Comments on: Synergy in Life and Money

By: Charles Cohn

Charles Cohn — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 10:39:55 +0000

Now that GPS prices are coming down, having one is easily justifiable (unless you always go to the same places). If you set the unit to find the quickest route, it will often find a shortcut that you never noticed, saving gas as well as time. (This is especially helpful in a place like Atlanta, where the roads are convoluted.) If you are going to an unfamiliar place, it spares you from having to watch continually for street signs, enabling you to concentrate on the road and thus improving safety. (Of course, you must always be stopped when you are setting up a route.)

By: DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad

DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 13:30:20 +0000

I really like this post, but as for the GPS . . . you touched a nerve with me.

Our parents found bathrooms, hospitals, and parks without a GPS. Sounds to me like you are trying to justify the purchase. For the average American, a GPS is a “nice-to-have” . . .

I work on the road going to multiple client locations in remote places almost every single day– I just broke down in September and bought a super discounted Magellan.

My wife wanted to take it for an upcoming day trip with the kids and her parents– I reminded her it is a tool for my work and I needed it tha day . . . hit the Mapquest honey!

My two cents.

By: Carmen

Carmen — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 10:58:16 +0000

Good choice. I was going to be so incredibly disappointed if you hadn’t made this choice that I almost stopped reading the article!

Even though I would always choose family over work, I also felt the age of your daughter was key in making the choice you did.

Your daughter is so young that even 10 minutes would have been enough. During this family time you could also have had a drink and a snack if you needed one.

As kids get older I think you can reason with them more about needing to work for ‘x’ long, after which you’ll be able to do ‘y’ with them. They soon learn it is in their interests to minimise disruptions since it’s to their benefit. But as with everything, the follow through is the key to making the rationale work. :)

By: Mule Skinner

Mule Skinner — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:53:18 +0000

I agree with Scott G #20 — this is a meta discussion.

By: Evangeline

Evangeline — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:42:03 +0000

Oh for crying out loud. Trent has the kind of job that allows him the option to rework his schedule if necessary. It is his choice and there is no reason to begrudge him the option. That’s like someone bashing all the working parents for abandoning their kids to daycare while someone else raises them and calling them neglectful or selfish for choosing money over their kids. That simply isn’t the case. My favorite parenting comment: “Every family must find the right recipe that works for them.” Trent has the right recipe for his family and I seriously doubt this particular day in his life will be the ruination of his career or family. Read the post again and gather from it what he was really trying to convey. Make choices that match your mindset and give that will give you the life you want.

By: Evita

Evita — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:13:04 +0000

This post made me uncomfortable. Daddy Trent was at work and he allowed his daughter to interrupt him, not for a five-minute hug, not for a twenty-minute break, but for such a long time that he was hopelessly behind in his work, to the point that he was exhausted the day after. Will Trent give in each time his adored) child wants his work time?

What is wrong with showing a child that a closed door means that daddy is not available right now?

Just a tought and by no means a judgement on Trent’s decision! it must be so difficult to be at home and at work at the same time!

By: Corporate Barbarian

Corporate Barbarian — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 17:20:03 +0000

A wise choice. Your kids will grow up before you know it. Enjoy them at whatever age they’re at. You can always catch up on work by staying up late; you can’t coax a sleepy child to play when she’s tired. For me, the most important work will be put on the back burner if my kids need me. You sound like a great dad!

By: Shirley

Shirley — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 12:54:01 +0000

You made the right choice. The best of things always come with a price. I enjoy your writing but these glimpses of you as a tender father are the best because they bring you into personal focus and I relate to you.

By: Troy

Troy — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 04:01:19 +0000

No question you made the right choice.

My world revolves around my wife and young kids. As does yours. You are a wise man.

Your detractors opinion is of no consequence.

By: Do You Dave Ramsey?

Do You Dave Ramsey? — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 01:03:52 +0000

I think you made the right choice!

By: Rick

Rick — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:14:39 +0000

Maybe somebody already mentioned it, but I’m wondering why it’s an all or nothing decision? Take a 20 minute break, explain that you have a lot of work, but want to take a break to spend with her, play with the child, then explain that daddy needs to get back to work.

By: Rob

Rob — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 20:52:45 +0000

After reading some more comments, some struck a cord. Of course life is all about balance. Kids do need independance. But I do volunteer at the childrens hospital here in Hartford CT. Has any of you seen kids going thru chemo? Any seen kids lying in the beds with tubes coming out of them? I’m talking 2 thru 6 year olds.We just had a benefit fundraiser for a 2 year old who has spent 12 weeks in the hospital going thru 4 surgerys for a brain tumor. I had an x who lost a 3 year old in a car accident. I also have a 2 year old. When I am older, or if something happens tommorow, I will never want to regret having spent the time I should have with my child. For me, seeing the kids in a hospital, and not playing outside with a ball, yes, the world revolves around my child. They are only a child once.

By: Sandy

Sandy — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 20:33:19 +0000

A friend of ours had her kids in day care while she worked from home until they were school aged. Once they were school aged, the mom told them….only interrupt me if someone is bleeding.
They are all really together kids, despite having little parental one on one.

By: Cheap Like Me

Cheap Like Me — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 20:16:46 +0000

Great post. This really encapsulates the tradeoffs we make, and shows how smart decision-making can both create that synergy that you’re talking about, and eliminate a lot of the guilt that some of the commenters have talked about. It’s so important to direct the “energy” of our money where we want it to go. I work like crazy at a business based in my home so I can pick my daughter up from school pretty much every day.

@Amanda B., I think you’re right that kids used to amuse themselves more, but in Trent’s case, a 3-year-old can’t yet look after an 18-month-old. Little children who receive a lot of supportive personal attention will grow up to be self-sufficient kids. Individual families’ experiences will vary, but my daughter got that attention while my husband and I were home with her most of the time when she was small, and now (just turned 8) she is very, very self-sufficient and really can amuse herself for days at a time. I don’t know that most kids get hours of undivided attention — that’s probably still romanticized! — but a little goes a long way.

By: Carrie

Carrie — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 20:10:49 +0000

What Amanda B. said. Children need to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them. The kids-first-at-all-costs mentality only raises spoiled, entitled kids.

By: Amanda B.

Amanda B. — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:30:20 +0000

I think that comment #5 got glossed over. The question is never “What matters most, the work or the kids?” Obviously, the kids. But sometimes we have to ask ourselves what precedent are we setting? I have know far to many Daddy’s girls who expect the entire world to halt at their whim (I am sure there are boys like this, but I think they get it beat out of them by high school by other kids). I am not saying that choosing to spend an hour with your daughter at this age has ruined her forever. But at some point she needs to understand that it is not ok to interrupt daddy’s meeting because Barbie’s head came off. I can’t express enough how the ability to amuse one’s self is a truly sanity saving characteristic in a child.
And on the subject of staying home: My great grandmother stayed home with all her children, but they never had her undivided attention. People don’t seem to realize that the days of the SAHM that were romanticize were nothing like how we imagined. The kids either amused themselves in the house with the older children watching the younger or they tagged along while the SAHM tended the garden, fed the animals, cooked dinner, put up cans of jam, mended clothing, patched fences, and almost other job that needed attention. There was not hours of one on one attention playing psychiatrist approved development games. There were children playing in the dirt, barely in view of a distracted mother. The idea that we as parents are slaves to are children is purely a modern invention.

By: Dana

Dana — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:29:03 +0000

It always surprises me when people say they want one kind of life and then turn around to do something that take them in the opposite direction. Wise to reconcile that from time to time. Good post!

By: BonzoGal

BonzoGal — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 18:28:00 +0000

Great article.

And I have to say thanks again for introducing me to Swap-A-DVD. I’ve gotten rid of dozens of titles I no longer wanted and gotten things I felt were real “keepers.”

By: cwcomment

cwcomment — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 18:18:50 +0000

This really highlights the power of small in all of our daily lives. Taking a few moments to be with our families, ask our co-workers how they are doing, bring chocolate into the office. All of those small blocks of time can reduce stress, lower our blood pressure and even help us reset our brains and give us a boost when we return to our work.

By: marc

marc — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 18:12:32 +0000

Wise choice Trent. You should always be there when your kids need you or want you Missing work for one hour will never kill you. You have often written about the value of one’s time in making economic decisions,well, the value of this hour was priceless. I have two little ones of my own (twins) and I try to spend as much time with them as possible. About a month after they were born a friend of mine whose children are now adults said something that has stuck with me ever since. She said although the days can often be long, the years are always too short. Enjoy the long days.

Marc