Fantasy sports trash talk is part of the game. It’s all in fun.

As a librarian who specializes in leisure reading, I have worked with all of these. Personally I use Shelfari and you can see my shelf at http://www.shelfari.com/bspratford. I keep three lists, books I have read, books I am currently reading (this month) and books I want to read. What is nice about the “to-read” list is that since I am using a web based list, I can add titles anytime. I also write about leisure reading at my blog http://raforall.blogspot.com.

Like Trent, I read many different books at the same time, but unlike Trent, I am expected to remember the details of what I read for my job. It works for me. Hope that helps.

As an older graduate student, I am finding that I am racking up quite a nice debt ($20-30K) in student loan money. I am working p/t while I am in school, so that I finish faster. What do you suggest I do with the debt once I start paying it? Should I try to pay it off in as little time as possible, or to hang onto it and pay it off over more years. I already have a good credit history. But, I have barely any retirement money saved, and will be 40 in a few years. I am wondering if money is better off split between the two, favoring the retirement fund. Thank you.

@Trent: you are clearly bothered by the post if you reference it weeks after it was written.

It’s amusing to see gender stereotypes rear their heads – would you have made this same comment if a woman was running TSD while her husband worked a “real job”? Chances are, having written a comment like the one I quoted above, you wouldn’t even read a financial blog written by a woman, so perhaps my point is moot.

My favorite two-person game? Cribbage.

And please do let us know the outcome. You can tell from all these comments that many of us are concerned. You’ve struck a nerve here.

I am a regular visitor your site and find your columns very interesting.
I have a question, and would be very happy if you could answer it from your perspective.
We are dealing with a huge credit card debt that both me and my husband has piled. I have curbed my indiscriminate spending habits, have built some emergency fund. I also have a regular retirement savings and seperate savings for my kids education.
Unfortunately my husband is struglling with his debt and I am failing to help him with it. It is creating a lot of tension in our family.
As we are Indians I have a sizeable amount of gold jewellery that is lying unused in my locker. Should I sell off a part of it to help my husband and end the tension between us.
Thanks
Sudipta

As for the wedding issue, this is not uncommon at all. Unfortunately, a lot of brides have this fantasy wedding that they’ve built up in their head and they feel absolutely entitled to it. Bridesmaids are generally expected to pay for the dress (chosen by the bride and usually unwearable for any other occasion), shoes, a shower gift, a wedding gift and a portion of the batchelorette party. Sometimes there are other “extras” like an engagement party to attend (with engagement gift) or multiple stagettes or showers (a family one and a friend one).

At some point you really just have to put your foot down and say that you aren’t able to fly to Vegas for a weekend stagette or attend more than 2 or 3 restaurant parties to announce the happy event, or to pay for a night at a 4 star hotel (in a suite with the other bridesmaids after the stagette).

If you can’t spend that kind of money, that’s it. You can’t afford it. And if you just object to paying several hundred dollars in order to watch your girlfriend make a drunken fool of herself at a nightclub, that’s fine too in my book!

So long as you’re paying for the dress, shoes, 2 gifts, attending a shower and being available for your friend to talk to when she’s all stressed out about the wedding *you don’t need to apologize to anyone for not doing more*.

And, if you can’t manage all those things, then the thing to do is to turn down your friend *when she asks you* to be a bridesmaid. Say you adore her and you’d love to be a bridesmaid but that your finances are such that you know you won’t be able to handle the responsibilities that it entails.

And my take on weddings? It’s not supposed to be the best day of your life! It’s supposed to be fun, special and memorable but if it’s the acme then your whole married life together will be an anticlimax!

I’d pour it on thick. Not that the rude people will have the capacity for feeling guilty, but at least you’ll make it clear that you are not about to hand over a pile of cash without a LOT of fuss and handwringing. Just maybe this will make them think twice about pulling this kind of thing in the future–or at least they won’t pull it on you again!

Should I contribute to my Roth IRA these coming two years, or should I keep my earnings as cash and put them toward expenses? If I contribute to the Roth, I’d become eligible for low interest student loans fairly soon. Would it be a better deal to have student debt and have the corresponding amount of money in a Roth with two more years of compound interest, or to graduate debt free?

I’m not sure whether it’s relevant, but my annual pay is expected to go from 35k to 70k after grad school, and I’m easily living within my means on the 35k salary, meaning I should be able to put a lot toward investing later. The annual cap on the Roth, though, will significantly limit what I invest before taxes. Also, I’m currently single, but I’d be thrilled to meet someone and have some kids, which would change all my financial plans.

What bothers me the most about what you said is that the wedding is in ‘a few weeks’. Because it is so soon, there is very little you can do. If you talk to the bride/maid of honour, you might be able to get out of it, but so close to the wedding, there will be a lot of resentment coming from the wedding party. Not to say that you should just charge it all on your credit card, and pay it back for the next three years. Talk to the bride, one on one, without the rest of the bridesmaids. Tell her you don’t want to ruin her day, you don’t want to worry her, but be prepared to show her that you really don’t have the money. Her sister might be ‘poor’ by her own standards, but that is only an opinion. Tell the bride exactly how much money you are out, and try to come up with a way to get the money without it affecting the other bridesmaids.

Also, at this point, is there anything that could be cut out. For example, maybe the other bridesmaids are getting their hair done, but you could do it yourself. How about the bachelorette? Could you all buy your own drinks instead of charging the whole thing and then slipping it. Try to find ways that can cut your costs. Don’t give a bridesmaid gift, or get out of the group one.

I also think that is is a really important issue that needs to get out there. Every single woman I know who has been a bridesmaid has come up with this type of issue, either by a small margin, or a big one. I think the biggest piece of advice that needs to get out there is that girls are allowed to graceful reject the invitation to be a bridesmaid. The thing is, you must do so when the plans are in preparation. Normally, you will be asked some time after the engagement. At that time, if you know you won’t be able to afford it, or if you don’t know if you will be able to afford it, then say no. At that time, no plans have been made and it is the best time to step out of it.

Also, when you get asked to be a bridesmaid, bring up the issue of cost right there and then. Tell your friend how much you would be able to contribute for her wedding. Whether it is $300, or $2000, she should know so that she can tell you the type of wedding they are planning, and how much it’ll cost. Ask her if you will need to buy your dress, if there will be a bridal shower, a bachelorette (yes ,some people have both!), bridesmaids gift, etc. etc. Also, never compare it with your own wedding, or somebody else’s wedding that you were a bridesmaid for because costs vary enormously.