It made me think of my son and his “blankie”. It provides him immense comfort and security. He also talks about how snuggles on it give him “blankie energy”.

People do get attached to things. I usually think these things are usually tied to a positive life experience. …like my ratty hiking boots and backpack that have visited countless places with me.

It’s kind of like when a song or smell makes you think back to a different time in your life.

Very thought provoking..thanks.

Maybe we would all do better controlling our stuff if we thought and spoke with greater precision.

To me saving money is about security. I won’t ever have to provide for anyone so I just want to be able to be free from financial worry so that I can concentrate on more important things.

When I finally came to realize that things were taking over, I started getting rid of much of the clutter that surrounded me.

Life is so much easier without so much stuff to get in the way.

Oh – one more thing – those moments of snuggling with precious little people are the absolute best.

@DrFunz…You said exactly what Trent should have said. Ensure that you have friends and be grateful for them. They are your support and source on intimacy (in the sense of having someone who knows you well and cares for you.) And your point that having a fulfilling job may be even more important for those without an immediate family, although it is true for anyone. Trent’s point seemed to be that a fulfilling job will fill the need of comfort and intimacy for a single person. Nope.
And ..um….if you think that this is “beating Trent up” maybe you should go back and read the posts on hanging laundry and the review of “Scratch Beginnings”.
But I nominate you to write the guest post. I’ll even be nice.

Agreed. The part about seeking comfort in caring for others rings hollow for singles. These are very much one-way relationships. If they weren’t, people in helping professions (psychologists, social workers, etc) wouldn’t need supervision and peer support groups, which they absolutely do.

re: single people. I have been single my whole life. It is a choice, not driven by lack of opportunity or inability to commit. Around 22, I felt called to and then committed to something else that takes all my energy and knew that it would be incompatible with an intimate partner, as inconceivable as that may seem to many. Yet, I have been joyful, fulfilled and loved throughout my 50+ years. I have many friends, men and women, some going back 40 years. We get together often, we help each other out emotionally and, right now, financially, because one of my friends is out of work. We find lots of way to NOT spend money together and we have fun doing it. (pot-lucks, road trips, camping, canning, book clubs, sharing DVDs, books, house-sitting pets, etc.)

But this does not solve the intimacy issue which is expressed in many of these posts. One cannot expect long-lasting intimacy unless one is willing to commit to the relationship, invest in it and, yes, take the risk of being burned. Many single people call themselves single, but really are otherwise. They are in relationships that are essentially marriages without vows. As such, they bring that intimacy into their lives.

For the other singles, those who still seek intimacy but are not in a relationship, for whatever reason, or those who are willing to forgo that one-on-one partner, I would say, find that which fulfills you – persons, work, hobbies, God, etc. Look seriously at what the world needs, listen to the needs of others and MATCH YOUR GIFTS AND TALENTS with those needs. Others call us to be our fullest selves and we can find great joy in that. I am of the belief that single people are not single by “default”; single people do not exist simply because they didn’t or couldn’t be married. That seems ridiculous to me. There is a special and necessary place in this world for those who choose the single life.

Thnak-you. As someone who works with the mentally handicapped, I know that it is a one-way street. I have loved almost every person I have served in this field. The experiance has been rewarding. But it is not family. Trent, your essay was great, but went off the mark when you talked about singles who are able to give in relationships. Consider the main point of your article:
“There is no material item on earth that can compare to being cared for by others – and caring for them, too, in a mutually healthy relationship.”
and then your comments on singles:
“One of my closest friends spends most of her waking hours working with the mentally handicapped and their families. Another close friend of mine is a hospice volunteer. In both cases, they’ve had the opportunity to build strong relationships with others – and in both cases, the people involved have come to find that accumulating stuff really doesn’t matter that much.”
While the end result may be that they realise stuff doesn’t matter, they are not in relationships where _they_ are cared for and are mutually healthy.
And if either of those friends snuggled with the people they cared for in bed or even on a couch…they would lose their positions post haste and could be looking at jail time.
Maybe you need to have a guest write a post about healthy and inexpensive relationships for singles.

@Jason, on Comment #7 :
Things can’t hate you back, is probably a weak argument. But, the point that Trent might do well to mention the flip side of things and cover his views is a valid.

May be, Trent can raise such a flip side, (just as he raises the case of the single), and cover how the possible merits of his view overwhelms the flip side.

IRG @ Comment #17, does that very well, by saying Love is not an RoI thing, the more unconditional it is, the better you feel.

I’ve blogged about it (in a post that will only come up Sunday morning, PDT) and thank you for it.

That will surely solve the person-vs-thing argument for most of us.

I am single, and haven’t handled babies for the past 10 years; so I don’t know how it feels !