Comments on: “So, What Do You Want for Christmas?”

By: Ellen

Ellen — Tue, 18 May 2010 01:55:26 +0000

This past Christmas I gave the family of each of my grown children just one gift … Each family received a Roku player to stream Netflix on their living room television.

The teenage daughter in one family is coming out of her room more often to watch movies with her family.

One of my grown children refers to the player as the magic box. She loves it.

This was a win/win for all. Something they all love as with money tight right now .. none can afford cable pay for view. [We all love movies.]And a big win for me as I probably spent less overall [over buying individual gifts and filling stockings]and my shopping was over and done in just a few minutes online.

I have no idea how I’m going to top this or even match it next year.

By: Monroe on a Budget

Monroe on a Budget — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 14:10:28 +0000

Wish lists are acceptable in my family. Some of the relatives add wishes that only Santa could possibly provide, so those lists are good for laughs! But what everyone really wants to see is a variety of suggestions in a variety of price ranges.

By: Christine

Christine — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:22:25 +0000

Very good post. I especially like the idea of giving tickets to events … something to enjoy and have as a memory. Another idea: There are about 8 children (extended family) that we buy for. We have been giving Chick-fil-A gift cards! The kids are excited … and the parents are too! (One night they don’t have to cook!)

By: Vanessa

Vanessa — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:13:56 +0000

I think the point about high-quality items is that (truly frugal-not just budget conscious) people understand the difference. I know that ten years ago if I had been given one high-quality knife instead of set of a dozen crappy ones I would have been offended, because I wouldn’t have gotten it. Now older and wiser, I would not only prefer the one knife, but I shop for myself the same way. Of course, I am in debt and not shopping for myself at all for the last few years (and pulling myself deeper in debt as I work my way through vet school). But I have made a personal pact with myself that I will not buy junk anymore. I will live with the junky furniture I already own until I can buy high-quality, well made furniture, one piece at a time. I will use the cheap cookware I have until I can buy the good stuff, one piece at a time. If my family buys me one really good thick soft plush towel for Christmas instead of a whole set of Wal-mart specials, I would be very happy! (But no, I won’t tell them that unless they ask-but I like the idea of an Amazon wish list and I think I will get my kids to start one too!)

By: Sara

Sara — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 23:01:14 +0000

I actually think it’s easier to buy gifts for a frugal person than for a spendthrift. I keep a wish list on amazon.com, and if I can wait for something I need/want instead of buying it right away, I put it on my wish list. Gifts I’ve received from my wish list include a stand mixer, flatware, a skillet, cooking utensils, knives, bakeware, trash cans (including an automatic motion-sensing one that I love but I could never justify buying for myself), towels, a shower curtain, and sneakers.

Amazon.com now allows you to add items from other web sites to your wish list. My family appreciates my wish list because that makes it easy to find something I actually want. My siblings also use wish lists, either online or distributed via e-mail, and it makes shopping for them a lot easier. My parents, on the other hand, are very hard to shop for because they already have just about everything they need, and they’re pretty wealthy so they don’t hesitate to buy things they want or need that are in my price range.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:18:38 +0000

I too write down ideas for myself and others for birthdays and Christmas. My brothers harass me if I can’t name something I’d like and tell me how difficult I am to shop for…it’s half in good fun, but it’s tiresome to hear. We’re actually pretty close and live near each other, so it’s not like they don’t have any clue as to what’s going on in my life, and my likes and dislikes. And, I have no problem coming up with gifts for them.

I do the same for my husband because his parents, my family ask me for ideas, AND his birthday is right after Christmas. So I take note on things he’s mentioned he’d like and pass them along. I do the same with other people as well.

I don’t email out a list or give suggestions unprompted, but when I start getting the questions, I can remember that I’d like a new set of measuring spoons or the long name of the techy book my husband would like.

An unprompted “gimmee” list would be tacky, at any age.

By: Golfing Girl

Golfing Girl — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:28:27 +0000

What fabulous advice–please share this with all my relatives!!
I try to do this as well–if it can collect dust, I don’t buy it for anyone.

By: Chris

Chris — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:47:09 +0000

I asked all of our adult children to not buy gifts for my husband and I this year. Instead I asked them to apply that money to something that will make them more financially secure such as paying down a debt, saving for the grandkids education and etc. That will give me greater joy than anything they could buy me. At work a very wise co-worker did a pre-emptive announcement suggesting that since times are hard instead of giving token gifts to each other we contribute to or work at a local chairty that helps those in need. Everyone agreed we didn’t need more scented lotions or decorative candles. This isn’t a “gave a gift in your name to . . ” Each person is just to do it on thieir own.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 04:01:10 +0000

My husband and I were discussing this. It’s odd the way we have very different relationships with our respective families. I feel like I know my family well enough that I can get them nothing, or a gift certificate to Borders/B&N for my something small and edible for my father. I enjoy getting things for my sister that I think she needs, not what she thinks she needs. (Miss Manners would not approve. But she always does end up using what I get her.) People get me stuff off my Amazon wish list that I spend all year compiling as I see stuff I want but don’t need. My best friend from high school and I sweep in at the end of the buying season and get each other the important stuff other people missed off our Amazon wishlists, a pointless money exchange that completely removes frugal guilt.

At the other end of the spectrum, my husband spends months agonizing over what presents to get his family. Like Star Trek movies, in odd years he gets it completely right and in even years completley wrong. This year he was really tempted to suggest no gifts because it is so hard. But for him it really IS the thought that counts. Not in the respect of, oh how nice, but that he is forced to think about each family member and their likes and dislikes and how things have changed over the year. It forces telephone conversations, catching up, and gossiping. To sum, Christmas gift giving forces mindfulness and communication. It brings him closer to his family, not because of the gifts themselves but because of the process of figuring them out.

With that in mind, this year he’s attaching a note to each one explaining how and why he chose the gift. They’re full of memories from childhood, recent conversations, and so on. (This year is an odd year… so far we’re doing pretty well!)

By: Susan

Susan — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 01:50:09 +0000

One year I gave my two older sisters a Christmas ornament that is small picture frame. I typed up “the” family cookie recipe that we always had each year and put it in frame. It was a true hit.
One confessed a few years ago she had to get out the ornaments to get the recipe to make her cookies. ha
I am doing this for my college daughter this year. Family recipes of great-grandma’s stuffing and wedding cake cookies.
Cute ornament frames are inexpensive too!

By: jreed

jreed — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 18:32:57 +0000

I agree with #33. The idea that you want people to labor so they have the money to buy you a game or a book is so immature. Grow up and buy your own. The gift giving part of Christmas is all about children. Charity giving, yes…gifts for children, yes… making some homemade treat, great. A grown man making a Christmas “wish list”? Send him to church.

By: SoCalGal

SoCalGal — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 17:49:37 +0000

I do not understand the entire gift exchange thing. Other than a few very special people in our lives it just seems silly and gross. For ninos, I have found that a certificate for one special day all about fun for them is a huge hit. Think back to all the great experiences that you have had in your life & then compare that to material things that you have received. There is no comparison. My husband and I do not exchange gifts. We each make a large donation to a worthy cause, and enjoy a stress-free holiday season.

By: Anna

Anna — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:39:16 +0000

OK, this gives me a chance to get up on my annual soapbox.

I am very distressed when people ask children “What do you want for Christmas?” and then there is the follow-up question afterward: “What did you get for Christmas?” This creates and reinforces the idea that Christmas is all about getting stuff and satisfying wishes, often extravagant ones—especially when the child hears this over and over again from different people.

There are more subtle ways to find out a child’s current interests: talking with the child, listening, observing, asking the parents “What does he/she like to do these days?” Then the gift will come as a real surprise, and it won’t suffer from comparison with what was asked for.

Down from soapbox now. Good post, good comments.

By: tentaculistic

tentaculistic — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:32:47 +0000

I too used to think wish lists were tacky (I knew someone who pre-emptively sent out a 4-PAGE gift list!!), but I’ve come to believe that it’s rude to expect someone to spend a ton of time trying to figure out what you might possibly want, and often getting it wrong, when you can provide them with some ideas of things you do want but wouldn’t get for yourself. The key is never ever to initiate the exchange! Provide ideas if, and only if, they ask for ideas.

One thing I really appreciate from other people is an Amazon Wish List, that means that you don’t even have to ask them… and it takes out the greediness factor since a lot of people simply put things they want to buy and may have to save up for on their lists. So it’s not even a begging list, it’s like getting a peek into their head.

On Amazon, you can look people up by name or email address. It is such a help! I especially appreciate people who put a wide range of price-points on their list, not just the big expensive stuff. Amazon is good b/c they have links to so many companies so they have a huge variety of things on their website, unlike most specialized stores.

By: tentaculistic

tentaculistic — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:21:53 +0000

“The real core of the message here is to simply put a bit of thought into the gifts you give.” I agree with this one 100%. I’m currently designing a necklace I’m going to make for my SIL, I want to do a silver square pendant with a cut-out of a flower, but have been spending hours (no, really, I mean hours) going through all the flowers I know for the personality characteristics I see in her.

I’ve found that the key thing in gift giving for which you’ve spent a lot of thought-time is to give a note at the same time explaining all of your reasoning, and tying it to something beautiful in them and their characters, so that they know that it was made with great care and thought… it’s amazing how knowing the intention of something can turn if from “enh” to “oh wow I love it!”

That said, this Christmas has been WAY too expensive! In our 6-sibling family, we agreed to exchange gifts with only 1 other sibling, but that still leaves 2 sets of parents/in-laws, 2 sets of aunts/uncles down for Xmas, 7 children… and then come the birthdays (7 birthdays from November to early January!!). This time of year we are all just broke. And I’m a DINK!

By: friend

friend — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:05:16 +0000

@deRuiter: Amen, preach it, brother!

By: David

David — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:01:14 +0000

I know it may not be politically correct, and I know that you have to be careful to buy the right ones so you’re not eaten up by activation fees and everything else, but I say…

Send on the giftcards!

One to Walmart or target is fone for me–i am disciplined enough to only buy with it the things that I truly need.

Sorry if that is too “Bah Humbug”.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 12:55:27 +0000

I think most of the time I am tough because I dont really want for much… a few new books have come out that I Would not mind reading..a few new getaway clothes as we are heading to Jamaica for a friends wedding in January…buying for that trip was certainly my gift for that couple whom I think are great enough to spend a whack load on a trip:)

By: Caroline

Caroline — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 12:22:25 +0000

I should pass this on to the fam and the 2 friends I exchange gifts with (I cut everyone else off long ago haha – I mean from the pressure of gift-giving, not my life). I’m a TERRIBLE person to buy for, but I always have been. Too much Virgo I think – too practical.

By: deRuiter

deRuiter — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 11:50:36 +0000

“So what’s a person to do if they’re going to buy a gift for a frugal person? At the same time, what kind of sane answer can I give in response to that question?” An excellent answer is, “How kind of you to ask. I don’t need anything, and times are tight. Lets agree right now NOT to buy each other anything, AND STICK TO THAT? We’ll exchange holiday cards, and holiday wishes, but not spend any money on each other. I’m fortunate to have everything I want and need including your friendship.” I am tired of accompanying shoppers who have a list of names and keep mumbling, “But I need to buy him / her SOMETHING because he / she will buy me SOMETHING.” as they pick up mindless bits of tat which end up in the first spring yard sale. Really folks, if it’s another adult, consider stopping gift giving! Giving what people don’t want (most of what gets given!) damages the environment, keeps you from your financial goals, keeps your recipient from his / her goals because they have to buy you SOMETHING, wastes time, wastes energy, and doesn’t do what you want the gift to do. There is nothing so down as getting a gift you don’t want / need / find appaling / have no room to store, and having to pretend to be greatful. If you insist on giving to an adult, give cash and not some silly plastic gift card which is environmentally unsound, runs out after a year, incurs fees, and ties the person to a store they don’t use. It’s all control, unless you give cash. HAVE A MERRY, NON COMMERCIAL CHRISTMAS! Kids still get stuff!