Comments on: Where Can You Turn If You Lose It All?

By: Investment Tips

Investment Tips — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 19:40:43 +0000

I agree with you .. having insurance for self is the first and foremost thing we all should do.. term insurance will serve the purpose best… anyone not having insurance is pretty much asking for trouble… Thanks for the lovely post..

By: Robyn

Robyn — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 16:58:10 +0000

Trent,
I’ve a started a homebased business in the last few months and I’m wondering if you have recommendations on software for managing small business accounting? Any you like better than others? Thanks!

By: ItHasToBeSaid

ItHasToBeSaid — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 19:15:53 +0000

There’s an lesson in there which IMHO should be stressed more than it is.

A lot of the people we consider as friends are merely acquaintances. The test of a friendship is when they are there to help in times of need. It’s times like these which separate the friends from the benefactors – people who befriend you out of some benefit they receive from you. I wish this didn’t sound as corny as it does, but it’s probably the biggest lesson I have learnt time and again proven true. Cultivate close relationships, stop giving time to people you are merely acquaintances or who only approach you when they are in want (notice that I do not say need) of help. They are most often than not those who will be the first to disappear in difficult times like those Ellen is facing.

By: Barbara

Barbara — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 14:37:10 +0000

Thank you so much for this article. You’ve been writing some humdingers recently!

You inspired me to give voice to some thoughts I’ve been having recently about investing in relationships: http://mydailyround.blogspot.com/2009/02/investing-in-relationships.html

By: tammy

tammy — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 20:26:03 +0000

What a really heartwrenching story. But how wonderful Ellen could count on her parents. There are many of us who help our parents, knowing full well if disaster struck, we could not count on them. Ellen is indeed lucky to have a warm and loving family.

By: m

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 15:29:45 +0000

Interesting responses, some blame Ellen, some blame her friends, some even blame her possible lack of knowledge of what she could be eligible for. Ellen I am so sorry for your loss, my own father died suddenly and had almost no insurance, just enough to pay the hospital and for the funeral. Mom signed up for Social Security (a great help) and many friends said at the funeral if we need anything just call. Well she called a few during emergencies and some helped, but it wasn’t long before they were already committed or just was unable to help. I felt very angry at the people mom went out of her way to help, she was a sahm, and watched kids during school holidays while the parents worked, volunteered at the school, etc. Mom let me know these people also have a life of their own and life goes on. While I learned a valuable lesson, if I can’t help a person after a tragedy, I don’t offer, I give my condolences, if there is something I can do later I offer. If they call and ask for help and I can’t do it I am honest, but many times I offer to do something else. I’ve also help anonymously, I’ve sent grocery gift certificates, certificates for meals like pizza, movie passes, signed them up for the Christmas basket and gift thing many churches offer. The thing to remember is this is an unforeseen tragedy, to try to pin the blame on anyone is a waste of effort, there are many assumptions made in these responses, why didn’t he have insurance, why didn’t she volunteer,……. why does it make any difference now. Learn from her experience, and remember life goes on.

By: DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad

DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 13:14:02 +0000

It is amazing how quickly things can turn . . . another reason to avoid taking things for granted.

The lack of life insurance in this story is sad– about $1 a day could have solved that.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 11:23:04 +0000

I’ve always heard in situations like this offers of help should be concrete. It’s too easy to be polite about offering/refusing “anything at all”. Instead, offer something that can be refused or altered without too much effort. “Since your kids go to my kids school, I’ll pick up/drop off yours the rest of the year for free.” or “I’ve been a financial planner at my church’s Dave Ramsey ministry, would you like me to help you form a new budget over the next few months?” or “Since we are neighbors, I’ll mow your lawn this summer while I mow mine”. “I’ll watch the kids on Tuesday afternoon and evenings while you do errands”
When I didn’t have a car, I often wished someone would offer me their car one evening every couple of weeks. If I could have planned for it, that would have saved me ten hours a week of effort going to the grocery store and carrying laundry. Specific and not too much effort on someone’s part. And when you offer, put an end mark so the person doesn’t feel like they are on welfare, and that it really isn’t too much trouble.

By: Tina

Tina — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 07:48:55 +0000

Life insurance does helps and if planned perfect it even safes our life.At any situation either family helps or not we can relay on Insurence and get started back overcoming the stress.

By: Kim

Kim — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:21:13 +0000

While people can be incredibly generous when presented with a big immediate need, their patience, compassion and generosity end as soon as their attention span limit is reached.

Are we all guilty? Haven’t we heard that many of Katrina victims STILL aren’t back in their homes? How many of us who donate when a child is injured stay in touch with that family over time to make sure they are okay?

There is a strange and false assumption made here that this is somehow the victim’s fault and that the fact that humans are fickle is her fault. It makes us all more comfortable to shake our heads and tsk, tsk that he hadn’t purchased more life insurance and that she did not have the foresight to keep her career in case something like this might happen.

In other words, at 27 when I was diagnosed with a lifelong debilitating condition, I should have had the foresight to have purchased sufficient disability or long-term care insurance to have taken care of me in comfort.

Perhaps we should all have taken out insurance against a national or global economic downturn. The facts are harsh. Her life has changed. It’s sad. It’s tragic. She needs help. We would all like to blame her for needing help. Perhaps the help she needs is how to get back to school, friends to help with the children while she gets the education she needs to make a decent living. Perhaps we all need to look at ourselves and figure out when we blame a person for things they have no control over and pretend that we are exempt and immune from tragedy because of our massive foresight and good planning.

By: lindsay

lindsay — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:07:44 +0000

I am really late reading yesterday’s essay from Trent, and I don’t have time to read all the responses, but I hope Trent or someone has told Ellen that she qualifies for Social Security benefits under her late husband for her children. She should definitely be collecting that.

By: beth

beth — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:38:08 +0000

Hey Trent– Maybe this lays the perfect foundation for a post about where people *can* turn in the event of emergencies. More and more people are in need of resources these days, but those who have never been near the edge before often don’t know where to look. Public benefits liks SSI, WIC, and food stamps are there to help people, although the application process and beauracracy can be stifling. Utility assistance, food warehouses, and sometimes even rental assistance can be found in lots of towns if one knows how to look for it. I hated it when I found myself in a position many years ago needing to rely on some of those options, but once I got back on my feet, I was able to donate back to those causes to help keep them afloat and to help the next suddenly-single working mom who couldn’t make ends meet.

By: littlepitcher

littlepitcher — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 18:36:43 +0000

Give up on expecting people to “be there for you”.
Whether death or a economic crisis lays you low, once your status in life visibly is reduced, you will lose many so-called friends.
After losing a job in a previous economic downturn, I finally took a job as a waitress after several weeks of searching without results. At the time, I was a member of a women’s political caucus in a large coastal city.
Once I let them know that my employment circumstances had changed and that I had to take a survival job, they froze me out. So much for feminism!

Rely on those three people Rob mentioned and you will do fine.

By: Anne

Anne — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 18:08:34 +0000

I’m so glad several people mentioned Social Security benefits. She *really* needs to look into that immediately as there may be a time limit. There are benefits for children up to 18 and for widows — for which her husband paid into. It would change her situation significantly.

By: Jim

Jim — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 17:57:35 +0000

She should definitely go sign up for social security survivor benefits. I’m puzzled why she wouldn’t have unless for whatever reason her husband didn’t pay SS.

Its regrettable that they didn’t have sufficient life insurance. If you have dependents then you should get enough life insurance to cover the loss of either parent. IMHO 10 times your income for 20 year term should be fine.

As far as the womans friends not supporting her, frankly I think thats mainly just a reflection on those people. She did say her close friends still stuck by her. This is the kind of thing that defines close friendships and tests friendships that aren’t close. I wouldn’t expect most casual friendships to hold up so well under this kind of situation.

Here’s a thought: go ask all your friends if they can give you a ride to the airport or help your cousin move. Do you expect them all to say yes to this kind of favor? If not then I certainly wouldn’t expect them to be supportive and help you out after a death, job loss, etc.

Jim

By: Mule Skinner

Mule Skinner — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 16:32:26 +0000

Re Amish: They have a comprehensive social safety net. Some other societies have this too, but it usually depends on staying in one community so the network can develop. I would probably have a strong network back in the city where I grew up, but alas I chose to move on to other places.

By: noelle

noelle — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 16:30:20 +0000

As a single gal, with parents who are deceased and they never kept up with their family so no family either, I just lost my job about 2 weeks ago. It is very difficult because even my friends are struggling. I am stuck in a small town and know very few people. Ironically enough, I was looking for a church when I lost my job. All of the programs out there are geared towards families, which are great (!), but for those of us with no one to rely on, we are just stuck on the sidelines. The great part is unemployment is 1/2 of my regular paycheck. And the kicker? If I get a job making more than 1/2 my unemployment, I lose my unemployment. Oh, that equals to anything over $550 a month and I lose my unemployment.
So, now what?!

By: Carole

Carole — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 16:13:26 +0000

I don’t think we can be prepared for every possible scenario life can throw at us. I am a Christian and think that God will help us thru these difficulties. Others may feel that “where there is a will, there is a way” to get thru these seemingly insurmountable problems.

By: kari

kari — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 15:13:41 +0000

Hi,
I don’t know if “Ellen” knows about http://www.mattlogelin.com/ and the recently formed liz logelin foundation…I think she might qualify for some $$$ etc…

By: john d

john d — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:48:59 +0000

Maybe i am missing something, but the thing that i take away from this article is that your ‘stuff’ can be taken away from you in the blink of an eye with no fault of your own. Sure, you can prepare yourself by saving money, getting life insurance, etc, but at the end of the day, there are things beyond your control that can change your life in a profound way. I think this article really underscores the fact that no one person, or family, can go it alone. We need the interrelationships of our friends, family, and communities for our own basic survival. The relationships you build with your family, friends, and community have their own permanence and can be very valuable assets when everything else you have is gone.