Barring all cases of bipolar psychological disorders or extreme domestic abuse, HIDING DEBT from your spouse is in the SAME category as CHEATING! It is a deception, a breach of trust on the same scale. No, your spouse does not run the risk of bringing home cooties, or getting some bimbo knocked-up as in the case of an adulterous affair. However, your spouse will most likely bring home hardship, disgrace, instability, struggle, distrust, great expense, and the ringing of bill collectors all day and all night. Oh yeah, and don’t forget all of the missed opportunities that go by while your working two jobs to pay back credit card companies at 29% interest. Worth it? C’mon people, has the collective character of our great country stooped so low in recent times? Are unnecessary goods, services, and keeping up with the Jones of more importance than the psychological, financial, and emotional stability within your very home?

I am what you would call a saver. This is the fashionable distinction to make these days; either you’re a SPENDER or a SAVER…whatever. Let me just say that I think this distinction is a load of crap. Either you are a responsible adult accountable for your actions, or you are behaving like an out of control child. The laws of money are based on simple mathematics that you learned in grade school. Apply them and you will reap success, forgo them and you will suffer more or less like those other fools out there right now getting foreclosed on. The banks and credit card companies don’t care how emotionally needy you were while you drank your $6 latte’s, bought a hummer, or just had to impress the neighbors with this, that, and the other thing. Unless you file for bankruptcy, you are basically on the hook, a slave to the lender. And another thing, the banks and lenders are smarter than you, they hire finance MBAs and PhDs who will work 80hrs per week figuring out how to get you in debt and keep you there.

How do I know this – EXPERIENCE. I was married to just such a person; she duped me three times in our 8yr marriage. Each time with a promise to change and that it would never happen again. I bailed us out of it each time, and when enough time went by and I let my guard down, she did it again. This third and final time I am forced to file bankruptcy, attempt to sell my house in a down market (all offers have been less than I paid for the home), my credit is ruined because she put my name on some of the cards which she never intended to pay, and to forfeit all of the sweat equity that I put into this home over the past four years of back breaking renovations that were done on nights and weekends after my 60 hour work week.

I think it’s a great topic for discussion.

We just started facing our BIG debt pic and I see how one party is either in denial or still doesn’t understand the extent that we don’t have money to blow on the little things like we used to.

It is going to be a journey and one that definitely needs to be revisited frequently.

You can do everything right but just end up in the same hole over and over again if your partner has a substance or gambling problem, is a hoarder or just simply doesn’t share your values.

That being said, I think this book (or book like it) should be part of every couple’s pre-nuptial routine. Thanks for reviewing it.

She presents a compelling case that dealing with finances can create the foundation to prevent the breakup of personal relationships, adapting this approach for businesses can go a long way in preventing tension and the ultimate dissolution of a busines partnership.

Sam
Fix My Personal Finance
http://fixmypersonalfinance.com/

Financial infidelity may have nothing to do with the relationship and more to do with a partner’s past or psychological makeup. When my wife and I married (both second marriages), I let her handle the finances because I thought it would help with her self-confidence. She had been married to an abusive and controlling husband and her involvement in their finances was to hand over her paycheck. My attempt at bolstering her skills and confidence was well intentioned but poorly executed. I should have provided more guidance and kept involved in the decision making. When I discovered that we had run up credit card debt of 5 figures, I suggested that I take over the finances. She was actually relieved and grateful to hand things over. Her credit card debt was to buy things for her daughters, some needed, some not, but all in an effort to erase the guilt she felt over her poor marriage and the stress that caused her daughters. There were some other issues, such as late bills etc., that were due to poor organizational skills and not deceit.

I went through some of the steps in Financial Infidelity: I analyzed our situation and took immediate steps to correct our finances. I had some post-tax money in a retirement account that I withdrew to pay off the credit cards. I put each of us on a weekly allowance (no ATMs for us!), and we agreed that purchases over a certain amount should be discussed. I’ve made a real effort to keep her informed and involved in our finances, in setting goals and measuring them (pay off house, early retirement). We sometimes still have the occasional bump in the road, even 13 years later, but the bumps are smaller and they are almost always around the same issue: helping her daughters. She works hard, has a second job, so I feel that she’s entitled to direct some of her money to her causes. When the help seems excessive (buying $200 worth of paper products at Costco for one of the daughters), we talk about it.

I’m still a bit concerned how she will handle the finances when I die, but I’m hoping that by getting and keeping her involved, setting an example, and having financial discussions (sometimes difficult ones), she’ll be OK.

Regards,
Dollarflow.net