Comments on: On Hosting a Dinner Party

By: Sara

Sara — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 06:33:01 +0000

My group of friends has instituted Tuesday Night Communal Dinners. Every tuesday everyone comes over my house, kids and all. Everyone who can (sometimes time or budget constraints pop up)contributes something to the meal, which we try to coordinate the weekend before. So, it’s not quite as random as a potluck. Usually one person will be inspired to make something, and then everyone else will choose things that fit that theme. We let the kids loose. It’s so much easier for us to relax, because we don’t have to constantly try to monitor the kids like we would in a restaraunt. Not to mention the fact that even if the food is odd sometimes, or things arrive late, or the meal is kind of mismatched – we always bet far more value for our dollar than we would going out to eat. Sometimes we play games, or watch a movie too. And we have found that having it on a weeknight insures that it always happens. If we had tried to do it on a weekend, there are just too many things that come up. We usually have about 10 adults and 5 or 6 kids (ages 6-1yr). And we add new people into the mix every once in a while. Luckily I have a big house, so I know we can continue expanding the group a bit more. And I manage to do all this despite the fact that most of the appliances in my kitchen don’t work! (Including the dishwasher…but everyone takes a turn helping so it works out beautifully.)

By: Lee

Lee — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 15:58:36 +0000

Potlucks are the way to go, in my opinion. My friends and I are in our twenties and none of us have tons of money, so it would be a bit of a burden (financially and time-wise) on the host to prepare all of the food. But with potlucks, people can bring whatever they want (sometimes we do themed parties – Italian, home-cooking, appetizers, etc) and then we have a lot of fun trying everyone’s contribution. The host provides the space, chairs, and real plates/silverware, as well as refrigerator space and use of an oven/stove if needed.

By: Vincent Scordo

Vincent Scordo — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 01:57:02 +0000

Good topic. Having dinner parties does a couple of things for the individual hosting the event: it builds and strengthens his/her social network and positions the person as a kind and giving person.

On the social network side, there’s been a bunch of original research published recently on how happiness is not a byproduct of money, but rather quality of friendships and meaningful life experiences.

So, yes, go ahead and plan those dinner parties and enjoy! One thing I will disagree with you on, however, is the food. While you don’t want to go over the top with dinner, high quality food and wine is essential (just think about how you would feel if your dinner party host only made a bowl of pasta for dinner!). Great post!

http://www.scordo.com/blog/blog – a practical living blog

Vince

By: Dawn

Dawn — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:32:16 +0000

I love taco parties because the ingredients are cheap and people can customize the food for themselves.

Another one we did recently that was fun, we had a chili party. Each person brought one ingredient for chili. As host, I supplied beans and meat, and we put it together and let it sit for about an hour while we played games. We served it with bread. It was relaxing.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 19:53:31 +0000

My husband and I argue regularly about whether or not to invite people who don’t know each other to parties. I think it works better in smaller groups, where people are more or less forced to interact. For example, we have big groups of friends from church, and from our neighborhood, and then some random connections to people who don’t know any of our other friends. The strategy we seem to have settled on has been to invite a “random” friend to dinner with one other couple, maybe, but not with a bunch of people who already know each other — otherwise they feel like the odd one out. What does seem to work for us is where people already belong to the same group but don’t yet know each other — so a nice party might be a bunch of people we know from the neighborhood who might not necessarily know each other. I guess this is expanding on Trent’s suggestion to try to find people who have something in common — our strategy is to have the whole guest list have the same thing in common.

I guess 8-14 is a good number to invite if you assume some won’t come. I agree with other commenters who say to start smaller with actual numbers of guests. Because my husband and I are both introverts, I will often start with one or two outgoing friends that I call directly and pick a date that works for them, then invite other people. Otherwise we do risk the “all introvert” dynamic!

By: Veteran Military Wife at Life Lessons of a Military Wife

Veteran Military Wife at Life Lessons of a Military Wife — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 14:22:35 +0000

Great advice! I cook a lot of big dinners and have a lot of guests because of my husband’s job. Here are some ideas of what to make that will keep things VERY simple..

http://lifelessonsmilitarywife.blogspot.com/2008/01/cooking-for-large-group-aka-soccerteam.html

http://lifelessonsmilitarywife.blogspot.com/2007/10/im-having-people-over-for-dinneram-i.html

By: Jillian

Jillian — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 01:03:16 +0000

@ moneyclip – I can tell you exactly how the introvert party would go – nobody would show up!

I agree with Trent’s recommendation for introverts and I’d even expand it to make sure they KNOW there are going to be several people there they can talk to, otherwise they will probably decline the invite. If you’re not an introvert yourself you won’t understand, but believe me, that can make a big difference.

By: Peggy

Peggy — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 18:43:27 +0000

We just had a dinner party last night, and it reminded me of my best tips:

If you have a dishwasher, run it before the party so you have it empty and ready to receive the night’s dishes. And then run it the night after the party — we turn ours on just before we go to bed (but our floor plan makes that workable so it doesn’t disturb us sleeping).

Same thing for the trash — empty it as soon as the bulk of your cooking is underway, and then after the party if you’ve scraped solid food waste into it before putting dishes in the dishwasher.

Those two tips make the clean-up quick and easy, and you (well, I) don’t feel exhausted the day after.

By: Kristen at The Frugal Girl

Kristen at The Frugal Girl — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 16:47:35 +0000

I usually prefer to do smaller groups, and include the kids…so we usually have another family over. Of course, since we have four kids and the other families usually have a couple, it ends up being as large as a dinner party!

By: KC

KC — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 15:48:58 +0000

My friends and I started doing potlucks at various homes/apartments. We always enjoyed getting together. Now we’re in much nicer homes and you’d think the parties would get more upscale, but they haven’t. Now we eat off of china instead of paper plates, but other than that the food is pretty much the same and so are the beverages. We’re there for the conversation, which is always politics or money.

By: Gig

Gig — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 05:37:08 +0000

It’s great to have simple get togethers, but don’t overlook the idea of gourmet dinners. We belong to a “gourmet” group. We meet about every 3 months. A theme is picked by the hosting couple and each other couple (4 total) brings a course. Granted, we’re all very interested in gourmet cooking, but we’ve had some amazing meals and really increased our cooking skills. To provide a course for 8 (including decent, if not terribly expensive wines, remember that a restaurant wine that costs maybe $30-40 at the restaurant is about $10-15 at a liquor store) is about the same amount of $$ or actually much less than going to a midscale restaurant. But with the group you get a truly unique experience as everyone is really doing their cooking “A” game and you have a festive group to eat with. Even when a course isn’t perfect it’s still usually really good. With this group we’ve explored cuisines we maybe wouldn’t have tried. If you’re not really cooks, just start small, Gourmet magazine and Bon Appetite often have simple, but elegant recipes/meals to follow and it’s actually a great way of learning how easy it is to cook great meals and not be tied to the expense and hassle (and not always such great food) of a restaurant for celebrationary meals.

By: Anne K

Anne K — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 01:23:41 +0000

I’m planning on inviting our neighbors over for an open house for a couple of hours on a weekend day in mid December. We just moved here and haven’t met all the neighbors yet. Coffee, munchies and cookies during an ‘open house’ sort of thing should be easy and we’ll get to meet people. Thought about turning it into a ‘cookie swap’ but I don’t think many people bake their own cookies from scratch anymore, which is a shame. It’s very difficult meeting people when you’re new to the neighborhood with no kids to help break the ice. Thanks for the post, Trent!

By: quatrefoil

quatrefoil — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:45:35 +0000

Great post. I used to have dinner parties regularly when I lived in a house – now I live in a tiny flat and can only fit two or three people at a time, but it’s still worth doing.

In my view the best number for a sit down dinner party is seven – it’s small enough for everyone to be in the same conversation, but it means that when the conversation splits it does so into uneven and shifting groups. I find that with eight people there’s a tendency to form two groups of four.

My other suggestion would be that if you’re single it’s best to make food that can be entirely pre-prepared so that you can spend time with your guests when they arrive.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:01:56 +0000

Curry makes a wonderful menu when you have a bunch of people with different food allergies, vegetarian, Kosher, etc. We had one party where we made turkey curry (post Thanksgiving) and a firm fruit curry, and provided toppings like coconut, hard boiled eggs, bacon, mango chutney, etc. Everyone made what they wanted without fuss, the whole thing was made in advance and tasted better for sitting overnight, nobody with food allergies had to bring their own and a grand time was had by all. Including us!

P.S. We did learn that if you have 30 boxes of tea to pick out three herbal and three regular flavors and put them out. We found a few guests standing mesmerized before the assortment for over ten minutes when they went to get tea! Had to help them out.

By: moneyclip

moneyclip — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:59:06 +0000

I like how you point out the issue with introverted guests. I think it’d be a riot to invite all introverts for a introvert gathering and see how it turns out. I wonder what sort of dinner party would occur with introverts only?

By: Gretchen

Gretchen — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:26:14 +0000

Great ideas, thanks! I always go way overboard on the food preparations. I spend too much money and WAY too much time cooking. I am usually exhausted by the time it is all over. On the flip side, the food is great! But I think it does make sense to cook easier things (especially make-ahead stuff) so you can actually converse during your own dinner party.

By: A Dawn Jornal

A Dawn Jornal — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:15:30 +0000

This can be an opportunity to meet and network with new people.
Cheers,
A Dawn Journal
http://www.adawnjournal.com

By: Brett

Brett — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:14:54 +0000

I agree that simple if fine for dinner, but please make at least something homemade when you host friends or co-workers. If you need help preparing, ask people to bring a particular dish. Usually people are more than willing to bring a dessert or side dish.

Tips on Children and Dinner Parties
If your friends have children, make it clear in the invitation if kids are invited. Personally, we always allow the kids to come. So that the parents feel comfortable and can enjoy the dinner, we hire a babysitter to entertain the kids while the parents talk and eat. If you have your own kids, invite the babysitter over an hour or two before the party to entertain your own kids while you make the final preparations.

We have had multiple people tell us that following that tip that they learned from us has made their next event go much smoother and more relaxed.

By: Shanel Yang

Shanel Yang — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 22:42:23 +0000

Great post and topic! And, for those of you who want tips on a slightly more formal dinner party, I’ve shared some great tips from The Entertaining Survival Guide by Lora Brody at http://shanelyang.com/2008/11/17/how-to-entertain-for-the-holidays/

By: Lisa

Lisa — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 22:30:45 +0000

Great article Trent!
Having people over is so stressful for me!

…Lisa

PS “….something to much while they mingle before the meal.” Did you mean “munch”?