Comments on: Giving Experiences, Not Things, This Holiday Season

By: gsb

gsb — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:37:11 +0000

I think if a person requests no gifts on a holiday you should honor that request and exchange no gifts. A few years ago my husband was unemployed and Christmas was coming. Any spare change we had was going toward small gifts for our son. I told my family that we would not be participating in our gift exchange that year so if we didn’t get anything for them, please do not get anything for us. We showed up for our Christmas dinner with the family and when the gift exchange came around, they started handing gifts to me and my husband. I don’t think I have ever been so upset in my life. I know they were all thinking they were doing a good thing by getting us stuff we couldn’t afford, but I’ve never felt like a bigger loser in all my life. So, if someone doesn’t want a gift, there may be a reason behind it and you may make them feel even worse by buying them something just because you think you should.
As for the “experiences”, I think these can be good. Yes, you have to know the people well in order to give them an experience that you know they will want and enjoy. If you don’t know them, should you really be buying them a gift anyway?

By: Michele

Michele — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 18:12:36 +0000

We started giving a charitable donation in the name of our parents and siblings a few years ago and we match the charity to their particular ’cause’. (everyone kept saying they didn’t ‘need’ anything in particular) For example, my husband’s father is former military, so we gave to a group that supports wounded warriors. My brother lives in an area that was hit hard by hurricanes a few years ago- we gave to a specific religious organization that assisted with hurricane relief, my nephew has diabetes, so we gave to a diabetes fund and so on. Everyone has loved these gifts!

By: kristine

kristine — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 15:37:50 +0000

Wendy,

The best advice I can give you for long distance gifts is to cut the mailing fees by about 75%.

How? Buy media. CD,s DVDs, Books, journals, even a handful of fancy magazines. (There are a myriad of ways to save on all of these. Try Borders clearance-great stuff!)

When you go the Post Office, you MUST stand in line, and not use the machine. Tell them you want to send your packages “Media Rate”. It is a little known fact that there is a low media rate for sending informational “media”. It is NEVER advertised- it was negotiated by the biggies like Doubleday and Sony BMG, but it applies to everyone who sends media.

They will ask you if it is all media, say yes, if it is. Don’t mix it with items like clothing, or the rate will not apply.
The fee is extremely low, but takes longer- a week or so, but they will say up to 3 weeks. In my experience, it arrives in a week at non-holiday times.

I believe the origin of the media rate was an effort to keep the populace literate, and promote the free exchange of information.

Happy Holidays!

By: Jen

Jen — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 01:15:23 +0000

Reply to Sara:

Theater tickets don’t have to be expensive. Broadway or touring-show tix will be pricey, but check out the offerings from smaller, local companies, especially if you’re in (shameless plug!) the Chicagoland area. Just make sure you know your recipient’s taste and choose a production accordingly.

By: Sierra

Sierra — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 01:03:57 +0000

Last year, my husband rounded up 12 nights of babysitting for us from friends and relatives; enough to go out once a month for a year. It was one of the best gifts I’ve ever received. No one had to spend any money for it, and no one person had to spend more than a few hours of time, but it gave us a whole year of happiness.

I’ve also, in the past, given to charity in my mom’s name. A few years ago I started a Kiva account for her. This year I think we’re going to give her some credit with Heifer International to choose how she wants to donate it.

By: Rosa Rugosa

Rosa Rugosa — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:58:58 +0000

I think a lot of us are rethinking the consumer-oriented holiday madness, and that this is a wonderful thing. I’ll save my I-hate-xmas-and-am-phasing-it out-of my-life-in 2009 rant for another day (don’t say I didn’t warn you!)Instead I’ll offer a couple of relevant comments:
@Steven #4 – I’ve been telling my husband of 25 years since he was still my boyfriend that he doesn’t need to buy me gifts for occasions. This man just hates to shop, and that’s OK. He does feed me about every meal I eat, and he butters my toast for me, and he packs my lunch for me, so I figure he gives me at least 3 gifts on a typical day. And I know this sounds a bit snotty, but I honestly prefer to buy my own things, and I’m reaching the point in life where I don’t really need too many more things. So I’ve told my husband that he is truly A-OK on this one; no gifts expected or needed. But I think he still doesn’t entirely believe me – afraid that on my deathbed I’ll say “you didn’t buy me a birthday present in 1988.” Sigh. So try your best to have an honest dialogue and make sure she isn’t just agreeing with you to agree with you, and if she really does want a gift, ask her sister or her mother what she really wants!
@14 Des – I’ve only done this with my Mom. I never get her a b’day gift, I always write in her card that I will give her x many hours of labor, which is truly what she wants and needs from me. She is a clutter/packrat person, drowning in stuff, and I’m a hyper-organized neatnik, and I help her wrestle with her stuff. She feels that I am kind and patient enough with her that we can actually accomplish something. And we spend quality time together in the process, which is probably the real point of the whole thing. And she certainly doesn’t need more stuff!
So enough about me and back to you: I would only do this with someone who clearly desired my time & talents, and I knew very clearly that they would value what I had to give.

By: Vicky

Vicky — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:54:39 +0000

Well considering PJ pants can be made in about an hour if you get to it – it’s not a big deal. Hit up the store when flannel fabric is on sale – you get to them for QUITE cheap.

Considering my husband’s family lives in places where the weather gets cold, and they nearly all sit around the house in PJ pants all winter? Yeah, I think they’ll enjoy them. :)

By: Sara

Sara — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:53:39 +0000

I think there are some experiential gifts that could be great for the right person, but unfortunately, the good ones usually require spending money (e.g., theater tickets, lessons for things they want to learn to do, or spa services). I’ve always had a problem with home-made coupons as gifts (like doing chores, babysitting, or — something I always see suggested as cheap Valentine’s day gifts — a hug or kiss, etc.), because it implies that you wouldn’t do it otherwise. If your spouse asked you to do the dishes, would you really require him or her to redeem a coupon? Would you not watch your friends’ kids for a few hours just as a favor? I think I would be downright insulted if someone gave me a “gift” of an invitation to play a game with him or her.

The other problem with some of these things is the logistics of redemption. If you give someone a free night of babysitting, but he asks for it on a day you already have other plans, you’ll either be inconvenienced by having to cancel your plans or the recipient will be pissed because the gift was basically a lie.

By: Gretchen

Gretchen — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:22:57 +0000

I’d make sure people want pj pants before spending all that time making them. A handmade gift you don’t want/need is still a gift you don’t need.

Also, is people’s handwriting really that bad now that “the presentation” needs to be done in word?

i agree with the theory of this post.

By: Tammy

Tammy — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:08:54 +0000

My dad flat out said, “I don’t want stuff for Christmas. Just don’t do it. I don’t need anything.”

When we cleaned out my Grandpa’s house after he died, he had about 20 dress shirts still in the cellophane…and a whole house full of other junk besides. My dad doesn’t want to be like that.

So an experience-gift instead of a stuff-gift?
My dad loves music, so I think I will give him my comp tickets to the symphony I perform with, and he can see me perform and enjoy the music, and not get another dress shirt and tie combo to stuff in the closet.

By: Robin Crickman

Robin Crickman — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 20:59:42 +0000

Another possibility is lessons. Maybe how to
take better pictures with that digital camera
uncle gave you. Or ice skating or tennis lessons,
a session with a golf pro, horseback riding lessons
(very popular with pre-teen girls). My dear old
gray haired mom thought cross country skiing looked
like fun. I got her a “Learn to Cross Country Ski”
class from the local parks and recreation department which included equipment rental and
training sessions. She was the oldest person
attending, but that was one of the charms to her.

By: Emily

Emily — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 19:53:39 +0000

#13 Wendy – we’ve experienced this with a brother who lives in another state. Over the course of the last couple Christmas’ we got zoo passes, passes to the Science Center (in their town) – just call and they will sell you one and send it right to the recipient! I also have bought magazine subscriptions. We buy gift cards to restaurants in their town – do some research and try to find a local one that is really fun! My sister in law one year, got a book of Fun Family Night Activities – and she gathered all that were needed to complete – like cotton balls, ziploc bags – nothing expensive. We’ve also mailed boxes with board games in it as well. For a birthday we bought a gift certificate to a spa in their town. Research the fun things to do in their area and go with that – maybe a hotel stay next to a festival or something. It becomes a fun activity just buying the gift!

By: Lauren

Lauren — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 19:48:16 +0000

I’m much better at thinking up fun things to do with someone than picking out gifts, so I do this a lot. I’ve given my family tickets to see Les Mis and The Lion King when they came to town right after Christmas. I took my husband (then boyfriend) for a night away and a visit to a casino last year for his birthday. My sister and I went to a Penguins play-off game one year for her birthday. My husband’s birthday is next week, and I’m planning a fancy home-cooked dinner (we’re talking truffles and duck — very high end food). Of course, all of the examples I’ve listed have cost a pretty penny. You don’t necessarily save money doing giving “experiences” but I think the memories are worth it.

Of course, you can only do this type of thing for people you know very well, so you are sure to know they will like the gift. That siad, I agree with Ellen in #17 that my husband better not just offer to do a chore for a year this Christmas. Or offer to give me “free weekends” through out the year. I’m an adult I already get to pick what I want to do with my time, and I certainly don’t need his “permission” to “take time off.”

By: Kevin@OutOfYourRut

Kevin@OutOfYourRut — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 19:28:07 +0000

Given the isolation developing from people gravitating away from each other toward the various avenues of virtual reality, these gift suggestions have the real potential to strengthen personal bonds. I think that’s a valid reason to do them by itself.

This can be especially positive for kids, since some of the “gifts” are participation oriented. The last thing most kids need is another toy or gadget, but time with Mom and Dad–how great is that!

This is a winner Trent!

By: Ellen / MoneyLounge

Ellen / MoneyLounge — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:27:21 +0000

While I agree with the sentiment of this post, some of the ideas I would never want to accept/give, such as the doing dishes for a year one which I doubt would actually last in most cases. That being said, this year a friend of mine and his girlfriend revealed to me that they were getting each other a trip to Vegas for Christmas because neither of them wanted to accumulate more stuff and it was something they would both enjoy. I think that this is a terrific idea to replace gifts. If you and your family want to spend time together not just have more stuff, why not plan a family trip instead of presents? Or do it with friends?

By: Vicky

Vicky — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:21:36 +0000

Aw, what a great post!

For Christmas this year I am making pajama pants for my human relatives, and custom dog collars for the four-leggers. Everything I’ve giving this year is hand-made, and I’m putting it extreme amounts of effort into it.

So far I have about 10 gifts and I’ve only spent $12.

By: Catherine

Catherine — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:13:23 +0000

My dad has always been one to give us little pictures in an envelope and then present the bigger present later when we’ve fleshed out the details together later (ie, one year he wanted to buy me a stereo, but wasn’t sure exactly which one I would want so we went to the store together). This let us have a time for bonding AND he got to give me the gift that I actually wanted. It also gave me a chance to say “hey, I’d rather have an mp3 player than a stereo” if I wanted to.

Last year, he cut out a headline from the news paper saying that my favorite hockey team made the play-offs. (GO HERSHEY BEARS!) It took me half a second to figure out what it meant — he took me to a play-off game! And it was fabulous. Not only did I get a great experience, but I also got to share it with my family. :-)

By: Des

Des — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:09:28 +0000

Has anybody actually, in real life, ever given “coupons” for services and had success with it?

By: Wendy

Wendy — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:04:11 +0000

I would love some better gift ideas for long distance families. Any ideas?

By: Adam

Adam — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:01:39 +0000

“Adam, why in the world would you expect or want a gift from someone who is not close?”

I have relatives who insist on buying me a gift each Christmas but are a little removed from my day to day life to know what kind of gift I want. We also see eachother only a few times a year, so I don’t really say we’re close. I prefer cash or a gift card to calling them and saying “hey Granny, can you go down to the liquor store and buy me a bottle of Grey Goose?”. *shrug*

To each his own. You’re right though, my theory more applies to birthdays, where non-close friends might be invited to a birthday party for me and want to pool in for a gift with other people and we usually do group gift cards (or rarely cash, it seems kind of tacky even though its the same idea…cash is like a gift card that works at every store)