses now prefer employees with grad degrees), I think it is almost irresponsible to have kids but to not save any for college. My dad earned a nice salary but my mom was a stay-at-home mom and did not. Still, they put what they could into a college fund for me starting when I was born. They divorced when I was in 5th grade and stopped contributing, but due to the beauty of compounding, it covered my tuition, books, housing, and some bills through my entire four years at a major public university. I left with no debt and am eternally grateful, especially after watching so many friends and my boyfriend struggle with college debt. If your kids get scholarships or government loans, great — but if they don’t qualify (which has happened to some of my friends, when there is a divorce and one parent earns a lot but isn’t contributing, and the other earning hardly anything), they are stuck with private loans with very high interest rates.

I just don’t understand how you can have a child this day in age and not save at least a little each month for college — even $100 a month. The costs of school are skyrocketing and you are doing them a disservice not to save at all. Going to a community college just isn’t sufficient anymore if you want a competitive edge in the work force.

Now I did hold a part time job starting the summer after my sophomore year, which gave me my “fun money,” but I’m so glad my parents didn’t force me to work, especially the first two years. I had a very difficult and long adjustment period to moving away from home, so not having to work at first was a huge gift. I have had friends who have worked all the way through college, and I think that’s fine — just not freshman year. It’s a horrible idea to expect your child to hold a job and manage the first year of college without going insane. The adjustment and learning time management is very difficult the first year.

I do agree that AP and placement tests can help, but most people can only place out of a semester with them. Some are able to place out a full year, but that is very rare. All the other enrichment such as sports, travel, reading, etc is great, but it doesn’t serve as an excuse for not saving anything.

You wrote,
“He FELT like he would be burdening his parents if he wanted to play, he FELT like they couldn’t afford it. My take anyway — he wanted to spare their feelings.

I think kids can feel like this when there are fights over money, when there are sighs when something comes home from school with a cost.

Can kids feel like this from just a frugal attitude from their parents? If so, what is the best way to prevent this? Some kind of discussion?”

Great question. I always felt like a burden for my parents because money was always so, so tight.

I get SO angry when people say that “Love it all a child needs.” What an oversimplified and dangerous attitude.

I am certain that my parents loved me and my siblings. However, that emotion could not defeat the extreme money stress they felt, trying to provide for us.

To this day it is hard for me to buy anything for myself — even the necessities, like getting repairs done to my SINK. I am not talking about the 10th pair of shoes. I am talking about being able to use the faucet.

I wish there was more candid discussion about this.

I do a lot of what Trent advocates and I think it makes my kids a cut above their peers: reading aloud, travel, scouts, church activities, sports. Also I’ve striven to be sure my kids are in gifted programs and advanced classes.

They will be expected to take AP in high school, which could qualify for college credit if they pass the tests. I am also encouraging my kids to attend community college for at least their freshman year to save money and get support for their first year.

I have a question about the boy with the band instrument.

He FELT like he would be burdening his parents if he wanted to play, he FELT like they couldn’t afford it. My take anyway — he wanted to spare their feelings.

I think kids can feel like this when there are fights over money, when there are sighs when something comes home from school with a cost.

Can kids feel like this from just a frugal attitude from their parents? If so, what is the best way to prevent this? Some kind of discussion?

Yours, Lesleyann

I think we all have to find the right mix for our child (and each child’s needs are different), our financial situation and the area we live in.

There is a lot of truth in what you write. The Finland experience as I understand it encourages play for young children, and ’school’ begins from age seven. One interesting finding is that almost all Finnish kids read fluently before they start school without any parental involvment. Apparently the kids are motivated to learn to read by themselves in order to read the finnish subtitling of english language TV.

My wife and I sent our kids to pre-school and elementary school for socialization, not for so-called academic achievement.

Where did you get this information? What does traveling or music lessons have to do with better test scores? Aren’t they (all schools) supposed to be teaching kids what they need to know in class? Some schools even give kids classes on test taking – so are “test scores” really an accurate measure of what one actually knows? Besides, I would think that being well-read would help with test scores more than traveling to Greece or learning to play the saxophone. You could do that with a library card – which is free. Not that traveling to Greece or playing an instrument arent good things. I just don’t think they are necessary for a child’s academic success.

Also, I thought that the children who got the most benefit from preschool were those from economically disadvantaged situations – hence, the Head Start program. Since when did they apply it across the board to every single child? I don’t care what this or that study may say, there were plenty of brain surgeons, math professors and scientists before the invention of preschool. To say that preschool has anything to do with a child’s success as an adult is really a stretch, in my opinion as a mother of 3.

As far as any benefits of preschool or early introduction to academics is concerned, there have been plenty who disagree with this, including the late Dr. Raymond C. Moore: “Better Late Than Early: A New Approach to Your Child’s Education” (look it up on Amazon) and this extremely interesting article on Trivium Pursuit’s web site:
http://www.triviumpursuit.com/articles/ (scroll down to “Research on the Teaching of Math”).

From what I have read (you can Google “parental involvement child’s academic success” for yourself) parental involvement is an important factor in a child’s academic success, if not the most important factor.

“Improved problem-solving skills and self-reliance are also the result of good activities, particularly those that are self-directed.”

Again, where did you get this information and what exactly do you mean by “good activities” that are “self directed”? Do you mean getting a summer job as a teenager or doing volunteer work? How about a younger child being taught to make their bed, wash the dishes and measure ingredients for a recipe? Most problem solving skills and self-reliance develops from living life every day and being taught these things by your parents. Self-reliance is a character trait – not an academic concept – and I doubt this can be taught by any one paid-for class or activity. Problem solving skills are taught every day at home, in math class, at the after-school job, etc. IMO, no textbook or class or single activity could teach this either. You don’t need to raid the college fund in order for your child to learn these things.

I see these expensive summer day camps advertising now that keep kids running in an endless flurry of activity, and parents who think little Betty or Joe will become a prima ballerina or scientist because of these experiences gladly shell out the moola. Realistically, what are the chances their dreams (the parents’ dreams, not the children’s dreams) will be realized? It probably happens about as often as someone makes it big in showbusiness, or as often as someone wins the lottery.

Stressing the importance of academics is important – at the right time. However, we can’t measure the success or failure of our children based on what college they get in to or what they do for a living. If we’ve done our jobs as parents, we have prepared them for life – whatever situation they find themselves in. I would be more concerned that my children be of good character than get into Harvard. The worth of a child doesn’t lie in their academic achievements or their chosen career path.

Finally, I just refuse to believe that not being able to buy a musical instrument stifled the career of a great musician. I just don’t buy it. If the guy really wanted to play the instrument, he would have sought help from the band instructor. Or he could have gotten a job after school and paid for it himself. That’s part of learning “problem solving skills”, I suppose. You know, “Necessity is the mother of invention” and all that jazz? At any rate, what’s stopping him from pursuing his musical career now?

Mia