Comments on: Reader Mailbag #40

By: LK

LK — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 12:18:58 +0000

Steve- On tipping. You are SO right. A flood of comments telling people they are cheap (and less than 20% is cheap) won’t change them. I work for 2 well-paid professionals and see their expense accounts. One is generous and the other is not. The one who is not has tons of lame excuses for why this is: “I don’t drink.” “It’s not like they went to Med school.” “Why should I tip on a bottle of expensive wine when it’s the same effort to open a lesser priced bottle?” Truly- the difference between being cheap and not is usually only a dollar or few… Why be so stingy? I know it isn’t your responsibility but consider that they usually don’t have healthcare, have many factors affecting their income that is beyond their control and if they take off one weekend a year to attend a family wedding they reduce their income by a significant amount. I feel it would diminishes my own enjoyment of a meal if I stinted on the tip. If I dine with people who are cheap, I find myself making up for them, which does make me mad. I don’t try to force my 25%-30% practice on them, just make them stick to a decent 20%+ a little. Then I don’t go out with them again. Gosh, people, get it together! If you can afford to eat out, you can afford to tip like an adult, not a petulant child.

By: George

George — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 21:57:37 +0000

Hi,

We have a car loan and we are planning to get a new car soon. However, we are wondering if leasing would be a better idea as we won’t be doing a lot of mileage on the second car. What are your thoughts?

Thanks!

By: Kate

Kate — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:45:12 +0000

I used to be an extremely frugal person (too frugal) until I met my husband. We balance each other out; he encourages me to spend more on quality things and take care of myself better (i.e. investing in some good career clothes and decent shampoo that doesn’t destroy my hair), and I reign him in a bit and help him to be more budget conscious.
I still find it a huge struggle to be financially responsible though; I took on a lot of his debt when we got married, and I’m only 24 so managing it has been a steep learning curve for me.
My question is; should we seek counselling? We are slowly improving our situation, but I find it extremely hard to make him stick to a budget, and this usually causes me to fall off the wagon too.

I feel it might be more beneficial to both our relationship and our bank accounts to have a third party, whether it be a financial councellor or someone more relationship oriented help us out.

By: Mitch

Mitch — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 15:53:25 +0000

Like I said, my figures were based on my wife’s experience at one restaurant. This was in a small town (10,000 people), and it’s the best and most popular place in town. I’m sure the waitstaff at some of the other restaurants there made less–but there was nothing stopping them from applying to the place where my wife worked. Maybe the fact that the food and drinks are cheap in a small town ($18 for a 16 oz. ribeye w/2 sides, $6 for a top shelf martini) helps people justify giving better tips.

By: SteveJ

SteveJ — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 14:19:34 +0000

@Mitch

Your calc assumes 20 hrs of decent tables. Some of those waiters/waitresses are working dead hours where number of tables determines if rent gets paid that month. And if it’s dead, you get cut loose before it picks up. Speaking as a child raised by a single parent working three jobs, there’s far more bad nights than good ones. And far more 5% tippers than 20% ones.

I think it’s like any other profession, if you’re truly outstanding you deserve outstanding compensation. My buddy makes WAAAAAY more money than I do, he is a superb waiter at a nice restaurant, while I’m a superb engineer at a small company. The difference is good engineers aren’t all that uncommon (and we start out higher) while good waitstaff is in high demand. There’s also a risk factor, I get paid for every day of the year, regardless if I show up or not(within established limits), while my buddy will take a huge hit if he gets sick, has to go to a funeral, etc. I wouldn’t trade places even if I had the ability to be an exceptional waiter.

Anyway, people are going to tip based on their experience, I doubt a 100 opinions will make a bad tipper into a good one. My policy is the same as everything else: if you can’t afford it(meal plus tip), don’t do it(eat out).

By: Sunshine

Sunshine — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 15:56:31 +0000

On naming: My name is Sunshine Alyx Elizabeth (lastname). I certainly got picked on when I was a kid, but, if you asked me, it helped me to be who I am today. How can a person not be happy with a name like mine? (Conversely, I have a friend who’s name is SKY and she hates it and is super cranky and grumpy all the time.)

Alyx is a version of my father’s name and Elizabeth is my mother’s name. I NEVER use my middle names – don’t need to.

I abhor average names and would NEVER name my kid something like Jennifer or Jason. I urge you to consider unusual names, within reason of course – Apple anyone?

By: Nancy

Nancy — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 11:25:48 +0000

Names – If Susan is just starting out, she could try scanning non-alphabetized lists of forenames (such as the names in phone books, spam folders, or film credits). Which names grab her attention? Can they be lumped together in any way? Maybe most are French, or sound old-fashioned, or end with a K, or have fewer than 5 letters…who knows what patterns might pop up. This could help her focus her search.

P.S. Thank you for the link!

By: Jade

Jade — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 07:52:40 +0000

On baby names: I don’t use my real name online, but my mom once said that she considered names that had a lot of options for nicknames, so I’d have my choice of what I wanted to go by when I got older. And I ultimately went with what is on my birth certificate, but my mom’s side of the family still calls me by my nickname. No one else gets away with it though, not even my boyfriend. And my dad’s side of the family was more than happy to quit calling me by my nickname, because I have an aunt who has my nickname on her birth certificate, so that caused a lot of confusion when I was a kid.

If I ever have to pick a baby name, I would insist on something with at least one option for a nickname, something that hasn’t been used in my family in the last 3 generations, and something that would not require a pronounciation key at graduation. I like unusual names and all, but I find that it makes my life much easier having a very common first and last name that is fairly easy to spell and pronounce right, and I want to pass that on to my kids. If I find that I really like a name that is hard to pronounce or spell, I would use it for a middle name, thus giving the kid a choice to just ignore his/her middle name or use it if he/she liked it a lot.

On tipping: A trick someone once told me was to double the sales tax on the bill. Of course this depends on what the sales tax rate is, and assumes that you have sales tax where you live. Around here sales tax is 8.75%, so double that you get 17.5%. If the service is not that great, I double the sales tax and round down to the nearest dollar. If the service is average, I round up to the nearest dollar. If the service is great or awesome, I double the sales tax and tack on at least another 2 dollars and then round up so the total bill including tip is an even dollar figure.

By: Joyful Abode: Domesticity by Trial and Error

Joyful Abode: Domesticity by Trial and Error — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 02:22:00 +0000

My name is Emily and I have to say… although I agree that it’s a lovely, classic name, it’s WAY too popular now (now being the last 2 decades or so).

I can’t go anywhere without having to do the “that’s my name too!” thing at least once… and when I’m in crowded stores, hearing mothers yell “Emily, put that down! I said not to touch anything!” kind of puts me on edge. haha.

Emma Leigh and similar aren’t much better, because then the poor child will just have to spell her name to everyone!

By: Akinoluna

Akinoluna — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 00:07:02 +0000

I thought it was kinda funny how you posted a detailed way to find a unique but classic baby name and then named one of the most popular, current baby names as your favorite. :-)

By: Ken

Ken — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 23:34:19 +0000

“For now, though? I think the ethical thing to do is to just ride it out.”

Har har har!

-Ken

By: MS

MS — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 23:33:21 +0000

I am a single guy with no dependents, but I wouldnt be comfortable with only two months worth of expenses in the bank. For myself alone, I worked really hard to save up $10,000 over the course of a couple years, and I keep it locked away for emergency use only. This would proably last me about 7 months.

At minimum, I would say at least 6 months for myself, and add an additional 2 months for any dependents I had.

Maybe I’m a little too paranoid, but I wouldnt be able to sleep at night with only two months in the bank.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 23:12:12 +0000

Unless service is really bad and I feel that my server is being lazy or rude, I always tip 20%. I have worked in a restaurant, and I understand that a server’s ENTIRE wage rides on his or her tips. Usually the difference between 20% and 15% is only a few dollars at most. Ask any server and they will tell you that 20% is the standard for a tip at any decent restaurant. Unless, like I mentioned, the service is awful, I feel like it’s my responsibility to support the system and pay the server a fair wage.

In response to Misty – I would second her recommendation to read the Life of Pi! It is a fantastic read, I stayed up all night to finish it.

By: Victoria

Victoria — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 23:11:33 +0000

Just wanted to let you know I truly enjoy reading your post and to let you know that I too have not felt well for about 6 weeks if it has not been one thing it’s another. I fell down my spiral staircase and thought I broke my knee but lucky that my MCL was only stretched. Then got an ear infection along with sinus. Got over that long enough to get what I swear has been whooping cough. But I am daily feeling better and you will too.
Now for Names how about Christian Hope?
When I read all of this from you I remembered what my grandma always said “Honey, we need some good old fashioned Christian Hope” so maybe that will work for you and your family.

Anyway, keep the faith,
Peace
V~

By: Mitch

Mitch — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 22:56:31 +0000

15% is stingy?!?! Let’s run the numbers here. Assuming 4 tables per server, 3 customers per table, and an average of 1 hour spent at each table means the average server serves 12 people per hour (I’m basing these assumptions on what my wife told me about her experience as a waitress at a bar/grill type place in college). The average person probably spends $15. So in an average hour, a waiter or waitress serves about $180 worth of food and drinks. 15% of that is $27. Subtract 10-15% to tip out the bartender, and you get around $23.50. Add the minimum wage ($2.88 for tip earners here in Iowa) and the average server earns $26.38 per hour. Assuming 20 hours per week, they’re earning $27,435.20 per year for half-time hours. And you know damn well they’re not claiming all of the tips on their tax returns. In Iowa, the average household income is around $45,000 per year, so I’d say well over half of that for a part-time gig isn’t exactly a raw deal. They’re servers, not doctors or lawyers, and should expect to earn accordingly.

By: Kevin

Kevin — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 22:12:22 +0000

Hope you feel better, but it sounds like you have a good attitude towards it and that usually helps.

By: Denise

Denise — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:54:40 +0000

Trent, have you thought about non-traditional medicines, since the traditional ones dont seem to be working? You may spend more out-of-pocket money but sometimes it is worth it. I go to a really good herbal apothocary and have a consultation with the owner. He has been recommended by many folks that i trust. Also, changing your diet around may help some symptoms, like having no dairy for the mucous or taking active yogurt cultures. Good luck.

By: miep

miep — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:21:59 +0000

So, questions can go here, eh?

Riddle me this: My father is generously covering our mortgage costs right now. Before a recent pay cut, my salary was about 38K. My partner is unemployed, but looking for part-time work, and we are expecting a baby any day now. Our debt load is currently around 21K — 8.5K in a personal loan, the rest on credit cards due to some nasty medical bills.

Is it feasible for us to start saving for our child’s education, or should we be trying to pay off our debts first? The personal loan has four years left on it. The lion’s share of the cc debt has an apr of 10.74%; the rest is between 12 and 18%. Neither of us has a retirement account (not available through my workplace), and my partner will be paying for her own medical insurance, and I’ll be paying the premium for our child.

help?

By: Tammy Brackett

Tammy Brackett — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:16:17 +0000

Trent just wanted to say I truly hope you feel better soon. It’s no fun to not feel good- and I find as a work at home girl, it’s easy to dump work and stay in bed when illness hits. I admire you working through it. Feel better soon.

By: Misty

Misty — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:12:38 +0000

On reading- I love to read (I was an English major, so I have read a ton) and find that I have a hard time reading non-fiction books as I literally read the entire book (most non fictions are not made for this style of reading!)
Try looking into classic book lists, NY Times Bestsellers or even banned book lists :)
Fiction can be just as good for you, it challenges your imagination and can make you think. Here are some books I recently read and loved- they are all engrossing and terribly hard to put down: Water for Elephants, The Life of Pi, The Time Traveler’s Wife and even Uncle Tom’s Cabin, which is an interesting read given recent politics.