I’ve done all sorts of things in the various arrangements — I’ve been the full time mom with the husband working a lot, I’ve been the part time working wife with lots of childcare still in the mix, I’ve been the full time student, I’ve been the full time worker with classes on the side …. it goes on and on.

currently our kids are all out of the house, y husband works at enjoyable jobs, and I have the career that provides for our benefits and all that. So at this stage, I’m the one who works 45-50 hours a week, have to plan pretty far ahead to arrange to get time off for medical appointments and such, and I’m running for every minute of my 9-10 hour work days as a nurse manager. My lunches are my only breaks, and often I cut them short to 15-20 minutes if we are busy on the floor.

It would be a dream for me if I could work at home and make the same kind of living. I would never complain about doing some work in the evenings to get it all done … cause I could actually set my own schedule and go to an occasional appointment without a few weeks notice and written approval from my boss! I would gladly do all the household chores if I were able to work from home.

Maybe this says more about my personality than it does about anything else. But I can’t imagine that the person who is lucky enough to be able to work from home and be well paid has anything to complain about. The stress involved in my job is constant. I dream about working from home but in my profession, you have to be there with the patients in person, exactly on time, and always available to meet their needs.

The one day at the office or the plant is nice for having “face time” with boss, co-workers, etc.

Our kids are grown so tending to sick ones isn’t an issue but I do notice that it’s harder to get work done if my wife is off work, etc.

Having a minute here and there to do chores is nice. I may do a load of laundry whereas she takes a real break at work but I’m also just a few steps away from my ham radio set at lunch time or have the option of a leisurely walk in the country when the weather is nice.

The key to working at home is for everyone, including you, to realize it’s work and not a day off. My work day starts when my wife leaves for work and ends when I hear her pull in the drive.

@Christine – I always imagine the stay-at-home person doing more errands, especially the ones at places that are super crowded except during regular work hours. Interesting. I’m guessing you’re thinking that the outside-the-home person can just drop by a place on the way home or a place that’s near their workplace during lunch.

I see similar issues lying ahead when I retire early; my significant other never wants to retire. I’ve already explained that I’m not retiring early so I can take over all the housework. On the other hand, if I were getting to quit work because he could afford to pay for both of us, I would gladly do all the housework (except the parts that require two people) in return.

(a) He gets about 3.5 months of the year OFF from school/work, as most employees receive some type of paid vacation, and a self-employed/work at home spouse must work through that time or make up the work at another time to take that time off. Both spouses must be flexible and supportive to make that arrangement work. It is wonderful to have him home all summer, and at the same time, it disrupts my routine immensely.

(b) Sometimes my schedule is so hectic — handling child care/school drop off before and after school, work all day, and a greater share of the household chores because I am here and because I want to be able to spend my husband’s small amount of down time with him, rather than making him do 50% of housework — I consider his 1+-hour bus ride or bike ride to school “private time” — I would love to have an hour or more a day to exercise, listen to music, or read, away from home, and that doesn’t typically happen for me. If we didn’t have young kids, that might be more accessible, and things certainly change over time.

Both Trent and the commenters have it right — loving communication and maturity are a must to not let resentment build up and keep balance in both partners’ lives and in the relationship.

This also applies to a dual working family, while one is going back to school, I am doing 9 credits and also do minimal household chores (dishes and kitchen cleaning, which I don’t probably do as well as I could when I have time and household maintenance as needed). This is all going on when we’re both working full time. I’ll occasionally get the “well I do all this cleaning, and you can barely keep the kitchen clean”. It’s tough, it’ll be nice when I’m finally out of school. Right now I think both of us feel like it’s not a 50 – 50 balance, but both see it from a different spectrum, I’m not helping her with cleaning enough, and I see it as I’m out of the house going to school and studying more hours then there is cleaning, so it’s more weighted on my side….We’re still fairly newly married and we’ll keep working on it, but it can be frustrating sometimes.

One thing I do not like about our current arrangement is that sometimes I get an afternoon off work, and I go pick up my 3 year old daughter from her grandma’s. (We are so blessed not to pay day care costs!) However, when I bring my daughter home, we are tiptoeing around the house so as not to bother or distract my husband. We are working on converting our awesome garage workshop into a shop for his computers, so it will be nice when he can go out there and our normal house noise won’t derail his train of thought.

It was scary at first, but DH loves being his own boss, and I think he is working harder and longer hours than he ever did at the old corporation. It is hard for him to know when to “punch out” for the day.

So we took a few steps to adjust everybody’s routines to resolve the issue. First, the kids make sure to take care of the dining table before they leave for school for the day – there’s nothing worse than dirty breakfast dishes left there when they ran off to catch the bus. Second, while I will work elsewhere in the house on occasion, I do try to spend most of my work time in the office. That way I contain the area that I see (and am less distracted by messes in other areas). Finally, if there’s a personal responsibility/cleaning task that is driving me crazy by nibbling at the corners of my mind, I just take 20 minutes and do it. I find that it frees me up to do a better job concentrating on the tasks at hand and the quality of my work goes up accordingly.

When it comes to “keeping score”, I heard a great piece of advice a long time ago that I’ve often reflected on when I feel myself slipping into that mindset. Always strive to do more than half of what needs to get done… it’s one way of demonstrating your love for your partner.

Sort of along the lines of re-arranging the dynamic.

Remember, yes, one spouse is working from home, but they are still working.

My wife works from home,and I still try to help out as much as possible.

Fantastic post