Often we self-medicate by excess; excessive spending, excessive drinking, excessive risk-taking. We’re trying to make ourselves feel better, we’re trying to cover for our perceived or real inadequacies, we’re trying to buy instant happiness and contentment without the heavy lifting required to really achieve them. It’s only natural that our finances bear the brunt of our futile attempts to present the veneer of success via the “right” clothes, cars, houses, and possessions. We’re trying to convince everyone, including ourselves, that we have made it. We’re trying to be accepted.

Emotional maturity goes hand-in-hand with new internal definitions of success, happiness, and contentment. Trent shows this change in his life when he describes being incredibly happy and content playing and napping with his kids, vs. having piles of boxed sets of trading cards, DVDs, video games etc. His new internal definitions are driving his financial actions, not the external definitions and expectations of acquiring collections of flashy expensive stuff.

Once a person makes the internal change, her/his valuation of the expensive ephemera and clutter is diminished. It becomes easier to make wise and frugal choices, because it doesn’t feel like giving up something. Somewhere in this process, we stop worrying about impressing others, or being accepted by others. We accept ourselves. That’s when we get out of the mindless consumerist rat race and make better choices for ourselves and our families.

I’m reminded by something that Lily Tomlin said, “The problem with winning the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

It’s of interest to me in that there are many parents who demonstrate NO emotional maturity in just about anything, including finances. Is it any wonder that so many reach alleged adulthood and have no sense of responsibility to themselves (let alone others) about money?

For many who come from severely dysfunctional families, and all that brings on sooo many levels, money issues are about far more than money. (In fact, I wish this was a topic you and others addressed but it’s one that is often overlooked since there’s a lot of shame in talking about one’s families and these type of issues and if you haven’t experienced it, it’s often impossible to write about it.) In fact, money problems are usually NOT about the money but about much deeper emotional issues.

Emotional maturity is a struggle for so many because so many have no role models growing up (and today, not so many in the workplace or elsewhere either, for that matter. )and no models elsewhere.

You learn what you see or are exposed to and with no exposure to mature adults and behavior, for example, it’s hard to learn and grow responsible.

And frankly, given the society as a whole, you can’t even learn from your neighbors anymore either. (And let’s not bring up religion. A lot of the folks who have stolen from investors and companies are allegedly “religious.”)

I hope you consider, if you haven’t already, at some point, creating and giving classes for kids AND their parents (together, in one room) about many of the topics you cover.

I read your blog because you are one of the few who manages to get to the real heart of money issues, which ARE emotionally based, no matter what many think. You therefore bring a reality to all your advice that many ignore. And it makes your advice more relevant.

The people who read your work are “the choir” as it were. I hope you can find a way to bring your work to a broader audience…those who aren’t even yet aware of how your work could help them.

One last bit. You suggest “tolerating” your emotions. I would say, one has to do much more. One has to carefully examine them. Don’t just accept them without really considering their source. Until you get to the source, you’re just managing them, which can be difficult–and is the reason so much does not change in behavior. You need to face them, go thru them and really question how they control your life…until YOU understand and then, with a conscious choice, alter them to better serve your life.

Emotions exist. They are neither inherently good nor bad until we act on them. Denying them leads to as many issues as acting on them.

You are sooo on target in advising others to deal with their emotional baggage. If we really look closely, we will see the root of so much of our choices and behavior. Self-sabotage comes from within.

What I’d love to see someday is articles, courses, etc. created by you and a psychologist with your same POV. Now that would be something.

Thanks again for a thoughtful and thought-provoking post.

Yes, this article is a great one (regardless of where the quote comes from). I know I’ve been thinking about how I’ve matured in life, but I never made the correlation with how I spend my money with it, but I do think that there is one. I think that my biggest problem is controlling my emotions, because when I get upset, I often get these VERY STRONG urges to do something impulsive, like jump on a train, or buy expensive things. I’ve gotten MUCH better at not listening to them, I would just like to think that the next step is not having them at all.

Stop, ignore his mistakes, and move on.

Does the point resonate with you less knowing it’s not from ‘the’ Adam Smith and merely the Adam Smith of “The Money Game?” To me it doesn’t matter. The point of life isn’t to get everything 100% correct, sometimes we make mistakes. Trent still got the point across, and it is still a valid point. Stop analyzing the wrong thing. Stop being an editor and start being a philosopher.

-Nate

I agree with you Trent. Knowing who you are is vital to being able to step back, see the big picture and make decisions accordingly.

They tend to make people buy high and sell low as opposed to the other way around . . .

You are so right. Money issues are not solved by budgets and are so intertwined with emotions. Unless you have the insight to what motivates and rewards the way you manages money, the best of intentions are easily sabotaged. People are generally motivated by security, freedom, acceptance, status, making a difference, etc. Once you know what means to you, it’s easier to plan how to get those needs met in other ways and subsequently easier to get a handle on your money. Check out Money Habitudes, a quick, easy and fun deck of cards that provide great insights and conversations.

Brilliant mind and the father of capitalism. :)

We don’t get many opportunities to prove our mettle, and these are some of those golden chances to do so.

-Nate

Sometimes I get the feeling you’ve created a persona for this blog that doesn’t quite coincide with who you really are.

Little inconsistencies, stuff like this… makes one wonder.