This entry is great. In work situations, most times it’s all about communication, though I feel some people talk more than they do the actual work.

Still a reminder that we should not be stuck with just doing the work, but communicate to people more, especially those of us who work on computers all the time.

Anyone who is considering doing this, please keep in mind that compliments from strangers might be seen by a woman as a tactic to start unwanted attention/intrusions on her personal space – regardless of your good intentions (she doesn’t *know* you, so does not know your intentions)!

Seriously, I advise sticking with with the time-honored polite smile & nod, if anything, unless you become familiar over time by sharing a bus-stop, building, elevator or whatever.

To learn more, locate a nearby club, or start a club at your company, see http://www.toastmasters.org. It worked for me!

To all of you that struggle with shynees or fear of opening up, I would suggest a couple of things. First, it does take some practice and you may fall flat the first few times. But it is just as likely that your audience is as nervous as you and will be grateful that you took the first step. With each time you “go out on the limb”, it gets easier and easier. Start small…compliment someone’s appearance (you can do it in a non-creapy way!), remark on the weather, etc. I have found that when I say something like “I have seen you here before and have always thought you had a nice smile”, it puts people at ease.

As you become a little more adept at starting off, you can try humor. Avoid sexist, racist or otherwise offensive humor and be careful with sarcasm, especially if your audience is unknown. I have found that a little self-deprecating humor
will usually level the playing field and open a door.

You might also look to a friend who is naturally outgoing to give you some pointers. If you don’t currently have someone like that in your circle, see if you don’t notice someone at work, at church, even at the local market or restaurant. (Wait staff and bartenders are the best conversationalists; they have to be since their livliehood can be directly affected!)

And lastly, remember my motto ” they can’t kill me, eat me or take away my birthday!” You will flop sometimes; out of the millions of folks on this great planet of ours, you cannot possibly imagine that everyone will like you. Don’t work for those impossible odds…just be yourself and let the chemistry do the rest. Love and friendship is about 80% inspiration, 10% perspiration and 10% MAGIC…trust the magic to happen!!

Hope you have a blessed day making new friends…

Then you can springboard that success and any confidence you’ve grown into trying some of the other suggestions.

Since you use the word beautiful, I’m guessing that you’re referring to women. Like trying to strike up conversations on the bus, this is another area to be careful in – you can easily come off as creepy. Maybe your motives are innocent, but the woman you’re addressing doesn’t know that.

Personally, when I’m walking down the street, the last thing I want to hear is some strange man’s opinion on my appearance.

Rhymeswithlibrarian

Please don’t assume that women

I think I live with what you describe – but I can’t believe how much I’ve improved the past few years. I made a conscious decision in college to force myself to be more social, since I’m a naturally shy, introverted, self-conscious person with low self-esteem. In conversations, I have to concentrate so hard on exactly what the other person is saying, which includes using my facial expressions, like smiling and nodding a lot. I usually try to pick one thing they have said to respond to, so I don’t get overwhelmed with all the info they’re sharing. And I ask a lot of questions so I’m not the one doing the majority of the talking! I have to force my hands to stay by my side or clasped “casually” in front of me because my strong instinct is to cross them at my chest, which is seen as defensive. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I think of the extroverts I know and respect and try to think what they would do in a situation, so I can try to emulate them. These are just a few examples of what runs thru my head in social situations…

Every time I force myself to be “social,” I have mixed feelings – I’m so glad I went thru with the event, but I usually feel bad about any weird or embarrassing moments I remember. But I hope that as long as I keep practicing, it’ll stop being such a big deal. And I know that even though I feel embarrassed, I can still live thru it.

Trent’s article is great but it really is so easy to say and SO hard to do. But I think there are more of us out there than we think, since the loud, extroverted people always stand out! So people like us just have to seek each other out and SOMEone has to make the first move!

I’ve read Dale Carnegie and others like him, but conventional advice seems targeted more to jerks who tend to talk nonstop and be critical others while praising themselves. I can listen, I’m an excellent listener (maybe that’s why I’m a decent writer), but when it comes to conversation, I’m a mess. Is there no hope for me?