The work has evolved so that the jobs are age appropriate. On average he earns about $5 per week. Our rule is that one dollar must go in each envelope and then the remaining money can be divided as he chooses.

This system has been amazing. He has learned the value of money, what it feels like to be ripped off by slick marketing and what it feels like to give generously.

I highly recommend it.

Unless they are headed for financial ruin (which doesn’t sound like the case here), let them be. Eventually the kid will want something that costs more than their allowance and they will need to save for it — which takes it from a abstract concept to a very concrete one. You’ll sound like one of the adults from Peanuts talking about your great financial habits, retrement fund and so on. Or an annoying missionary / evangelist / salesperson / telemarketer.

Why not just go over, be the “fun” aunt, give your brother and his wife a night off, take the kids to a movie or the park? Enjoy your brother’s kids and get to know them well.

Giving a book basically communicates “I think you are doing a really crappy job raising your kids”, and me NOT being a parent, I really don’t know the kids intimately. Let them do their thing and ask you for advice if they want it — but like others have said, don’t let one visit define your whole view. Maybe your brother/sister-in-law has other bigger issues in their life right now that they haven’t told you about (work, health, marriage, money) and the fact that the kids blow their allowance on candy is the least of their worries. Maybe it took them a year of work to get the kids to even accept the allowance, or have the parents stick with it — you don’t know the intimate details of the family life.

I’m not trying to echo any of the “candle in the wind” stuff from yesterday — but I will say that actually being a parent (and I mean biological, adoptive, foster, found the baby in the woods or animated a wooden puppet) is a WHOLE different experience than babysitting or being an aunt/uncle — and no book ever written will work exactly for every family — and getting parenting advice about one very specific thing from someone who hasn’t lived is equal parts funny, rude and misguided.

There’s really nothing you can do because you are not in the position of primary influence here. Whatever example you give on your occasional visits is outweighed by what these kids live every hour of the day, day of the week, and month of the year.

In the end, you have to sit down with yourself, and maybe a freind, and evaluate how important this is to you and, if so, why it does seem important to you. For example, is it really about the kids’ welfare, or is it because it somehow reflects on you, or because it’s a way to “straighten out” your brother and his wife? Be brutally honest with yourself. If after your soulsearching it’s really important to you and it’s for the right reasons, if you are going to make a difference you will need to convince the parents first. But really do you have so much more to offer than the parents do? After all, they are parenting the kids every day and you are not. Inserting yourself between them and the kids is something that can put dings on your relationship with your family members.

I would just let the issue lie. Wait three to 5 years and see how your perspective changes. Mark it on your calendar if you want and revisit the issue every year in, say, january.

I think you will find that you may have another opportunity/window when they reach their late teens to reach them. And that they will turn out fine even without your input. But really, why is this so important to you? Their life is their life, it’s not your life. It sounds like you have an anxiety around the issue that is making this very important to you when it might be best to focus primarily on your own life.

When I was a kid I invested my birthday money in candy and Girl Scout Camp. And Tiger Beat magazine. There were some investments in my name but I didn’t get to choose or affect any of them. Getting to choose to invest and watch the effects would have been great financial training.

It’s all in the approach: I wouldn’t mind if a relative sent them a book on how to save-whether or not my kids *read and absorb* the information in the book is another matter entirely.

Also, I’d like to point out to Megan, the featured letter-writer, that what Mom does in the family might be very different from the way Dad approaches the issue of money. Dad might not like Mom spending on the kids like that and may not agree with her style. Or Mom might think that Dad is a skinflint who doesn’t know how to enjoy life, or does, and prefers to spend their money on himself, so she’s evening out the score.

Honestly, does Megan really know what’s going on when she’s not there? Don’t be passive-aggressive, and don’t criticize the parents. Ask the kids how they save. And then stay out of it. Or start up an account for them that they know about, and the parents know about.

John DeFlumeri Jr.

No offense, but it sounds like your friends aunt and uncle taught him how to gamble, not invest.

How old are the kids?

A friend of ours has a sizeable investment fund that he started as a child. His aunt & uncle were brokers, and let any of their nieces and nephews invest at very, very low levels. They still have young neices and nephews, and still do this – a child can come give them $5 or $50 and they will put it into a mutual fund, and the child can withdraw at any time (and suffer the losses and gains of the market, too.)

It’s kind of the “Bank of Dad” approach except it builds real wealth. But I’m not sure if it’s replicable for people who arent’s stockbrokers themselves – the fees eat up the kinds of money most kids have.

It sounds to me like maybe Megan is a bit too excited about her newfound frugality and savings habits and overly enthusiastic about sharing the good news with others. There’s nothing wrong with saving a large percentage of your income – I do so myself – but it’s not the only way to live. Saving much less than I do does not make someone financially irresponsible.

1. Don’t give advice unless asked for it.

2. Restrain from inflicting your ideologies onto children other than your own.

3. Never assume snippets observed from a brief visit accurately reflects what occurs when you’re not present.

It’s one thing to show children by example or answer their questions. It’s quite another to imply to children that their parents are wrong in any manner. Few parents appreciate someone undermining their authority within the household – be it right or wrong.

So, he puts his money that he receives from relatives in a jar at home. My mom gave him $3 for Halloween and it went right into the jar. Birthday money….right into the jar. So, we are trying to teach him to save.

My own son saves his money.

thanks for the post! I now have a new activity I can include in my class :)

My aunt takes vacations every year, and is more of the ‘got it, spend it sort’. She leads by a what-not-to-do (for me) example.