Comments on: Shared Dreams: How My Wife and I Got on the Same Financial Page

By: Emily

Emily — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:10:24 +0000

Thank you Trent. After a few nights discussing finances and not being on the same page, I could feel our newly married life already straining. This is something I can show my husband. (Plus, we don’t know you, which makes your advise impartial unlike our parents, siblings etc.)

By: one of nine

one of nine — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 16:15:24 +0000

Very good post, Trent! I grew up in a family with eight siblings and my husband grew up very wealthy, so we hold extremely different perspectives on money. However, with patient communication and understanding, we are learning to make it work. For example, I always go for the cheapest product which will probably break tomorrow, while my husband is more prone to invest in quality pieces. This keeps us very balanced in our spending.

We have been together five years and keep most of our finances separate. What we earn individually goes into our separate bank accounts, although we share a few credit cards and are very open about the state of our accounts. The debt we share, we pay on equally (i.e, trips to Brazil to see his family, household appliances).

However, the debt that I incur individually (new clothes) or the debt that he incurs (a new tool), we are responsible for that expense from our individual income. This REALLY helps us stay balanced and decide independently when it is worth it to splurge, because we each have our own budgets based on our income.

For many years I saw my mother (a stay-at-home mom) spend a lot of my dad’s earnings on yard sale trifles and useless thrift shop junk. I decided I never wanted to get comfortable spending my husband’s income so frivolously, which is why we have chosen to keep much of our finances separate. Although some people may not see how this could work, it definitely does work very well for us!

Thank you, Trent, for an important and fundamental post.

By: plonkee

plonkee — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 16:05:33 +0000

Things like this, getting on the same page would probably be most helpful before you get married – although, better late than never, and not everyone can or wants to get married.

By: M

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 12:07:54 +0000

My husband couldn’t care less about our financial status, once a month he asks are we doing ok and I say yes and try to show him Quicken but he doesn’t want to see it. I’ve tried putting Quicken on his laptop and then download my updates to our statements, he said if he wanted to see it he would turn on my machine. Like Cindy hubby is a spender and was in a total financial mess, this is also why we don’t combine our money, he would find something to spend it on. So I am managing mine and his, working to pay the house off and working on an even bigger nest egg, and retirement fund. Everything is pretty much automatic if something were to happen to me, so taking over shouldn’t be a problem, but once he saw the avaiable cash it would be gone in an instant. Sometimes working together isn’t the answer, when I took over his money, he was in debt past his ears, his credit score was in the basement and he spent money like he had it, kind of like you Trent although he never had a money meltdown because he didn’t care. Now his score is near 800 and so is mine. Getting our new home loan was a breeze, even as banks were tightening money, ours tripped all over themselves to give us a loan, maybe because I almost had my last house paid off with them. This mortgage is the first and only loan we’ve both had our names on. So although working together would be ideal, it wouldn’t work in our case.
Just sign me Keeper of the cash.

By: Gaia

Gaia — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 18:51:18 +0000

Thanks so much for this. What a great article!
ps…I really enjoy your blog and have nominated you for a little award on my blog.

By: danielle

danielle — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 15:45:44 +0000

We have a monthly “State of the Union” over some wine to look at our progress towards our goals and to discuss best uses for any excess cash left over at the end of the month. Been doing that for years now, and it shows on our balance sheet.

By: Cindy

Cindy — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 15:17:10 +0000

This is excellent advice for married couples. I track the money, but if I leave it to hubby, he spends too much. It’s because he assumes I have everything covered, and what’s in his wallet is free, unless I have told him what it is to cover. :)

By: MoneyBlogga

MoneyBlogga — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 15:10:08 +0000

The key is definitely to be on the same page financially. My partner is the pragmatic one and I’m the gambler. Despite the fact that we enjoy the worst pairing in the zodiac, we’re finally taking steps to be upfront, honest and mutually in agreement on everything we do now. It has been very difficult though. My partner likes to play it super safe and I like to take huge gambles with large amounts of money. I am the one who tries the hardest to toe the line now. I really want my partner to enjoy the early retirement they crave and I don’t want to be the idiot who stood in the way. Life’s too short.

By: Jen-Picture of Wealth

Jen-Picture of Wealth — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 14:57:53 +0000

I just posted almost the same article on my blog this morning. I was pretty shocked when I saw you had one so similar up here. I like your steps though. I think the main thing our posts have in common is doing the finances together!!

By: Karen

Karen — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 14:43:54 +0000

Valerie said: I have never understood why people get married and keep their finances separate!? You have to work as a team to be successful.

I’m with you Valerie — When spouses keep their money separate, it’s too easy to get into/stay in the mindset that the money is not “ours” but “mine”. Too many arguments occur when trying to figure out who’s responsible for this bill, how much should I pay for that… Too much stress and arguing. Keeping our money jointly has allowed us to pay off all debt except one small mortgage and one vehicle.

By: JReed

JReed — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 11:35:39 +0000

When you marry someone, you are marrying the whole person’s “package” including his or her debt, credit ratings and assets. Unless there is a legal prenuptual agreement, there is no sense fooling yourself that your net worth is anymore than half of the marriage’s total assets minus the marriage’s total debt. Even if you divorce and one partner gets the home for the sake of the children, there is a financial reconcilliation when the children turn 18.

By: Stop Getting Cheated

Stop Getting Cheated — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 10:55:16 +0000

Outstanding post, Trent. Very transparent. You are at your best when relating practical financial behaviors that evolved from your own relationship. I like how you and your wife pull together as a team and are supportive of one another’s dreams. Not every couple is as blessed. Thank you for such a great article.

By: Jules

Jules — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 05:50:38 +0000

My counterpart and I are of similar mindsets when it comes to money, which helps a lot when it comes to deciding which expenses need to be trimmed from where.

By: expat

expat — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 03:05:54 +0000

It takes work, and admitting your own shortcomings, but putting your heads together with your spouse and talking finance can be very rewarding. You’re correct, Trent, it’s all about being open, and being honest, and working together.

By: Shellie

Shellie — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 02:26:25 +0000

I have been reading your blog for a while now, and have really enjoyed some of your tips for living frugally. My hubby recently had his hours cut back, and we are trying to live even more frugally than we were already. We are a one income 5 person family, so it’s tight. My question is this… how do you manage to save when you are literally paycheck to paycheck for the basic necessities. Aside from the modem, which seems like a necessity, we are at bare bones, and want to “dig ourselves out”. Any tips? Thanks!!!

By: Andy @ bloginyourface.com

Andy @ bloginyourface.com — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 01:10:06 +0000

Trent! Great post! Almost a tearjerker!

Hey, here is a question for your reader mail bag: How is the diary you are keeping for your two kids going? You had 100 goals at one time and you narrowed them down to like 5 goals and that was one of them.

By: Julie

Julie — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 23:36:08 +0000

I really liked this post. Once again, you provided a very practical commentary on your experience shaping up your financial situation. Even though my husband and I have always been pretty good at communicating about our finances, it’s becoming more difficult as things become more complicated. This was a nice reminder that we can do this, and we need to keep communicating!

Thanks!

By: J.D.

J.D. — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 23:27:34 +0000

Valerie said: I have never understood why people get married and keep their finances separate!? You have to work as a team to be successful.

It’s perfectly possible to work as a team without combining your finances. Millions of couples do it all the time.

By: learning the ropes

learning the ropes — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 23:22:36 +0000

It was really touching to read your story about your financial turn-around. My experience is kind of similar and me and my husband are also working as team to get ourselves in good shape financially.

By: Ryan McLean

Ryan McLean — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:35:27 +0000

I am looking to married in the near distant future, and although I know a fair bit about money (I run my own financial blog too) I don’t know a lot about money in marriage, because I myself have never done it. So this post is great for me. Really clear and straightforward and really helpful.
Thankyou