I agree with your advice. My parents have a two-month rule that says children are allowed to move back home for two months, find a job, save ALL earnings from that job, find an apartment, and leave. I moved back home for 3 weeks at 18 because of roommate drama that involved police reports and restraining orders while waiting for my new apartment to open up. Every other sibling who has invoked the rule has basically been kicked out at the end of two months, though usually fairly stable when it happened.

On the other hand, while my parents would allow me to be homeless as a result of my poor choices, they would happily take in my daughter and give her the resources she needs if things are that bad. To them, you don’t punish children for having irresponsible parents. All in all, I feel this is fair… and try to be intelligent with my money that I never need to be concerned with their rules.

I’ve spent my entire life saying, “They did me a huge favor. I realized I had to get serious and I got a VERY entry-level job and a one-room apartment with peeling paint, and worked my way up from there.” I do think it’s a little bit true that they helped push me and made me more independent. But I also admit that I’m jealous of young people who get to “hang out” at mom and dad’s house for years and years as adults. That jealousy makes me too self-righteous about my own struggles, which were very tough, but honestly I had no other choice.

But with this economy, the girl in question may not have a job much longer anyhow, so the sooner she gets saving significant amounts of money, the better, I think!

What happens if, at the end of the first month, the daughter hasn’t saved the required amount, or anything at all? That seems to be a very possible scenario, given the fact that the daughter has already proven herself a little less than responsible. And in that case, the mother has exactly the same problem, except that now she’s given an ultimatum that requires her (2) to go back on her word or (2) to do what she’s saying here she doesn’t want to do: simply put her daughter out.

Never, ever, give an ultimatum unless you know are thoroughly ready to follow through on your threat.

1) He or She is working and makes enough money to afford the “rent” payments.

2) He or She is not financially responsible enough to set aside the money him/herself.

3) He or She does not appear to be motivated to move out anytime soon (or has been living with you long enough that you are pulling your hair out)

Good Luck!

Let’s not bash American culture for encouraging independence in grown children. We don’t have to be ashamed of being American. We can act appropriately within our culture and teach our youngsters to become self-sufficient as they mature.

Margaret may not have taught her daughter the basics about managing money while she was growing up. She can make up for that now by having a series of conversations with her daughter about money management in general. We don’t know from her question whether her daughter is even aware of what things cost or how to run a household. The immediate problem may be only a symptom rather than the disease. Before talking with her daughter, Margaret could sit back and ask herself what she would really like her daughter to know about money, and then have these conversations with the big picture in mind.

And has been noted, this 26 year old is not ill, in grad school, or saving money hand over fist for her future home and/or goals. She is being supported by her “Mommy” while she spends her cash on toys and clothes. This is not the healthy behavior of an adult, and Margaret is doing her a diservice. My fifty plus newphew is still being supported by his mother, who is retired and in poor health, without any assets to speak of. What is he going to do when she dies and the gravy train ends???

In most parts of the world people still live like this (it’s called extended family arrangement) and I belive it’s a wonderful thing. So calling someone spoiled or saying they should be kicked out because their old enough to leave “the nest” is really just a western cultural bias that views the nuclear family as “the best” and most natural development of human bonding. Unfortunately I see it as a much more pathological organizational unit than the extended family arrangements.

But to each its own.

I also (jokingly) said to my mother that since I am the ONLY child who moved out of their house, at age 26 when I got married over 10 yrs ago, and STAYED out, that I should get a monthly stipend from them since they are not paying to support me and my family as they are my sister and her three girls.

I also wanted to say that when I DID live with them after I finished college, I paid them rent. I actually paid them MORE money per month than what they were getting from my sister, her then-husband and the first of their three girls!!

My sister works two part time jobs but has no health insurance. Her girls are on CHIPS and the youngest receives a medical assistance card. Last year, she didn’t work at ALL and collected unemployment until it ran out and she HAD to get a job.

She does NOT pay my parents rent money. She doesn’t help out with the utilities or taxes. She sometimes chips in for groceries so basically they are still supporting her and her three kids!! My parents who are 68 and 59 are still raising children…their grandchildren.

My sister has made NO attempt to get her own house..she could qualify for low income housing I’m sure. She has no motivation to do so because my parents have made it so easy for her to stay. She spends her money on lingerie from Victorias Secret, jeans from 7 for all Mankind. High end clothing lines.

Oh and did I mention that my sister is the baby of the family?

The US is so strange in that we think all adults (or perhaps family units, for married couples) should have their own households. It’s not a particularly frugal or environmentally friendly attitude. I’d rather live with my family than share a house with other people my age.

Finally, $500 a month might be a lot to ask a 24 year old (i.e. young, lower level worker) to save per month, especially if she is contributing to household expenses already. But again, that depends on the particulars.

My situation is a bit different in that it’s one of those mutually beneficial situations. Housing where I live is routinely bad. I searched for apartments for months at a time before realizing that I could either pay $800+ a month to live in a tiny place that smelled like cat pee or I could pay rent to my parents to live in my childhood home. I chose the latter, of course. Some say that I’m spoiled or not living in the real world.

I am planning on moving out at some point next year. Although there is a big reason for that (that is, if she says yes. ;-) )