Comments on: Addiction and Personal Finance

By: Jessica

Jessica — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 04:28:01 +0000

Lenore, you are so right, honey. Shopping is a major addiction, and so many people go in over their heads to fund their “fun”, not realizing what it does to their finances.

By: j

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:45:12 +0000

thanks for posting about this…. actually i am a recovering alcoholic (3.5 years). though i’ve damaged a lot of my credit while i was drinking, somehow i’ve managed to create even more trouble with my finances sober. i think a physician earlier in the comments touched upon… people needing more guidance… and this is indeed true.

getting sober is probably the most difficult thing i’ve ever done, and getting my life together took a lot of work, it didn’t happen over night, and it didn’t happen in 30 days. even though i still have trouble with money, my life is better than its ever been.

12 step programs aren’t the only way… but they have the best track record, and in my experience, it’s a lot easier than going at it alone.

By: Julian

Julian — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 16:11:37 +0000

Great post Trent. I would like to know where to find the evidence about 12-step effectivness that would support a statement such as “They have proven to be the most effective resource for people and the families and friends of addicts”. I have conducted in-depth research on addiction as well as resolved my own addiction to alcohol – outside of 12-step or better said – despite the unnecessary complicattions and negativity and inaccuracy of a regrettable 12-step treatment program I survived. It gets a bit tiring from my perspective to hear people’s irresponsible (however inadvertent), knee-jerk reaction to addiction struggles, by referring people to 12-step, aa – it just adds to the unwarranted omnipresence of 12 step and AA and ignores the reality of the pathetically low success rate of such programs (2%-8%) as well as ignores the fact that most people recover outside of 12 step/aa For many, 12 step and aa is a dangerous, exacerbation of an already enormously challenging and life threatening problem. Consider the individual and do your homework before referring anyone to a program. There are many that are punitive, shame inducing and potentially harmful. Definitely not a good thing to just rely on unfounded claims made by others.

By: David Hicks

David Hicks — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:56:07 +0000

Interesting post.

The complexity of the links between finances and behaviour (besides the up-front price tag of indulging) run parallel at ALL levels: conscious, subconscious, spiritual, emotional… even body language. Which is why I wrote a book to help people untangle the web of mixed messages which keep them stuck financially.

Money amplifies whatever is already in play, in one’s heart, in one’s core beliefs. For good or ill.

By: katy

katy — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 23:52:52 +0000

Addiction can be like a carousel. An alcoholic can develop overeating characteristics…or gambling…whatever. Not to be afraid, just aware. the disease does pushups and has many faces.

By: Margaret

Margaret — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 23:11:23 +0000

RE: Linda — good points, good points. The article I read wasn’t referring to pain management (I think). It was more addressing whether or not to treat health conditions with medications. For an example: an 80 year old develops a slow growing cancer — it might be better to leave the cancer untreated rather than start the person on numerous drugs.

I, personally, am against pain, and I am all for pain management.

By: Jen

Jen — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 19:21:41 +0000

My husband’s family has dealt with his father’s alcoholism for years. We watched him destroy his company, his marriage, and his relationship with all of his children and we are now estranged from him.

My husband’s brother is also an alcoholic. He lived with us while he was in high school and we’ve always had the mind set that we have to take care of him. He worked for us and we did everything we could to support him (at least that’s what we thought we were doing). We paid his bounced checks, his utilities when they were going to be turned off. We fed him almost every day, besides paying his wages and his cell phone. (this was largely before we realized his addiction)

How did he return our support (enabling)? By driving drunk on the job and totalling our $45,000 pickup, the trailer, and the load. We also paid his bail and went with him to court. He defaulted on his cell phone that I cosigned when he was in high school (yes, stupid) leaving me with a severe ding on my credit. He broke into our house once even while we were asleep.

My advice for families of addicts is “Take care of yourselves first.” We nearly destroyed our business and our finances by helping him and by not opening our eyes to his addiction. If you are struggling to pay your own utilities – don’t pay his instead. Don’t post bail – that just reinforces their thinking that you’ll always save them.

Also, if the addict does something stupid it can come back to you. We could have lost our car insurance. If he had hurt someone else our business could have been liable. Again, by cosigning I’m paying with bad credit.

Your are obligated to take of yourself and your family first. There were times that we choose to take care of the addict over our own children’s best interests. That is a huge mistake and will only result in the addict continuing to take advantage of you and hurt on your family’s part.

And, I believe counseling is called for in nearly every circumstance for the family. You have to take care of yourself emotionally as well and you will have to learn how to deal with a very ugly situation.

By: Clarke

Clarke — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 01:57:31 +0000

Thank you for bringing up 12 step programs Kasandra. They have proven to be the most effective resource for people and the families and friends of addicts. Alcoholics Anonymous was started in 1935. Since that time literally 100′s of self help 12 step programs have been helping people change their lives. It costs nothing to join and stay and you are being helped by the very people who have overcome the addiction themselves.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 19:16:01 +0000

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

For family members and friends of those with addictions

By: Linda

Linda — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 18:18:43 +0000

I am an RN who has worked in geriatrics for 12 years. I’m concerned that there is a belief growing which tells society that elders are addicted to pain meds and antidepressants. The reality is that pain and depression in the elderly are undertreated. Expecially in those elders who are institutionalized, most suffering from chronic pain, that will never get better. While some individuals are taking pain medications who do not need them, the geriatric group as a whole suffer significant pain that could be better controlled. Physicians are so afraid to prescribe pain meds, especially opiods, because of the abuse problems that we all hear about. People who take pain medications, when they are in pain, will not become addicted. Build up a tolerance, yes, but tolerance is far from abuse and addiction. It’s the individual who continues to take the pain meds beyond the healing of the surgery, injury or whatever, and those who take pain meds for reasons other than pain (the effect–claming nerves or to get high–although I admit I don’t understand how sleepiness or nausea can be a high that anyone would want to experience, but some do), who become addicted and abuse these medications.

I do think antidepressants are incredibly over-prescribed for the general population. When three of five people one knows are taking Prozac, Paxil or whichever popular antidepressant of the day, there is indication that some doctors are being too free with the prescription pads. But for seniors, especially those in chronic pain and who are institutionalized, have lost their spouses, homes, belongings and other situations in which there is little to no hope of improvement of the remainder of their years, give them an antidepressant when they’re symptomatic. I’ve seen patients treated with anitdepressants develop new interests in things which are available to them in the settings in which they live. They begin to connect socially with other patients and attend activities, even helping to organize those activities, participate in Resident Council meetings–find areas that they can still enjoy in life.

The key for treating elders, with any type of medication, is treating the symptoms or disease with the appropriate medication(s) when necessary, continuously evaluate and re-evaluate effectiveness, and finding and using the lowest effective dose.

We want to be humane and treat great-grandma’s pain and/or depression. Let’s say that great-grandma, who lives in the nursing home, is an exception to what the current literature says, and does become addicted. What are the chances she’ll go out and rob a bank to feed her addiction?

By: Kasandra

Kasandra — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 13:54:04 +0000

Appreciate this post! Addictions, whether seemingly harmless (video, TV) or deadly (alcohol, drugs, gambling) rob you of happiness in life. We have one life to live and its so sad to see it wasted away. I just visited with a older lady in the hospital, she has been in there for a month with bowel complications….. she can’t eat or walk by herself and is wasting away, but will literally drag herself out of bed and go outside because she needs to smoke.
I have been having wonderful conversations with my brother who is a recovering 20 year drug addict. He has been clean for 2 years, what keeps him clean is he teaches in the jails, in the schools and he attends meetings 3 times a week. He says every time he walks into a room and sees drug addicts, it reminds him he does not want to be there anymore. The success rate is absolutely terrible, drugs are just evil! My brother followed the 12 step Narcotics Anonymous program (similar to the AA one) and it made the difference, but HE had to WANT to! I’ll never forget the phone call from my sobbing sister-in-law who was scared they were going to lose their house, they had maxed out all their credit,…. she would rather be a poor student again and have her husband back! I am so grateful my brother is not a statistic in the morgue, he could so easily have been. My heart goes out to all those people who are living with addicts, most of them are in denial… because if they admit they are addicted they will have to change. I believe God has given us a wonderful life that can be full of happiness, service and fulfillment if we so choose.

By: Zoe Lewis

Zoe Lewis — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 13:36:43 +0000

Good points, but it’s important to remember that addictions can be to many things, not just drugs. Or, perhaps, many things can act like addictive drugs. The things that most come to mind are porn and food. Don’t know if food addiction kills relationships the way some of these other things do, but it does destroy a person’s health, and sometimes finances. I also hear statistics that something like 75 to 80% of men are involved with porn on the computer (plenty of women, too, I bet, but I haven’t heard statistics), and severe addictions can progress to acting out with real people. This particular thing is killing many, many families. I think it’s critical to confront the user and not enable the behaviors. That can be really tough to do, especially when you are a woman with kids and no other means of support.

By: Shara

Shara — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 13:32:19 +0000

katy is so right that people have to want to quit. I was addicted to alcohol and I realized the addiction was becoming worse. It had not caused any problems for my family, yet, but I knew it was going too. I quit on my own with only the help of my wonderful, supportive spouse. It was very hard to quit. I craved it, thought about it all the time, wanted it and physically needed it. I haven’t drank since because I know I would fall right back into that pattern of drinking everyday too much. But whether it is a drug, alcohol, gambling or any other kind of addiction, the desire must be there to quit. People will fail if they are forced to seek help and not want it.

By: Lenore

Lenore — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 13:32:10 +0000

Thank you, Trent, for discussing this and sharing the stories of your friends. Recovery is possible, but every addict leaves a swath of heartbreak. An addiction highly relevant to finances and seldom acknowledged or appreciated is SHOPPING, and you do a great job of inspiring people to avoid empty consumerism. I have bipolar disorder and ended up several thousand dollars in credit card debt as I lost touch with reality and kept buying things to “treat” my depression. I’d never lived beyond my means before that and have (most of the time) conquered my addiction through medication, counseling and self-help strategies (like reading this blog). Thanks for all you do!

By: Katy McKenna

Katy McKenna — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 12:19:20 +0000

Thank you, Margaret. It is so true that the elderly brain can no longer process drugs like its younger counterpart. In my loved one’s case, seizures began because of drug problems, and now when drugs are switched around too suddenly, another seizure occurs. Unfortunately for many elderly, doctors are often way too willing to pile on more dangerous prescriptions at the patient’s slightest complaint. It is hard to find a doctor willing to take on the “project” of carefully weaning an elderly addict off some of the drugs. Typically these days, it’s done in a geriatric phych unit of a hospital, which is NO FUN.

By: Tall Bill

Tall Bill — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 11:46:53 +0000

My brother in law has not been in jail since he got married – still using, but SOMEHOW has stayed out of jail for some years now. Over the past few years we have pleaded with him to visit the folks before his father’s alzheimers took away too much. We recently relocated them our direction so Grandpa could receive care. Fathers day morning we all gathered for a meal & it was at the point that his own father did not know him. Tears when leaving as the years wasting away had robbed him of whatever relationship he had with his dad. Perhaps he’ll wake up and nuture his mother as she deals with this life change, but many don’t change & for those that do, relationships do not heal overnight. Don’t enable in ANY WAY – use resources to help children caught in the middle.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 11:35:16 +0000

Oh, I just noticed your previous post about passive income. Compare that idea with your description of your hero gone down the tubes.

I find myself beating up myself all the time for not being a Super Mom, and all that. But there must be more to Life. Look at how Howard Hughs ended up. Ha, yes, ended ‘up’.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 11:15:15 +0000

Perhaps in our pressured society, someone might be trying too hard, achieving too much material success, and escape to something more important, their addiction. Did you see the ad on TV where the successful man was on his huge riding mower in front of his huge home with three new cars and growing children, and he smiled into the camera, “I’m drowning in debt over my head!”?

There’s too much pressure and too little emotional support, real reward, and relaxing is considered being lazy.

There IS plenty of criticism, competition, and squabbling for fun. There seems to be no value on giving time to just Be. To just enjoy being alive and and sitting there breathing.

It’s nice to have and get and strive, but there also needs the balance of OK, relaxed reward: sigh, that’s enough. Not, what’s next?! Another newer gizmo, bigger and more complicated is better!

I don’t know the answer. This is just what I see.

By: Jules

Jules — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 09:44:28 +0000

Most of those also apply if you’re depressed, or suffering from any of the major psychiatric disorders. The key is to get help and support, and not to be ashamed. The last is a major reason why men’s mental health has largely been ignored.

By: Margaret

Margaret — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 06:18:35 +0000

re katy mckenna — I recently read something about reducing medications for the elderly. Often medications have side effects, and for the elderly, the side effects may be worse than letting whatever condition take its course. Something to think about, anyway.