I’ve happily worked late late late into the night and morning, when it was necessary. I’ve given up important personal and sports events to get work done. I’ve deployed to client sites to work emergencies, or stayed at their HQs to help with situational awareness. In short, there are emergencies and they need to be handled, and reasonable managers are within their rights to expect you to do your job.

But there are other bosses who push people around and have unreasonable expectations. I had a boss who would set himself up as the bottleneck for my work, refuse to allow a different process that would allow a workaround around him, then fail to respond to my calls/emails/office visits so that I sat there unable to make any forward movement, and expect that when he called me after work hours I would just jump up and start working (including once when I told him that my friend who had just gotten laid off was at that moment at my house for dinner!). He started “joking” about my banker’s hours, and without getting upset I told him that if there is a crisis, I will work 24/7 until it’s resolved, and sleep at work if need be, but if it’s not a crisis then I will guard my work-life balance. Every time after that I used the shorter version “if it’s not an emergency, I go for work-life balance” and it finally sunk in. He stopped bugging me, and he stopped calling late at night.

Now mind that wouldn’t work as well if I didn’t know that I could step away from this project any moment and find another project to work on within a matter of a couple hours. That’s the result of networking, helping other people in the past, and working my butt off on past projects, so that I do have a lot of options. That boss knew he didn’t hold my cards, so he didn’t bully me like I saw him do other people who didn’t have the walk-away ability. Boy, did he bully them!!

Anyway, I agree with you Trent that there are workplace bullies, and that the knowledge that you can walk away can give you power that otherwise you would concede to your manager.

A few of my coworkers think that I’m crazy that I willing come in to work on Saturdays sometimes. To me, it’s no big deal. I graduated from college a a year and a half ago, and I do a lot less than I had to do in college. I easily had 7 day work weeks between classes, homework, projects, tests, research in the lab, and a part time job. I left my apartment at 6:30 in the morning, and got home at 10 at night, then still had homework/projects/studying to do. Weekends? None, I got to sleep in a little, so I got 6-7 hours instead of 3-4. If I hang out with friends or go out to clubs, that came at the expense of sleep.

Now, I’ve got a 8-5 job, go to the gym and work out for an hour, then play ping pong for another 2 hours. Go to the gym Saturday morning, and go across the street to work for a couple hours after. On Sundays, I just chill out, and end up wondering what to do, after not having free time for so long.

It’s all a matter of perspective. I grew up with my parents running a restaurant, so when you come from a life without much comfort, and you’ve had to work your ass off your entire life, the standard for a comfortable life is different. I now work half as hard as my parents do, and get paid twice as much as they do combined. When I compare myself to them, I can’t complain about the work I do and what’s “required” of me.

Not everyone is a genius, not everyone will come up with the next million dollar idea. There are those who are thinkers, there are those who are hard workers, and then there are the slackers. The ones who attain success are those who are teeming with qualities of the first two. Most people are some combination of the first two, and do so accordingly to cover what they lack. If you aren’t a great thinker, work harder and if you can’t/won’t work harder, then provide invaluable knowledge and experience. As long as you’re not in the last category, why the negativity? Mad that someone is willing to put in the extra mile and changing the status quo?

The least expensive form of compensation/ motivation is a promise. It can motivate employees, at least until it’s proven to be empty, and it costs the employer nothing.

Not all companies do this, but plenty of them do.

1. What a coincidence, I’m in the the aerospace industry too.

2. Couldn’t have said it any better.

Never work a second over 40 hours, never be proactive about things that can be improved, just do as you are told and do it so it’s barely satisfactory. As long as it is in line with the expectation of zero vertical movement in the corporate ladder and no pay raises, go ahead and complain about overtime.

All I’m trying to say is, think of it from an employer’s perspective. Would you want to give a raise to someone who is only doing what they’re paid to do? Does someone deserve more money next year to have the same amount of responsibility as this past year? A raise is based on merit, and if you have not demonstrated it, then why should you be rewarded?

You’re being bullied if you’re working for free in exchange for a theoretical carrot of a raise in the future that’s not stipulated anywhere. A carrot is just as big of a bullying tactic as a stick is.

To me, bullying is intention to cause harm, whether it’s physical or psychological.

The first two examples you listed are peer pressure. Do you succumb to peer pressure keep up appearances fit in? You know, like the cause of our current financial meltdown. Same thing with the workplace “bullying” which is just peer pressure. SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures) exist because they are the most efficient/correct procedure at the time, not for all time. I just joined a company, and I’ve already redefined/rewritten many SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures). These are processes that have been in place and they were unwilling to change because they had been comfortable with them. I told them half of them were wrong and the other half could be improved and I got the evidence on my own time. Sometimes, they just don’t know any better.

Also, the boss pressuring you to working a weekend, is that really a big deal if it’s not every weekend? Do you expect raises, at all? Raises are suppose to be based on performance, so if all you do is what you’re suppose to do, what justifies that raise? Everyone is so hellbent on instant gratification, and won’t do anything unless they know what they’re getting in return. I’ve had part-time jobs where coworkers have asked for raises, but denied because they only worked half-assed and expected more money before actually doing that they’re paid to do.

I’m a very independent person, and I don’t give in to peer pressure easily. It’d be a complete lie to say I’m not affected by it at all, but I don’t let it control me. I do what I need to do to help my company, and to help me grow. Do I expect compensation? I’d be lying if I said no, but I don’t do the extra work demanding compensation. I do things to help my company, and hope my company returns the favor. If they don’t, I’ve gained new knowledge and experiences that can aid in my quest in searching for a company that can appreciate me.

I couldn’t agree more. I’m fortunate to have what I already have. Freedom is living without things we may desire and being completely content.

I have to say, though, I never thought of advertisements as a form of bullying, though I suppose it is. The other day I saw an ad for a toy that I think my son would just LOVE at Christmas. Guess I’m going to have to keep an eye on that tendency! :)

I found the only way you can ever deal with that kind of attitude is to never lose your ability to walk away from that situation. Like having more clients than just one big one. Make money on all projects (no more cash flow accounts) just to make payroll. Be willing to provide personal service to all, small clients and large. And it can’t be said to often, ASK for help when YOU need help and appreciate it no matter how small.

Having also been a recipient of some older kid’s bullying, I would have to disagree with you on the ideal reaction to their torment. I think very few children can do what you described, with truly appearing as though it didn’t bother you. Even if you aren’t as vocal about your issues with their treatment (as with the kids who reported the incident, or those starting fights), you will surely give some indication about your disappointment in your face or in the way you act around them in the future. I also do not think that type of behavior should go unnoticed and without recourse while on school property. Even if the children do “try” to act like it didn’t bother them, the teachers and administration should be notified.

Even if I disagree with some of the statements you made, I did like the post… thought provoking.

Getting to the actual point, we are bullied to a certain extent in adulthood. At work, there is a pressure to contribute to the baby showers, bridal showers, and birthdays. At home, in some families, it is not considered acceptable to give second-hand or homemade gifts. (Luckily, I grew up with little money, so our family doesn’t have a stigma on “gently used”. Now, should you cave to these things? No, but the fact remains that the social expectation is there. Anyone who says they don’t feel that pressure, whether they react to it or not, is either clueless or lying to themselves.

Remember, ignoring bullying allows people like Kelly Ellard to continue unchecked. I’m sure Reena Virk’s family would prefer that every person Kelly ever tried to bully had reported her until the problem was dealt with and the girl got whatever kind of help she needed. Instead, Reena died and the people of British Columbia have been forced to endure a series of trials, appeals and mistrials in the attempt to finally put Ellard behind bars long-term. This is, unfortunately, not the only case where a school age victim has died but it’s one of the highest profile cases.

NEVER allow a bully to get away with it. G-d forbid, the victim could be one of your own precious children.

Incidentally, that first home which we purchased roughly 15 years ago in northern Alberta, Canada cost $34,000. We giggled when a fellow teacher purchased a vehicle that same year for more than we paid for the house. Three years later we rented out our first home and moved up to a big swanky $66,000 house! :)

Never feel that the best response to bullying is to “shrug it off”! You can and should always stand up for yourself! Although is may seem easier, taking the path of least reistance is usually not the best if you want to live your life with self confidence and dignity.

Worst of all is the idea that giving into bullying will somehow give you “positive recognition” from the bully. Who cares about positive recognition from someone who treats you badly? Always respect yourself, and never accept anything less from anyone else.

I never accepted bullying as a child, and I’ve also never felt any pressure as an adult to keep up with the Joneses, buy things I don’t want, or work on Saturday. There is definitely a connection between this mindset as a child and a helpless, debt filled lifestyle as an adult.