Nothing is said of the lifestyle young people today are trying to live. iPhones, fancy cars, etc. Perhaps the lifestyles of young people have been increasing far faster than incomes are growing.

Young people today leave their parent’s household, and immediately want to live the lifestyle it took thier parents 20 to 30 years in the workforce to achieve.

The US is in trouble alright – but it has nothing to do with the amount of money young people earn….it has everything to do with the amount of money young people spend.

Full disclosure – my wife and I are both recent college grads. At times we commit many of the same mistakes as other yuong folks, but for the most part, are very thoughful and forward thinking with our money.

That being said, my oldest son has a moderate personality disorder which makes it very hard for him to hold down a job etc… I’m inclined to help him more then I should…

And are you really saying that your entire STATE has the same HCOL and you have no choice at all as to where you could live for less? All of these are your choices, but decisions have consequences.

IE….I have two neices in there late twenties. One has loans from a Master’s in a theatrical area and lives in NYC, with intermittent work. The other lives in the south and is a new pharmasist. Who do you think is going to have a more financially stable life??

We would have rather died than ask our parents for money. His parents fed us dinner a couple of times, and I cleaned house and ran errands for my parents in exchange for groceries.

And guess what…? We survived! Yes, we had rice for dinner a couple of times. And it’s amazing what you can do with eggs when they’re all you have. I wonder how many helicopter-kids could survive on their own today in the same situation.

BTW, this was in 1996, so prices were pretty close to what they are now.

My husband and I make a very good living and when my parents continued giving presents or money in the same fashion they did when we were first married and struggling, I tell them to hold onto their money so they won’t need our assistance in retirement (though we’d be willing to help them and are planning on doing so).

That little reminder hit home and has gotten them back on track to making sure they support themselves first. Sort of a, “If you love me/us so much, then show us by saving your money so you don’t become a financial burden to us.”

The pastor at a church we attended a few years ago gave what I thought was a reasonable assessment of the parenting situation. He used the metaphor of a box as the universe kids grow up in. He said that parents need to keep the kids in a small box when they’re little, but as they grow, the box needs to expand. That’s where I think a lot of parents drop the ball.

I thought that was a good analogy, except that he probably should have included that as they get older, we need them to step out of the box with increasing frequency. That’s really how they learn to deal with the world, and it’s best that they do it while we’re not too far away, just in case. But I think too, that as they get older we have to avoid rushing to their aid anytime things go badly.

When my son hit the 12-13 year old range he started saying to my wife, “Mom, it’s my problem, let me handle it”. That was a blessed cue that it’s time to step back, and we’ve seen that the more we let our kids handle on their own, including problems, the stronger they get.

They’re not us being reincarnated, they’re their own selves finding their way and who they are in life, and often the best thing we can do is to get out of the way and let it happen. Bumps and bruises, figuratively speaking, are an inescapable part of that process.

Maybe at a deeper level some of us struggle with a fear that our kids won’t grow up to be prototypical yuppie success stories; will we love them any less if they don’t?

Furthermore, I think that the recent generation of young parents today is much worse than before. We’re seeing schools outlaw competitive sports and disorders to provide excuses for just about any weakness. What will it be like 15 years from now when THAT generation of children grows up?

On the other hand, I do see your point. Some adult children really do abuse their parents’ kindness, and shoot themselves in the foot financially. Some of us are trying not to though :)

“Don’t call them constantly with encouragement.”

I moved out right after college (and I’d been living in the dorms or with friends for most of it, anyway) and had some very lean years. Like having to choose between laundry quarters or using that change to buy no-name brand chips for dinner lean. One of the things that helped me get through those years while still following my dreams was my mom encouraging me every chance she got by telling me I had what it took and that the lean years wouldn’t last forever. Giving lots of encouragement isn’t like giving money. It’s better!

I graduated from college 4 years ago. I’m doing well (had a couple of crappy jobs right out of school until I found something good, but combined with my now husband’s income we were able to get out on our own), but many of my friends are still stuck living at home. And I definitely would have had to stay home for a while after college if I had been single.

They don’t want to be home. They’d give anything to be able to move out, get their own place, and be independent. The problem is twofold:

1. Many can’t find jobs at all, crappy or otherwise. They’re not being picky.

2. Of those who have jobs, they’re still home because their job does not give them enough money to get out on their own. It hardly covers the cost of their student loan bills.

That isn’t to say that I don’t have a few friends who really could get out on their own if they were a little more responsible with their money, but don’t group everyone into that category of helicopter parenting gone bad. Living at home is often a necessity, especially in this economy.

Now, about Helicopter parents – Yes, they are ruining their kids. As a college prof who advises students for entry into medical school, I have had to design a letter especially for students whose parents INSIST they know more than I do about getting into graduate or professional school. Essentially it say, Dear __, you have been advised to do __ and ___. After our discussion it is clear that you would rather take the advice of your parent who has told you to do ___ instead. You are free to do what you would like. Be aware that the university will take no responsibility if you are not accepted because you have not followed the advice of the pre-health advisor.” Usually does the trick and makes a point.

Mom eked out her living after that with a combination of adjunct jobs, while doing far more research and work than most full time assistant professors. It did not help that financial common sense was not among her virtues; it also did not help that by the time she finished school she was in her late sixties (cutting out any possibility of a full time tenure track job). Yes, for her, school was a poor financial choice; emotionally it was exactly what she needed, and I never grudged her choice–even though by 24 I was out and independent, and by the time I was through graduate school myself and had my first teaching job all my extra money — including savings–was going to help my mother out. Only after her death, when I was 36, did I start building retirement. (And I was still caring for my great-aunt at the time, as well.)

So sometimes kids living “at home” can indeed go the other way! A multigenerational house where all contribute can be wonderful and used to be more of the norm. On the other hand, if I had a child who lived at home solely because he or she would not compromise on the jobs s/he would take, I would boot said kid’s ass out of the house whether I could afford support or not. And taking care of elderly parents who are suffering from cognitive impairment of any kind (which ultimately happened with both my grandmother and great-aunt) is draining financially and mentally, and can be a serious problem for the caregiver.

Some of this was cultural, and a lot of it was economic.

It’s only fairly recently that we’ve all become rich enough (most of us) to maintain so many separate households.

Health: Anxiety and obesity ARE “real” health problems. My life expectancy is about 10 years shorter because I’m overweight and formerly obese. Don’t knock it. I have a friend who has anxiety. She has panic attacks before significant exams and papers, to the point that she cannot function without medication. She has an IQ over 140 but was pulling bad grades for a while. If your kids were unable to breathe every time they had a major assignment, you would not be saying that anxiety is not a real problem.

Self-esteem: Getting a trophy for participation IS ridiculous and it does cheapen the experience of COMPETITION. However, for the majority of puberty, I had extremely low self-esteem. I think that adults should encourage children. One of my science teachers failed me on a science lab when I was 11. Until about a month ago, I thought that I was completely and utterly awful and hopeless at science. In my first college class, my medical school professor told me that my intuitive grasp of science made my writing graduate student level and allowed him to experience a rare, elusive thing: a student who teaches the teacher. He recommended that I become a doctor and promised me a glowing letter of recommendation. Can criticism at an early age be detrimental? Yes.

Shell shock: I’m responsible for my own finances now and have yet to experience that. My parents gave me access to my substantial yearly allowance a few months ago. It’s not gone and I’ve barely dented it. This is, in part, due to the fact that I worked this past summer.

Unjust desserts: There is nothing wrong with youthful ambition. Additionally, happiness is something that we all strive for, regardless of age. And personally, I have absolutely no expectation of being loved at work. If my coworkers value me, it is because I’ve done something to earn that respect. As for vacation time and living in a nice place, I have no expectations of either. It’s more important to me to advance my career and build up my net worth than it is to spend money.