Comments on: A Graduation Gift That Matters

By: Susan M.

Susan M. — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 14:02:17 +0000

I am a teacher and am close to a few of my students in a very small high school. There are a few students that I want to give a gift to but I wouldn’t dream of giving them cash. Somehow, that seems inappropriate from teacher to student. I have already done the mentoring (which is why I am close to them) for the past four years. I will give each of them a thoughtful, handwritten note. Two of the girls, I may give a small stuffed animal because as old as they are (18) they still love them. Two boys I may get a small book or a student planner for college.

By: Personalized Stationery

Personalized Stationery — Tue, 05 May 2009 15:23:34 +0000

I remember getting some cash, some basic school supplies and a lot of forgotten (or ignored advice) when I graduated both high school and college. One thing I do remember, though, is a small stack of personalized stationery that I still have. I don’t remember who gave it to me, but I only use it for important events and it helps remember a time full of opportunity and inspiration.

By: al

al — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 18:24:13 +0000

nicole H, i totally agree! i am heading into a master’s program this year and although i know what field i want to go into, i don’t really know what i want to do within that field (that’s why i’m going to school!) one really important thing to realize about education is that it helps you to know how much you don’t know…my thoughts about what i wanted “to do” changed many times in college as i learned more and more about what was out there. i know something similar will happen in grad school. i get pretty stressed out not being able to explain to people exactly what i want to do when i graduate. yikes.

also, i got many small gifts of money after graduating college that added up to a lot of money. i was extremely grateful because it allowed me to live for a few months with a part-time job w/ a nonprofit before finding a really good “real” job! people i would NEVER have expected to send me money did, because they recognized that i’d really need it, and i was overwhelmed in a good way by that outpouring. of course the encouraging notes and cards were greatly appreciated, too.

By: Make Money On Line

Make Money On Line — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 05:21:48 +0000

I wish I had something like this when I was graduating from school, but I sure can pass it on to a couple of people I know that are graduating soon!

By: IRG

IRG — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 04:47:30 +0000

The key here is to focus on the person receiving the gift.And the relationship you have with them.

Some will really not be up for conversation of any kind or personal mentoring, etc. Some will NOT welcome the types of things that Trent has mentioned. (And it really is about the receiver…not the giver.)

And if you’re close, you’ve probably been doing all the advice, suggestion, networking stuff already.

I think money is always a good idea (unless we’re talking about super rich kids here).

And you can easily give both, a book AND some cash. Some help AND some cash.

One is not a replacement for the other.

By: Whitney

Whitney — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 23:12:51 +0000

I actually really disagree with this advice and I consider myself quite frugal. Money or something practical is the perfect gift for someone who is graduating. Why can’t you give both advice and a gift? Honestly, just talking really sounds cheap!

By: Sharon

Sharon — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:40:10 +0000

Bill Cosby wrote a book called Congratulations! Now What? A book for graduates” that is quite funny. It is for college gradates. I don’t see a lot of good advice, but it is a GREAT book for the parents of said graduates.

By: Nicole H.

Nicole H. — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:12:55 +0000

“i am in high school, and everyone i know that is graduating gets very angry and defensive when you ask these questions, because they dont know what they want to do and dont particularly want to think about it.”

I’ve been out of high school ten years and I agree with this sentiment. Frankly, everything I told everyone back then was BS. I had no clue what I wanted to do (still don’t) and it felt like I was the only one who had no clue since everyone else seemed to be confident. It was really damaging to my ego.

I would give a monetary gift, a thoughtful note about qualities you love and confidence you have in the graduate, and an offer to let them watch you at work if they’re interested in a career in writing blogs.

By: Chris

Chris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 19:18:57 +0000

#37)

My in-law DOES own a company and knows all kinds of wealthy business owners. With all his “help” neither I, nor his own sons, have benefited one iota.

Knowing a business owner with a lot of connections doesn’t mean much. Knowing a HR manager, NOW you’re getting somewhere!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:43:11 +0000

A high school teacher enclosed a $2bill in a card with congratulations and good wishes. I still have the $2bill 20 years later. That met the memorable (on a budget) criteria.
To HS grads off to college I give a container of super concentrated clothes detergent (detergent is both heavy and costly) and the promise of a care package of homemade cookies at the end of 1st semester (about the time dorm food gets really nasty).
My advice is always free and does not need a special occasion.

By: northern illinois

northern illinois — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:42:20 +0000

“If there are opportunities for the graduate, pass them along.”
It sounds like you think the best present would be to get the graduate an actual JOB, a ticket to grad. school, or a scholarship, etc. How many people can do that for a young person, except if they own the company, can call in favors from their associates, or work in politics. I can give presents or advice, but regretfully, I can’t get someone an offer of employment.

By: Curlilox

Curlilox — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:59:08 +0000

I disagree with #6. Teaching is not a real job. They get to take the summer off!

By: wren

wren — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:41:28 +0000

I’m guessing that the author of comment #6 would not be encouraging any young graduates to follow their dreams of writing then, if she only sees Trent’s spouse as having a real job.

Pity… such a narrow view of the world.

By: Michael

Michael — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:52:41 +0000

@JW, Around here, teachers almost never give graduates presents, even though they make the party circuit. Everyone understands that they know too many students to give them all gifts – their gift was all that education! Your charity donation idea sounds very nice, though.

By: Alice

Alice — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:45:53 +0000

B, I think perhaps we have a different idea of Trent’s intended audience for this article. In reference to your own child or niece and nephew, I agree that a conversation about the future shouldn’t be a special event. However, if you are an adult secure in your career with a young person you care about but are not especially close with, say someone at your church or in a organization you belong too, then yes, taking that graduate out to a nice dinner is certainly a gift. And showing interest in their future when that hasn’t been a part of a relationship before is also a caring thing to do. And the real gift is the networking – getting them a job or putting them in touch with people who can get them where they want to go. That’s far more valuable then some Target sheets or a TV.

By: Angie

Angie — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:44:26 +0000

I agree with some of the other comments. I gave my little brother a variety of gift cards from restaurants around his university (had to do a little recon first) so he could take a break from dorm food every once in awhile.

Shower supplies, rolls quarter for the laundry, those were the things I remembered and appreciated.

By: Jenna

Jenna — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:33:35 +0000

I think the obvious answer here is do a little of both- gift and mentoring. This is what we’re doing for my younger brother. He’s graduating high school and moving cross country to live near us. His material present is a new bed-obviously a material object but something he’ll have for the next ten years at which point he’ll be financially able to buy himself a new one. Yeah, it was a bit of money but we budgeting, paid cash, and I think sleep is the most precious gift you can give any college student! In addition both my husband and I are in full blown mentor mode but with the aforementioned caveat of giving wanted advice, asking before we give opinions, and in general being as low/no pressure as we can. Even though little brother knows his path, it’s still overwhelming to be suddenly dealing with adulthood and all it’s trappings. He’s having to get a handle on banking, car insurance, health insurance, tuition (out of state no less!), car registration, finding a new job, changing his driver’s license… the list goes on and on and can overwhelm the most “together” new grad.

Trent, no hating here, love your posts and love your site.

By: EmilyP

EmilyP — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:31:33 +0000

I would agree with some of the other posters – by the time graduation rolls around the answers to those “what’s your plan?” questions are never an enjoyable conversation. Unless you’re an expert on the student’s field of choice, and someone that student is close enough to to tell the whole truth, you’re not really in the best place to offer a full-blown career conversation. The lifestyle changes are just as exciting as the Life Changes, and can be easier to offer non-invasive inoffensive help with.
Especially for the high-school graduate, consider questions like “Are you on a campus meal plan? I could show you how to cook a few of my favorite staples, if you’d like.” “Are you looking for an apartment? Have you tried (local resource)? Will you need a (furniture/houseware)?” “Do you think you’ll have a credit card? Let me show you my favorite banking(quicken, mint, etc) software.”
A practical gift – maps/books of the new city, a copy of Quicken (or whatever), cooking tools, laundry kit, medicine cabinet – can become a meaningful gift when it’s incorporated into a real conversation. It’s Trent’s idea, stepped down from the the major Life Issues to the scale of daily life. You can’t just declare yourself a mentor, but small-scale advice can be a stepping stone to becoming a resource for your friend.

By: B

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 12:30:33 +0000

Alice, I certainly did not feel entitled to gifts for graduation. Some relatives gave them; others did not. If you do not have the money to give a gift, then you do not have the money. There is nothing wrong with that. But a lot of the commenters are right – having a conversation with someone isn’t really a gift. It’s just part of being a friend or family member. When you’re telling yourself that having a conversation about the future – a conversation the graduate likely doesn’t even want to have – is a gift, you’re completely deluding yourself in order to make yourself feel better about not giving a gift.

Now that I’ve thought about it, if you want to give a gift of time instead of money, I suggest offering to help the graduate move! Packing and lifting all those boxes can be really tiring. One of the best gifts I’ve ever received (for no occasion, but still a gift) was when my husband’s extended family, who I’d never met, showed up at my apartment with a large trailer and moved all my stuff to my new place for me. It cost them $30 in gas, but it meant the world to me.

By: Alexander White

Alexander White — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 06:22:26 +0000

Top article, they do say ”cash is king” but sometimes a good ol’ chat is invaluable.
I had a similar situation with my little brother, he is quite rebellious. When he first finished high school my parents hammered him about getting a job, and it seemed to have the opposite effect they wanted. One night i sat down with him after an argument that erupted at dinner, just asked him what his aspirations were, what he generally liked doing and what he was good at in and outside of school, I found out that he actually enjoys a bit of maths, charting and working out sums. He always seemed to be interested in the stock market, i told him to go for it, he handed a few resumes around and is now working as a DTR’s assistant in a pretty solid stock broking firm in the city (Sydney, AUS).
So i definitely agree, and plus people love to talk about themselves!!