Here’s the thing. As tacky as many people (apparently) think it is, it is the most expedient way to get the information about where the couple is registered. I don’t view it as greedy, because the individuals receiving the invitations are invited to the wedding, and most of them are going to want to bring a gift anyway. The way I see it, it saves people trouble.

As I understand “etiquette”, the guests are supposed to ask the couple’s parents where the couple is registered. But that doesn’t always work well. For friends of the couple, they may not know the couple’s parents, or have their contact information. For friends of the families, they may not have contact information for the family that’s in-the-know (my mother-in-law knew, but my mom couldn’t remember to save her life).

Yes, you can create a wedding website, but how many people have aunts and uncles and grandparents and older friends of the family who are invited to the wedding are confused by the internet? Or at the very least, uncomfortable using it. I tried the wedding website thing for my wedding and maybe 15 people visited.

Searching for a couple’s registry is an option, but there’s no generalized search site (trust me, I’ve tried to find one when my friend got married and didn’t include registry information in the invitiation), and even if you know the store where someone is registered, if that person has a common name, or the server is acting funny, you won’t be able to find their list, which often leads to frustration. Hell, I was the registered individual at Target (not a good choice for a registry) and half the time I couldn’t locate or access my list. How were my guests going to?

Including the registry information was the most logical, straight-forward, and hassle-free way to get the information out, for all parties.

1. Because it ensures the gift I buy is something they actually need or want. I know these people, but I don’t know every item in their kitchen. These days, most people that get married already have a home and the basic kitchen utensils and appliances they need. The whole “starting their lives together” gift theme doesn’t make much sense in an era where most people “start their lives” years before they get married.
2. Because it ensures I won’t get the same thing as someone else. Who hasn’t heard stories of a couple getting 5 toasters or something like that at their wedding?
3. Because I didn’t have to go hunting for the information.

Personally, I think “etiquette experts” need to start living in the present.

I agree with what most people have said here: the only invitations that are appropriate for mentioning registries are ones where the party is not being arranged by you (like a bridal shower that’s arranged by bridesmaids). Sending out your own registry information is tacky and makes it sound like you’re expecting gifts. If someone really wants to know, they’ll ask or find it themselves. I always just poke around on the usual store Web sites until I find the couple. It doesn’t take long.

From a frugality standpoint, it’s great to set up a registry because most stores offer you a discount after your event to purchase any items remaining.

But I’ve seen hundreds of couples create a wedding website (try The Knot), and then list their registries there where they can easily be found.

Historically people had registries because they were starting a home and had nothing – they needed things. It was hard to get these things so the items had to be ordered in advance. Today it is easy to get things and many couples live together beforehand. Nota Bene: I’m not passing judgment on these couples, just stating facts.

If you have started a home together already, you probably have most things you need. I feel that most wedding gifts (especially cash) have been a way to equalize the cost of lavish weddings.

Perhaps the best way to notify people of your registry is to have a wedding site, such as one theknot.com and put information there. But post other information so the registry is only one aspect. I recently wanted to find some registries and this method was much better than visiting all possible merchant sites to search for it.

That person who emailed you should be ashamed. However, I’m curious to know if you contacted them before posting this. Surely they will see it – I wonder what the response will be.

At first I felt that this is a wedding… not Christmas and I just want the people important to me to be there. Gifts are certainly welcome but not expected. But then when everyone explained to me that it helps out the guests and prevents you from getting 6 toasters I changed my mind a bit.

But definitely don’t include the registration in the invitation. People will ask where your registered if they want to, so there’s no need to plaster it on the invite. Just my opinion though.

-Gen Y Investor

I think that a wedding registry where you can pick up a gift that has been noted by the couple is okay, as long as they do include a large range of smaller items so as not to alienate those with smaller budgets (I heard a recommendation to put only a couple of larger items on the list at first, so it doesn’t come across as too greedy, and if they get bought, you can add a few more, but keep most of the items in the lower range, and people can always buy two items). What I didn’t like about a close friend’s registry was that the gift purchasing experience for guests amounted to paying the store, and noting on the list what it was to pay for, and the couple got a shipment of all the items to their home, along with a list of who had paid for what. That seemed so impersonal, I preferred to give cash.