We ended up choosing Hubby’s sister (and discussed it with her), with a close friend of mine as our “2nd choice” if SIL couldn’t do it for some reason. Our children will have approx $800k in assets if anything happens to us, and I made sure our guardians know about this money and that if it happens, financially they won’t have to worry about it.

But I think you’re right to consider ties to families. With that in mind our wills establish a trust for the children with the assets, administered by my father, and Hubby’s mother, thus ensuring both families HAVE to be involved with the children.

But how about Grandparents? When our eldest was born, we choose a couple (close friends and her Godparents) as guardians, but discussing it with my parents and sister made me realise how uncomfortable they felt about our children potentially being raised outside the family. So we re-thought our plans. Admittedly it is better for our children to have ‘parents’ in their 30’s vs 50’s, but family won for us. My parents are in very good health, more active than us and financially much more secure. I’m not sweating what will happen any more if we’re not around. They will be in loving, secure hands. I would however prefer that they stayed in the area where we live (currently 30 mins from my parents) for stability in schooling and friendships should the unthinkable happen.

My husband’s sister would be an equally good choice, possibly better. But she lives in San Francisco and has a different life to ours in the UK. It would be a culture shock for the children at an already traumatic time and remove them from all the family they see regularly in the UK. Long term they would probably be the best choice, but in the short term the disruption would be too much. And they will always be there for our children anyway so will keep close contact with them regardless of where in the world they are.

Trent, please don’t put off making this choice any longer. Otherwise, the state of Iowa could be making the decision instead of you.

I also think a big part is that no one wants to think about leaving their kids behind, so they’ll come up with any excuse why everyone else would make a lousy guardian, just to avoid going through the motions.

My family is out. My parents are old, not of good health, drink too much, and don’t take care of themselves. I have many siblings, most older, and none of them are interested in taking on a toddler. My brother has two little girls, but I do not agree with his values for the most part.

That leaves my sister-in-law and her husband (2 kids), my in-laws (divorcing, and too old), and our best friends (also two kids, might be too much for them). Though our values match our best friends more than anything else, and they have the added advantage of being local, we decided to go with family. This would give our son an assured connection to the family (which is currently 3000 miles away). As he gets older, we might reconsider. (Maybe when he’s 10, he’d rather stay on the west coast where it’s familiar than move 3000 miles away).

Values seem less important, especially matching those of the parents. Of course you don’t want the guardians teaching them to be criminals, but kids will figure out their own values regardless of what you do. If anything the values should match those of the kids rather than the parents (assuming any difference). Maybe better would be to pick out people who can handle the kinds of personalities your kids have. They are sympathetic instead of always butting heads, for example.

Age is sort of important, but as a 46-year-old with a pregnant sister (who’s 10 years younger than me), I don’t think my age would be a problem. Overall health would be more important, although that could change at any time.

Money situations can change even faster than health.

I’d think #1 is they love your children, #2 is they wouldn’t mind raising them if necessary, and #3 is they would be able to raise them. All kinds of people are able to raise kids and even if it seems impossible, you tend to figure out ways if you have to. Yes, you can raise six kids at once. Yes, you can raise kids of you’re in a wheelchair. People can do hard things if they want to. Especially as kids get older, the kids can help take care of each other, too.

It also goes without saying to keep all the kids together, which is great.

If I had kids I would pay attention to who interacts with them the best and then talk to them about whether they feel they are this awesome because it’s a rare occasion they can easily psych themselves up for or if it’s more because they just love being around your kids whenever possible.

So the fact that they are lax we are strict will just have to be secondary. I know they will be well loved and in the end that is all that matters.

In my case, our guardian lives out of the country and as a result, my attorney said that the court has a preference for the kids to stay in state. In other words, if my other family sues to get the kids (highly unlikely), they might get them – despite our desires to have the kids go somewhere else.

Has anyone else ever dealt with this issue?

And it does happen. My sister and I were orphaned at ages 11 and 9 (parents killed in a car crash). There was no guardianship set up. We lived for a couple of years with various aunts/uncles (separately), then the oldest sibling, who finally turned 21 , was named (and requested to be) guardian to both of us. Being able to stay with my sister and be united with my other siblings SAVED MY LIFE.

Naming a guardian is serious business for all involved.

I don’t want children, but if it came to it I would gladly take in orphaned relatives if I was the best option for them. I would hope for money to cover some or all of the costs though.

He is an only child and we both live here in NY near his family. I have a big family in MA.

My father-in-law is financially well off, but as far as values are concerned, he’s way at the other end of the spectrum.

My parents are not super well-off financially, but my dad works hard and has always been able to provide. Of course, there would be life insurance as well.

My parents share the same values, but then there’s the issue that these poor people are only a handful of years away from their 7th child growing up and leaving the house. I think they deserve a break!

I have 2 young adult brothers – one married, and one in school, but for various reasons, they don’t even make the short list.

Which leaves my 4 sisters – ages 20 (in college), 17 (in college), 14 and 12. Obviously, none of them are anywhere near ready to take on the burden of chilren.

Right now, I’m leaning towards giving guardianship to my parents if something happens in the next coule years, but once my sisters grow older and become established, we would switch to one of them.

It’s an awful thing to think about, but even more awful if there’s no plan in place.