One note on the daycare though. Check the laws in your area first. An illegal daycare operation could cost you way more than it brings in. Some places babysitting more than one child can count as running an illegal daycare.

In the end it’s all about living within your means and making the right choices. You CAN be happy and live a comfortable life on one income if you are willing to make the right choices.

For more on this, please check out my humble blog and this post, in particular: http://lenpenzo.com/blog/id213-the-dirty-lowdown-distinguishing-wants-from-needs.html

For now, your first step must be to dig ndown deep to understand what you really need from what you think you need.

Len

They did for my Mom, whose husband died unexpectedly at 42, my friend whose husband was layed off in 2001 (tech bubble) and net income was 50% for about 5 years till he rebuilt his career. For another friend who ended with a husband with cancer in late 30s. Or for other friends who started out happily in a two income situation but ended up being caregivers to a disabled child, or caring for elderly parents.

If you plan well, and your plan continues working for your circumstances… of course it all works out. However, there are a lot of curveballs in life. Remaining flexible regarding you situation is the best course, and not judging others for doing what is best in their circumstances. Because you really don’t know what’s going on in their lives.

Coments like “if they want it bad enough to cut out the extras” certainly make light of how life-altering events can change even the best plans.

I would agree though that she’s not a charity case. I live in a perpetually stagnant area (we never see the high highs but we never feel the truly low lows) and a lot of places here seem to be looking for temporary work.

I’d also look at Craigslist for tutoring, odd jobs and other such work to bring in a few extra dollars here and there.

Staying away from daycare is a poor excuse for not working, as well. My daycare provider is
“grandma” for my kids and though both my kids are in school/preschool now – they still visit “grandma” monthly (gasp! for FREE) for a day of fun. When DH was unemployed she’d watch them for us because she missed them and DH had to study for tests and go on interviews. My daycare provider and I “clicked” when we met and she is now one of my closest friends here.

Had I not developed that relationship I would not have any support system at all since I have no family nearby other than my elderly Mom who can’t watch the kids and often needs help herself.

For the situtation of Trend’s friend – I agree with Trent. Nose to the grindstone, cut out *everything* and actively work on finding some kind of part time work. In this economy, I’d rent my home out and live with relatives or in a small studio rather than try to sell…. but that’s just me.

In this area you can rent studio apartments for less than $500/month. That, and a $10 emergency phone would round out the bare minimum monthly requirements for getting by assuming bus service is available for transportation, and food stamps are available to cover food.

Of course that would be severe, but may be better than bankruptcy, losing a home, or moving in with relatives.

But it sounds like Jen and her partner are a one-income family by choice (funny how so many people are assuming that Jen is the one staying home, when she doesn’t specify that) and intend to be so for the long term. Their situation is not all that different than if I were to quit my job (for no reason other than that I don’t feel like doing it anymore) and support myself on what I can get from charity.

In these tough times, charities are being stretched thinner and thinner with all the people who are losing their jobs and have no other choice. I’m sorry if this sounds hard-hearted for Christmas Eve, but when I donate money to help the less fortunate, I don’t really want it going to people who could earn enough money to support themselves but choose not to.

I should mention that we went to “daycare” for a few hours a couple days a week just because we had no kids in the neighborhood (and none of my mom’s friends had kids) so it was a good way for us to play with others and get us out of the house. If you can’t do this, maybe there’s a grandmother who could watch them a couple hours once or twice a week while you take a small side job.

One along the lines of the part-time job, is it possible for the working spouse maybe work at home one day a week, or flex the hours a bit to work weekends or the like? That might give the couple more options as far as finding additional work hours in another job.

The other is to look for seasonal work as a quick fix way to maybe get some money saved up for leaner times. Obviously retail is dying down, but tax season is upon us. Can Jen or her husband put in some long hours for a couple months to get ahead a little bit? (hopefully finding someone to watch the kids on the cheap with the knowledge that it’s a temporary situation). My wife isn’t quite a SAHM, but she juggles part-time jobs to give us a cushion when we need one.

Either way you have to cut costs or trade some time for money. It’s hard to get by on 3-4 hours a sleep, but you can do it for a few months if you’re getting desperate.

I think the family center idea is a great one as well. I have a hard time taking charity, but there’s a lot of people that really want to help and it improves their lives to make a difference in yours.

I would avoid daycare only in that it costs so much, not in that its going to lead to the ruin of the children. (Insert hand wringing damsel-ly picture here) I would agree more in looking for off hour work where one parent could be home.

“This is a sticky situation, but I have to say that I disagree with Kim that the era of the stay-at-home middle class mom is over.”

No its not. There are tons of frugality sites about how stay at homes economize, scrimp, & save to make it possible in this time. It may require a black belt in frugality, but it CAN be done. My take home is a tickle over $35K— and my hubby is a SAHM for our 4 kids. Granted, we do get a stipend from Uncle Sam since we adopted foster children– but that is the “college fund” money and is our third rail, never to touch unless extenuating circumstance AND only if needed for kid related needs since it is their money.