Comments on: Is This All There Is?

By: Strick

Strick — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 17:12:22 +0000

Whether the goals are short term or long term, one really has to figure out how to find fulfillment in the journey and not just the accomplishments along the way. It not only makes you happier, it actually gives purpose to the accomplishments rather than just being a checklist of goals.

Why would someone living an unfulfilled life have a huge goal of retirement to have more free time to devote to their unfulfilled life? It is those people already fulfilled by their out-of-the-office life and who deal with their work to support that who should really dream about retirement so as to focus even more on the things that fulfill them.

By: Jen

Jen — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 21:56:35 +0000

Re: Kirk Kinder (#18): that was the topic I chose for the college application essay that helped me win a lovely scholarship. :-)

Re: Sheila (#19): YES. My theater company is DESPERATE for board members, especially those who come from the business world. In addition to a person’s individual skills and talents, the ability to attract board members is actually a sizable factor in winning grants, so you may be making a double impact.

By: Michael

Michael — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 17:14:35 +0000

Hehe. For the record, I didn’t write that letter.

I also think you missed the real need of the writer, Trent. He doesn’t need to break down his empty, existentially unsatisfying goals into even smaller ones. He needs a goal broad and deep enough to satisfy him. He’s not going to find it in personal finance.

By: Bavaria

Bavaria — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 17:13:04 +0000

This is a great post-very thought provoking!
Here’s my 2 cents worth:
“Take care of yourself”-healthy diet,exercise,& fun activities.
“Take care of your job”-do your best.
“Take care of others”-volunteer,teach,help-(so rewarding!)

And delete things that are encumbrances-too much stuff, pointless activities,etc…

By: angela

angela — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:06:06 +0000

I think we all feed into the “instantaneous gratification” buy off. I want my happy meal now. It is difficult to see the end result when the end is so far off.

One suggestion, take a 1 day sabbatical from everything and tackle some internal ‘house cleaning’. What do you want to accomplish, what can you tweak in your life to make things better in some way. What would you like to do vs. what do you have to do. I used to do this for years when I was younger and really looked forward to it. It refocuses me, reenergizes me, and realigns my goals. It is like a life check up. Jogging myself into this consciousness makes me a better mother, wife, co worker and friend.

By: Sandy

Sandy — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 13:06:15 +0000

I’ll second Scouting for those with kids. When you are a scout leader or co-leader, there is always something to work on for the children in your group.
Even if you don’t have kids, and are looking for a great way to give something of yourself to a group of girls or boys, it’s a great thing to do. I know of several women who are childless, but want to contribute to the bringing up of children.
I have a teen daughter and middle school aged daughter. A few years ago, I spearheaded a group to keep older girls in scouts (after 5-6th grade, attendance drops in GS)by arranging activities for older girls. We’ve gone on outings to a Hindu Temple, learned Belly Dancing, did a yoga class, sewed draft dodgers for the elderly, earned badges in Crime Scene Investigation, visited a Jewish museum, gone snowshoeing…when they get older, lots of opportunities are out there that they couldn’t do when they were younger. Giving of yourself as a scout leader can be incredibly fulfilling, and one is really only limited by one’s imagination (and GS rules!)

By: Anna

Anna — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:34:26 +0000

In addition to all these excellent suggestions for developing interests and connections and for searching in the spiritual realm, may I reinforce the advice from #8 and #22 about confronting depression. A few visits to a therapist would provide some insight into whether this is an aspect of the problem; if so, then the appropriate measures can be taken. Also, a life coach can help a person identify goals that he finds truly compelling.

By: Pattie, RN

Pattie, RN — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 11:50:03 +0000

Jamie (#10) has written what I was thinking exactly. There is a God-shaped hole in every human being, and unless that is recognized and filled, nothing else really matters. I have been at hundreds of death-beds; and I can say with 100% certainty that Faith and family are all that matter at the end.

By: Carmen

Carmen — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 11:38:27 +0000

I agree most with Kirk in reply 18. The answer may not be to ‘add more,’ but to ‘change or take some things away.’

Most people know the answers to their ‘problems’, but find it too risky to act upon them. I say be true to yourself and don’t cloud the issue by simply making yourself busier with more potentially meaningless activities. Having said that, they might help in the short term so you can make changes in a highly positive frame of mine.

The obituary writing is also a fantastic tool to assist in this process. Additionally, questions such as ‘What do I want out of life,’What does my ideal life look like’ and ‘When do I feel most happy?’ help too.

But also balance this with counting your blessings.

By: steve

steve — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 03:13:38 +0000

#11, IRG, has an observation that I think might be helpful here: “I think maybe this individual needs something more than goals to keep them going. Human connection may be the key. Cause it sounds a lot like that aspect of their life may be under-developed.”

By: steve

steve — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 03:09:47 +0000

All of Trent’s suggestions are good and positive and likely would make a positive difference in one’s life if one followed them. But they don’t address the deeper fundamental question behind “Matthew”‘s letter, which sounds to me like he is confronted by a perceived lack of overall meaning and purpose in his life or in his position in the world. I have no advice to him about that other than to recognize that is what you are confronting and be open to whatever answers appear to you.

Doing some of the things Trent suggests may be good in the sense that they would stave off depression and fill time, but I don’t think just setting goals and achieving them is going to help Matthew with the underlying question he is confronting right now.

Peace, “Matthew.”

By: Foxie@CarsxGirl

Foxie@CarsxGirl — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:19:19 +0000

“The lucky among us names one or two big things with a huge smile on their face – those are the people that have found their passions.”

That’s me! :)

I know I feel the same way, but I’m not even out of school yet… All of my goals are rather ambitious and not ones I can accomplish quickly with what I’m earning now.

By: plonkee

plonkee — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:13:14 +0000

Sometimes it can feel like suggested activities are just distractions and ways of filling the time until something good happens. When I feel like that, I try to remind myself that it’s all about the process. A goal isn’t good because you achieve it, it’s good because you enjoy the process of getting there.

By: Sheila

Sheila — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 19:38:38 +0000

Matthew/Michael, my non-profit is looking for a CPA to be on our Board of Directors, and I bet many non-profits in your area are, too. If you have a passion for something (in my case it’s animals and kids’ reading programs), volunteer your services. Selfishly speaking, I get a lot out of volunteering.

By: Kirk Kinder

Kirk Kinder — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 18:48:42 +0000

I think Michael needs to define what his life is all about. I recommend writing his obituary as it would read today if he passed. Then write it again. Only the second time, write the one that he would want written. He may find something that he can focus his life on or some goals that haven’t been fulfilled.

This has nothing to do with having a far off goal. It means his goals are not satisfying his internal needs. Even if he retires wealthy, he will still have this same emptiness unless he is focused on something that drives him – his true passion.

By: Penny

Penny — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:57:07 +0000

#14CB: Why thank you—-happy to help; what-ev works :)

By: Patty

Patty — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:55:43 +0000

oh a ps – if being a treasurer is too much like work, then there are so many other areas in organizations, Michael could take part in. He has a wealth of knowlege – get out and share it.

By: Patty

Patty — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:52:53 +0000

Get out and volunteer with an organization. You get to meet new folks that may be similar to you , at least sharing this interest, you get to make a difference in your community, and you get a purpose beyond the goal writting, measuring, and such. Goals are good, don’t get me wrong – a well rounded life keeps the blahs away.

By: CB

CB — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:54:40 +0000

Lots of good suggestions, but Penny (#12), your approach is one that I know will work for me!

By: Ellen / MoneyLounge

Ellen / MoneyLounge — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:43:56 +0000

I set the goal to run a marathon, but have enjoyed each milestone along the way. I started with committing myself to run more often (4-5 days a week), then to sign up for a 5k, then a 10k, next weekend I am running a half marathon, then I will set the date for a full marathon. Each race is a goal achieved on the way to the big one. And the best part is I had to do all of the work for this myself, I reap all of the benefits, and no one can ever take this achievement away from me. I am an advocate of running if it is feasible for you because it gives you the ultimate sense of accomplishment based on how hard you work.