I used to have a college “friend”, now she was a cheapskate! She would wait until AFTER I ordered a cheap beer at the bar & then she’d order her drink & quickly pay & said she’d get the first round & I could get the second. She would always get cheap beer the first round when she paid & then order an expensive mixed drink when it was my turn to pay. This happened twice before I told her I’d pay for my own drinks separately. Live & learn I guess.

We eat out occasionally and because of the rarity we enjoy it so much more and we ALWAYS tip at least 20%.

We’re not cheapskates but we save for something special. Our happiest times are evenings at home doing projects like brewing our own beer, gardening, cooking and chatting with eachother. All of which require little or no money.

I’m frugal. By my lights anyway.

I finished paying off a 2006 Toyota Corrolla this March, in less than 2 years.
I clean house myself, cook 90% of my meals, do my own manicures and pedicures (I do like a polished appearance)
My 10 year old TV was donated by a friend (she was getting rid of it). I was actually quite happy without one, but my friends thought it was “High time” I got one!
I rent, but it’s in part because my job requires moving every 6-8 months.
I clean with baking soda, vinegar, and plain soap, instead of expensive, harmful cleaners.
I’m debt-free but do maintain a card balance that I pay off in full each month.
I rarely eat out, but if I do I tip the server usually 20%.
I don’t buy the most expensive things, but I do shop at whole foods for authentic Ialian Parmegiano Reggiano and spicy whole leaf arugula (it tastes better and lasts twice as long as the cut variety in salad bags).
I groom my pets myself.
My company paid for an expensive professional certification that has added great value to my job skills. It was hard to sit through so many classes, AND work full time, for over a year but so worth it.
I started my career working a low paying (but very satisfying) job, and saving like crazy so I could get a masters degree. The money I saved covered living expenses for two years of college and return plane tickets.

On the other hand, I spend ~$50 bucks on a good haircut every six months or so, and tip the stylist a 20% as well.
I get regular massages, and because I signed up for a monthly service, I get them at half price or less.
My cats eat organic catfood. It’s the only thing they eat, and I spend maybe $20-$30 per month on them.

I have a $40 bottle of wine sitting on my kitchen counter waiting for a special occasion. It is a gold star winner made by a tiny winery in Sonoma, CA run by a couple. It was a splurge for sure, but I couldn’t resist buying it because it was so good, and because I WANT to support this pair in their wonderful endeavor to create good wine.

That trip to CA btw, was a long-awaited vacation, for me and my mom, which was a 7 day trip which included a road trip from Santa Barbara to San Francisco. I spent (including meals and gas and plane tickets and sight seeing) about $1600 total. But I can’t put a price on the things we saw, and the friends we met, and the sight of the vast silvery pacific ocean with the kelp beds, where wild otters swam and played. We stopped at a cafe perched on a mountain ledge, with vistas and the most incredible birds flying all around. I spent maybe $100 on lunch for 3 people. It was expensive. We could’ve picked up some sandwiches along the way, or just had the soup or something. But the sun was shining, and it was a bit nippy, and the sheer beauty of this place made us want to linger and talk and enjoy the moment. Really, for $100 bucks I had the most incredible afternoon. I chartered a sail boat for $160 for 3 hours in Santa Barbara, to take us up and down the coast, and see marine life. We had the boat to ourselves, and sprawled on deck enjoying the most perfect day ever made, and the sunshine, and the quiet. We saw otters and dolphins, seals and sea lions. My mother was thrilled. It was such a proud moment for me, to be able to give her this experience. It cost me money yes, but it was a time of her life for my mom. I’m not rich by any standards. But I saved for several years to be able to afford this trip. I bought tickets in an online deal, we stayed with friends and family along the way, (btw we took them out for a meal or brought gifts…we did not freeload on their hospitality). If we had stayed in the most expensive hotels or spent more $$$$, it couldn’t have been a better trip.

I have a friend who eats nothing but rice and chicken, day after day, week after week. Her foray into the vegetable world includes fried potatoes or the occasional pea. Oh, and she eats a lot of candy. She has an excellent bank balance for her age and income. She is proud of it. But she has some serious recurring health issues, which I think is in part due to her habit of eating poorly all the time and always buying cheap processed food. She is always on pain killers, and needs to go to her doctor at least 6-7 times a year. And she isn’t even 30.

Another friend had a high paying entry level job with a fortune 50 company. Yet she always complained that she didn’t have money. She ended up taking a large loan from her then boyfriend to meet expenses.

I think frugality is a fine trait…it is not to be confused with cheapness. IF you can afford it, if you have the money, why not buy the quality of food and other things that will pay for itself over time?

If I eat out (which is rarely), I do like to tip well, because the service is worth it to me. If you stiff the server, that to me is the worst thing, and I will never share a meal with that person again. I’ve gone out with friends, had a wonderful time, and then had them nickle and dime me to death, by not paying for their portion of the tips and taxes. I used to pick up the slack thinking I’ve had a wonderful time, why spoil it, but I’ve gotten tired of being treated like a sucker.

I live a moderate life. My basic necessities always come first – food, shelter, clothing. Anything else is a luxury and can be cut without a second thought. If that makes me cheap, so be it.

I must also weigh in on the “I’ve been careful with my money and it’s not fair I should have to help out people who haven’t.” You’re right. It’s not fair. Nor is life. It’s not fair that I’ve had cancer twice and you haven’t. It’s not fair I’ve survived my cancer when my neighbor hasn’t. It’s not fair that I have a secure job when millions of people don’t. It’s not fair that I give money to my church and to charity when the guy sitting next to me doesn’t. It’s not fair that my parents funded a college education for my brother but not for me. And it’s really not fair that because I’m very frugal I’m able to pay my taxes and pay my bills and help out someone who has less than I do. If you keep your focus on doing the right thing and treating people right it’s kind of tough to look at what’s “fair”.

And by the way, my college educated brother earns 5 times what I do (and I work 2 jobs!) but I wouldn’t trade his life for anything. True joy and contentment can’t be bought.

To me frugality is about having clear identified priorities and then arranging my finances to promote my priorities. Note that I said MY priorities, not society’s, and not someone else’s. Having clear priorities allows me to really not care what someone else may think about my choices. It’s not a priority in my life to make sure no one thinks I’m cheap. My priorities are far more interesting and far more satisfying to me.

And while I can agree with Sharon (comment #76) that compassion should be showed to those that through no fault of their own ended up in the situation they are in, I don’t agree that most bankruptcies are caused by unpaid medical bills.

Most bankruptcies are caused by an individual’s greed in having to have all the toys and the latest in everything and not being able to pay for them in cash but on credit. Always wanting more than they can afford.

Getting sick and not being able to pay medical bills just becomes a part of it. But I don’t believe that NMPatricia (Comment #71) was saying anything about bankruptcy and unpaid medical bills, but a mere comment on the benefits of healthy eating vs. not.

I know several people who have spent more than they make for many years and now will loose everything because they played that game and the economy has eaten away at jobs. And while I feel sorry for them I don’t believe that as taxpayers we should be saddled with their debt or others like them.

In the past I have been one of the play now pay later but I don’t believe anyone should be responsibly for my mess but me. And with God’s help I will continue to chip away at the mess we got in. And while it is tight currently I do believe we will get to the point where things are easier. And we will keep trying without filing for bankruptcy.

Our government, with bailouts for the asking, will have this Country in such a mess that it will take years and possibility generations to get out from under it. And that should not be a price those of us who take responsibility for our own actions should have to pay.

If you choose to put your hard-earned money towards things and goals that you value instead of recklessly feeding corporations and credit card companies, isn’t that a responsible thing to do?

Throwing money away without a tought may be fun, but it is also damn silly! if the silly guy were to lose his well-paying job, he may be forced to change his mind!

Like a lot of others have said, I am not doing this to sit on top of piles and piles of money to just count my gold and be like Rudolph Valentino’s uncle in “The Conquering Power” (see my website for a review ;) .) I would much rather have that piece of mind, security and independence than be burdened with debt collectors.

If you go to the matinee movies once a month to save on the ticket price, you may consider that frugal. But at first thought do you think your friend, who you know makes more money than you, who refuses to go at all and prefers to wait until they can watch a favorite film at home free on DVD from the library more frugal or cheaper than you?

Or maybe you suprise visit a realative in another state, they’re thrown into a tizzy because they plan their meals and shopping to the T and don’t have any food reserve to feed you. They have to go out and shop and you’ve blown their budget and shocked their system. After the uneasy visit would you consider them frugal or cheap?

I’ll put forth that for most folks, it takes a real level of growth and acceptance to be able to look at someone doing something you would personnally find ridiculous and wouldn’t bother with and thinking it was *frugal* versus *cheap*. Our insticts are to adversely label anything outside our norm as either extravagant or cheap. IMHO it takes time and life experience to get beyond that.

Cheap is about the least expensive choice, which sometimes is the more expensive choice. This happens because sometimes you truly do get what you pay for . . .