Times are tough, for sure. Eight year olds shouldn’t have to pay for it. Tell them about not talking to strangers and things they have to know to keep them safe. Don’t tell them about problems that will make them feel helpless and insecure when it will not keep them safe. They need to know, or at least believe, that Mom and Dad will take care of the rent, food, etc. They shouldn’t have to worry about if there will be a roof over their heads from day to day. Don’t impose this worry on a child. It won’t make it any lighter for the parents.

I wish these folks, their son, and everyone the best. These are troubling times, for most of us.

I have never really understood the circumstances that led to the move, though, outside of a lack of money. Considering that these circumstances almost caused a divorce, I don’t know that I needed to be privvy to them, especially when I was only 15. Again, making the child feel secure and loved is the key, and both my parents were able to do that in spades.

However, what I did observe between my parents and internalize about financial stability has had huge implications for my husband and I regarding our marriage/job future/financial future. It’s very tricky, trying to discern what kids should and should not know.

I really like AnnJo’s advice and will read my boy Swiss Family Robinson before our next move as soon as I can paperbackswap it!

If Peggy and family discuss money (rather than argue) then I would encourage them to allow their son to listen. Discussion is give and take, explanation and compromise . . . and every child needs to learn that.

Children can have likes and dislikes of houses and it does no good to enthuse over how great this will all be. Simply explain, “Some things are good about moving, some things are bad. You can always talk to me and we will try to work something out.”

Shame is one way you know to change your behavior.

Definately tell the child before he starts thinking you’re leaving without him!

Peggy has a wonderful opportunity to teach her child about important things, like how families help each other, and how to form new habits, and how to let go of things while holding on to memories. Sure, there’s something to be said for the rootedness that comes from growing up in one house (not speaking from personal experience there, of course), but adaptability is best learned by experience.

Good luck to her and her family!

My wife’s family went through a similar situation when she was growing up and I don’t think her parents shared much with the kids. They still talk about it and try to figure out what happened…and they’re in their 20s now. Imagine how that must have felt when they were between 2 and 10.

This might sound harsh. But if your son is so mentally fragile that moving to a different house will be extremely traumatic, then you have done a horrible job raising him the past eight years.

Moving as a kid can be wrenching–I know, I did it every 3-4 years, and always over a significant distance. I suspect that military kids have a different point of view because they know that their family has a mobile lifestyle–it is expected. Moving is rough when you don’t see it coming. That doesn’t mean the kid won’t be able to deal with it, but expect a little emotional chaos. The family will get through it and be just fine.

One of the smartest things they do it pick up on what Mom and Dad think and and do, especially when Mom and Dad are having a really hard time.

I hope that more parents will actually tell their children the truth about what is happening during hard times rather than gloss things over and anticipate that kids won’t notice.

Thank you for this kind of advice.

I think the most important thing he should probably know is that the bank isn’t just coming in and taking their house away. Explain in as understandable terms as possible that the debt on the house is just too expensive now. Explain what kind of mistakes you made, what you learned, and why these changes are good thing for the family.

As a parent, I know that sometimes it’s hard to admit your mistakes to your children. You want them to look up to you. But the only way they can learn from your mistakes is to know about them. Just be sure to tell them what you wish you had done differently and how you could have avoided the mistake in the first place.

Moving isn’t the big issue here. It is normal these days, and while it tends to be more difficult for kids, they get used to the new situation.

It’s the parents’ stress that’s the bigger issue: that’s what the child will pick up on, whether or not he’s given any explanation – and if he’s not given an explanation, he will come up with his own.

This post vividly reminded me not of a housing or job crisis in my family, but of when my mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was five. My parents were gentle in their explanations, but they didn’t try to hide the situation from me or just say that “mom wasn’t feeling well.” I knew the seriousness of the situation, and I knew that they loved me in the midst of it. Could I understand all of it? No – but I had the assurance that they knew what was going on, that the changes in our life had a reason, and as difficult things were, they would make sure I was taken care of. I remember that period in our life as a dark adventure that we took as a family. Hard – but we were in it together, and (thank God!) we came out of it together.

My three-year-old sister, on the other hand, had a far less clear idea of what was going on, being too young to understand much beyond the fact that mom wasn’t feeling well – but she knew that something was very wrong, and she reacted with significant separation anxiety. Being too young to make much sense of an explanation didn’t shield her from a deep awareness of the stress that her parents were experiencing, and the whole experience was a lot more difficult for her than for me, simply because I had a better idea of what was going on.