Comments on: Rule #12: Build Real Friendships and Relationships.

By: Kim_Mango

Kim_Mango — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 20:11:22 +0000

#6 “Celebrate the Difference.” I really liked this comment. As an introvert, I need downtime to recharge but being an introvert doesn’t mean I’m anti-social. It simply means I need time by myself to decompress.

On the same note, I have to accept the fact that some friends and family members thrive on being around other people all the time.

Striking a balance between the two personality types is what makes life fun!

By: Mel

Mel — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 10:34:22 +0000

@Beth: I don’t think anyone’s forcing anyone to do anything. The basic idea is ‘the bigger your network, the more you’ll benefit from it’. Introverts (like myself) have a hard time building that network, I’ve known several excessive extroverts who had a hard time keeping a stable network. Both types could focus on ways to make it easier, but if they don’t, that’s their choice. Me? I thoroughly value the friends I have now, but would like to have more – as long as the quality is no less.

By: Beth

Beth — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 14:00:59 +0000

Meh, you’re forcing assertive values on inwardly oriented people. Not everyone gets validation and charges from being around people all the time. We grant you outgoing people your different characteristics, so please grant us the same. We don’t have to all be the same. Don’t assume YOUR outgoing nature is the default goal for all. It’s ok to be different and we all bring different abilites to the table. Inwardly oriented people have certain skills too. WE don’t want to be like you, we want to to stop thinking we’re inferior because we’re not like you.

By: Free Your Mind

Free Your Mind — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 10:27:18 +0000

I can understand where it is you are going with your argument, but I can’t agree that a relationship is “the” fundamental unit of value in this modern world.

Let’s take your food example. If you build relationships with friends, then you will get a lot of dinner invites. But those invites are contingent upon your friends being able to BUY food for dinner!

The income on your job increasing is contingent upon you building relationships with people who have the power to “increase your income”

100 people in a homeless shelter can have a beautiful relationship with eachother… but they are still homeless.

So relationships themselves are not the fundamental unit. Because getting any monetary benefit from a relationship doesn’t come from the relationship, but it comes from WHO YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS WITH.

That is the secret that the Gold Diggers have been hiding from us for so long. :)

I also agree with 3,6 and 9.

By: St. Paulite

St. Paulite — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 02:33:12 +0000

Right there with you, #3 Jen and #9 SP. Recommended reading – “The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World” (M. Laney)

By: mare

mare — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 16:46:40 +0000

wisdom!

By: Kathy

Kathy — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 14:06:05 +0000

@SP, thanks for the link. I am definitely an introvert. I can be more open and participate more at work if given the opportunity, but I also have an extrovert supervisor who has to come in and take over everything. Needless to say, I feel very stymied in my current position. She thinks I need to take a speech class and that will fix everything. While that will help, because I am also very uncomfortable with public speaking, that won’t solve what she views as a “problem”.

By: john deflumeri jr

john deflumeri jr — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 12:03:02 +0000

Thanks, Trent, for another great article! Always true what you say about relationships being the main thing in life, That’s were the expression “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know” comes from!

John DeFlumeri Jr (decisionsaboutmoney.blogspot.com)

By: spaces

spaces — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 03:16:12 +0000

I’m an introvert, but my goodness it makes me happy when my extrovert friends ask me to pitch in. I’d feel left out if they didn’t.

By: Jen

Jen — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 02:53:58 +0000

@SP: lol, thanks for the article! The line about actors rang true (I am one), and being asked what’s wrong is one of my pet peeves. :-)

By: Kevin@OutOfYourRut

Kevin@OutOfYourRut — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 02:44:30 +0000

Being there for a friend who’s having problems is probably the biggest single thing you can do to strengthen a friendship.

Our society is so fast paced, so POSITIVE and optimistic, that we often fail to slow down to help someone or just to listen, maybe feeling like they might drag us down.

I’ve found time and again, that if I’m there for a friend in need, I’ll have plenty of company in my down moments. That’s when you find out who your friends really are!

By: SP

SP — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 02:02:01 +0000

Have you ever read this article, “Caring for Your Introvert” Jonathan Rauch (please google, links require moderation and I’m an impatient person :))

Introvert is not always the same as shy or unconfident. Some introverts even have good social skills! Introverts (usually) do have friends, marriages and often are great in the work place.

Just sayin’. I do not plan to “overcome” my natural tendency to seek out time for myself and to think before speaking (though I probably don’t need to OVER think before speaking).

Sorry for nitpicking, the rest of the article seems good, that sentence just bugged me. But a world full of all extroverts sounds miserable to me.

By: Bill

Bill — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 01:41:37 +0000

Wow, this is very different than how my friends operate. We have all agreed to never call for “Moving help” or “Roof repair”. We don’t ask or give anything besides companionship and friendship. I don’t evaluate new friends based on what I can get from them.

By: Stephan F-

Stephan F- — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 19:00:26 +0000

The difference between an extrovert and an introvert is that an extrovert needs to be around people to recharge. An introvert needs quiet to recharge.

That is only different ways to do the same thing. Celebrate the difference.

By: Stephan F-

Stephan F- — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 19:00:21 +0000

The difference between an extrovert and an introvert is that an extrovert needs to be around people to recharge. An introvert needs quiet to recharge.

That is only different ways to do the same thing. Celebrate the difference.

By: Wealth Pilgrim

Wealth Pilgrim — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 18:26:55 +0000

The most powerful idea for me is to share myself a little. Open up. Talk about what is really inside.

Usually, when I demonstrate this honesty and vulnerability, it opens the door for a true friendship to develop.

Certainly, without doing this, I can’t create a real meaningful relationship.

By: Matt Sullivan

Matt Sullivan — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 17:32:01 +0000

My wife and I both work from home so we are naturally insulated. It is so easy to get into my cave and not reach out to others. I started getting out at least once a week with a few guys and it has helped me build some great friendships.

By: Jen

Jen — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 16:43:27 +0000

I hate that introversion is seen as a flaw that must be overcome.

(Which is not to say that I disagree with your assessment of it. It can definitely be a hurdle in an extrovert-heavy world. I’m just sayin’.)

By: Charley Forness

Charley Forness — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 15:05:22 +0000

I found this very helpful along with the related posts. I’m the classic introvert. Married with children, I can’t remember the last time we did anything socially with friends. It’s sad really because logically I know these things, but I still can’t crack my shell.

Maybe I’m one of those that really doesn’t need day to day social contact? Perhaps the corporate cubicle environment provides enough of that. I honestly don’t know, but I am starting to come to terms with it.

-Charley

By: Grampa Ken: Social Fix

Grampa Ken: Social Fix — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 14:30:16 +0000

Great tips. Family and friends can be so helpful especially when weighed down with problems.

“The rule of friendship means there should be mutual sympathy between them, each supplying what the other lacks and trying to benefit the other, always using friendly and sincere words.” – Buddha