Otherwise well-intentioned friends of ours revealed that they set a budget of $700 for their son’s modest birthday party. The entertainment, in this case, wasn’t the biggest indulgence – it was the gifts! They did rent a large “jumper” for about $75, but that seemed like a reasonable extravagance considering how many kids could play in that thing at a time and how much they all enjoyed it. But the gifts… There was a long folding table (maybe 3′ x 8′) piled high with gifts. So much so that the birthday boy got bored with tearing open gifts after the first 10 minutes. Portable DVD player, rapid-fire super-soaker, commando Nerf bazooka, Playstation games, etc, etc. Good Lord!

Our families were of very meager incomes when my wife & I were kids, so birthday gifts were sparse. And yet, we’ve decided that it’s precisely because we were NOT showered with dozens of toys the way kids are now, that the toys we did receive were more meaningful, more special, and certainly more treasured…

And another issue I have with much of the junk that’s given to kids as birthday gifts is that there’s not nearly enough thought about the appropriateness. I’m convinced that tactile toys are still far more mind-expanding – and certainly longer-lasting – than high-tech gadgets & doodads.

What we did is rent out an enclosed picnic shelter at the local park ($175), decorate it with balloons and streamers ($25) and arrange for some kids games ($25) and food and drink ($75) for our guests – all 9 families that we invited.

Total cost = $300

However, this was a one-off and we made it clear to our daughter subsequently that going forward, she’s getting small at-home kind of affairs. However, she gets a bonus – now she gets to invite her own friends, not ours – and she’s quite happy about it.

We have twin children and, for the next few birthdays, we followed a rule of thumb of inviting one other child per year of the kids’ ages. At those numbers, birthdays were pretty manageable.

I think the big parties and one upmanship is just symptomatic of the insane expectations put on parents these days. I didn’t enroll my 5 year old in soccer — GASP — because he said he didn’t want to be in it. I’ve gotten a few eyeballs over that.

My step-daughters (8&9) received too much for Christmas, and they do not take care of what they have. I ask them about something and they say they lost or broke it. I was wondering about what to say on the birthday invitation. Thanks.

I am 41 and have 2 out of control nephews who have EVERYTHING. They never get 1 of something, they get the whole set. I was so disgusted at my godchild’s birthday when he literally ripped open a gift and threw it aside. My mouth dropped. I wanted to say, “Hey! I paid good money for that and put a lot of thought into that.” My brother and his wife did not correct the behavior. From now on, money for college, and not even a card.

My fondest memories were of the small parties. Also, the one my parents threw the games – drop a clothespin in a bottle, flip a card into a garbage can, look at a tray of stuff for 1 minute and write down all you can remember. We also had a summer family reunion picnic with horseshoes, egg toss, water balloon toss, volleyball that I remember.

Also about comment #54- I believe it has gone from what is best for society to all about the individual. I have seen that “child worship” – it affects ALL of us – the kid with the ear piercing scream in the store and the parent calmly talking to him/her – LEAVE THE STORE! Also, I heard a Dad telling his son to jump off the escalator, and then I heard the dad say, “good job,” Excuse me? Good job for jumping off an escalator?

Off my soapbox. Thanks for letting me (rant) – express my views.

Best Wishes,
Francine

* “People really feel victimized …by the implied need to conform.”

These two observations hit what I think is a core issue behind extravagant birthday parties. If such parties are the norm in your socioeconomic circle, then not having one for your own child can mark your family as “different” (read: weird, strange, out there, etc.) Difference from the norm can carry quite a social stigma with it. For some parents, then, the motivation behind holding a large, expensive birthday party may not be that they genuinely want one, but that they fear the social repercussions of NOT having one.

Washing out plastic bags to reuse them is done in one’s own home and affects only one’s own family. Of course it is inappropriate to impose a value judgement on an activity that doesn’t affect anyone else.

Birthday parties, however, are often generated by our culture and can affect whole neighborhoods and social circles. It’s clear from the majority of comments here that people really feel victimized by extravagant parties, plastic junk gift bags, and the implied need to conform. So the “value judgement” argument doesn’t apply.

My other birthday tip is for attending parties. I buy things on sale over the course of the year for general birthday gifts and keep in a rubbermaid tub. The kids choose something for their friends out of that, avoiding a trip to store and them asking for toys for themselves! I rarely spend over $5.00 a gift that way.

We do not have kid birthday “parties” until the child is 4 years old. Period. We have family dinners with cake on birthdays until they are old enough to have friends, some social skills, etc. The grandparents come over and they get their presents. The end.

For ages 4 & 5, we have had simple, at home birthday parties. My son’s party last year had a bouncy house- only because we *borrowed* it from someone we knew who had one. (Why someone needs a bouncy house everyday is beyond me, but our one family friend seemed to think so and bought it for her kids- it has been up maybe 3 times, once at our house). Otherwise, its all about creativity. We once had a tea party for the American Girl crowd my daughter hangs out with- the girls made fancy hats with scraps of fabric and ribbon I had plus straw hats I bought at a garage sale. The favor- was dollar store tea sets I found. SOme of the girls still have them as I see them when they have their dolls out.

The 6th birthday- has been a trip. Literally. My eldest daughter wanted to go to the motherland- otherwise known as The American Girl Store in NYC. A tour bus had a trip from our city (6 hours from NYC!) on her exact birthday– so just me & her went. By the time the day rolled around, another mom and daughter (my daughter’s bestie) joined in on the trip– and best of all- we got comped another 2 person reservation. ultimately, 2 friends and their moms accompanied us. The trip included meals and the show. The tour folks gave my daughter a tiara and tons of free stuff for her birthday. My daughter spent birthday money and christmas money for the doll of her choice and I bought other souvenirs for her present. In the end, it cost about $180 total. But it was really REALLY special. My daughter understands this was a one time deal and not every year will increase incrementally from this. In fact, this year was just a regular at our house kind of party that she planned out mostly herself. Hubby made pizzas and the gang danced around to Hannah Montana for a few hours then had cake.

My son just had his trip birthday. He invited his two besties and their moms and my hubby took everyone to our fave amusement park for a long day of fun. The kids got wrist bracelets to ride all day- moms decided to just ride a few rides– thankfully you could do that at the park we like (Knoebels Grove).

That said, just because you’re inviting 15 kids (or more!) doesn’t mean you have to spend a lot of money. More than once, I had a “sledding party” which basically involved piling into 3-4 cars to go to the nearest park and spending an hour or so there (in January). We couldn’t have a party at my house since it was too small to have a dozen kids inside (for very long) without destroying things. When I was older, we did things like a sleepover at my church – lots more room to run around.

Wait… Don’t throw rotten tomatoes at me… :-)

What can I say… I love my job.. :-) and I don’t consider myself and other party entertainers evil, money wasters. A good entertainer is an event in itself, educational and cultural experience. Like going to an art museum or traveling to another country but at a smaller expense.

That said, I do feel that you should always spend within and bellow your means. I do suggest less costly alternatives all the time for people to consider, even if it means less business for me.

I am all for frugal parties and educational, functional gifts or no gifts. Myself, I have been giving gift certificates for my time as presents for a long time. (I even gave a gift certificate for my time to my former boss at his B-Day party! Value $300… He-he.. It is nice, you can put any value on your time providing you can justify it…)

As an event entertainer, who goes to events every week, have seen a lot of waste at parties, be it for kids, adults or corporate events.

In conclusion, I can’t vote against live entertainment at parties because those parents pay my bills and everyone, including me, enjoys the whole thing so much. :-)

But I will vote with two of my hands for party food waste, presents and decor excess and not teaching kids fundamental values.

Kids should learn care and share and empathy for others.. With those values in place kids will not feel deprived and be much happier, no matter what.

I do end up spending over $100 each year, but I believe it’s much more valuable to spend that money and make great memories than it is to spend five times as much for a party that she’ll barely remember because it’s identical to everyone else’s.

My sister complains all the time that she and her husband don’t have money, but at her 5-year old’s b-day party they spent $300 to rent a bouncy castle for the guests. Why would you put that financial strain on yourself?

My husband and I have been round and round with this issue. My father-in-law (who is very wealthy) sent us $200 to buy presents for our son’s 2-year birthday. We were at Toys R’ Us picking out presents and I was in tears. A 2-year old doesn’t NEED nor can he USE $200 worth of plastic Chinese crap. But my husband insists it is worth it to make his day special. Even if the money didn’t come out of our own pocket, I would have rather put that money in his college fund than wasting it on toys he doesn’t even play with.

My husband grew up in a rich family, and although he is solidly in the frugal camp now that we have our own business and home, he fondly remembers the lavish, over-the-top birthday parties he used to have as a child. He believes the kids’ experience is worth the money we spend. SO I try to compromise and meet in the middle. For example, my 2-year old is obsessed with Curious George. So we went all out with the Curious George theme party, but I got all of the plates, balloons, and decorations during a 50% off promotion (months before the party) at our local party store. In addition, I went online and learned how to make a Curious George b-day cake (my son thought it was a cow, but oh well!). We had a great time even though it was a little more over the top than I would have liked. I guess sometimes the most important thing you can do is find a happy medium!!!

I have been struggling with co-ordinating what he wants to do with my needs. Yes, needs…I know the window of all our days together grows smaller with each passing moment. Soon he will be in college and then the military. I needed the message…if he wants to be with friends all weekend, he can be. I think I will plan a small family dinner Friday and write him a really special letter that he can read later in his life, when he needs his mom for a minute.:)

And to interject a thought from reading I have been doing lately…Moms and Dads, what are you doing for YOU today? What about your birthdays? My wish for you all is blessed birthdays and even more blessed every days!