A healthier vision is to ID yourself as someone who does something… then, when the time is right, someone who does something else.

The acquantances will fall away and be quickly replaced. Your true friends will stay with you through our journey and growth.

It’s really how you treat each other and how much you have in common of what you value (whether ideas, ethics, community, family, activities, etc.)

I take issue that the amount of money someone has, or does not have, is a key factor in determining the quality and/or longevity of a relationship.

People who genuinely value each other–as opposed to what someone has or can do for them– find ways to accommodate/adjust to (as needed, if needed) any change in circumstances.

How much money you have is not a factor in how good a friend is to you or how good a friend you are to them. Unless, you, of course, are a shallow, user type of individual, only out to take advantage of what someone else has (and that applies to those who suck up to others with some degree of resources, even if not millionaires.)

The key is to keep money out of the relationship, if you can. Not always easy, but gift giving for example is not a game where we count or keep score. Same with shared activities and interests.

Ironically, generous people of all financial backgrounds will always “give” in whatever ways they can. They don’t sit there measuring it out.

But there are also people, both financially well off and those not so much, who are constantly measuring how much they give and is given. That’s not a friendship.

I’ve got a few really wealthy friends, some very well off and the rest of us, doing our best to stay above water these days.

No, we don’t vacation with our wealthy friends when they jet off around the world. However, we are regularly asked to be guests at their vacation homes, where they do not expect, nor want us to pay for anything (we always bring gifts and always ask if we can contribute).

We also invite them to our homes and entertain in our own way, which they appreciate as they enjoy our company (and vice versa).

Real friends are always careful to make each other feel comfortable around money issues.

(The wealthy friends, for example, ask us to pick a place to dine out unless they are say treating one of us for a birthday. That allows us to say, either: How about X (a restaurant we can afford) or our home, if we can’t swing a night out.

it’s also easy to accommodate our most budget-constrained friends.

The real issue is sometimes those in the middle. Neither super rich, nor fiscally restrained, they seem to have the most difficulty navigating financially related issues. They seem to place more value on money than either the really rich or very financially challenged.

Our world is very different today when it comes to wealth. By a fluke of geography, I grew up and went to school with people (grade and high school), who were, as I later learned, from very wealthy families.

Now, I had visited their homes over the years and noticed that they were bigger than mine and in a nicer part of town. But in just knowing and hanging out with the kids, money was not an issue.

Maybe because we all went to the same catholic school were things were affordable and activities didn’t require the huge financial investment even average financial parents make today. (When I hear what my sister in law spends weekly on my nephews activities, I’m in shock. I could barely afford it as an adult!)

If people are only connected by what they do together and how fancy/expensive/luxurious it is, money will make a difference.

But if the bond is real and deeper, based on people knowing and liking and caring about each other, money is not an issue.

Generosity comes forth in many ways.

The trap you don’t want to fall into here is dropping $10 or more each day on frequenting one of the many little beach bars. I have friends who see this as “Living the Life.” Since they are sitting outside, they don’t make the connection that their spending habits are just like a Starbucks junkie or a pack-a-day smoker.

For tips on personal finance, visit http://www.mikesmillions.com.

I would also whole-heartedly second Trent’s recommendation for Ticket to Ride, it’s the board only game I have actually got my very non-gaming boyfriend to willing play a second time. :)

I’m proud to say that nearly all of my friends fall into the second category, the inexpensive but lasting friendships that feel like family after a while. My budget can’t accomodate the other kind!

I have a theory on why the activities friends don’t last any longer than participation in the subject activity…for what it’s worth.

While you’re busy doing things with the friend, your connection is activity based, meaning you don’t spend much time actually bonding. The activity is central to the friendship. A friendship that requires no mutual activity participation, that’s centered instead on walking through everyday life with people–and we know life isn’t nearly always glamorous–that’s a friend who you keep, and who keeps close to you.

Activity friends are fun to be around, but I agree that most people probably confuse them with real friends. Alas, we are a transient society and can’t always tell the difference.

I finally just couldn’t take it anymore – both me and my credit card were exhausted. I had just begun my own process of massive debt-repayment – similar to Trent. After some soul-searching, I realized that I just couldn’t afford to see her that often anymore, and we drifted apart. Honestly, while I enjoyed our times together, I always found that I was stressed about money when I was around her, and that wasn’t much fun. I also found that I wasn’t being my own true self with her, pretending that I could afford things I clearly could not. I now focus my time and energy on friends who share my values, who I can be myself around. We do a similar “game night” or barbeques where everyone brings a dish to pass. And I find I’m having a LOT more fun.

[... yeah, playing poker with people as chips is macabre at best, kinda like trading slaves, but it beats having them blown up. And then you can have options like the random Zombie nation, which is where all the dead population cards go, so you deal them in and the dead Zombie nation plays randomly. Works well in Risk, too.]

You use golf as an example and this is where I think I disagree. Activities like golf are nice, not for the golf but the quiet time out on the course, joking and chatting. We always took great pride in finding the cheapest course we could (3 dollar oakland, CA course). Now mind you if you are hitting pebble beach once a month I understand where you are coming from.

I guess the difference is, my friends are friends whether we are spending money or not. My best friend and I are completely different spending habits. His 50k truck and my 1500 12 year old car. A weekend in Vegas, or a weekend grilling out at the house. The both run the extreme in costs but never got in the way of a friendship.