Comments on: Is Your Money Distinguishable from Your Parents?

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 23:32:54 +0000

I really think it depends on the situation (and on the kid). My dad owns my house and my brother’s house. But we are good kids. We live within our means, we’re not in debt, and we don’t live some sort of jet-setter lifestyle. My dad didn’t put his retirement in jeopardy by buying our houses. He wanted us to avoid getting a mortage and paying 3x the purchase price of our homes by the time the 30 years were up. It’s the best present he could have given us. So, I say, as long as your kids don’t abuse the priviledge and aren’t jerks AND you can honestly afford it, buy your kid a house.

By: Trent

Trent — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 20:07:15 +0000

The lack of apostrophe was intentional.

By: Ouida Vincent

Ouida Vincent — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 13:52:45 +0000

My first thought when I read this blog is that there is alot of judgement here and few facts. The truth is that your friend’s parents certainly could have placed assets in a LFP or a Trust and disbursed his inheritance to him while leaving sufficient resources for themselves. My uncle who had a thriving medical practice, disbursed assets to his wife and two children while he was still living. Now from the perspective of parents helping children and that help having unintended consequences such as prolonged dependency, drama and stife I understand your post although it is not really clear that your friend’s situation is an example of this. But I can give you a scenario that is. Over 20 years ago my father-in-law allowed his daughter and son-in-law to move into his home. My father-in-law was retired, had moved and the home was paid for. Like most of these scenarios the arrangement was to be temporary meaning that his daughter and son-in-law were to buy the home when they got back on their feet. That never happened. Fearing for his grandchildren (4 of them) my father-in-law allowed these folks to remain in his home, the home has fallen into disrepair because this family, living rent-free, never bothered to make even basic repairs. My father-in-law is being forced to use his retirement funds to repair and update this home. When his last grandchild turns 18 he is putting the house on the market and selling it as a way to recover some of the unplanned and excess funds spent on this house in retirement. His daughter who never got a degree and has no job skills will have to find somewhere else to live. The son-in-law got a divorce, moved on, is remarried and livingin a place of his own. My father-in-law is very bitter and angry about this situation. As an outsider, how this scenario is ending is pretty predictable. Now this is a situation to which your blog post is very relevant.

By: Johanna

Johanna — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 18:36:00 +0000

I’m not (usually) a stickler for “by-the-book” grammar. In informal writing, especially, certain “errors” have their place, and can actually help to enhance the writer’s personal voice. Sentence fragments, for example.

The important thing is making sure your writing conveys the meaning that you want to convey. So what you really need to watch out for are those grammatical/usage/typographical errors that obscure or change your meaning. If an error changes your meaning into something ridiculous (as is the case here), then it makes you look ridiculous.

If there were actually some ambiguity about whether you’re talking about one person or more than one, then using “their” to mean “his or her” would be a bad idea. Apart from that, it sounds a bit amateurish, and it always reminds me of those trashy talk shows where the woman is trying to conceal for as long as possible that the person she’s been having an affair with is another woman, but it’s not wrong.

By: Sharon L

Sharon L — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 03:05:19 +0000

NYC Reader, the use of the plural “their” instead of “his or her” IS accepted usage in most circles. I would suggest that you get off your high horse on this issue. The world and the English language are changing, and, in fact, is going back to where it used to be.

Try doing some research on the issue!

There is also a significant difference between writing for academia and writing for real people. Trent does have the occasional wrong use of the word, and spending some time studying grammar and writing would be of more use than mastering the Rubik’s Cube.

Also an English teacher. College level.

By: partgypsy

partgypsy — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 18:45:15 +0000

My husband and I know a few people like this (though not to that degree), more wondering how a fellow couple could afford a more expensive house, or expensive adoption, or a new vehicle than we would think from their means, and then finding out it was really the parents. For example one couple we know the wife has a good job but the husband is a sahd. Not only did they get a house I would think would be at the limits if their budget, but are constantly doing expensive remodels! The only thing we can think of is that the parents are helping out.

By: NYC reader

NYC reader — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:49:04 +0000

@Johanna, AnnK, JD, et al.

In a recent set of comments, I was criticized for pointing out Trent’s problems with proper spelling, grammar, and word usage.

The lack of apostrophe, and the repeated misuse of singular vs. plural words (their instead of her/his) in this post takes away from the credibility of the writer and his ideas. It makes Trent’s writing seem amateurish.

Trent claims to be a professional writer now. In my opinion, he needs to use the tools of his chosen profession as a professional.

Suggestion for Trent’s New Year resolution list: Instead of something useless, such as mastering the Rubik Cube, how about mastering proper English language skills? Trent has many posts about turning off the TV and improving one’s skills, challenging oneself, and learning new things, and how these activities improve a person’s earning and career potentials.

I think it’s time that Trent steps up to the challenge and works on improving his writing and grammar skills for 2010. Perhaps there’s an English teacher in his circle of acquaintances, who could provide the “red pencil” and unflinching critique that his writing so desperately needs. I think it would be money well-spent on Trent’s part to hire this person to work with him on improving his writing skills.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 00:49:37 +0000

I have an aunt and uncle who are like Trent’s friend. They are in their early 60s and approaching retirement and they are up to their eyeballs in debt and can’t afford to retire or get basic dental or health care, but it’s their own fault.

They both have college degrees, but my uncle is a janitor and my aunt works in retail stocking shelves. The reason why they are in this predicament is because they are so utterly stupid with money, but no longer have the in-laws (not my grandparents) to bail them out when they do stupid stuff with money. When they received a sizable inheritance after the in-laws passed away, they did one smart thing: paid off their mortage. But then they blew the rest on cars and stuff, and did not invest it or save it.

And then a couple years ago, they put another mortgage on their paid off house to give my 30-something cousin money to go to Harley Davidson Mechanics school in Florida AND to have money to live on. My cousin lives at home and is not responsible for himself at all.

As far as the 20/80K controversy, I’ve worked in 20K jobs and worked higher paying jobs, and I think that the point Trent is trying to make is that sometimes more money also brings more stress at work because you probably have more responsibility with that 80K per year job.

By: Todd

Todd — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 00:10:43 +0000

I’ve seen this in several people in my extended family, and I would honestly say that financially supporting adult children can be a form of abuse. It’s the same to me as parents who never discipline their children; those children often have a terrible time with friendships, marriages, jobs, parenting, etc. It makes peers resentful, it often causes the children to make friends with similarly privileged, destructive people, and it almost always crashes at some point when the money supply ends. By this point there is no sympathy for the poor spoiled one. No friend or relative would even think about helping them out. It doesn’t lead to a pretty life at age 50 or 60: Divorced, alienated from children, friends, and family, wondering what went wrong, and placing the blame on everyone but themselves.

By: E

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 00:09:18 +0000

I have received quite a bit of financial support from my dad. Besides paying for college and paying my cc for a few months until I got work, he loaned me the down pmt for my car and later enough $ to pay off my cc’s after a year of unemployment. He said he would charge me interest but never did, and when he was out of the country at the end he had me put the balance toward my mortgage instead of paying him back.
He also loaned a lot of money towards our house. The first time he said it was a loan but later said it was a wedding gift; the second time he never said. I keep track of those amounts so if he should want the money back when I sell the house (or make a bunch of money) I will give it to him.
My dad is well off and smart with money, so I don’t worry that anything he gives me or my sister is going to hurt him (he gave her similar amounts for her house and student loan). My brother is also well off; I don’t think dad gives him money but I think they take turns paying for stuff when they’re together.
I could survive on my own without dad’s help, and I have never asked – he has always offered and I think he enjoys the opportunity to be generous. But I am glad to not be dependent.

By: AJ

AJ — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 23:47:49 +0000

I know four professional couples who all purchased homes w/downpayments from their parents or grandparents because they didn’t have tne money. No wonder the housing market is in trouble. They’re still struggling to pay w/everything else related to the care and maintenance of a house!

By: Sierra

Sierra — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 22:37:00 +0000

Trent, I’m really surprised to hear you say that a $20K job is likely to be more personally fullfilling than an $80K job. The people I know who make $80K or more a year tend to be working in jobs doing what they went to college and/or graduate school for, pursuing work they love. They’re professors, or authors or computer programmers.

Some people do what they love for very little money. I’m probably going to make between $20K and $30K this year working part-time at a creative pursuit I enjoy. But I anticipate making more in the future – this is a starting point I can afford because my husband makes enough to support us.

Most $20K a year careers, though, are not so rewarding. They’re low wage job with little room for training or advancement, where you’re on a clock and following someone else’s rules all day long. For everyone making $20K a year writing, there are a lot more low earning jobs as a warehouse hand or a waitress.

By: Carol

Carol — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:52:10 +0000

I thought from reading the title (sans parenthesis) that it meant something about the kids’ finances being similar to their parents’ finances, i.e., debts, no savings, etc. — how they may have been influenced by their parents money decisions.

By: David/Yourfinances101

David/Yourfinances101 — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 19:58:35 +0000

I think that is a dangerous game to play for anyone who “relies” on their parents’ money.

Better to go out and make your own. Your parents brought you into this world and took care of you for many many years–to me, that’s enough.

Good post

By: Henry

Henry — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:57:27 +0000

#60, the comments are full of people pointing out spelling and puctuation errors nearly everyday. I wouldn’t penalize a commenter too much for a little laziness, but someone that is trying to be a ‘professional writer’ and offer these posts as public domain presumably so people can cite it needs to have such things pointed out, so the material can appear to be worth referencing. That is the same reason Wikipedia is unacceptable as a source, it is rickety and haphazard. And I certainly didn’t start any of the threads on the spelling and punctuation, but certainly will comment.
Not only do we pick apart the punctuation issues, we also take issue with misspellings, which actually appear to be careless typos since they are not challenging words to spell. I would say those easy words get people going because it is a clear indication the effort is lacking here when it comes to proofreading.
And yeah, in case you care, there is no ‘y’ in ‘apostrophe.’

“The information on this site is in the public domain. Read this for more information. Read the privacy policy. Read the image use policy.
This site is for entertainment purposes only. Trent is not a financial advisor and no information found on this site should be construed as financial advice.”

By: SoCalGal

SoCalGal — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:49:42 +0000

The parents are doing no favors to the children. My father recently died & my younger sister was absolutely unable to function as a 38 year old woman thanks to Dad’s generosity over the years. My sister did not have a bank account, due to so many bad checks over the years that my dad picked up. She did not have any utilities in her name because of her poor credit. Even the lease of the home that she lived in was in my dad’s name. It became very messy, but I sorted it all out. Unfortunately, my sister hates me now & has stolen my identity. I had to file charges against her. It is a very sad situation.

By: Jill

Jill — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:14:36 +0000

I’m the offspring of schoolteachers who went to school in places where family trust funds were common. I’d put the leach off the family fortune percentage at around 25%. The rest of the people I knew felt fortunate that they’d be getting out of law school or medical school with minimal to no debt, and would consequently have the freedom to pick post-college jobs based on area of interest and not just who offered them the most money afterwards. Or that they could take that interesting job in the arts or humanities field after undergrad that was more prestiege than paycheck. A good high school friend was able to take an essentially minimum wage entry level job in publishing that let her get her foot in the door in a highly competitive job field because her family could help her out with housing costs in NYC until she got the promotion and freelance work to bring her wage earnings up to where she was self-supporting.

As for the 25%, I can indeed tell the stories of the people who never even managed to finish college because grandma’s trust fund was generous enough that they never had to work a day in their lives.

Just like anything else in life, some people in those financial situations chose wisely and in a way that shows they’re thinking of their family and financial future, and others make bad decisions. It’s just that the scale can be very different than the people who come from poverty level families.

By: Takilla

Takilla — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:10:56 +0000

@Henry, not sure if you’re in publishing or what … but do you honestly believe that the average person would see that apostrophy missing and think “well! I never! Clearly this guy has nothing useful to say!” I mean I see where you’re coming from and all but there are probably a lot of people that can’t even spell apostrophy (like me for example) much less care. Not so say that your point is not valid … I just have a hard time believing that many people would care. I don’t read the blog to learn grammar.

By: John DeFlumeri Jr

John DeFlumeri Jr — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:07:01 +0000

That guy will perish on his own, and what a false lifestyle he’s living in. The parents feel they are taking care of him, and they are in one way, but hurting his future.

John DeFlumeri Jr

By: Henry

Henry — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 17:39:56 +0000

Oh, #49 – annk I agree about proofreading before publishing. Submitting something for money or academic credit with such errors is shameful. The credibility of works that contain careless errors is easily dismissed.