I slacked off, procrastinated, was extremely depressed and made a lot of art. Dropped out of high school. Went to community college (when family could afford it). Dropped out of community college when the financial aid regulations were changed and I could no longer afford it. Now I own my business and the ups and downs are just part of life. Looks like a waste of time, yes – but I got my wish: I own my own business and can actually function socially.

I have a theory that almost all gifted kids will go through this phase of testing out the “other side.” Some stay there, some don’t. Length and intensity of stay depends heavily on what influences and events are going on at the time in question. I had a head injury in high school and missed a lot of class to go to the hospital; mine was pretty long.

Someone had it right on the mark. If my parents had stayed married, either my mother, my sister or myself would be dead. The upheaval was minimal compared to the profound sense of relief we ALL felt, and my mom was certainly able to parent enough for two people.

Or maybe that wasn’t the issue at all. High school is boring to many gifted kids–not just the classes, but the social stupidity. I know most of my T & G class peers were counting the days to graduation along with me. A fellow parent and I were talking the other night that sometimes the best thing for those kids is to take the GED and the ACT, go to community college and get on with life. Better that than get into the trouble so many of us found as we marked time ….

email him, Trent. Worst he can do is tell you to go away.

Great post – sad and sooo touching to those of us with kids! Perhaps get him one of those Blue Ribbons – have you seen those over at: http://www.blueribbonmovie.com Evidently, it can be quite life changing. I’d vote YES for you to get involved, too – even just a few kind words. You never know when you can make a profound difference.

It’s far healthier for a kid to have divorced parents than parents in a toxic marriage (trust me, I’ve had both. And even though my Dad was never physically abusive, leaving him was the best thing my Mom ever did for herself, and it allowed her to be a much better parent to us, as well.)

Divorce is a symptom, not a disease. And sometimes it’s a cure. It seems to me that “staying married for the kids” is incredibly wrong-headed if you’re in a truly unhealthy relationship, because you teach your kids that that kind of dysfunction is normal and acceptable– thus they’ll end up seeking it out, consciously or unconsciously, possibly for the rest of their lives. Far better to leave the toxic relationship, but then do everything you can to help your kids process and deal with the change.

Us kids are all in healthy, functional relationships now. I highly doubt this would be the case if our parents had stayed married.

Giftedness doesn’t mean anything if a child doesn’t care about school or external praise. And schools aren’t interested in helping the very intelligent–they concentrate their resources on the other end of the bell curve.

My kids would much rather learn on their own than go to school. I don’t know where they’d be without my and my husband’s full attention.

I speak from experience. My parents divorced when i was six. I had 2 absentee parents and 3 step-parents. I can say my parents’ divorced had a major impact on my life.

I think too many parents are selfish and don’t comprehend how important it is to provide their children in their formative years witha a stable and loving environment that will serve as the bedrock of the rest of their lives. Anyone can have sex; not everyone can be a good parent.

If I really needed more than one month’s expenses at a time, I could still cash in several CDs, and I’m willing to accept the 3-6 months interest penalty. If things get bad enough to cash out the entire fund, I’ll have bigger things to worry about.

The more important question is, though, when somebody recognizes these learned, nurtured traits, what can one possibly do to “get over it”?

Thoughts?

Additionally, all adolescents go through an “identity crisis” in middle or high school whether or not they have attention from their parents. The attention of parents can help self esteem and avoid outside negative influences, but everyone goes through the struggle of “finding themself” sometime between 12 and 24. Anyone who frequents Myspace can see this is a regular outlet for struggling adolescents.

If it makes you feel better, I know many intelligent students that got mediocre grades in high school because their were bored by the lack of challenge. They almost all went on the college to become straight-A students because they finally were given the intellectual challenge they needed and the opportunity to say something unique and valuable. Not doing well in public school is not a nail in the coffin.

I hope the kid manages to turn around, despite his difficult circumstances.

The Get Rich Slowly post on advertising is funny, because just this morning I was leafing through GQ magazine looking for the table of contents. It was literally 30 pages into the mag with advertising cluttering the entire beginning up.

In high school I lost ambition because none of what mattered in those early grades matters in high school. My parents were always supportive but I lost the teacher support (I had a lot of teachers who hated me) and once I got college and was “thrown to the wolves” with no friends there plus being a commuter I lost touch with the world.

By 20 I was a depressed and nearly a college dropout that spent all his meager paycheck on junk food and anime.

Now I’m almost 26 and in an IT job making good pay and (even in this so-called recession and doom and dispair time) just recently got a raise.

Sometimes we just hit the time where we need to grow up on our own. Part of growing up is figuring things out for yourself. Maybe this kid just needs to find what really works for him and he’ll look back at his wasted years.

Turns out kids don’t much care whether their parents are “happy” as long as they are reasonably civil and keep their conflicts from the children. From the standpoint of the kids, the ranking of desirable situations is:

Happy parents together;
Unhappy but low conflict parents together;
High conflict parents apart;
High conflict parents together.

As a divorce lawyer, I see plenty of cases where the divorce will lower the level of conflict in the home, but also plenty of cases where the parents have serious incompatibilities but have managed for years to keep these from affecting the children, and finally get tired of it and call it quits. The effect on the children in such instances is often severe.

A hint to the guys: When wife first says “we need to talk more” or “we need counseling,” get on it right away, and make sure you deal with the problem, whatever it is, ASAP. I can’t begin to tell you how many men I’ve represented who are shocked and devastated when wife files for divorce, claiming they didn’t know there were really any problems, but when I ask them if wife ever asked that they see a counselor, say “Well, yeah, but I thought she was just depressed/overemotional/it was a waste of time/the counselor kept taking her side so I quit/I don’t like talking about that stuff with other people. THEN they want to try counseling, but by then, it’s too late.

By the way, I’m not sure that professional counseling itself is always of that much value, but the time set aside to talk over issues in a somewhat moderated setting, where feelings can be expressed and someone will keep the discussion civil and responsive, definitely is.

Seriously, I, too, think you should try. Chances are he’s in a place where he’ll reject you, but leave the door open. If nothing else, you’ll have re-sown the “I’m worth it – I have something to offer” seed that will eat away at him until he comes back to you for advice – be there when he returns!

I recall being a dumb flippy teenager and one day my English teacher slapped me upside the head (figuratively) and said “what the HELL? you’re smarter than this!” Suddenly I saw how goofy I looked (it was the 80s, after all), and gave myself a little more credit.

Over the course of the year, if you have $12000 in your emergency fund, that additional percentage would only amount to around $120 more interest.

Seems like you’d be just as well off shopping around for a better money market account. That way you could keep your emergency fund liquid in case of, I don’t know, an emergency.