Comments on: The Lessons I Learned From My Family Tree

By: Gaurav

Gaurav — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 22:26:35 +0000

I used to think like this. I wanted to, and still do, want to do something that makes such a big impact to the way people live that people remember who I am, or was when I go. However, I can’t help but think at times, that is a wrong approach. Why obsess about whether people can remember you or not and then decide what you can do to make it so, and why not just keep doing great work according to you and let your work decide whether you are worth remembering or not. I think megalomaniacs think the way we are thinking and they try to achieve big things at great cost to others. It is better to be nothing or something based on your work. If nothing survives, your values and influence to your near and dear ones is good enough. I think materially, I would be very happy if nothing survives after 100 years. Even if only few people talk about my feelings, thoughts, values, deeds, my way of life, I would be very happy.

By: littlepitcher

littlepitcher — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 15:36:08 +0000

Do leave a written or oral record of your life. If your relatives will do the same, you will have an impressive effect upon your descendants.

I have to rely on tales heard (or overheard) during childhood to document hereditary diseases, ethnicity, and which family lines to avoid. Written records were available only for the male ancestors. Leave your children plenty of information, even if inadequately documented at your end. They will have the pleasure of doing the research.a

By: Ian P.

Ian P. — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:01:26 +0000

There is one thing that we all leave behind which remains forever. It is the impression and influence we’ve had on others. This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from coach Lou Holtz. It sums up what I’m talking about.
“Coaching gives one a chance to be successful as well as significant. The difference between those two is that when you die, your success comes to an end. When you are significant, you continue to help others be successful long after you are gone. Significance lasts many lifetimes. That is why people teach, why people lead, and why people coach.”

By: Ken

Ken — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:47:56 +0000

Here’s another way to affect your family tree: Teach them to be debt free..ie..teach them how to be responsible with money.

By: Kevin

Kevin — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:37:26 +0000

I really like Dan’s (#13) comment. I mean, here’s something to consider: There isn’t one single living person on the entire planet who was here 130 years ago. Every single person on this planet was born in the last 130 years. We inherited all the knowledge, inventions, and technology that was discovered and created by people who are now all dead. They’ve passed it all on to us, so we didn’t have to start from scratch and invent the wheel and fire and the telephone all over again.

Similarly, consider that in the year 2150, every single person who is currently walking on this Earth will be dead. Not a single one of us will remain. Yet the people who will be alive in 2150 will enjoy the technology and knowledge that we will pass on to them. They’re depending on us to make their lives better, and they don’t even exist yet.

Does it really matter if they know our names or not?

By: Dominique

Dominique — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:29:36 +0000

What a beautiful sentiment. Thank you for inspiring me today.

By: DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad

DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 11:50:16 +0000

Interesting topic.

A lasting legacy is a tough thing to build– I have often thought of trying to leave a brief record of my life and learnings for my kids to share with their kids . . . I guess it would need to be in the form of letters or a journal.

By: Ishan

Ishan — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 07:19:33 +0000

I don’t think we are really anonymous. We are well known, even if in the closed circle around us

By: Dan

Dan — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 05:30:39 +0000

I would disagree with the idea that your ancestors left no mark in the world. Your ancestors got up everyday and made the world work. They weren’t in it for the pride of their name lasting forever. They were the unsung heroes that answered the call of what needed to be done in their day, like we should in ours.

By: Maureen

Maureen — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 02:11:50 +0000

My father passed away 3 weeks ago. He was in his 89th year. My siblings and I found great comfort in old family photos. He touched many lives as a teacher, businessman and even scout leader. Some of these contributions were documented in the photos. Mostly they reflected family life. I hope to pass on these photos to his grandchildren and their children.

I suggest you and your wife explore scrapbooking. It will allow you to document important milestones in your life and your childrens’ lives. In future years they will enjoy seeing photos of themselves as children and seeing how important your family is to you. Include journaling with the photos to tell the story and share your feelings. It will likely be an heirloom treasured by future generations of your family. It would certainly be a more personal and intimate monument to your existence.

By: almost there

almost there — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 01:59:01 +0000

I think it is a good thing that most people in the USA are not remembered. Life goes on and people live their lives in relative obscurity with their memory fading as their friends and relatives pass on. I wouldn’t want to be part of the People magazine or Entertainment crowd. Now if one wants to be remembered- become a serial killer. They are remembered by their first, middle and last names! My father was part of the most significant/memorable event that happened with the marine corps in WWII (was part of the first group of marines that ascended Mt. Subarachi and planted the flag during the battle for Iwo Jima) but he and his family are the only ones that know. Why? Because he never talked about it. But he did his part for his country suffering lifelong disabilities. There are millions like him that contributed to this great country and remain unrecognized. Perhaps a fault of our society is that people want to be larger-than-life vs each doing their daily simple things contribute to the overall good of society.

By: Janet Rowley

Janet Rowley — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 01:29:50 +0000

I hope that the values I instill into my 2 daughters will live on past my life. I still remember many stories from my grandmother and she died in 1964. I hope that I am leaving little pieces of myself in the writing that I have done in journals for my daughters and in my blog. I hope that they were really listening all these years as I have been talking to them.

By: Steph

Steph — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 00:36:06 +0000

I understand what you mean. I used to worry that I would fade into disappearance in a generation or two. Finding myself on google really cheered me up. As early as two years ago if I googled my name in quotes I didn’t come up (I have an unusual and uncommon last name). Now when I do a few things come up. A small way to measure success, I know, but the way I see it my name is now on the map.

By: Nebula

Nebula — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 23:45:33 +0000

I agree totally with Kate@LivingtheFrugalLife #6; what’s wrong with living your life for what it means to you? I value my life, and I don’t care if I’m remembered or not. I don’t want to spread my genes around (really don’t see the point of that) and I only want to spread good will around while I’m alive.

By: kathee

kathee — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 23:44:11 +0000

Share your family info on ancestry.com – it’s amazing what info you may discover there, free! I have found several cousins I didn’t know about, several times removed. One is in the process of writing his family history, in which I have able to provide some filling of holes. It’s fun – but it sure can consume into the rabbit hole!

By: 444

444 — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:57:59 +0000

You guys are especially maudlin for a rainy/snowy Wednesday afternoon.

My great-grandmother’s brother founded a school and associated junior college in Georgia.

That just happens to be something that remains documented in various places, but all of our predecessors did plenty of positive things that simply aren’t easy to identify and quantify. It would be nice if biographies came with genealogical data. It is frustrating to see whole families and families before them reduced to lists of names and dates, with no stories connected.

By: iddy

iddy — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:44:55 +0000

Trent, you’ve just touched the subject of things such as imortality.
When humans cease to be, what would have ultimately been worth doing? what mark would remain?
It’s inevitable in some billion billion years the Earth will be gone. What will remain of human history and culture? What will remain of anything that has happened here?
Many more years later the Universe will run out of energy, and begin to pull itself back in, closing up to start again, again. The big crunch will be followed by a big bang, erasing everything. Everything.
To wish to preserve your essence is only human, the selfish desire to pass on ourselves, to procreate etc. However we will be forgotten. No matter how significant we make our lives, people find new deitys and new gods to follow, and the rest fall to the pages of time.

Another way of thinking about it, is if everyone were to pass on something significant, the world would be filled up pretty quickly. Like, if people didn’t die, but children kept being born, eventually we would starve/be far too cramped.
To not loose some culture, and forget those before us, we restrict ourselve, and have no room for anything new. We stop creativity. Like inbreeding or a stagnant pond.

Everything has to die. Culture, life, souls, the earth, the universe. It exists only for a time, sometimes for ages and sometimes for only a fraction of a second.

By: Karen

Karen — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:44:00 +0000

The best thing you can do is to write your own story, not just the articles & books you do, but write about the lovestory you have with your wife, how you met, your courtship, your wedding, the life you have together, the birth of your children etc.

Being a genealogist & a speaker I encourage people to take the time to write their life, your impressions of the elections, your views of the world, and leave them in a format that your children and those descendants who come after you can read – leaving those things behind along with photos etc will ensure that the people who matter, the descendants will know the real you. The things that mattered, family, home etc., to you.

Don’t let anyone tell you that they won’t care, because the day will come when they will. It doesn’t matter if you are a rock star, or a famous quarterback, to your descendants in the future what matters is who you, the real person was. What you stood for, who you loved, the things that mattered. Make the time to record those things, Its worth it!

Karen (Michigan)

By: Jammie

Jammie — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:16:19 +0000

It is my opinion that your book would sell more copies if you also offered it in an ebook form, especially in a Kindle format on Amazon. That would open up a whole new audience for you.

By: Kate@LivingTheFrugalLife

Kate@LivingTheFrugalLife — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:52:16 +0000

You know I’ve given this some thought as well. And my conclusion is that I don’t mind fading into the mists of time. Few people leave any kind of enduring image behind them, and many of those are not positive. I can’t see how it matters to the quality of my life if someone will remember me and know something about me 50 years after I’m dead and gone. I don’t even have kids, so I don’t have that sense of “leaving” something behind. All I’ve got is a garden and some nephews, who I hope will remember me fondly. But if, 80 years from now, they rarely think about me, it’s sure not hurting me any right now.

I find it almost comforting to know that I will die and leave no trace in history. That’s the fate of the vast majority of humans and all living things. I can live with it.