Comments on: Eight Thoughts for New Parents

By: DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad

DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 13:53:25 +0000

Great post!

The kids drive me crazy sometimes, but they are priceless. They make me laugh, remember things, and see things in a new light.

I especially love to cook for them and see them enjoy it . . . among other things.

The only problem is they grow so fast– don’t miss grabbing the moments.

By: Financial Dad

Financial Dad — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:44:14 +0000

One thought to consider as well is to weigh the cost/benefit of having one spouse stay home with children. In the long haul, this has saved us some money in childcare costs but also reaped some major family/social rewards. I believe that our kids have a greater sense of security because of my wife staying home with the kids. Interestingly, my son was much more prepared for kindergarten than many of his daycare attending counterparts.

By: bay

bay — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 19:21:39 +0000

This is a great post, and as a totally isolated new mom, I wished someone had told me about meetup.com earlier. I wanted to be able to start going to playdates, but how the heck do you find them? When I was at my wit’s end, someone told me about meetup and I found a couple of groups in my area, and it has been an invaluable resource in getting us out of the house for cheap or free activities and meeting new people. Just wanted to throw that out there.

By: Denise

Denise — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:55:14 +0000

My 2 cents worth: Unless you are planning to have a bunch of kinds, used is just as good as new, taking in mind safety features. Most of our child’s equipment came to us second hand. Looking back, the only new item I would have gotten was a newer child car seat, the kind that has a permanent base and a removable carrier. I used to worry that I didn’t have the money to buy the newest learning toy and I secretly thought that I was depriving my daughter. Nonsense, she is an intelligent, happy teenager. She slept in a laundry basket as an infant and all of our stuff came from friends and tag sales. If I had to do it all again, I would invest more money in the family-type games that we could all play together such as scrabble, checkers and so on.

By: Bobbi

Bobbi — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:44:03 +0000

I have enjoyed learning much about children from this blog. We are cloth diapering our twins with great success. LOVE BUM GENIUS!!

I would also say that new parents need to realize that much of what is written in magazines and on-line is slanted towards worst case scenario. Even with twins, we are up very little in the night, have not experienced great expenses, etc.

Our one hint we got from my sister’s experience with our niece. Don’t buy clothes (and definitely not at retail prices)- no matter how cute they are. This is the most frequent gift, we have more than we can use even with two children, and everything has been a gift.

I’d write more, but one of the boys is hungry…

By: Paul

Paul — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 11:46:00 +0000

Good points, but I disagree about the cloth vs disposable diaper analysis (the linked article). My experience with my newborn is disposables with wipes cost about one-half of what you have in your breakdown (don’t worry – we change him 10 times a day).

By: reulte

reulte — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 10:34:54 +0000

I’d like to add another thought for new parents – particularly mothers. Childbirth can leave your hormones a mess for a while, sometimes permanently. Take care of yourself and don’t let someone saying “Of course you’re tired, you have a new baby” stop you from (1) asking for help (from partner, parents, friends) and (2) checking with the MD for anything from post-partum depression to hypothyroidism.

Also, I agree with Kai (#14) — Take advice from anyone and everyone; you’ll figure out which ones work for you and which ones don’t.

By: Kai

Kai — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 04:25:58 +0000

@ Melody, comment #13.
You’re not being entirely fair to the childless. It is very possible for someone without children to still have valuble insights. No-one wants advice from someone who’s sure they know the only right way, and everything will be a little different for each child. That I take for granted. When it comes to having useful tips, or knowledge on what is common, or great strategies on some topics, the childless can still help out great. I have no children of my own, but I worked in a daycare for a few years, and babysat many, many, children. when it comes to ideas for dealing with some of the long-run things, I can’t help you. But when you’ve managed to keep eight children happy at once, you sure learn some great ideas that any parent might be able to use. I’ve also seen a ton of different strategies employed, and have the broad survey of knowledge that a parent who’s never held anyone but their own two kids completely lacks. So while a know-it-all isn’t fun regardless of their background, it doesn’t necessarily take popping out your own to learn some things.

By: Christy

Christy — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 02:42:25 +0000

I was a little put off when you grouped clothing and food with daycare. Food can be cheap and healthy and clothing is cheap from family and garage sales. But, in our area (SF bay area), daycare is roughly $10/hr or $1600/mo and this is the ONE reason why we have not had kids yet. We are paying off our debts and cannot make this work with kids – we have calculated that we will need to wait another 3 years before that cost can be absorbed after our debts are paid.

By: Melody

Melody — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 02:06:57 +0000

Great post. I wish I had found more parents to be friends with earlier. Being “stuck” at home with my daughter was excruciatingly boring for awhile!
I also agree about the ‘heed your own instincts’ part. My favorite is when you get parenting advice from people who have no kids! LOL That’s just priceless. According to things I’d heard/read my daughter should be either dead (from co-sleeping) or a complete spoiled princess (co-sleeping, carrying, etc) She’s neither, I’m glad to say.
I know this is a slight downer, but Trent, bless your family, didn’t have to deal with what we had to deal with. And the fact that certain toddler/child problems are more prevalent then we’d like to think I definately say you should get your financial house in order and make sure you have good insurance! Our daughter developed Type 1 diabetes at 18 mo. We were TOTALLY un-prepared. Part of the reason I’m looking at bankruptcy right now as an un-avoidable step is medical bills because we are self-employed with no insurance. No one ever goes into(at least a 1st) delivery with a ‘SHTF’ fund on purpose, but with autism, diabetes (1-in-5 children will get it in their lifetime) and other problems that could arise later it’s always a good idea to expect the best outcome but be prepared for something worse!
But may none of you ever need it. You can add it to your perfectly healthy, intelligent, giving, loving child’s college/house/car fund. :-)

By: LC

LC — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:27:55 +0000

VERY timely post for me. It was written on my due date. I plan to try cloth diapering but I’ve had a couple friends say their kids screamed when they wore them so hope it goes ok. I agree that they aren’t as expensive as people think.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:21:29 +0000

Good for you, Lynne! My parents had similar inflexible rules, and the only things we were spanked for violating. And while I don’t have any kids, I see so many parents taking such stupid chances with their precious kids it breaks my heart.

When the kids are old enough to play soccer, DON’T let them head the ball. This can so easily lead to “minor” concussions and subtle brain damage.

By: Gail

Gail — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:08:13 +0000

Trent, what a wonderful, insightful blog. Babies really don’t need tons of “stuff” like the advertisers would like us to believe.
However, one of things that new parents need to be aware of are the costs of the maternity care, the birth, and the hospital stay and related doctor’s visits for the new mom and baby afterwards. Depending on your insurance, the costs can easily bankrupt you before the baby sees his or her first birthday.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 16:09:22 +0000

I second the comment by Quatrefoil. I haven’t been able to have children, and each time one of our friends gets pregnant I know that we will lose another couple as friends. My husband insisted that this wouldn’t happen with our closest friends, but we haven’t seen them in a year. They say they don’t have time because of the baby’s schedule (he’s over a year old now). But they still do things with their friends that have kids. It is devastating for me and I don’t understand it.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 15:20:19 +0000

Lots of good comments! I especially liked #4 — as a child-free person, I have more than once had to watch a friendship slide away because my friends either simply had no time for someone without kids, or (in at least one case) actively resented the fact that I had more time than they did.

As for the cloth diapers–excellent tip. People lived for years with cloth diapers, and with proper cleaning (shake the poo out of them, use HOT water, etc) they are perfectly fine. A funny story–when I was young I lived on the Gulf Coast, about five miles away from a Naval Air Station. Our area was hit by a major hurricane and everything, even the Navy flight approach beacons, lost power. My little sister was only a year old, and every morning my mother hung the diapers out to dry on the deck. One day she overslept and was awakened by a knock on the door. THere was a full bird colonel & underlings, asking if we wew okay. She said yes, only to be told, “Then, ma’am, if you could get those diapers out by 8 am we’d appreciate it. My pilots use it as a directional landing landmark.” (She said yes–if she had someone from the NAS to do the washing.)

By: Lynne

Lynne — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 15:05:20 +0000

I would like to add a couple of things. When we had children we decided that if we ever lost one of them, it would not be from something we could prevent. To that end, their safety was paramount. We had unbendable rules with consequences. The car doesn’t move until everyone is buckled. If you stand in the shopping cart, you lose the free cookie in the bakery section. We lived on a very busy road for a while and the kids were not allowed to play in the front yard. They were watched carefully. Anyone past a clear line towards the lake better have a life jacket. Helmets were needed for bicycles. Inoculations on time. YOU are SMARTER then they are. Don’t let them be the boss when it comes to their safety! Children have a way of rising to the level of expectations.

The other thing I would like to add is that new parents always get a lot of advice. Listen to it all, but make up your own mind!! Let the fact that you know this child better then anyone else in the world give you some confidence in your decisions. These kids don’t come with a manual, and no one else’s did either! You can’t spoil an infant, so hold them close all you want. Use your instincts.

By: Laurah

Laurah — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 12:59:40 +0000

Trent—
First of all, THANK YOU for using gender-neutral language. I already love this blog, but it’s “extras” like this that get me gabbing about it to all my friends… great post, as always.

As an aside— an answer to both “extreme frugality” types who view pets as a waste of money and people programmed by the culture to view anything non-disposable as “unsanitary”: in Bali, cloth wipes would be considered a waste. They train the family dog to act as, I kid you not, a “diaper dog.”

I’ll stick to cloth wipes (heck, I was always fond of warm running water when I changed my daughter at home) when I start on my own grandbabies!

By: Aman@BullsBattleBears

Aman@BullsBattleBears — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 06:18:57 +0000

Great list for all to read. Personally not a dad yet, but its still good to consider things before hand.

In the hospital we emphasize prenatal preparations for moms but just as important is the postnatal diet also. With breast-feeding, long nights -the body needs all the nutrients to maintain a healthy immune system.

By: Nate @ Money Young

Nate @ Money Young — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 04:29:25 +0000

I don’t have kids yet, but when I do, i’m coming back to reread this post.

-Nate

By: Susanne

Susanne — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 03:07:23 +0000

“If you’re spending every free moment obsessing over the perfect crib, the perfect bottles, and so on, stop. Just stop. The one thing your child needs more than anything else is your time.”

Very, very well put. A lot of new parents spend a LOT of time worrying about this stuff. I know I did. Within a week of my son’s birth, it became evident that we didn’t need half the stuff we had, a quarter of the stuff wasn’t working properly, and the other quarter could have been obtained at a much lower price had we been willing to get it second hand. ;-) And of course, we desperately needed things we hadn’t even thought about.

Kids are funny. Given the choice between a fancy, noisy learning toy and a piece of double-sided tape, our son will inevitably choose the tape. Children are easy to please.

You also stated that babies are not as expensive as one might think. I agree. We have saved hundreds of dollars on travel and restaurants since having a kid, simply because it’s such a pain in the neck to get a kid ready to go out. Our son is almost two; we do take him to places like Panera and the local sub shop, but his unpredictable behavior prevents us from going anywhere really nice. His propensity for motion sickness has inspired us to stay home more, too. LOL.